The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

What are two things you can't ever have for breakfast?

What is black when you buy it, Red when you use it, and Grey when you throw it away?















Message me for the answer.

I want to apologize to all my friends that I have worried over the weekend. I was not on any because Friday night I had to go to the hospital because of food poisioning. Man it was horrible. They had to pump my stomach because I started having a reaction on top of the poisioning. I am feeling better now. I am just sore all over. From all the throwing up I did Friday night and Saturday morning. They had to give me fluids to keep me from dehydrating. I hate to go to hospitals and doctos and I hate to take medications, of any kind. But I am sorry that I was not able to get online and let you guys know what was going on. If I worried you, I am sorry. I will talk to you all later.

Which mammal has four knees and is the only mammal that can't jump?









































The elephant.

What should you do if your poodle is acting funny?

















































Call a dog-tor immediately!

Two doctors opened an office in a small town and put up a sign

reading "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology."



The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors

changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors."



This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the

council they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go.



Next, they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down

again.



Then came "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives." Still no

good.



Another attempt resulted in "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable

again.



So they tried "Lost Souls and Butt Holes." No way.



"Analysis and Anal Cysts?" Nope.



"Nuts and Butts?" Uh uh.



"Freaks and Cheeks?" Still no go.



"Loons and Moons?" Forget it.



Almost at their wit's end, the doctors finally came up with:



"Dr Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends."



Everyone loved it.

HUH HUH!!! Raven with mouse in hand. LOL





A South American Scientist, from Argentina,

after a lengthy study, has discovered that

people with not enough sexual activities

read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse..



Don't bother taking it off,

it's too late.......................

I am so sick of cleaning house. It seems like I get one room clean and I have to do another one or that room is dirty again. Kids help out but even with the three of us, we can't keep it clean. I dust 3 to 4 times a day. I don't know why my house is so dusty. I hate dust. It seems like that is all I get done these days.

