The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I'm soooo bored!!
00:41 Sep 27 2005
Times Read: 633

I had nothing to do all day! So here I am on VR chillin, hopeing a few of my friends are online and yayyyy they are! I guess I'll chat on here until someone comes and save me from myself lol. I hope one of my friends call me and say lets go out some where. Jeez, not having a car sux ass.

Funny, weird, and horny day.
07:28 Sep 25 2005
Times Read: 639

I hung out with my wife, cousin, and my cousin’s g/f today, we had a lot of fun. Lol my wife was a lil drunk when we got downtown, that was the first time I saw her drunk, funny shit. We were on a block where a lot of prostitutes are lol, my cousin was trying to talk to one girl out there, she was trying to preach to her and tell her she doesn’t have to sell her ass for cash lmao. We had to keep stopping my cousin from saying anything to the girl because her fucking pimp was sitting across the street on some the stairs, we didn’t wanna get shot or have any shit start lol.



Me and my wife was making out like dogs in heat in the back of my cousin’s car. *sigh* I did some embarrassing shit but it was so damn funny at the same time. Well…I was drinking some soda and some of my wife’s drink and…while she was passionately kissing me I accidentally burped in her mouth *puts head down* I swear it came out of no where. She wasn’t even mad at me and we both died laughing for about 5mins, that almost killed the horny make out session but we quickly got back into it lmao. I think we all was horny as hell because while we were in the car feeling each other up, my cousin and her g/f was outside the car kissing and humping on each other lol. I’m just glad the police didn’t ride by and see that shit, mistaken us for a few of those prostitutes that were in the area lmao.

Back to My Senses
06:45 Sep 21 2005
Times Read: 643

I’m feeling a lot better now yayy. Me and my baby are happy and stronger than ever. I got the other bear she brought for me, it’s soooo pretty and big and cuddly. It’s a cream color with red hearts and a red ribbon tied around the neck, I named her Cherry heheh. I have to think of something sweet to do for her. I’m wrecking my brain I suck at romantic stuff. I did cook for her once and she loved that, I was rewarded handsomely lol. I want to do something really sweet for her this time *sigh* too bad I’m broke right now. Well I’m sure I’ll think of something soon. It’s just she deserves the best so everything I think of, just doesn’t sound good enough for her. Not like she cares how much I spend or what I do or get, she’s like, I could give her a hand written card or letter and she’s happy cause she’ll know it came from my heart. That just makes me want to do a lot more lol. She’s so wonderful I would give her my last and she knows it.

I'm so sad and so dumb...
20:56 Sep 19 2005
Times Read: 650

I was so upset about some things my mom said about me to my wife last night. She made me sound fucking horrible, it hurt so much. I was so fucking depressed and pissed. I actually tried to make my wife leave me *sigh* I wasn't thinking straight and at the moment I really thought it would be best for her. I'm going through to much shit and one fucked up emotional ride. I didn't want to put her in the middle of my shit or have her sad cause she has to see me depressed and mad all the time lately. I felt if I'm unhappy how can I keep making her happy. My life really sux right now and it seems when things are looking up, it only gets worst.



My wife didn't leave me and seriously refused to ever leave me, especially when I'm down. She said what kind of wife would she be if she left because I'm having bad luck at the moment, it's not like things cant get better. I guess she has a point, that would be fucked up if she left me because I'm going through hard times. Of course she almost kicked my ass for trying to break up with her lol. I had to beg, plead, and apologize my way out of that, she was really pissed and I knew that was a fight I would have lost.

Whoa! Too Sexy...
10:28 Sep 19 2005
Times Read: 653

I finnally got to spend some time with my wife this week, yayy. It started off a lil rough *sigh* but we quickly got back into lovey mode. Omg she looked so increbiably hot today. As soon as I saw her I was extremly turned on. She just had to wear all black and the shirt was see thru, and of course hair down her back flowing, GOD! TOO SEXY!



lol she had the nerve to get mad with me cause I kept trying to feel and touch her while we was watching a movie (BTW Monster In-Law is sooo funny). She told me, she's mad with me because I always try to have sex with her every time we are alone and it seems like that's all I wanted from her tonight......*sigh* bullshit! But come on! You are wearing all black with a black thong on that matches the sexy ass top you have on under the see thru shirt, ( I know cause you showed me how the thong matches) and expect me to just sit there looking at you, looking sexy as hell! No fucking way!! I want to rip your clothes off and blow your mind! Sex sex sex NOW!



Of course I got my way I can be very persuasive at times lol and oh my! it was great, she took all that anger out on me in the best ways lol.

