The top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the
Summer
Olympics - that they would like to take back:
1. Weightlifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw
her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from
personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother
and father.'
4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths
in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can
expect the same thing again.'
6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of
the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like
they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is
that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses
them... Oh
my God, what have I just said?'
WAL-MART SELLOUT
This news just in:
All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday.
A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia may have invaded Georgia, they sure as hell ain't gonna do it to Alabama.
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Funny. Thanks for the laugh.
LOL....good one!
:)
That was awesome ~rolling on the floor~
You know you have too much time on your hands sitting in traffic jams thinking about shit when the idea of condoms covered with pop rocks sounds like a GOOD idea....
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*looks up at LadyC*
You can explain that one later ...
Last weekend was probably the most bizarre set of weddings I have worked in forEVER...
Friday....The Bride and Groom entered the Gallery function room to the dulcet tones of the
"THEME FROM STAR WARS"
And it was playing LOUYUD....(for those of you NOT of southern descent, that means it could shatter eardrums from a mile off, and I was considerably closer to the speakers than that...)
Saturday, the Bride and Groom, on their first marriage each, were EASILY older than I was by at least 5-10 years, and to quote my favorite movie:
(this one is for you, Bri...)
M'Lynn: That sanctuary looks like it's been hosed down with Pepto-Bismol.
Sunday.....ah Sunday was special. The couple was of Haitian descent, they were wonderfully warm, loving, good natured, and everyone had a wonderful time. The music went form Bob Marley, to Ska, to Salsa, and the opening dances were all belly button rubbin' music, like "Let's Get it On" etc.
The Bride had her garter tossed to the lilting melody of "Who let the Dogs out" (my personal favorite at this point...lol)
They did indeed stay and dance (not drink, unfortunately for me, but they partied hard) until after midnight, and I left with a great warm special feeling that I had witnessed something very special....
However, watching some of the kids who were serving that night try to mambo was a little on the hysterical side...lol
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tsk tsk
Notice he doesn't say a 9 inch what. Perhaps he has a 9 inch long glowstick, the things cybergoths dance with, and he would like you to dance with him...!
I'm sure it's perfectly innocent :-P
You should send back "But it still can't reach me"
LOL- poor puppy.
*hugs, missing*
Honey hold out for the 12" of pure beef....
Hmmmm hot dogs are best grilled over open flames >:)
TWO twelve hour shifts, back to back...
my ass is DRAGGING (keeps an eye out for the rat just in case)
Friday's wedding was a hoot in that the first guy to walk up to the bar, looks at me, looks at my nametag, and says "Luanne, is it? Here" hands me his credit card, and THEN says:
"Hi....my name is SERGE"
And ALL I could hear for the rest of the night was Bronson Pinchot in "Beverly HIlls Cop"....
Lesson number ONE- try hard NOT to laugh at the tall hadnsome guy tipping you really well on his credit card-
Last night's wedding was something else- I made more in tips on a hosted bar than I did in cash sales for the stuff I had to charge for (premium beers and liquors)
The lead off dance song was...wait for it...
"I'm a Red neck Woman"
The guests made ME sing the damn thing, because, and I quote:
"You're the only one who can say "Hell yea and yee haw and make it SOUND right"
*snerk*
Lesson number TWO
Having a southern accent in Canada is DEFINITELY a plus when working for tips...LMAO
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You mean I wouldn't have to apologize for sounding like a hick? OMG I have to visit up yankee land sometime.
You mean I can get a man up there? *goes to pack...right after I pinch that dragging ass* Wide load...coming thur!!
This is a necessary email from work....LMAO
What to do when you encounter a bear?
When in natural environment’s such as one like Westwood Plateau, you have to accept the basic reality that you may encounter a bear. The tips on these pages will help reduce the likelihood of meeting a bear, but at the same time, you need to be prepared for what to do when the unexpected occurs.
Situation 1 - Bear has not detected your presence and is more than 100 m (350 ft) distant.
Don't announce your presence if the bear has not seen you. If possible, retreat slowly and give the bear plenty of space. If you have the opportunity, you should retreat and leave the trail to the bear. If you must continue, back off a short distance, and give the bear time to leave the area. You should also do a wide detour quietly, quickly and downwind to avoid problems.
