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It's Christmas in most of the world today, and even an old pagan like me should have a lighter heart,a lighter step.

But all my attempts today have failed, my heart is heavy within me.

My soul seems to have no life,my thoughts go my parents and those who have passed on.

And yet I know, this is a normal thing to get melancholy on holidays.

But this seems to be around all day, and not just that sudden pang when an old memory comes into life.

But an ache that has setttled in ahhhh I wish I knew how to shake it.

I await for friends online,but hate to say what I am feeling and appear to be whinning.

Tis a hard thing to keep inside but yet, this loneliness is most painful today.

Being empathic is not helping, there are those who call to me and ere now I can hear their voices.

But too far away to reach, which makes it all the more maddening.

And some who will not speak to me here but their call is more sharp and painful because my soul hears it.

Is this a form of madness, they say vampires go thru periods of madness where they want to be alone and only seek the comfort of the night.

I wonder sometimes,a wise man once said, we are really meant to be alone.

Our kind just doesn't do well in relationships for very long.

One would think I would be used to it, but then I suppose some human part of me still wants or needs that connection to another.

So it's Christmas, somewhere the bells are ringing out and a warm Scottish heart beats on.

An old familiar voice calls my name in the cold night air and it dies on the breeze.

The shadows call again,and I am alone,

yes somewhere it's Christmas...