The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I'm sure you all know by now that I'm quite fond of button badges. Well I thought I'd share some that I don't own. Although, there may be a few in there that I do have. Also, the non-geeks among you may not understand some of these. Oh, and I don't necessary agree with all of these but I'm including them anyway.





~ +5 Badge Of Smiting

~ /*No Comment*/

~ 1337

~ 2+2=5

~ 333 Half Evil

~ 40% Of All Statistics Are Wrong

~ 8 Out Of 10 People Love This Badge

~ < /Bush >

~ < Badge >

~ A Wish Is Not A Substitute For A Prayer

~ Adorkable

~ Aged To Perfection

~ Air Guitarist

~ All Your Base Are Belong To Us

~ Almost Normal

~ Anarachy Queen

~ And Your Problem Is...?

~ Anti-Bush, Pro-American

~ Anti-Everything

~ ARMY Be All You're Told To Be

~ Army Chick

~ Army Of The World

~ As Seen On TV

~ Ask Me About Chuck Norris

~ Ask Me About Jesus

~ ASL?

~ At Least In Heaven I Can Skate

~ Back By Popular Demand

~ Back Off!

~ Badge

~ Badges Are Lame

~ Bah Humbug

~ Ban Comic Sans

~ Ban The Bomb

~ Bananaphone

~ Barbie Is A Slut

~ Bassist

~ I'm Glad I'm Not A Twin

~ Be Nice To Nerds! One Day You'll Work For One

~ Beards. They Really Grow On You

~ Better Than Barbie

~ Beyond Help

~ Bitch Covered Bitch With A Creamy Bitch Filling

~ Blame The Parents

~ Blessed Are The Cheese Makers

~ Boldly Going Nowhere

~ Boom! Headshot

~ Bored

~ Born Again

~ Born Free (Taxed For Life)

~ Boy Bands Suck

~ Boys Are Stupid

~ Britney Who?

~ Buck Fush

~ Bush For President Of Iraq

~ Bush: The Only Dope Worth Shooting

~ By The Time You Read This, You've Already Read It

~ Can't Sleep (The Clowns Will Get Me)

~ Caution: I'm Crazy (About Jesus)

~ Cheer Up Goth

~ Cheese Addict

~ Child Of the 80s

~ Chocoholic

~ Christmas Rocks

~ Chuck Norris Forever

~ Chuck Norris Brushes His Teeth With Barbed Wire

~ Chuck Norris Can Believe It's Not Butter

~ Chuck Norris Can Blow Bubbles With Beef Jerky

~ Chuck Norris Can Divide By Zero

~ Chuck Norris Can Hold His Breath For Nine Years

~ Chuck Norris Can Judge Books By Their Covers

~ Chuck Norris Can Make Onions Cry

~ Chuck Norris Can Skeletonize A Cow In Two Minutes

~ Chuck Norris Can Slam A Revolving Door

~ Chuck Norris Can Sneeze With His Eyes Open

~ Chuck Norris Can Speak Braille

~ Chuck Norris Can Split The Atom With Bare Hands

~ Chuck Norris Can Taste Lies

~ Chuck Norris Can Touch MC Hammer

~ Chuck Norris Can Win Blackjack With One Card

~ Chuck Norris Can't Love, He Can Only Not Kill

~ Chuck Norris Counted To Infinity Twice

~ Chuck Norris Does Not Sleep, He Waits

~ Chuck Norris Drinks Napalm To Quell Heartburn

~ Chuck Norris Eats Lightning And Farts Thunder

~ Chuck Norris Has Three Knees On Each Leg

~ Chuck Norris Has Two Speeds: Walk And Kill

~ Chuck Norris Is Allowed To Talk About Fight Club

~ Chuck Norris Is My Homeboy

~ Chuck Norris Is Not Only A Noun But A Verb

~ Chuck Norris Let The Dogs Out

~ Chuck Norris Uses Only One Chopstick

~ Chuck Norris Sheds His Skin Twice A Year

~ Chuck Norris Sleeps With Pillows Under His Gun

~ Chuck Norris's Cowboy Boots Are Made From Real Cowboys

~ Chuck Norris's Sweat Burns Holes In Concrete

~ Circus Freak

~ Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

~ Clowns Taste Funny

~ Code Monkey

~ Conserve Wildlife, Pickle A Squirrel

~ Crappy Valentines Day

~ Crazy Bitch

~ Cyber Money

~ Cyber Punk

~ D'oh

~ Dad, The Great, The Magnificent, The Man With The Wallet

~ Dad, The Man, The Myth, the Legend

~ Dear Santa, Let Me Explain...