Well in the dream I was sitting at home talking on the phone. You came through the door and told me to hang it up now. I asked the person I was talking to if I could call them back. I hung up the phone. You looked angry. You said you weren't. You told me that you were my one and only Master and you were going to prove it to me. You told me to stand up. When I did, you tied my wrist together. Then you attached them to the hook that is in the ceiling. You put this seat under me and told me to sit down. When I sat down, you tied each one of my legs to the chair legs. Then you slid me to the edge of the chair and put something behind me so that I couldn't move back. Then you blindfolded me, gagged me, and put ear plugs in my ears. Before you put them in my ears, you told me that you only wanted me to feel what was going on with my body. My heart was racing. I was getting nervous. The next thing I knew, you were rubbing something across my body. It felt like a feather. It was real gentle. I could feel my body responding to what you were doing. You pulled my pussy lips apart and attached some kind of vibrator to my leg where it would stimulate my clit. Then you inserted a dildo into my pussy. Then you put a butt plug in my ass. The dildo started moving in and out of me as did the butt plug. It was so erotic. It felt deliciously great. I could feel an orgasism building. It was going to be a big one. You let me have my orgasism. You removed both the dildo and butt plug and then the vibrator. You untied my legs and took my hands down from the hook. Then you bent me over a spanking bench. You had my ass so far up in the air that all was exposed. You started spanking me with a paddle. You would spank me a few licks, then you would rub my ass cheeks. You inserted the dildo back into my pussy and the butt plug back into my ass. You put something on my clit. I felt so much pressure on my clit. Like it was going to explode. I was thinking it was some kind of clit pump. Man it was sending all kinds of feelings through my body. Then you started spanking me again. You were spanking me with something other than a paddle. I think it was a leather strap. You spanked me for so long and with each hit, either the butt plug moved or the dildo moved. IT was awesome. Felt so good. Then you used a whip on me. You whipped me for what seemed like hours. I know it wasn't, but it felt like it. All I could think was damn I am not going to be able to sit down tomorrow. Then I felt hands on my tits. Playing with them. Pulling on my nipples. Then there was sucking on them. But I didn't understand at first, but it was someone else. It wasn't you. You brought in a third person. You removed the suction from my clit. Then someone was licking on my clit. It was almost an instand orgasism. You spanked me. You removed my ear plugs and told me that I couldn't have any more orgasisms unless you told me that I could. Then I heard her laughter. She was enjoying this. She started eating my pussy. She was licking on my clit, sucking on my clit, biting on my clit and rubbing my clit with her fingers. I was so ready to have another orgasism. I kept trying to tell you, but you either weren't listening or you wanted to see how long I would last. I was begging even though you couldn't hear me. Then I couldn't help myself. She started moving the dildo in my pussy and I had another orgasism. You had her play with my tits as you spanked me for disobeying you. Then I felt the dildo being removed. Then I felt her licking my pussy again. I felt her put her fingers inside of me and then she was playing with my clit again. Then I felt the butt plug being removed. Then I felt you push your dick in my ass. Man it hurt. You leaned over me and was talking to me in my ear. You were kissing on my neck and nibbling on my ear. I felt hands on my breast as well. It was all so overwhelming. You whispered that I could have an orgasism if I wanted to and I did. I heard the both of you laugh. Then you removed my gag. You made me lick on her pussy while you were fucking me in the ass. You told me that I had better do her as she had done me. And if I didn't, you were going to torture me. You started instructing me on what you wanted me to do. How you wanted me to lick her pussy and clit. I did exactly what you wanted me to do. I felt you cum in my ass. Then you got up and walked away. You told me not to stop what I was doing until you returned. While you were gone she orgasismed. I continued to do as you told me to do. She was telling me to stop. She even stepped away from me. Then I felt more than heard you return. You asked my why I wasn't still doing what you had told me to do. I told you that she walked away from me. I was tied up so I couldn't make her stay where she was. You told me that was not an excuse. If I was doing what you had told me to do, then she wouldn't have moved. All she would do was laugh and said that I was not doing as I was told to do. So you started spanking me again. This time with more force. You asked me who my Master was and I said you were. You whipped me 10 licks for disobedence. Then you stuck your dick in my mouth and told me to suck you back up that you wanted to fuck me some more. While I was doing that, she started eating my pussy again. She started biting on my swollen clit. My clit was so sensitive from the pumping that it didn't take long and I was ready to cum again. I asked you if I could and you said no. I asked you to make her stop, but you refused. Well shortly after that, I started cumming. As I was cumming, you started spanking me for doing it.Then you removed your dick from my mouth and went around to my ass. You were playing with my ass and then you went deep inside my pussy. You fucked me until I felt raw and sore. All the while she was still licking on my clit and playing with my tits. You told me that you were gettting ready to cum and that I was to cum with you. But not until you said NOW. I was so ready to cum and when you said NOW I had my orgasism as you had yours. You spanked me some more. Then you leaned over and whispered in my ear, Good Slave, Very Good Slave. I will be right back to see to you again. Then you left the room with the woman. When you came back, you untied me. You helped me stand. Then you moved me toward the bathroom. You had a tub of warm water waiting on me. You helped me into the tub. There was a glass of wine sitting on one side of the tub. You told me to enjoy the water. You would be back soon. You left and when you came back, you climbed into the tub with me and gave me a bath.





Then I woke up. I was sweating something fierce and was so wet. I hope you enjoyed reading about my dream. As much as I enjoyed having it.

Subject: SHOPPING CENTER





A husband shopping center has just opened where a woman may go to

choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of six floors,

and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.

There is, however, a catch: As you open the door to any floor you may

choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back

down except to exit the building and you can never re-enter.



So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.



On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1-These men have jobs.



The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my

last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.



The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2-These men have jobs and love kids.



The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's

farther up?" And up she goes again.



The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3-These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.

"Hmmm, much better' she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"



The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4-these men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking

and help with the housework.



Wow! exclaims the woman, "very tempting. But there must be more

further up!" And again she heads up another flight.



The fifth floor sign read:

Floor 5-These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking,

help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.



"Oh, mercy me! But just think........what must be awaiting me

further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.



The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6-You are visitor 123,456,789,012,345 to this floor. There are

no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are

impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at HusbandMart and have a nice day.

Am I ever going to move up to the next level? I have been in this level a while. I have spent days on this site and I am still in the same place. I know it takes time and stuff like that, but I am getting aggrivated.

I am doing pretty good today. Things are slowly getting back to normal. I hope 2006 is better than 2005. I don't know if I could handle another year like that one. If everything goes as it is supposed to go, rather the way I am trying to plan it, then it is going to be a much better year. I have almost paid off some bills that have been bugging me for a while. Once they are paid, I will start saving to take my children on a very much needed vacation. We haven't had one in a long time and we deserve one. I am then going to start saving for a house. And in a year I will be able to buy us a home that will belong to us. Know what I mean? My baby brother is dealing as well as can be expected after finding his wife dead on December 28, 2005. My grandma is doing real well. She is up and moving around more. She is eating healthier as well. She is taking only the meds the doctor has prescribed for her. I am so happy about that. This is a new year which means a new chance with a clean slate.

