And some of them are oooooh so true.....lol
13 Things Your Bartender Won't Tell You
1) Yell, whistle, or wave money and I'm going to make you wait. Make eye contact and smile, and I'll come over as soon as I can. Know what you want and have your money ready. Don't create a traffic jam.
2) Start a tab. If I swipe your card five times this evening, that’s five times as much paperwork I have to do at 4 a.m.
3) You want a drink made "strong?" Then order a double—for double the price.
4)Liquor sales in bars and restaurants were down 2.2 percent last year. Even beer sales are slow. But people scrimp on food first, drinks second.
5) A lot of bars have comp tabs, which allows me to give away drinks. It's smart business and helps build a base of regulars.
6)Bars that don't have regulars (in hotels, airports) have started using wireless gadgets that measure how much is poured and automatically ring up each shot. They're meant to prevent overpouring and to cut losses, but I don't like them—neither do customers.
7) If your tipping guideline is still "a buck a drink," listen closely: That doesn't fly if you order a $12 cocktail. Tip at least 15 percent.
8) At some bars, the sliced fruit garnishes sit out until they’re gone, sometimes for days. Munch accordingly.
9) The smoothest guys compliment a woman, then walk away—it's very nonthreatening.
10) I have the police on speed dial, and I never hesitate to call.
11) Don't order a round of drinks after last call. Last call applies to everyone—even you.
12) Some of us get a cut from the cab company when we call a taxi for a tipsy patron. Not that I've ever done that, of course. (never heard this one myself, but who knows)
13) Last week, a couple had a little too much and got into a dumb argument, then asked me to choose the "winner" of the fight. There isn't a tip big enough to get me involved in that situation!
And from the Pizza people:
13 Things Your Pizza Delivery Guy Won't Tell You
1.My other line is ringing, so choose the toppings before you call. Remember: It's a pizza, not a lifetime commitment.
2.We know when kids are prank-calling us. They can't mask their voices very well. The smart ones block the phone number. The dumb ones don't.
3.If I drop your pizza on the way, sometimes I'll shake the box to get the cheese to slide back on right.
4.Patience, please. It takes about 20 minutes to go from raw dough to fully baked pizza. And then I have to drive to your house.
5.In some neighborhoods, a kid getting out of a car with a pizza in his hands is like screaming, "Rob me! I have cash!" That's why we won't deliver to some neighborhoods.
6.When you see me drenched and shivering in the rain, it's not nice to close the door in my face while you search for some quarters in the sofa cushions.
7.When you open the door, please hang up your cell phone or put it down. It's basic etiquette.
8.I'd prefer that you have a shirt on (and definitely some pants).
9.Tips should be 10 to 15 percent of your order. If you order a lot of pizza—say, hundreds of dollars' worth, for a party or something—but give me a $1 tip, well, I'm going to have a problem with that.
10.The more gated the community, the more guarded the wallet. The best tips actually come from middle- and lower-class people who know what we go through.
11.I remember every customer who doesn't tip. I won't do anything to jeopardize my job, but shaking the soda on the next delivery would not be out of the question.
12.I'll knock on your door three times and call you on the phone twice. If you don't answer, don't call later to complain that you didn't get your food. I can't wait forever.
13.A guy once ordered pizza from me just so he'd have some help moving his sofa up a flight of stairs. I agreed to help him. He gave me a few extra bucks. I took it.
Young girl:
"Funny, you don't LOOK evil"
Older lady:
"Makeup helps"
COMMENTS
cute
I think I said something along these lines before....
LOL
Thy name is graham crackers and cream cheese...
*le sigh*
good thing too- had to have a Hep A vaccine and a Tetanus vaccination before heading to de island mon...lol
So my arm hurts and I have to work tonight...
But for now, I is good...lol
No?
Then somebody explain to me how one f****g day can have so many things go wrong in one 24-hour period.