~ Diagonally Parked In A Parallel Universe

~ Diet Starts Tomorrow

~ Disco Diva

~ Do I Look Like A People Person?

~ Do I Look Like I Want A Big Issue?

~ Do Not Disturb. Already Disturbed

~ Does Not Play Well With Others

~ Don't Be Caught Dead Without Jesus

~ Don't Believe Anything Until It's Officially Denied

~ Don't Follow Me, I'm Lost Too

~ Don't Get Mad, Get Even

~ Don't Hassel The Hoff

~ Don't Judge Anyone By Their Badge

~ Don't Make Me Smite You

~ Don't Make Me Summon The Flying Monkeys

~ Don't Read This. You Won't Like It. I Promise

~ Don't Worry, Be Silly

~ Drain Bramaged

~ Drama Queen

~ Drummer

~ Dyslexics Have More Fnu

~ Dyslexics Of The World Untie!

~ Earth Is Full. Go Home

~ Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

~ Elvis Is Dead, Get Over It

~ Emo Kid

~ Emo Makes Me Cry

~ Employee Of The Month

~ End Racisim. Kill Everyone

~ Error 404. Requested Badge Not Found

~ ESC

~ Everyone Is Entitled To MY Opinion

~ Everyone Smiles In The Same Language

~ Excuse Me, But I Have Minds To Twist And Valves To Warp

~ Explosive

~ Fashion Police

~ Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap

~ Fight Truth Decay

~ Free Prayer. Just Ask

~ Friend Of Tom

~ F.R.O.G. (Fully Rely On God)

~ Game Over

~ Gamer

~ Gangster

~ Geek

~ Get Killed, Get Noticed

~ Girls FTW (For Teh Win)

~ Give Quiche A Chance

~ Global Warming Is So Uncool

~ Goldfish Don't Bounce

~ Golf Sale ->

~ Good For Nothing Student

~ Goofballs Rule

~ Got Jesus?

~ Got Rights?

~ Goth And Proud

~ Granny Magnet





To Be Continued...

Here are some quotes that can be found on my Facebook profile. Enjoy.





~ One thing vampire children have to be taught early on is don't run with a wooden stake (Jack Handy)

~ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent (Eleanor Roosevelt )

~ Not all who wander are lost (JRR Tolkien)

~ I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not (Kurt Cobain)

~ Everyone deserves to be told they're beautiful, even if they're not (Marilyn Monroe)

~ So many men, so many reasons to sleep alone

~ Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away

~ When I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried

~ It's not big deal, really. Break her heart. Let her down. Make her cry. Because you 'care' about her... right?

~ Hear no evil, speak no evil... And you'll never get invited to a party.

~ If you don't like me, there's nothing I can do. Newsflash, I don't live to please you.

~ Pretty smiles and make-up hide so much these days

~ Love. It's like lightning. You get struck once and baby, it kills

~ Find someone that makes you smile and don't give up on them

~ After a while you learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love. You begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something, promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made, and goodbyes really are forever

~ Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive anyway

~ The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get suck into doing it, have fun doing it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.