--- Protect Your Driver's License



This is upsetting, thought I should pass it along. Check your drivers license. Now you can see anyone's Driver's License on the Internet, including your own! I just searched for mine and there it was...picture and all! Thanks Homeland Security! Privacy, where Is our right to it? I definitely removed mine, I suggest you all do the

same.... Go to the web site and check it out. Just enter your name, City and state to see if yours is on file. After your license comes on the screen, click the box marked "Please Remove". This will remove it from public viewing, but not from law enforcement Click here:

Driver's http://www.license.shorturl.com/ or copy and paste.

Two nuns were shopping in a food store and happened to be passing the beer and liquor sectio. One asks the other if she would like a beer. The other nun answered that would be good, but that she would be queasy about purchasing it.



The first nun said that she would handle it and picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look and the first nun said, "This beer is used for washing our hair".



The cashier, without blinking and eye, reached under the counter and put a package of pretzels in the bag with the beer, saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers."







_ _



Census Taker - - A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, 'les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're thirty two. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're twenty six. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're twenty four. "Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?" The woman answered, "Heck No, there hundreds of times we didn't get nothin".!!









_ _ _ For Sale: Old Ford Tractor:, Missing Steering Wheel and Seat. Perfect for someone who has lost their ass and doesn't know which way to turn!.











_ _ _ Dog Talk: A poodle and a collie were walking down the street. The poodle turned to the collie and complained, "My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is having an affair with a German Shepherd, and I'm nervous as a cat". "Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?", asked the collie; "I can't replied the poodle, "I'm not allowed on the couch".











_ _ _ Opposite Emotions: Students were in their Emotional Txtremes class. "Let's set some parameters," said the professor. "What's the opposite of Joy?" He aked one student. "Sadness," she replied. "The opposite of depression"?, he aked another student "Elation", he replied, "The opposite of woe?', the teacher asked a Texas woman. The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddyup"!









_ _ _ We'll have it Soon? A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No Ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer, who was walking out thedoor and said, "That isn't true, Ma'm. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, 'Never, nerver, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on it's way. Now, what was it she wanted"?. The clerk smiled and said, "Rain"!!

Pillsbury Doughboy Dead at 71



Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died yesterday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. Fresh was buried in one of the largest funeral ceremonies of recent years. Dozens of celebrities turned out, including:

Ms. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies.



The graveside was piled with flours as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew how much he was kneaded." Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with many turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model for millions.



Fresh is survived by his second wife. They have two children and one in the oven. The funeral was held at 3:25 for 20 minutes.

I am so furious with my Master. He was supposed to be home today and he didn't make it. He has been out of town working and I miss him so much. He has alot to make up for. I went through all this elaborate things getting ready for his arrival and all I got was a phone call. That was just so cruel. He told me to photograph what I had done so he could see it when he gets home. I have done this, but I was not able to photograph myself. But that is ok, I can do that again. I don't know when he will get home. All he said was later this week. I hope it is soon. I probably shouldn't have put this out on the internet like this, but who cares. It is my journal and I can write what I like as long as it is within reason.

I am doing better now. The week after Christmas was just horrible. I had Christmas on Sunday, my son's 14th birthday on Tuesday, my baby brother's wife was found dead on Wednesday, her memorial was on Friday, on Friday, my grandfather in law passed away, and we did his memorial on Tues. Jan. 3. I am so glad 2005 is over. 2006 has got to be better. At least I hope it is. But I will pay off some debts this year and I can't wait to do that. I hate being broke all the time and not being able to do things with my children, but as far as that goes, 2006 is going to be better.

I have been updating alot. I have updated my profile. I have also added a few pics in my portfolio. I have also made some new entries into my journal. I have taken alot of new quizzes. They are quite interesting. The answers anyway. LOL I hope you enjoy the updates. Let me know if there is something I need to do to improve my profile.



Will be looking forward to your suggestions.

If it wasn't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any luck at all. I had 2 deaths last week. My sister in law Johnnie passed on Dec. 28th. My grand father in law passed on Dec. 30th. We had a memorial service on the 30th for my sister in law. It was a wonderful service. It was beautiful. Tonight we are having a memorial service for my grandfather in law. Man they tried to fuck my grandmother in law over at the funeral home. So I had to turn into a bitch. I saved her $1900.00 plus another $400.00. The funeral home tried to have her pay for something that she has already paid for. They had been paying on premade arrangements. The funeral home didn't want to use it because it wasn't completely paid for. So I convienced them to use it and let my Grandmother in law keep paying for her part of it. They finally agreed. They are also going to get her a flag and marker because he was in the military. At first they weren't even going to do that. So of course, everyone turned to me for help. I don't mind. I truely don't. But I am so tired and need some rest. I haven't had a good nights sleep since sometime in November. I want one good night's sleep and one week that there are no major problems and especially no deaths.

