The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

for some reason that title has been stuck in my head for days. now, im a VERY patient person, and i can put up with alot of shit. there are 4 things in this word that i have zero tolerance for however: poeple keeping me up at night, lazyness, messes, and stupid people. thankful the stupid people are easy to weed out, and i dont have to deal with them all to often.



people seem to love to change my plans these days it seems. if its not one thing its another. my stress levels are through the fucking roof when it should be on the steadly decline like it had been. now i expected one person to move in with me, followed by another a few months down the road. no worries i thought to myself. well that all changed. i havnt been able to use my own couch for more then an hour every 3 days since both of them showed up at once. now that my ex decided to steal what was left of my bed in a fit of jealously over nothing, i sleep on the floor, while my couch gets used, even after other furnature shows up. now, being the gentleman that i am, even if one one roomate had shown, and my bed had gone poof, id still be on the floor, since i wont let a woman be uncomfortable while i am quite comfortable. i lost my point... grrr... one of THOSE days.



another thing that pisses me off is lazyness. i expected one roomate not to rush out to find a job asap, since it was supposed to be unwinding time, i can respect that, and i can handle bills onmy own with another person there. the gods know i did that for almost a year with my ex. but two extra people? fuck... that... im not a bank. i dont have money growing out of my ears. i cant afford to buy myself a new bed yet im supposed to buy food, pay bills, be there for emergencies? WTF? i have a married couple living with me, and im supposed to take care of them both? give me a fucking break. one i dont mind, the other needs to pull thier head out of there ass and grow the fuck up.



so there stuff shows up yesterday, and its 300% more then i was told was coming. i have a decent sized place with minimal storage that im using already. where the hell all that stuff is gonna go i have no bloody clue. so it starts getting unpacked and this huge pile of trash starts to build up in my living room and stuff is getting piled all over the dinner table. now, i needed to work on a computer yesterday, and after saying i needed my table back multiple times, i ended up having to work on the the fucking floor. ya great place to work on a computer... on a carpet. today was trash day, i strongly suggested anything going out, go out that night, so it wont sit around for days. it took me saying it twice, and one of the other roomates to say it AGAIN. i mean again... WTF? then there is the kitchen situation which drives me up the fucking wall. there is a dishwasher... USE IT! if you can reach in to it for a clean bowl right after it stops... then you can empty the damn thing too! im sick and fucking tired of cleaning up. though i was warned this would happen.. it does NOT happen under my roof.



when they came up, we discussed the whole money thing and i knew full well they had very little. so i comprimised myself, asked for a little bit, which basicaly covered some of the utilities, never mind the rent, and gave them 2 months +/- a week before the subject would come up again. now, one of them has been sick (more or less) in the three weeks they have been up here so far. now this is just how i think. if i was married, and wanted to get a place for my signifcant other and i, id be out busting my ass to find a job so the person that putting us in for a while doesnt feel over burdened. *taps foot impatiently* guess its just me that thinks that way.



the biggest thing i hate most of all, is being either kept up late at night, or being woken up repeatedly. since the two of them have been up here, 25% of the time im kept up late for various reason, mostly them fighting, and one of them having a damn tantrum and upsetting the other. i have even missed a friggen day of work over this because i knew i would either never wake up on time, or hurt myself at work. 50% of the time im woken up repeatedly by either arguments, or something being banged around somewhere. i work at 7am m-f, and this finally falling asleep at 3am bullshit needs... NEEDS to stop. its one thing if i stay up late to watch a show, specially since its one i missed, but to keep me up till 3am after that, there is no excuse, especialy when what was happening could have been done MUCH earlier in the day. granted i know not everyones schedule is the same, but disrespecting someone like that just aint cool. now on the flipside, if it was someone coming in my room to laydown, and they wake me up to let me know they ar there, thats totaly fine, least i wont freak out (thats happened once heh)



the 3 of us went out about and bought a ton of food, and its actually gone further then it has in this last 3 weeks. but what happens when its time to go shopping again? whos footing the bill? gee, looks like that would be me. whats gonna happen the end of next month when its time to pay bills again? well, if patterns indicate anything, which they always do, (im a gemini, im good at stuff like this) i will be paying everything.



what was supposed to be me helping out a friend in need has turned in to a complete and total cluster fuck. i have my own needs which arent being met, some of which if i dont get taken care of soon, im just gonna get more and more frustrated and grumpy. the bad outweigh the good, and im close to the edge of opening up a can on someone.