I miss my baby!!
04:46 Sep 18 2005
Times Read: 658

*sigh* I didn't see my baby today shes been so busy and I been going trough so much shit this week. Well at least I got to talk to her everyday but nothing is like holding her in my arms. I better see her tomorrow or I'm going crazy!! She's so sweet at least I know she was thinking of me, she told me she brought me a very cute teddy bear and a pretty candle for my room. I can't wait to see them, I know I'm gonna love it. She got me a really pretty bear a couple of weeks ago that I adore. Yayy gonna have 2 bears!

"Sing the song like I told ya Anna May!" quote by Ike Tuner, lol
16:07 Sep 16 2005
Times Read: 662

I’ve been feeling better, thanx to my baby’s help. Heheh, she sung to me yesterday, Mariah Carey’s Joy Ride, that’s our song. My wife sounds like a angel when she sings to me, I swear her voice soothes my soul. To bad she doesn’t know how great she really sounds, she says, she thinks she just has a good tone, she’s fucking nuts for believing she doesn’t sound great. Anyone that can sing a Mariah Carey song and sound amazing, plus hit the high notes, can fucking sing their ass off! A few people I know heard her singing and they said how good she sounds. Lol my cousin asks her to sing all the time.



Funny my wife thinks when she’s singing I have dollar signs in my eyes lmao, well…sometimes. I truly believe she can make one hell of a demo for sure. Specially with my music in the background heheh, yeah I had to throw myself in that. We’ll be the new Ike and Tina Tuner!! Hahahaha! “Sing the song like I told ya Natalia!” Yeah, I like the sound of that.

Home Again.....I Guess.
23:59 Sep 14 2005
Times Read: 670






Well I went back home. After the emotional phone call me and my mom had late last night. I let so much out and told her how I felt and been feeling. I came in the house right before my mom got home from work. I was putting the food I had brought up as she came through the door. She didn’t say anything to me, she just looked at me. Like a hour later, she asked me to take out the empty food boxes to the garbage cans lol. That was all she said to me. I guess that’s a good thing and I’m happy because I don’t want to talk about it anymore, not yet anyway.



I love my best friend for driving so far to come get me out of this shit for awhile. lol especially with these high gas prices. I really needed the time away to think and clear my head. Her and her mom was so nice and really cool the whole time I was there, I really appreciate that. Even though I was so depressed and crying the whole time there, it felt good to be alone and let it out. I hope everything stays cool here, at least for awhile. My heart can’t take much more of the getting angry and upset shit. *sigh* I must learn to control my anger and rage, I have diabetes and heart related problems, I’m not letting anyone kill me that way. I must get out on my own soon.

The Darkness Returns...
02:01 Sep 14 2005
Times Read: 677

So much negtive energy flowing through my body now. I can no longer control it, no matter how hard I try. It just comes to the surface so fast and without warning. It scares me, sad that I scare myself, I'm just so afraid of seriously hurting someone. I'm under so much stress, and I feel no one understands me. Maybe that's my fault, I hold so much inside, only cause i don't want to depress others with my shit, and I know if I told them even half the shit I've been trough, it would. Plus I don't want pity or ppl being nice just cause they feel sorry for me. I hate that kind of shit. My mom is so mean to me and she gave up on me a long time ago. She doesn't understand what it's like to be depressed and feel stuck in a hole. It kills your hope, moderation, self-esteem, self-worth, happiness, dreams, and you always feel alone and afraid. She doesn't know that everytime she yells and put me down, i only become worst. Why can't she just show me love and support? Try to uplift me instead of stomping me down deeper in this dark hole. I'm tired of feeling this way...



Then soon as I meet someone that didn't give up on me and stayed with me and just tried to love me more & morem as I tried to push away. Natalia never would let go, I felt so afraid of getting hurt again or being treated like I was nothing, so I tried so hard to fight falling for her but I did. She made me feel more love than anyone ever could. She had been through everything I had went through and more. She shared her pain with me and how she escaped from her depression. So I guess she knew the do's and don't's, as far as, how to communicate with me and how to open my heart again. Within a few months I felt the dark cloulds over my life begin to part. I saw a way out of my hole and felt real love and happiness. She gave me my hope, dreams, and moderation back. I thanked God everyday for sending her to me. I felt like I wasn't stuck anymore.



Then my mom started acting so much more worst then before. I couldn't believe it. When I'm happy and no longer acting like a zombie, she wants to bring me down, why? i asked myself. It seem like she liked it better when i was depressed and always in my room sleeping and crying, wanting to die. She would try to stop my wife from seeing me. Even would say negitive things about me in front of her, like she wanted her to look down on me and leave me alone. My mom starts more fights with me now and always putting my wife in it, when she's never did anything to her. She shows her so much respect and always talk about how she wants my mom to love her like she was her own child. Yeah, I want that too...Well, at least Natalia's mom treats me nice and is happy me & my wife found wach other. She says how we lift each other up and that we support each other strongly. I wish my mom would be happy that I found such happiness finnally. I needed it. I wonder sometimes is my mom jealous cause she's alone. I need my mom's love and support, it's making me so depressed again going through all this fighting with her. I don't want to feel that way, i can't live like that anymore. i wasn't living, i was slowly dying everyday. If I was going through this months ago, before I had Natalia by my side...I would have killed myself for sure. I felt like ending the pain so many times. Now i have her to keep me going and she makes me so happy when she's with me, all the darkness disappears. I live for her and the hope she gives me for a better tomorrow.

