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Tempt me to tears
20:03 Dec 11 2010
Times Read: 630




So often people ask for wealth, power, position, big possesions, and love they can posses... but the person who asks of the deity nothing or ask only for time they never seem to get it. this season teases people lies to them about false wishes and dreams... tidings of joy and peace is not in this season or this world a fabled birth does not make it so, and no one is ever good enough for saint nicks gifts. I curse Eve this season for her and that wretched apple for what is worst to lose a son in death or lose him as he yet lives?! how can a mother not cry when she sees another hold her child and have to lie to ever herself that its ok while shes dying inside? how can a mother be ok watching her child from afar? how can a mother stand and keep silent as her child calls another mother? at christmas time they sing of a baby jesus and the peace he brings to the world but Mary did you know that your baby boy would be the cause of mass murder, genocide, masacares, death, dissention, hate violence and divorce?! Mary did you know that your baby boy would lose time and again to modern day hell and death? I have to be silent and pertend im ok and toe a line as my son bearly knows who i am!. As the man i once gave my everything to loves another because of religion, because of money, because of sex! My son is lost to me and i have to be cordial!!!! they tease and taunt me with the possibility of my son and having him and i go to get him and get told im not taking him?!?!?!?!?!?! and again im falling fallling inside the black cry my pain alone again and writting in a blog as tears fall on this laptop. Days like this make me feel like shit and i want to embrace hurt and pain i want to be humiliated and destroyed and in tears i want permission to cry and hurt i want the reason to do so..... big girls dont cry over non-physical shit big girls buck up and hold their tongue and plaster smile on their faces and stay silent. fuck my life it hurts emotionally and yet again im craving the physical pain.







let me put your favorite food to your lips and then take it away and bring it to your lips then yet again take it away will you not be upset? will you not have an ache or craving within you? no let me deny you it and see if your heart doesnt puncture everytime i do so. the serpent said to Eve to eat of the tree and she would be as god ..... then god is really fucked up and im going to worship dirt. No more enchanted apples or sweet decatante treats to entice, just dirt dirt doesnt have to feel and dirt never did harm.



So tempt me with love and christmas joy and a son i can not hold and ill lie in my bed and pretend im not crying inside.



So im near begging someone hit me someone give me reason to hurt physically and let my tears flow please