Sarandiel's Vampire Journal | Personal Entries

Sarandiel's Journal

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2 entries this month

← Apr 2010

21:37 Sep 28 2010
Times Read: 727

Of everything EDS and Fibromyalgia have cost me, my art is the one thing that truly hurts. Each day it seems to get harder to hold a pen or a paintbrush, and I'm kept wondering what will be left. What will I be worth, when Everything is gone...

I have lost so much all ready, so many things that I loved now no longer possible. I talk about walking again, even talked about finding a partner. But at the end of the day I know I'm only fooling myself.

Some days I wish I could just give up.

I'm tired of fighting my illnesses...

I'm tired of crying because I can't even brush my own hair most days...

And I'm scared that I be one of the so-called “Lucky ones” who doesn't die young...

COMMENTS

18:51 Sep 07 2010
Times Read: 745

I don't want to be me anymore.

I don't want to be "kept comfortable" or "maintained".

I don't want to spend the rest of my life in a body that's slowly degenerating around me.

And I don't want to keep smiling at people, when really inside I want to throw my hands up and scream.

I can't stand the constant pain through all my body and joints, or the fact that often just sitting up is more than I'm capable of.

And I'm sick of saying nothing through fear of boring people, sometimes I think if I didn't have this journal I'd lose my mind as at least in here I can let lose.

My isolation is killing me, yet I'm too scared to reach out. I listen to so many people telling me their problems, I always give them a shoulder to cry on and cheer them on in what ever they do. But when it comes to me and my feelings I let very little out, so frightened they'd see me as just moaning or worse looking for sympathy.

Well I don't want sympathy or pity, patted on the head and told there-there.

I want the chance to do what others take for granted, I want to be treated as a person not some kind of freak.

But most of all...

I WANT SOME GOD DAMN PAIN KILLERS THAT WORK!!!!

COMMENTS

← Apr 2010

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