I. Work. NIGHTS.
I explain this to everyone. Like the receptionist who works at the dental office I had to visit today. So I am comfortably ensconced in my new king sized bed, snoozing peacefully after Scott left for work this morning, and at 8:30 AM the phone rings:
What.
"Mrs. Kendall?"
What, I said.
"we know you have an appointment today at 11:30. We were wondering if you could come in at 10 am instead."
*growling* Sure, why not.
"Thank you EVER so much. See you soon!"
Rule #1. I. Work NIGHTS. I informed you of this when I made the appointment. WHY are you now calling me at 8:30 AM?
Rule #2. If you insist on breaking Rule #1, by all that is HOLY do not be perky, I will stomp a mud hole in your ass and walk it DRY.
So. Since I had to work this evening, I got up and hopped in the shower in preparation to heading off for my newly rescheduled appointment. As I was getting on with business, I noticed that the hot water was getting lower.
And lower
And lower.
After finishing off with a blast of freezing water, I hopped out, dried my hair, got dressed, and shuddered down to the basement where the water heater is.
Thank GOD there was a drain right in front. At the moment, we have roughly 30 boxes of books stored right next to the closet where the water heater is, which at this point was pouring water from underneath itself, and down the drain. Suffice it to say, that I had to shut OFF the water flow into the damn thing, turn off the gas to the thing (breaking the plastic cap that says OFF, ON, PILOT in the process.) After a quick check by Scott's dad to make sure everything was copecetic, I headed off to my dental appointment.
And hit EVERY flaming screw up traffic wise there could possibly exist in one province.
Up to and including the guy whose camper had slid OFF the back of his pickup-
And I thought I had left redneck shit like that behind when I moved up here. Oh HELL no.
I spent a grand total of 10 minutes with the dentist, who then charged me $80 for that visit, and included an estimate of $840 for the root canal I need.
Yippee.
Then home, made a pecan pie fro a fellow work buddy for his birthday today.
THEN spent an hour on the phone getting prices for replacing and installing water heaters. THEN I called Scott around 2 this afternoon, to tell him the good news.
"So THAT'S what I heard running non stop this morning."
*again, growling getting louder*
Baby how many times I gots to tell you to WAKE ME UP when shit like that happens?
"oops"
un hunh.
And the bookcases we orderd from Sears AGAIN after they fucked up the first order?
They were due into the store yesterday for us to pickup.
Four bookcases ordered.
Three came in.
yeah.
And while I'm on the phone with Home Depot talking about the heater?
Sears beeps through.
"I'm sorry, but the other bookcase didn't show up on today's delivery."
Honest to God people. One thing I can handle. Even two, on a good day.
But for crying out loud.
REALLY?
And that pecan pie I made for Tristan? Still sitting right on the counter where I left it after wrapping it up in foil.
*GROWL*
COMMENTS
*thinks you should sit down and have a piece of pecan pie* ;)
i've had days like that too..... but the lat one that i had like that ended with a good friend in the hospital....
two suggestions... a good slaw dog and beer!
Sorry the day sucked so bad sugar!
Just......miss ya...and hugs.
What Birdy said. Days like this is when we wish we was close to ya- go out for a drink, let you rant, talk, laugh...and make fun of how stupid shit is.
*hugs tight*
I am wondering if maybe we won the lottery, I could talk Scott into summering in Kentucky...lol
Darkstar666 has me blocked, but is a regular visitor to my journal. hmmm.....
Hypno has me blocked- amazing what the right emasculating comment can do for you.....
And I have NO idea who scorpnoire is.....
COMMENTS
He's the numpty that blocks everyone for even looking at his profile. He's got me blocked too.
LOL if you got Hypno to block you then you are truly good ! I bow to you in Reverence.
I have three too- no idea who they are or why.
Sure it was one of my raw days.
:)
I have one block too......scorpnoire as well. I have no idea why....not like I ever talked to him.
AND.. I checked. He's not even here anymore...
I think if people leave, delete, or get booted, those things shold go away-not the comments, cause some of them just give me the giggles over and over again, when they show their stupidity. But blocks and what not? Maybe.