F A M I L Y



I ran into a stranger as he passed by,

"Oh excuse me please" was my reply.





He said, "Please excuse me too;

I wasn't watching for you."





We were very polite, this stranger and I.

We went on our way and we said goodbye.





But at home a different story is told,

How we treat our loved ones, young and old.





Later that day, cooking the evening meal,

My son stood beside me very still.





When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.

"Move out of the way," I said with a frown.





He walked away, his little heart broken.

I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.





While I lay awake in bed,

God's still small voice came to me and said,





"While dealing with a stranger,

common courtesy you use,

but the family you love, you seem to abuse.





Go and look on the kitchen floor,

You'll find some flowers there by the door.





Those are the flowers he brought for you.

He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.





He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,

you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes."





By this time, I felt very small,

And now my tears began to fall.





I quietly went and knelt by his bed;

"Wake up, little one, wake up," I said.





"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"

He smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.





I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.

I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue."





I said, "Son, I'm very sorry for the way I acted today;

I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."

He said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.

I love you anyway."





I said, "Son, I love you too,

and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."





FAMILY

Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company

that we are working for could easily replace us in

a matter of days.

But the family we left behind will feel the loss

for the rest of their lives.





And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more

into work than into our own family,

an unwise investment indeed,

don't you think?

So what is behind the story?





Do you know what the word FAMILY means?

FATHER AND MOTHER I LOVE YOU

Keep Your Fork



There was a young woman who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness and had been given three months to live. So as she was getting her things "in order," she contacted her pastor and had him come to her house to discuss certain aspects of her final wishes. She told him which songs she wanted sung at the service, what scriptures she would like read, and what outfit she wanted to be buried in.



Everything was in order and the pastor was preparing to leave when the young woman suddenly remembered something very important to her. "There's one more thing," she said excitedly.



"What's that?" came the pastor's reply.



"This is very important," the young woman continued.

"I want to be buried with a fork in my right hand."



The pastor stood looking at the young woman, not knowing quite what to say.



"That surprises you, doesn't it?" the young woman asked.



"Well, to be honest, I'm puzzled by the request," said the pastor.



The young woman explained. "My grandmother once told me this story, and from there on out, I have always done so. I have also, always tried to pass along its message to those I love and those who are in need of encouragement.



'In all my years of attending church socials and potluck dinners, I always remember that when the dishes of the main course were being cleared, someone would inevitably lean over and say, 'Keep your fork' It was my favorite part because I knew that something better was coming ... like velvety chocolate cake or deep-dish apple pie. Something wonderful, and with substance!' So, I just want people to see me there in that casket with a fork in my hand and I want them to wonder "What's with the fork?". Then I want you to tell them: "Keep your fork ... the best is yet to come." The pastor's eyes welled up with tears of joy as he hugged the young woman good-bye.



He knew this would be one of the last times he would see her before her death. But he also knew that the young woman had a better grasp of heaven than he did.

She had a better grasp of what heaven would be like than many people twice her age, with twice as much experience and knowledge. She KNEW that something better was coming.



At the funeral people were walking by the young woman's casket and they saw the pretty dress she was wearing and the fork placed in her right hand. Over and over, the pastor heard the question "What's with the fork?" And over and over he smiled.

During his message, the pastor told the people of the conversation he had with the young woman shortly before she died. He also told them about the fork and about what it symbolized to her.



The pastor told the people how he could not stop thinking about the fork and told them that they probably would not be able to stop thinking about it either.



He was right.



So the next time you reach down for your fork, let it remind you ever so gently, that the best is yet to come.



Friends are a very rare jewel, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share a word of praise, and they always want to open their hearts to us.



Show your friends how much you care. Remember to always be there for them, even when you need them more. For you never know when it may be their time to "Keep your fork."



Cherish the time you have, and the memories you share . being friends with someone is not an opportunity but a sweet responsibility.



And keep your fork.

The Chicken, the Horse and the Harley

>

>

>

>On the farm lived a chicken and a horse, both of whom

>

>loved to play

>

>together. One day the two were playing, when the horse

>

>fell into a bog

>

>and began to sink.

>

>

>

>Scared for his life, the horse whinnied for the

>

>chicken to go get the

>

>farmer for help!

