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Sleep is the only time I fully relax. All through the day there at least some part of my body is always tense. Mostly I carry that tenseness in my neck.

The past few days have been filled with a lot of self doubt and uncertainty in myself. I think more than I realized. I noticed last night when I wasn't paying attention I kept almost 'hugging' myself. I was like eh.. I'm tired.

Go to bed and when I drift off, my body automatically curled into a semi fetal position. I would uncurl my body.. start to drift again and find myself curled up once more.

That's when I realized it was a response to the past few days. I didn't even realize the feeling of shutting down and going into protective mode. It's so second nature at this point.

I feel like I didn't sleep at all. My body is so tight, my neck I can barely move. It maybe an edible night because this is unpleasant.

COMMENTS

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LunarTides
16:57 Nov 02 2024

I’m sorry. *hugs* You are loved MM. I know you’ll figure it out. I believe in you. Whatever happens at least you learned something you didn’t know before. It’s not the end. You’re a tough cookie.

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