Another day in the life of Me.06:49 Sep 12 2008
Times Read: 575
Why is it that I always seem to be accompanied by fighting, arguments, and sadness. It seems as though every new home I enter, Every place I go to live, I am accompanied by a brief happiness, and then a deep sorrow. I just recently moved in with my dad, and when I first moved in, it was gold. My life was good, all of us were happy. But then, my dad's alcoholic girlfriend, who'd been sober for nearly a month started to drink again. I don't know why, but for some reason, deep down inside him, it's as though he blames me. I love my dad, I love him so much, but I don't know if I can stand to live with him. Life here, it has it's ups and downs like any place, however, it seems to have more downs than ups. Every day that I spend here, alone in the house, with no living beings save cats to talk to brings me deeper and deeper into this depression than I would like. But do I tell my father? No. I know that he loves me, more than anything, and I do not want to hurt him, but I....I cannot stay here much longer. Until I start getting some friends, I cannot thrive here. There is no respite for the sadness I feel. I know it sounds like I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and I know what you would say, that I will make new friends, and that change is good, and that I can always visit my old friends, and I know this is true, however, I still cannot help but to feel depressed, stranded, and alone. I know that this is also my fault, not focusing, or trying hard enough in school, and yet, I can't help but feel that maybe I was supposed to feel this depression that I feel now. Maybe, I was long due, and so, that was the only way it could have happened. But still, why? Why now? All I want to do now, all I want to focus on at the moment is making my dad happy, playing pretend with him, and making him think that I am happy here. I don't want to lie to him, no, that's not it, but rather, I want to give him what little happiness I have, and give it to him with all my heart. I don't want him to worry about me.
COMMENTS
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LadyChordewa
02:08 Sep 13 2008