~ What lies behind us and what lies before us are small matters compared to what lies within us (Emerson)

~ It's the way you make me laugh when I don't even want to smile

~ It's not what they take away from you that counts. It's what you do with what you have left (Hubert Humphrey)

~ Hate never ends hate, only love can (Buddha)

~ Suicide is Man's way of telling God 'You can't fire me; I quit' (Bill Maher)

~ We are punished by our sins, not for them (Elbert Hubbard)

~ If you looked inside a girl, you would see how much she really cries, you would find out so many secrets and lots of lies, but what you'll see most is how hard it is to stay strong when nothing is right and everything is wrong

~ Don't you love how every girl's profile is about that one guy and yet he never knows that every word is about him

~ We will only die if we are not in the hearts and minds of others (Luffy - One Piece)

~ Intelligence isn't measured in the way you speak or how high your degrees are, it's in the art that your hand and mind project (RON Nicolas)

~ Dangerous toys are fun, but you could get hurt! (Vash, Trigun)

~ Failure is an event, never a person (William D Brown)

~ Live for the moments you can't put into words

~ A wise girls kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left (Marilyn Monroe)

~ All I ever wanted was one guy to prove they're not all the same

Oh my god, it happened again last night. I have no idea what it is but I go away and someone else takes over my body. The latest suggestion: it's not pure depression; it's schizophrenia. But hey, the doctor said, yesterday, that I'm fine and that I don't need brain scans. *sigh*



I lost my faith in him yesterday. He said I had to sign something but I actually just needed to fill something in for my new therapist. It was a scale assessment of my mental state for the past fortnight. I filled it in but the doctor lowered my score so I wouldn't be rejected for treatment for being too depressed. That's the second time this has been spoken aloud. How the hell can you be too depressed to receive treatment. Surely you need it more then. *huge sigh*



At this rate, I will need sectioned to get the treatment I actually need but there's no way they're getting me onto a psych ward.



So the doctor knocked me down on these two counts and then on the Hyperthyroidism as well. There's a nine month waiting list here which means I can't see a specialist until at least October when I return to uni in England. Gah.



Okay, I'm going to cease rambling now and go back to watching the Doctor Who commentary for the Pirate Planet.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
20:02 Jun 25 2008

Who made the schizophrenia suggestion ?



Maybe you will get some more answers from your new therapist...I hope so.



Also in the States do you have regular medication reviews with your dr ?

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Have some more pictures...



Yeah, yeah, I know you've seen some of them but humour me.

And yet again, I'm not at home. Although at least I get net access when I'm over here. The modem at home is apparently faulty.

I need a shower but I'm shattered. Shower vs sleep is always problematic. I hate going to bed with my hair wet but I hate blow-drying it more.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
10:20 Jun 22 2008

Erm....you could wear a shower hat ...lol

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Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Etc



This has been my chant since 9am this morning. I'm pretty much blank until that point after 9pm last night.



I have now seen my journal entries and spoken to people who spoke to me but I remember none of it. All I know is that my head hurts and my neck is killing me. There's a raw red line around it which, thankfully, is fading but I don't know how I got it.



People I spoke to during the lapse have confirmed it was me. I knew what was doing and could converse on topics previously discussed with them. I just don't remember it.



I do remember being my usual clutzy self yesterday. Some of you will have seen that. I was also pretty down but that's normal for me as well. Some of the stuff during the day is blurry but I remember getting into the car and then it getting dark around me. Next thing, it's 9am. What the fuck happened last night?

I've been drowning again for a while but now I'm settling on the ocean bottom. I just can't do this anymore. I don't want to live anymore. But this time I'm not going to take my tablets to take away my pain. I'm not going to stick a blade in my flesh to find a release. This time I'm going for the brain. There's something wrong with it anyway so I'm going to fix it. I'm going to take away it's oxygen and without oxygen it will die. Then I can find something beyond this life where I can barely exist from day to day.



I know I'm going to hurt people by doing this but a sharp pain is surely better than all the problems I cause. In this, I want to succeed. I know that you'll pray for my failure but in a few days you'll know for certain which way this has gone. You can text me if you know the number. If I'm alive, I promise to reply. If you don't hear from me, I guess... forgive me if you can.



So should I tell you why? I don't think I need to. You know some of the shit that's been going on in my life but I can never share the worst of what's in my head. There are things in there that should never be shared.



Should I tell you I'm sorry? I'm only sorry that I couldn't fix things. that I couldn't be perfect for you, that I couldn't be perfect for myself. I'm sorry that it's come to this again, that I want to succeed, that I'm going to hurt you. I'm not sorry that I've made the decision, though. ONce I'm removed from the equation it will alter the result and hopefully create a different solution.