Silver Platters... they generaly dissapear when overused.

huzzah for psycho ex's! its always nice to have people you loved for many years turn into complete asshats. my new roomates got to see me full blown pissed off yesterday because of my ex, which kinda scares me. my ex is the only person in the world that can make me blow up like that. to make matters worse, my roomates started fighting at one point last night and something was said while i was helping one of them by the other that nearly toppled me back over the edge again. couples have problems at times, only the gods know how much shit ive put up with over the last 2.5 years.



ive been shaking like a leaf all damn morning at work and i cant wrap my head around anything other then writing. good thing i work in an isolated part of the building as im just a complete wreck. what i would give to have someone wrap there arms around me for a few hours. even the strong being of the world have their weak moments.

so i wake up feeling i have had the life sucked out of me this morning. such a wonderful way to start my day. i have been getting this "off" feeling at home for a while and the more i turn it over in my head the more it angers me and dpresses me at the same time beacuse i can not figure out what the hell it is to save me. it's like one of those "unspoken" things you should just instinctivly know, but, since ive been so damned stressed out the last 5 months i barely notice myself in the mirror in the morning.



slowly though out the day my mood has gotten darker and darker. with the current heat wave that is hitting my area and i work in a non air-conditioned area at work (the ONLY area like that) by the end of the day i can already tell what my mood is going to be like when i get home. which is rather unfortunate, since i may end up snapping at someone i have no right to. i just know how i am when im this moody.



and yet again, tried to get a hold of a friend of mine for a uber much needed massage as my back feels like a pretzel factory. of course, she is "booked solid" for the rest of the week. the lack of "me" time is starting to get to me bad too. no money to do anything with since i absolutly need to NOT spend anything until when ever. which means no going to the club tonight, not that i can afford to go out anyways these days, but i would be out of my apt and be able to unwind with a beer in one hand and decent company (hopefully for the night) in the other. but im stuck and feelig a bit cornered at the moment.



the only things that will even remotely put a smile on my face is i found out today my favorite band (Bella Morte) is having there new CD release party/show at the club i go to. WooHoo! and the fact that things with the new roomates is still super chill (for the most part). at least i look forward to going home again instead of finding a place to hide for hours first.

thing are starting to get really crazy at my place the last few days. its like watching night and and day spin round and round chasing each other in an eternal struggle.



i tend to give "worst case scenarios" to people when i know "I" am going to be doing something that will alter my perceptions/behavior so people know what to expect (or avoid). i worry about people around and what i may wind up doing at any given point. i supose it would be alot easier just to say fuck it and not worry, but that just isnt me.



i can almost expect to come home to a mountain of stress when i get home tonight. not that i mind helping people deal with their stress, but im starting to have a serious problem dealing my own.

this is just a rambling of thoughts running around my head and i figured i should put them down somewhere. chances are none of this will make much sense, as im known to stop mid thought, talk about something else, then pick it back up later on without missing a beat.



i finally got a friend of mine up here who has been needing help of sort off and on since we first met a few years back. although it was only supposed to be one person moving in with me, it ended up being two. someting im not to thrilled over, but it was something i figured would happen anyways.



its very cool to have someone around who's as open as i am again. i miss my friend kyle way to much, who was the last person, an actual friend, i could be. although i was a bit worried about that at first, slowly day by day the worry goes away.



last night cought me by suprise when my help was asked for. i honestly didnt think i would have been called into the bathroom to help soak a sore ear since it was being done in a bath. now, its not like it was a large jump from the normal day to day stuff, but it show a developing trust that put a small smile on my normal 'devoid of emotion' face.



hopefully things will keep moving the way they do, since its been a long time since ive felt this good around friends. course i keep getting threatend by pounces, bites, and cuddles that never happen :P its still a good time.