Situation 2 - Bear has detected your presence, but is more than 100 m (350 ft) distant.
Your goal here is to act in such a way as to allow the bear to identify you, but to also let it know that you are no threat. Speak calmly so that it knows you are a human (their eyesight is quite poor). They will often quickly give ground to you once they identify you as human. If the situation permits, back away slowly, keeping a close eye on the bear. Otherwise, you may wish to detour around the bear, but in this case, detour upwind so that the bear can get your scent. Keep talking calmly. Waving your arms may help it identify you as a human.
Situation 3 - Bear has detected you and shows signs of aggression
If you have followed the advice listed above, hopefully you have a bit of distance between the bear and yourself. You'll need to
Assess the situation. Are you dealing with a black bear or a grizzly? Are there cubs involved?
Do Not Run. You can't outrun a bear so don't even try. Despite rumours to the contrary, black and grizzly bears can outrun a human on ANY terrain, uphill or down. People will tell you that you should run downhill when chased by a grizzly. This is simply a myth - don't try it!
Try to retreat slowly. Back up slowly and try to put more space between you and the bear. Talk calmly so that it can identify you as human, and slowly back up. Keep your backpack on as it can provide protection if necessary. Don't make direct eye contact, but keep a close look at the bear as you back away.
Climb a tree if available. If you have enough time, and the bear continues to move closer, take advantage of a tall tree to climb. Remember, black bears are strong climbers as well. Grizzlies have also climbed short distances up trees after people. You want to get at least 10 m (33 feet) high to reduce the chance of being pulled out of the tree. Even though some bears can come up the tree after you, the hope is that they will feel less threatened, and thus less likely to chase you up the tree.
If the bear charges you. Bears will often bluff charge before attacking. This is designed to allow enemies to back down before the bear needs to actually make contact. It evolved as a way to prevent encounters with enemies and it may provide you with an opportunity to back away.
If a black bear (or any bear that is stalking you) makes contact. If the attack escalates and a black bear (or any bear that appears to have been stalking you) physically contacts you, fight back with anything that is available to you. Black bears tend to be more timid than grizzlies and fighting back may scare the bear off. In addition, if a bear is stalking you than you are in a predatory situation and fighting back is your only option. This also applies to any attack at night as these may also be considered predatory in nature.
If a grizzly makes contact. As above, if you believe the bear to be stalking you, fight back with everything you have. In general though, playing dead in a daytime grizzly encounter tends to reduce the level of injury sustained by most attack victims. Many grizzly attacks are defensive in nature, and playing dead may show the bear that you are not a threat. Keep your backpack on as it will provide added protection. The best position is to lie on your side in a fetal position. Bring your legs up to your chest and bury your head into your legs. Wrap your arms around your legs and hold on tight. You may also lie on your stomach, backpack on, and place your hands behind your neck to protect that vulnerable area. Do not play dead until the last moment. Staying on your feet may allow you to dodge, or divert an attack.
After the attack. Once the attack has ended, remain patient. After a few minutes, try to determine if the bear is still in the area. If the bear has moved on, you should make your way towards assistance as quickly as possible.
COMMENTS
Um.......good advice........BAD job that puts you in the area of bears!!!
They left out the one I'd be following
If The bear charges you shoot the sucker in the head! Then calmly walk on your way.
somehow I don't think Canada would appreciate a southern redhead with a gun up here, sugar...LMAO
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YEah at least I am not alone in my utter Shrekness. :)
At least you're not alone, I got Frodo! ;)
Wishing I was THERE. There being New Orleans...
It has been a rough summer....Scott getting laid off, which ultimately cost us the trip to New Orleans...
The case with my stepmother is on the court docket for September- no specific date yet, but it will be a non jury trial...
My beloved cat being put to sleep, and the thoughtless, carelessness of the people who were supposed to take care of her...a friend and an ex husband who I thought would at least be decent to me after all the fireworks fizzled down a little....but I guess that was naive of me at best...
I wanted to go be with my friends....but I guess I can wait until next year...
I'm going to go cry now.
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*hugs* You are missed, but not forgotten... There will always be another get together. Hange in there, as you know what things were like for me- while hard now the upswing will happen.
Just..........hugs. :)
*hugs* I know it's been an awfully hard year for us be we're strong and the world better watch out cause we're going to take it by storm. :)
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