Strange what you can find when you read other's journals04:47 Dec 04 2009
Times Read: 885
Like this little gem from one of my fav journals. Reading this guy can sometimes dig out things from me that I had thought long since buried. He can also bring on the weirdest food cravings at the oddest times of the darkness of the morning, the likes of which I have not experienced since I was pregnant.
And other things from being pregnant as well...
This was his entry most latest:
.. my ‘Proud To Be Bi.. Polar On VR’ thread.
19:57:34 - Dec 03 2009
Times Read: 18
Before I had left for the project, I went to my ‘Beloved Threads’ and went to my ‘Proud To Be Bi.. Polar On VR’ thread.
I’d been surprised to read the somewhat vitriolic response left by xxFallenxxAngelxx
In which she’d castigated me goodstyle, with ‘who are you…’ and, I’m assuming she was inferring, ‘to question others.’
What she wrote had demonstrated two things to me: -
Firstly, she’d chosen not to wholly read my question fully.
And secondly, “I’m the fellow who’s dealt with the conditions, for over thirty years, without taking medication.
And, though I realise that not everyone can deal with manic depression as I have/do .. up until Now, I have chosen not to slag off someone else, for their opinions on the subject.
What is it ‘they’ say, opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. The difference is some people choose to listen to the opinions of others without prejudice, which is why I’m so pleased with that particular thread, that has some powerful insight from some very knowledgeable individuals, who listen to their peers and share that understanding.
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I hope he doesn't mind me reprinting it verbatim, because it struck a very deep chord in me, as some of my favorite journals and the people who write them often do. I think this is the point to journaling, or blogging or whatever the hell you want to call it, at least for me. Journaling for me started out slowly, especially since the only time I had ever done so was here after I joined VR. Over time, it became my catharsis, a way to vent the poison that was slowly strangling me at that time.
Then it was a way to rejoice in having found happiness, both with a man and with myself. And also in finding friends that not only shared my heritage, as some do, but my thought processes as people like Angelus and Khayman do on occasion.
Eventually it became a way for me to take things that pissed me off, both here and in the real world, and turn them into things that hopefully make people laugh.
I can even find the occasional common thread with such diverse people from me as Morrigon and Birra. And they make me giggle insanely sometimes, which is always the best medicine.
I tried to find the thread Angelus mentioned, so that I could post the following, but instead I left it as a comment in his journal. This is what I had to say. No doubt, I will have as many people up in arms with my response as he did with the original thread...
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*chuckling*
My poor Brit...so many things we share, and yet so far away.
I have always had what I called my "dark spots"...I would fall into one, sink to the bottom for a day or two, shutting everybody out, and then come back sunny and bright. It wasn't until I had my son, and suffered an almost complete collapse that doctors tried to put a name to what I had. At the time, it was dubbed "post partum depression bordering on psychosis" A big fancy name for something that meant I could not only not take care of my son, but I couldn't even take care of myself. My now ex husband was sure I was going to do myself a harm, one way or the other.
Then the upgraded version of "the baby blues" passed. And I was still miserable. And I got worse. The Zoloft they had put me on after Connor was born no longer even made a dent in it, much less helped me cope. I moved on to Cymbalta and others, to no avail. I eventually decided to quit cold turkey, with all the same withdrawals as any other mood enhancing drugs, legal or not. They weren't helping (but then again, I was still in the situation that was making me miserable) and I felt hollow, as if everything inside me was dead, and nothing made me happy anymore. Before dragging my son into the same pit I had been in, and before I could do to him what my mother did to me before she died, I left.
I now have a husband who loves me, my son is a happy and well adjusted 9 year old living with his dad who didn't have to see his mom have a stroke or blow her brains out, I have a job I love in a country I love with a family I love and who loves me.
Drugs don't have to be a crutch as some people claim, but they also don't have to be the end all be all for every little thing. Sometimes they are necessary.
Sometimes they aren't.
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Ah well, if people get mad at my response, both here and there, so be it-
C'est la vie
COMMENTS
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Vampirewitch39
13:53 Dec 12 2009
LOL Hope someone video taped her singing. ;)
sahahria
21:26 Dec 12 2009
Um I would have just said Karma was born in the South ;)
Elemental
03:38 Dec 13 2009
AC/DC. LOVE them...Rock on!!!
And ......what Sah said!! The SOUTH baby the SOUTH!!!
LadyChordewa
23:28 Dec 15 2009
Oh damn. Your tongue must have holes in it, from biting it so hard. But you got the last laugh. *hugs*
Nightgame
00:45 Dec 21 2009
ACDC can make the dead dance! I'd so like to have a picture of her face when she woke up and remembered what she did and in front of whom! You are wonderfully evil and vindictive my sweet southern lady!