Should I tell you that I want to be saved? It's too late for that now. I've wanted to be saved for so long but I guess I just need to accept that there isn't enough help out there for me.



So what should I tell you? I don't know. Try to help those that are suffering. Don't hurt people just because you can. Don't be nasty to achieve something stupid. Don't follow my path if you can avoid it. Get help if you can. Phone the Samaritans. But if you do take this dark road, maybe I'll meet you at the end of it in a better place.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
10:55 Jun 21 2008

Or...you could learn to breath underwater. It's not easy but it is possible, humans are adaptable.



Our species thrives on learing new things, so I know this is not beyond you.



Give it a try.

You know I don't mean literally underwater.

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Okay, I'm a little spooked now. A few minutes ago a heard a distinct tap on the door. I though maybe it was Aphrala but there was no one there and I'm now jumpy.

I don't know what VR was playing at earlier but it kept booting me when I tried to do anything after logging in.



I'm still at Damien's but I'm going home tonight. *sigh* I really shouldn't come over here was often. But the sad truth is, I have nowhere else to go. At least they genuinely seem to like having me around. I can tidy and wash dishes and fetch ice cubes.



Yeah, I have a major hang up about being helpful in an attempt to survive. If I lose these people, I will kill myself.

The depression is pretty bad at the minute. The dark thoughts are getting wrapped more tightly around me each day. I can't help thinking, even though I know it's not the solution, that I would be better off dead. I don't think that whatever comes after this life could cause any more pain than this existence does.



But I've got people that care about me. Ones that looked after me and look out for me. I'm staying with the best of those few right now. I know it would hurt them if I took my own life but sometimes it seems like the best option. I wouldn't be in the way or a burden to anyone anymore. After the funeral, I wouldn't cost anyone money and they wouldn't have to 'waste' their time on me. It might not be the answer but it's definately a solution.



There's something wrong with my body, potentially more serious than I would like to admit. I'm trying to downplay it as much as possible. I don't want to burden people more than I already have. They're trying to help me but I don't want to give them my problems. Over the years I took other people's problems on and they've changed me. And not for the better.



They said it could be any number of things causing the black outs, the worse of which includes the possibility of there being a problem with my heart or brain. I've got an appointment with the doctor I trust in a week. 8am next Tuesday. Great... I sort of wish I would just drop dead though. Not here. Because that would cause problems for my friends. But maybe I could take a walk, go out to get milk or something, and just collapse, dead, at the side of the road...



Some days I don't know what I'm living for. It feels like I'm just going through the motions, trying to get to the end of each day so I can sleep and semd the world away. The nightmares are getting bad again thought so sleep doesn't hold the same bliss. So where can I seek refuge? The internet has been a haven for me for over a decade but now I find it more and more degrading. I've deleted accounts just to get away from people and now I'm trying to be on here more than I actually should be so I don't get kicked out of my House.



The House is my only true haven online now. I still have accounts in other places but they aren't the first place I visit. Or the place I run to when I need to be among friends. I can honestly say, if I lost my place in that House, I would leave. Just get up and go. Delete my account that has existed nearly as long as the site and depart without a goodbye. I'd give up on the internet. I'd still use it when necessary, obviously, but it wouldn't be my home anymore.



The fact I'm seriously thinking about this is a bad sign. A year ago I wouldn't have considered it. Then again, a year ago, I had two best friends at uni without whom I didn't know how I would survive the summer. Now those very same people don't even know I've left England. Philippa was only contacting me when she wanted something and James pretty much hasn't spoken to me since my birthday... in February.



Everyone gets rid of me in the end. It has happened so many times over the years and it never hurts any less. In fact, I think it hurts more each time. Now I'm trying so hard not to ruin it with the people I'm currently staying with. I'm probably trying too hard. I know I have this whole hang up about not wanting to get in the way. Somewhere along the line, I've had twisted rules drilled into me. Don't show pain. Don't ask for help. Don't let people see you cry. Don't get in the way. Be invisible. I don't know where they came from but it's hard to escape them. I just want to make it 'right'. These people are important to me. I don't want to lose anyone else. Although, that isn't up to me...