I'm cursed.
I have to be.
That is the only single, reasonable explanation for what has happened.
Worked a wedding tonight. Was slow getting started, so I was making myself useful, watering the plants on the other side of the bar.
Imagine my surprise when some guy comes running at me, with two guys behind him, one of them the GM, and one grabs him around the middle and starts trying to perform the Heimlich maneuver on him. This skinny guy apparently had been eating prime rib, swallowed wrong, and was choking. They tried everything, including having three different guys try to help him, getting him a chair so he could try and do it himself. Eventually they had to call the paramedics, and even THEY couldn't get this chunk of meat out of the guy. It took a trip to the hospital and a specific med that dissolved the meat before the guy was ok.
Having two near death experiences at work is pushing the limit for me, folks.
This guy yakked all over the chair he was leaning on, the floor, etc. And I still had to work for another 8 hours.
As soon as I got home, I puked, then took a shower. It has not been a great night.
COMMENTS
Sux 2 b u
And not the guy who almost died
Ewww... that was bad. *hugs*
There are times when I wonder WHY I went into the service industry.
Really.
I mean I know why I started wanting to be a bartender. WAY too many Bette Davis and Joan Crawford movies at an early age, watching women talk with a cigarette between carefully manicured fingers in one hand, and a martini in the other. I think that is why I absolutely adore martini glasses in every shape, form, and fashion.
My mother regaling me with tales of the cocktail parties she and Daddy used to go to, where the host and/or hostess made layered drinks with all sorts of exotic liquers.
The ability to talk to people about all kinds of things, laugh, make them laugh, make them have a good night after a bad day, and get paid for it. Sort of how I came out of my shell- being a bartender is like acting for me...
But when I am scheduled to work a function, and THIS is what happens:
"Hi. My name is T******* G***. This is MY party, I'm paying for it."
Hi. I'm Luanne, your bartender *shaking hands* What can I do for you?
"Will there be servers carrying drinks and taking orders?"
No ma'am, our servers are strictly for the handling of food and what not. If anyone wants something from the bar, they are welcome to come up here and get it from me.
"Hunh. Okay. So I tell people to come to the bar to get drinks?"
Yes, Ma'am.
"And you're the bartender?"
Yes, ma'am.
"You're it."
*insert appropriately raised eye brow here*
Yas, ma'am.
"For 80 people."
Ma'am, rest assured that your guests will be more than adequately taken care of. I have years of experience handling groups considerably larger than this, especially since I started working here, and believe me, everything will be fine.
"Um. Ok. By the way, I'm paying for all this."
Yes ma'am, so you said. You will be paying for the room rental and the food, and the bar is listed here as cash.
"Um, no. I want to pay for the whole thing."
The function sheet I was given says you wanted the bar to be cash.
"Yeah. I changed my mind.'
*growling deep inside*
I believe you will need to talk to the supervisor of the function, Miranda, if you are going to change these arrangements (especially since it is 30 minutes before the damn thing is supposed to start, says my inner child)
"Okay!"
off she goes.
10 minutes later, here stands MIranda.
"Um, Luanne?"
yeah, I heard. What is hosted?
"The usual. Gun (well) liquor, draft beer, all bottled beer and ciders, and all wines. NO back bar. doubles or martinis."
Not even for cash?
"Hunh...I dunno. Let my go ask."
"The other stuff can be sold for cash."
Okay. It is now 6:30, and here come the clients.
Two hours later, when I am explaining to a customer that the Crown Royal is for cash only, here pops up the lady paying for all this again.
"You know..."
*growling noise getting closer to the surface*
"I've decided that everything is going to be hosted. There won't be that many people wanting premium anyway, so just make it all hosted."
INSIDE, I am mentally smacking her, because now I have to return money on top of everything else. So again:
Ma'am, you need to discuss any changes with Miranda first.
"Really? But I told you."
