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As I sit here thinking back on my life. I wonder where I went wrong. I fill as though I lost my way.

Trying to figure it all out. Not sure what I have forgotten. My life is full of so many regreats.

Wishing I had made some changes long ago.

Know one seems to remember me. Please someone show me where I went wrong. I hope that I can figure my life out.

It seems like every time I try to go to certain sites on the internet , my computer will not let me go.

Like facebook, I seem to have so many problems with that site. Well I may not be the only one but it gets on my last nerve. I just fill like throwing my computer across the room when it does not work right. That is how I broke the hinge on my last one.

I need to learn to calm down when it does not work right. But it gets tireing when it kicks me off the internet over and over. Maybe it just seems like nothing will ever go right for me. Some times I just want to scream at the top of my lungs does anyone hear me. Does anyone care. I was not always this way. At one time I was a loveing person. and I believed in being kind to all no matter who they where. But my family and a few other people help change me for the worse.

Now I do not know myself.

I am not the same, I have been doing a lot of soul searching. I still have not figured it all out.

But what I do know I am a different person.

I tried to find myself spirtualy .

I am not sure who I really am. I hope I figure it out before it is to late.

The last few years have been hard on me.

Sometimes it fills as though I am stuck in a rut.

Wondering if it will ever get better. I am living with my parents until I get better. Which is not a dream of mine. It is like being in a mad house sometimes.

Like recently my dad lost my moms winter clothes.

She asked him to take them to storage in a suitcase.

When he got it to the storage place he took her clothes out of her suitcase, and lost them.

He would not even tell her where he put them.

He has a bad habit of telling lies. He just treats her wrong and has for over 39 years.

I would not take someone loseing all of my winter clothes. But all of the fights are getting on my last nerve. I wish I had a way to get a way from the craziness. But fate seems to want to make me suffer. It just fills as though my life will never get better. Maybe life will get better , one day.

Until then I need to figure out what I can do.

Life sucks!!!

Today I went to see a doctor. I had a lot of tests run.

Maybe they will figure out what is wrong. They gave me a nucler stress test I think it was called , nasty meds. Made me sick in the stomach.

Then that fun machine I got put on yikes .

It was like being in a box. I have to go back tommorrow. Boy wont that be fun. More tests.

Well maybe they can figure it all out. That would be nice. I wait for the day when there is no need for a doctor. At least I can still dream. Of a day when there is no more pain.

Life has it's up's and down's . You never know what is going to happen. It is an ever turning cycle.

Just when you thought you had all figured out something else comes along. For the last two years I have been trying to improve my health. It fills like it is one thing after the other. Just when I think I have one thing taken care of another thing pops up.

There has got to be something out there better.

But what I am not sure. I just want to get off this crazy ride , my life. I need something better.

Maybe one day I will figure it all out.

Life does not always turn out the way that you think it will. Maybe something are someone got in the way.

We may think that we have are lives figured biut something pops up. I seem to be at a stand still in my life, not sure which way to go. Just when I think things will get better , it gets worse. Well at least it seems that way. I wonder when things will change, for the better. I try to make things better but nothing ever seems to get better. Well maybe one day I will see what it is I am missing.