Last night someone turned on me. I'm not going to name him as he can be found on here at times. He'll know who he is if he reads this but I doubt he will. I thought he was my friend but obviously we have quite different ideas of friendship. I thought he might have been drunk so I texted one of his workmates in case he was being nasty to everyone. Nope, it's just me and I don't know what I've done. He doesn't seem to know either...



The insults from strangers really hurt but this hurts more, coming, as it did, from someone I would have named as trustworthy. I've been deleting his messages but highlights include:

You stupid little bitch.

I wish you would just kill yourself. I don't know why I ever talked you down.

All the times I said you were pretty, I lied.

You're a bitch and now I'm just telling you the truth about yourself.

You're a worthless, fat, ugly bitch.

Useless.

Unreliable.

Whore.

C*nt.



There was worse but it hurts to write it. Some of you are probably wondering what is worse than the C word. There's a hell of a lot worse, believe me. Being called a bitch or whore doesn't bother me half as much as some of the other things.



I didn't mean to make this such a long entry but I'm better with the written word than verbal communication so it just pours out of me. I feel so unwell right now and I can't tell how much of it is physical illness and how much has been caused by all the horrid things people have said. I feel like my insides are twisting themselves together in a seething mass of dying tissue. I'd almost welcome the hollowness if it chased away this self-loathing.



I sat in front of the mirror a while ago and tried to look at myself as I really am, tried to see this beauty that people say they see. But I just see who I've always been. The same girl people don't want around. I know I'm not six foot tall, size zero and blonde. I don't want to be like that. It's not who I am or who I'll ever be.



I know I'm not drop dead gorgeous, not movie star stunning or beautiful beyond belief. My DNA isn't coded like that. It's not what I'll ever look like without plastic surgery. I get that. I really do. But I utterly loath myself. I don't think that, after all the damage people have done to me mentally, I could ever believe I was perfect. Even if I looked like the most beautiful woman alive, I'd still see the same girl staring back at me in the mirror.



I just want to be able to believe I'm pretty.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
19:30 Jun 17 2008

Good grief....friends like that you can do without.



I've never been pretty myself....and can only say for the most part it's better to believe in yourself as a whole rather than the shell....just a thought.

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I'm home. We got back last night. I may do a write up later. I cracked my head, specifically the eye socket on the roof bars while trying to unpack the car. It made a stupidly sharp crack and hurts like hell even this morning. I probably have a black eye. I haven't looked yet.



A: Firetruck

My mum arrives tomorrow and I head home on Sunday. I can't believe second year is over.

I'm rediscovering the simple things in life. I just made toast in the toaster for the first time in ages and toast coated in melting butter tastes like heaven today.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
19:31 Jun 12 2008

I have no idea why toast from a toaster tastes better than toast done under the grill...it just does lol

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It's been one hell of a week and it's only Tuesday. I'll explain later but right now, I'm going to bed.

Well the internet is well and truly screwed this weekend. I’m currently typing this entry in Word in the hope that I’ll be able to post it online soon.



I started writing this several hours ago. The net is now functional again but we’ll see if that lasts. The day isn’t going terrible well. Although, I suppose, it isn’t going terribly badly either. I passed out in the shower again which sucks but we have internet access this evening, unlike last night, so it’s not all bad.



I really shouldn’t bother looking at the email account where I’ve been receiving the horrid messages but I can’t help it. I have to know. Here we go I guess. I’ll report back once I’ve looked.



Oh wonderful. New emails. New senders. New bullshit. I hardly think peter@hsyjds.com is a real email address. Not only are they using the anonymity of the net against me, they are masking their real addresses. I’ve only looked at the list of messages. There aren’t too many new ones. I guess I’ll go read them now.