Ma'am. I am not in charge of this function (although Miranda is probably going to wish I was by the end of this, because she knows the growling is getting louder.) Miranda is. In order for me to change something like that, it has to be cleared by the supervisor first.
"Um. Ok."
*at this point, I closed my eyes and started counting hand grenades. It seems to have such a calming effect on me occasionally...*
"Um, Luanne?"
Yes, Miranda, I know. I already returned the money I charged to the people who paid for their drinks. (thankfully there wasn't that many)
I then handed her the cash box I no longer needed.
"Um, what about the $5 in your tip jar?"
I EARNED that, Miranda. It doesn't belong to you.
"Okay, I'm just going to go put this in the office, m'okay?"
Fine.
The function was supposed to be done by 9:30. Thanks to fearless planning, I had everything done and was out the DOOR by 9:40.
Mama said there'd be days like this.
Honestly, some days, I do believe I didn't give that woman enough credit.....
COMMENTS
I think you're wonderful!
Grins.......what Joli said!
:) Just remember.. bail money needed when you slap the shit out of someone is always here.
One change of mind per customer ought to be hanging over your bar! Dimwits!
Jebus. I mean really. Just. WTF?
No. Not a wedding. Radio station sponsored GOLF TOURNAMENT.
These guys (50's and UP) acted like a bunch of frat boys into their fifteenth barrel of hunch punch. They were loud, obnoxious, and rude, and those were their GOOD points.
One of the servers came back muttering under her breath. Being the motherly type as I am to most of these kids, I asked her what the problem was. She gave me this look like she was afraid of she repeated it, I was going to smack her. I told her nothing she could possibly come out with would shock me. I have been at this a long time, after all.
She looked at me and said "I called that guy a name"
WHAT did you call him?
"douche knuckle"
I cannot even FATHOM what could possibly have prompted this girl to dig that deep looking for a descriptive phrase like that. Thankfully, she only said it under her breath. But that was about the sum total of the night.
MY example was when the loud mouth that goosed her into that particular adjective and his skinny white trash buddy came up to the bar for another round. Skinny White trash looks at me when I am asking him what he wants and says:
"Are you from Tennessee?"
no, actually I am from Georgia, but you were close....
"Well, you is da only TEN I SEE around here..."
At which point he breaks up like he has just told the crowning joke of the comedy channel, slapping his buddy on the back, pounding on the bar, and just in general being a.....
Yes, douche knuckle fit just fine here...
If you are going to go after people, call them stupid, insult them, or threaten them, please remember one thing.
That kind of shit goes a whole HELL of alot further if you spellcheck your threats BEFORE you send them or leave as a comment. Nothing ruins the shiver fact of a threat/insult than for half of it to be spelled WRONG or be grammatically incorrect.
/end rant
First it was the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre....
Then Rob Zombie with his "take' on Halloween...
Now....this...
For Chrissakes, people...if you can do something better than an original which was great to start with, BE original and make something DIFFERENT...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI6VeRCnqwI
Cut and paste people- I don't do links....sorry
COMMENTS
Not sure why you're complaining - You don't have to watch it in the first place; besides, the only 'good' Elm street film was the first one.
The re-imagening is going to be MUCH darker and realistic, unlike the original which was extremely goofy.
Maybe she's complaining because it's her damn journal and her personal taste... we're not all the same, thank all gods.
wow...I wondered when I would get some attention...nice to know I'm not ignorable...lol
AND....I think I explained why I was complaining in case you didn't really READ the entry
IF. YOU. CAN. DO. IT. BETTER. DO. SOMETHING. NEW.
*sick em puppy* :)
Robert England is Freddy
Its Robert ENGLUND
And they're doing something new, its a fresh take on it. Everything that's being made these days is a re-make on SOMETHING or another; even stuff made back in the 60's or earlier were re-makes or reimagenings of tales or folklore and whatnot.
But then again, dumb Americans are dumb and don't delve too deep into literature and ancient mythos
COMMENTS
-