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You guys probably have no desire to read about the regular occurrence of my body changing it's oil. I could care less, honestly. Don't read. I want to write about it. It's my journal and I'll whinge disgustingly if I want to. :P
But, goddamn, I really wish menopause would hurry up and finish. These cramps making me cry really need to just ... go the fuck away, along with never knowing WHEN the oil change is going to start anymore. It was never particularly trackable, but the last several months? ... Eff.
Plus, I am having the most obnoxious cravings, made even more so because they are either completely unidentifiable, or for something I KNOW will make me ill because I am allergic.
Abrupt topic shift.
I cannot wait until June. I get to see Khayman and the boys again. I get to NOT grow feathers and actually go meet Preacher this time. I chickened out about 5 years ago when the initial opportunity arose. Why? No fucking clue. I just grew feathers.
I think I will veto getting on camera tonight. I have no desire to be social.
Something tells me I am going to need a tazer and an early start ... ::sigh:: Maybe I should skip coffee to add veracity? Ferocity? While they sound the same, they mean two TOTALLY different things. o.O
Isn't that supposed to be good luck or something? Make him play the lottery...lol
16:47 Apr 17 2011 Times Read: 1,182
You want to know another way I see people care and try to truly understand me and relate? They explain associations in ways they KNOW have meaning for me.
"He smelled like the oceans, blues and light greens."
I know that smell. Blues and light greens are a good smell.
"What color is his voice?" ... "Kind of like melted chocolate smelling."
Synaesthesia can be a bastard sometimes, but when people who know me and know me well enough couch things I terms I get ... =) I know they really do know and care about me.
And I still think it's funny a certain someone insists upon feeding me sour patch kids so she can watch my face go through the fireworks I see when I eat sour things.
My friend has the kind where he sees color when he hears music. It led to us playing a hilarious parlor trick with people when we were roommates in college.
Because of this ability, he has mountains of music basically memorized. In addition, he was a fine arts major. So, big surprise, he has/had quite the CD collection.
So the game we'd play is I'd pull a CD at random, put it in, select a track at random and then hit play. Within about 3-4 bars, he'd tell us the piece of music, the composer, and if it was classical, the movement. Over and over and over....it was freaky as hell.
Also .... I keep getting logged out for hammering. All I am doing is opening my favorite journals with new postings in new tabs. =( I'm not cheaty facing.
Every body at one time in thier life will get to spend a lot of money on a clothing item, shoes, jeans, tops. Just enjoy the fact that you are able to do this...I would love to see the shoes :)
Haha, I bought a pair of burgundy steel-toed commando boots this weekend. It's obscene the joy they bring me. Here's hoping you get as much pleasure out of your new shoes!
I am merely an extremely cranky tattletale. SO. Yeh.
:P
Badger don't give a shit or stir it unless you forcibly involve me. I'd rather chit chat with friends, grope Ducky, try to make others blush ... and end up backfiring on it ... yeah. And stuff.
So. Before you accuse me of cahootin' with the power ... I just molest those in power. I don't cahoot. Or really have power. ::shrug::
Req, you're super special. Your name was on the list TWICE! He/she'll have changed it by now unless their totally brainless; which goes right along with the flow of entries.
Dear lady... you have the power of words, and an impeccable taste in shoes. Muwah. :P
You made the list twice and your badge is invisible and I'm just completely invisible :( No one ever tries to molest me anymore *sniff-sniff* Well except for Rat at weddings!
18:12 Apr 10 2011 Times Read: 1,388
I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is you two think you're doing. o.o
Well. Fuck. >.o Why in hell would you DO that, child? Why run away?
Why? Because you cannot get away with lying and stealing and drama-queening?
Because you get called on your bullshit, and you choose to call it "everyone's picking on me!" ?
Because you are expected to NOT steal from the neighbors and turn around and tell the people who took you in, love you and support you when the state rescued you from your cunt of a mother that you hate them, and they just don't understand you?
Because you are expected to, oh, I don't know, follow some fairly basic goddamned rules?
Oh, honey. we have HAD the talk when you tried to hit MY buttons for sympathy. We had the "how to be a sociopath and STILL not get yourself in prison, whether you understand WHY ... just know that this is how it IS" talk.
Don't get scooped up by a rapist or a pedophile. Don't get dead or harmed. Get your shitty little self back home to your grandparents before you kill
them with your antics.
Don't expect my sympathy because you are rebelling against being grounded for thieving at school. Again.
Yep. I am rocking the cute today. =) Black shirt, white tights, short black and white plaid skirt ... and black and white plaid 4" heels, Mary Jane style. ♥
Pic, so it happened.
Ducky your comment got lost in my acquiescence. :P
I always got "Matk me off a spot, I ain't got all day"
Ah to be in rednecks now that spring is here...lol
Armor?