I knew I shouldn’t have bothered. Here’s a few extracts from the latest ones. They’re from different addresses but I suppose it could be the same sender.



i hate you. you are stupid and fat and ugly. no one wants to be around you cause you arent pretty. you are a ugly whore and a silly little bitch. i bet guys only fuck you cause you are a easy lay. you would be lucky to have any ones pity. you are worthless. i wouldnt touch you if i was paid a billion dollar. your not good enough cause you arent. you dont deserve what you have.



I'm stopping there. That email continues along the same vein for quite sometime. The insults continue and worsen. I'm going to let that email address fall into dormancy and put my journal on haitus. I don't want contact from these people again. Their words are just destroying me. Before I finish, there's one more I want to share. This one chilled me.



I watched you stand on the beach and stare into that pool. You looked ready to jump in. I'm glad you had company at Flam Head and then in Brid. You can't take youre life. It's mine.



That might not seem bad but in January I went to the beach at Flambourough Head and then on into Bridlington with friends. Only the people I went with knew where we actually stopped. The scary part is, I never wrote about that day in my journal. I mentioned a plan to go to a beach. That was all...



I'm going to stop now before I start crying. I'm going to have to sort this out for myself. I can't have other people save me all the time.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
20:59 Jun 08 2008

*Hands her a hanky*...though I don't believe they are worth shedding a tear for hon.

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This is pretty much the last straw. I don't think I can take much more of this. It's eating away at me and I guess the below just confirms the worst of my fears.



I have multiple online journals. At least one isn't under the name of Ravensbloodzero. Part of my username for it is Angel. I won't tell you the rest. There's a reason it's under another name. Here and LJ are my most common posting grounds but I've done quite a few posts at another site lately. Mainly so I could share my feelings without burdening my friends.



What follows is contact made by someone I don't know, direct to an email account he shouldn't have been able to see. I'm not going to edit this at all. I figure it's about time you see what I'm dealing with everyday.



So here we go. Everything from him is in italics.



angel. u r right. ur not beutiful. u just pass for pretty in makeup and reveeling clothes. people dont want u round because u are boring. u wud be better off dead so do us al a favor and kill urself



And...



so ur still aliev. u shud have killed urself. no one will ever want u. u wud have to pay them. become a proper hore u stupid slut. then ppl will want u



And...



what r u so afriad of. jjust take al ur special tablets and fuck off to somewher else. u r not pretty or talented. ppl will never ever want u. u r not desirable in anyway



There are more but I don't think I should bother adding them. I think you've seen enough. Worse, though, I think he's right.

COMMENTS

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Sinora
07:57 Jun 08 2008

The only truth in what he/she writes is the fact that he's a fool.



Your call, but it seems to me you need a site that you can feel safe to write whatever you need too.

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DrowVampire
04:27 Jun 11 2008

He is not RIGHT. If I could find this asshole, he/she be a very dead

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How is it that you can feel so alone when you've got someone right next to you? And why is it so hard to ask for their help?

I should be at the Summer Ball right now. Yeah, I do kind of regret staying here but I'm enjoying the company.

It's quite simple really. Don't treat me like a whore.

Fran's flight is due in at about 7pm. It is now just before 3pm and we are both still sitting on messenger talking. lol



But on a more serious note. I had an exam today and I have one tomorrow and then I'm free! Sort of.



I probably won't be online while Fran's here. He'll most likely be on my laptop a lot so I'll see you lot back here on Monday. Cheerio.

There's something weird going on with my laptop. It's randomly opening internet pages. It randomly opened my facebook account and then my uni email account. Also, Drow, if you're reading this, it opened to your entry on rape.

I am so sick of guys online trying to take advantage of me. They're really undermining my newly gained confidence. I don't even have the energy to rant about the anymore. I don't want to be chased away but I've already deleted some accounts and I'm seriously considering deleting the others. And you know how I feel about the internet.

Sudden revelation. I've started a new month in terms of journal entries.

I have to leave in under ten minutes to go to my next exam and I cannot stop shaking. This exam is worth 100% of the module. I couldn't find the rest of my notes earlier but I have them now. Believe me, you would never have seen someone so happy to find a ring binder. I even hugged it.



I shall try to find time to do a proper update on things at some point but I have so much to do. I made a list. It's nearly two sides of A4 long...