>

>

>

>Off the chicken ran, back to the farm. Arriving at the

>

>farm, he

searched

>

>and searched for the farmer, but to no avail, for he

>

>had gone to town

>

>with the only tractor.

>

>

>

>Running around, the chicken spied the farmer's new

>

>Harley.

>

>

>

>Finding the keys in the ignition, the chicken sped off

>

>with a length of

>

>rope hoping he still had time to save his friend's

>

>life.

>

>

>

>Back at the bog, the horse was surprised, but happy,

>

>to see! the

>

>chicken arrive on the shiny Harley, and he managed to

>

>get a hold of the

>

>loop of rope the chicken tossed to him.

>

>

>

>After tying the other end to the rear bumper of the

>

>farmer's bike, the

>

>chicken then drove slowly forward and, with the aid of

>

>the powerful

>

>bike, rescued the

horse!

>

>

>

>Happy and proud, the chicken rode the Harley back to

>

>the farmhouse, and

>

>the farmer was none the wiser when he returned.

>

>

>

>The friendship between the two animals was cemented:

>

>Best Buddies, Best

>

>Pals.

>

>

>

>A few weeks later, the chicken fell into a mud pit,

>

>and soon, he too,

>

>began to sink and cried out to the horse to save his

>

>life!

>

>

>

>The horse thought a moment, walked over, and straddled

>

>the large

>

>puddle.

>

>

>

>Looking underneath, he told the chicken to grab his

>

>hangy-down thing and

>

>he would then lift him out of the pit.

>

>

>

>The chicken got a good grip, and the horse pulle d him

>

>up and out,

>

>saving his

life.

>

>

>

>The moral of the story? (yep, there's a moral!)

>

>

>

>"When You're Hung Like A Horse,

>

>You Don't Need A Harley To Pick Up Chicks!"

A dog had followed his owner to school. His owner was a fourth grader at a public elementary school. However, when the bell rang, the dog sidled inside the building and made it all the way to the child's classroom before a teacher noticed and shoo'ed him outside, closing the door behind him. The dog sat down, whimpered and stared at the closed doors. Then God appeared beside





the dog, patted his head, and said, "Don't feel bad fella'....they won't let ME in either."

Pecans in the cemetary



On the outskirts of a small Georgia town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts.





"One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy.





Meanwhile, several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.



Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed the cemetery, he thought he heard voices from inside. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend, he met an old man with a cane, hobbling

along.



"Come here quick," said the boy, "you won't believe what I heard!

Satan and&nb sp;the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls."







The man said, "Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk."



When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled to the cemetery.

Standing by the cemetery fence, they listened intently. Then, they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me."



The old man whispered, "Boy, you're telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord". Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything.



Straining, the old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last, they heard, "One for you, one for me. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done."







Sir Richard

This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, He saw me,

and He

>asked: "My child, what is your greatest wish for today?" I responded:



>"Lord please, take care of the person who is reading this message,

>their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love

them

>very much"The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its

beginning,

>but not its end.

>

>ANGELS EXIST but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call



>them FRIENDS.

Three Things

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -

Time

Words

Opportunity



Three things in life that may never be lost -

Peace

Hope

Honesty



Three things in life that are most valuable -

Love

Self-confidence

Friends



Three things in life that are never certain -

Dreams

Success

Fortune



Three things that make a man/woman -

Hard work

Sincerity

Commitment



Three things in life that can destroy a man/woman -

Alcohol

Pride

Anger



Three things that are truly constant -

Father

Son

Holy Ghost



I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today;

to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way.

His love is always with you, His promises are true.

And when you give Him all your cares, you know He'll see you through.

BLONDE YEAR IN REVIEW







January - Took her new scarf back to the store because it was too tight.



February - Couldn't work in a pharmacy because the bottles wouldn't fit into the typewriter.



March - Got excited when she finished a jigsaw puzzle in 6 months because the box said "2-4 years."



April - Was trapped on an escalator for hours when the power went out



May - Couldn't make Kool-Aid because 8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets.



June - Couldn't learn to water ski because she couldn't find a lake with a slope.



July - After losing in a breast stroke swimming competition, complained to the judges that the other swimmers were using their arms.



August - Told her blonde friend to hurry when trying to get into their locked car using a coat hanger because it was starting to rain and the top was down.



September - When asked what the capital of California was: answered "C."



October - Hates M &M's because they are so hard to peel.



November - Baked a turkey for 5 days because the instructions said 1 hour per pound and she weighed 120.



December - Couldn't call 911 because there was no "11" on any phone button.



I LOVE ALL OF YOU BLONDES, MOST OF THE TIME.