15:58 Apr 04 2011 Times Read: 1,542
I've lost about 140 pounds to date. I keep doing little self sabotages which prevent me from losing more. I realized I am terrified of losing the last 30-40 pounds or so of my remaining armor. Yes, I have always, consciously or unconsciously, treated my fat as armor.
I don't need armor, do I?
I have nightmares of humongously obese nuns stuffing me into a habit and stuffing foods into my mouth while they chant that I will be theirs again. I have yet to catch more than a slight glimpse of a realistic view of myself in the mirror. I keep seeing the size 28-32 woman I was, instead of the size 10-12 I see on the labels of my pants.
I don't need glasses, do I?
I push people away when they evince interest, because I think they cannot possible see value in me. At the same time, I know my worth. I know what I have to offer, and that I can be fucking awesome. Or a complete gomer. Or both. I have trouble changing the automatic thought of, "I moo" into something healthier, like "Wow, lookit me!"
You are beautiful. You are radiant. You are intelligent. You are witty. You are amazing. You are brilliant. You are generous. You are fabulous. You are sweet. You are hilarious.
You are NOT a moo cow. You have BUSTED your ass working the weight off. Look at yourself, Requiem. Really, LOOK at yourself. You are GORGEOUS -- every. single. thing. about. you.
Every facet of you is wondrously lovely and I wouldn't have you any other way. ♥
You have worked hard for this, you busted your ass to achieve something many can't do because of fear of change, yet you did it, and you did it for you. When you are ready, look in that mirror and see the woman you are: beautiful, strong, courageous, witty, intelligent, and positively amazing. You, my dear, are an inspiration.
I am proud of you, I am proud to call you my friend.
Remember, there are different kinds of armor and some is better than others. Methinks fat is probably a pretty weak armor. You have much stronger stuff now.
Rat- you are one of my most favortist people on VR. You're exceptional, kind, funny, and have an artistic eye (and eye make up). I wonder if you let many people see just how amazing you are and if you've got so much armor up now... what other beautiful aspects of you are you hiding.
Ok so check that, Requiem, your wit and humor in your journals has always made me laugh. Sarcastic, intelligent, strong, and sly, what I know of you, keeps me coming back into read your life while we've never formally chit chatted. I should probably get to know better. The 30-40lbs will come, and there is nothing more important than accepting yourself in your own skin. I have no doubt you will reach that point :)
You should've clicked the little camera icon, or flagged that shit. I don't know, it would've been hilarious to see the person broadcasting having to explain that to admin.
It's always okay, because that's what makes you, you!
;)
20:47 Apr 02 2011 Times Read: 1,610
Aaaaaaand my dishwasher is deader than a doornail and out of warranty. No, I did not kill my brother, Jamie. This one was named Frigidaire. I guess ... I am off ... to Lowe's. Or Home Depot. Dammit. Well ... the Pollyanna is ... I can afford to replace it. And I have a house to put said dishwasher in. Gotta find the Pollyanna in stuff.
I successfully made eggs over easy two days in a row. I LOVE eggs over easy. ♥ I love to eat the whites all from around the yolk, put the yolk entire in my mouth and then ... *sgoosh* ... Hello, My name is Dee, I'm damn near 40 and I STILL play with my food. =)
Well, I know where I need to go for a test subject if I ever have the extra cash to buy the chemicals to play around with molecular gastronomy stuffs. Like... the little "faux caviar" balls of blueberry juice that's been gelled on the outside to make tiny little bursty bubblies.
TD, you just made my tongue oragsm a little. o.o That sounds FUN! Just not real caviar, because ... ick.
23:13 Apr 01 2011 Times Read: 1,649
Today was laser ablation day - lump in my boob is now gone.
My boob hurts.
AAAAAAAANNNNNNDDDD I came home to my epileptic kitty Demeter having a motherfucker of a seizure. She hooked a claw into her lip during the seizure, and well, we both ended up bleeding. I no longer have stitches in my boob.
Demeter is fine.
My tit really hurts. I should have take the percoset the doc wanted me to take home with me for pain, and just dealt with the hallucinations it causes me.
Tylenol can lick me where I poop for all the good it does.
COMMENTS
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rlugo718
17:33 Apr 30 2011
Sorry I missed the fun. Loved last time I was on with the Rat, NG and RQ
NocturnalMistress
17:45 Apr 30 2011
I had a blast with you my dearest Badger.
You are the shizznezz ♥
NocturnalMistress
17:47 Apr 30 2011
Ha!
The "giggle" is a link! I just realized it was and it's to the porn shoes!
I ♥ you!
:)
meeper
19:38 Apr 30 2011
Damnit I missed some of you guys =(