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Sometimes I wonder about things. About where everything is heading and about where tomorrow will take me. I've learned the skills of blocking these thoughts out for my own survivle. It's taken a lot of my will power and general hard work to get to my present. I don't really have the time to think about the future, and I've learned that thinking of the past is deadly.

I fell into an old state of mind today. The world went silent, except for the voices in my head. They chimed in with their normal snippits of perhaps not so helpful information....



The man, the one I can't ignore tells me to straighten my back, I do... The only problem is when I'm standing tall I'm tall, so I couldn't really sweep with my back straight.



I'm a convience store clerk for those of you that care.... which may or may not be a few people.... since it doesn't get rated, my journal doesn't get read... which is fine for me... cause then no one would talk to me anyway.. lol



Anyway, everyone went silent and everything seemed kinda like it was in black and white... I felt like someone was watching me, but from my own eyes... like someone is in my head...



GET OUT OF THERE





but then the fear fades, as does every emotion I can feel. I take in the beauty of the world around me in this odd little world. Everything is the same, yet different... suddenly not only can I see my world, but I can see his...



the guy in my head...



GET OUT OF MY HEAD



Ahh well, I'll deal

It's not that life makes me unhappy, nor is it that I'm never happy. I can think of plenty of times where I'm perfectly, 100% happy. Not a thing wrong.. it's normally kind of scary, cause there isn't anything good either...



Up one end of the field and down the other, chasing myself away from the dark pits on the ground... because no matter how happy I CAN BE.. when I fall, I REALLY fall...



But that is indeed life... right? Right.. glad to know someone agrees, even if it's just me.. actually agreeing with myself is a bit of an oddity for me... as I tend to argue with myself a lot...



Paul is off to get some tree's for us, so I guess I should go with him.. adios my new friends...