Grrrrrr
00:06 Sep 14 2005
Times Read: 681

I'm so far away from my baby and her phone is fucked up, she can mostly dial out but when ppl call it says "all circuits are fucked right now". *sigh* So I haven’t talked to her much maybe like a good 10mins before I had to hang up. She can't call where I'm at and that's making shit hard since she can dial out like I said. It's making me feel even more depressed that I can't talk to her about things and how I'm feeling. I need her the most now. When I did talk to her for a bit, she sounded more depress than me, she was so worried about me. I think she told me I love you about 8-10 times within a 10min conversation lol.



I want to go back home so I can be near her and talk to her more. I was going to call my mom but I don't know what to say to her, damn sure not sorry, I know I wasn't wrong. The only thing I regret is letting her get to me the way she does and reacting to it, yelling like she does. Then I feel bad cause I don't want to be that way. I find myself getting angry at ppl so easily now and going into a rage. Sometimes I don't even remember what I said afterwards, it's like I blank out. Some ppl know that happens when I'm really angry and it's making them wonder if I did threaten my mom & just don't remember. I was pissed with my mom, true but it didn’t go that far, I remember everything plus my wife heard it and she knows I didn't. My mom claims I said "shut up or I'll shut you up". I never said that, I did say "shut up and don't say anything else", is that a threat? Hmm. I don't think so.



I don't know what to do, I never liked staying with ppl that isn't family or someone I'm dating seriously. It's makes me feel uncomfortable and home sick. Weird since Me and my mom are having so many problems and my sister is a bitch that doesn't care what my mom does to me. I know ppl are thinking why would I want to go back. I honestly don't know what's making me feel like I want to be back there. Maybe it's because I'm so far away from my wife and I don't have a way to see or talk to her like I need to. Could be that a part of me still wants to get my mom's love. Maybe both things. I feel so confused about going back and if I do try, what do i say to my mom. All I keep thinking is fuck you bitch for being so fucking evil and putting this negative shit inside me!

Enough is Enough!!!
01:25 Sep 13 2005
Times Read: 688

I actually thought that things couldn't get any worst, damn I was wrong. Today things were so bad and over the dumbest shit ever, I think my mom woke up with something up her ass or something. I was up 6-am still awake from the pervious day, on the computer (on VR of course) and talking to my wife. My mom wakes up to get ready for work and comes downstairs. She sees me on the computer and starts yelling at me saying why are you up all night running up the electric bill lol by the way, the computer was the only thing on in the room. So I'm ignoring her cause it's pointless to say things back to her, i realize that now. Then she yells you sitting up with that bitch all night. Whoa! Oh that got me angry. She proceeds by saying, she needs to be worrying about her kids instead of you. Ok, now I'm fucking angry. I told her, she was very disrespectful and rude to bring Natalia in this when she didn't do or say anything to her and wasn't apart of this augurment. I said, If you have a problem with me then take it out on me and dont bring her into it cause it's got nothing to do with her. I told her she really should apologize to Natalia for calling her out her name and for what she did to her the other day, My mom got so mad, I guess cause she knew she was fucking wrong and she's stubborn. She starts telling me to get out of her house and cussing and yelling at me more. I just went to bed and ignored her ass. Later, my sister calls saying my mom got a thing (I forgot what's it called) from the court to put me out. She fucking lied and said I threaten her so she could get me evicted without having to wait 30 days. Grrrr, I couldn't believe she did that, and she was the one who was wrong and threatened me!! So now I'm at my best friend's house just sitting in the basement on here, mad as hell. The only thing keeping me going and keeping me togther is my wife. i swear if i didn't have her in my life, I would be crazy (or crazier) or dead. She's my only happiness, her connection to me is amazing. No one in this world can reach me like she does. I'm so in love, she's my strengh, life, hope, faith, everything I live for. I would have really lost it today if it wasn't for her.

*hick* Drunk....and mad.
11:17 Sep 10 2005
Times Read: 695




Well me & my wife had an interesting day. She came in the house with a big bottle of Alize Red Passion mmm yummy. I drunk all of it lol she got like 2 swallows. She's not suppose to be drinking & neither am I with the meds I'm taking but I REALLY been needing a drink. Everything was great at first, we made out for like 20mins then had some damn good amazing sex. I did some shit to her I never did before....had to be the alcohol, well at least that's what I'm blaming it on lol but eh, she loved it and so did I. DP action is fun lol. Near the end of it my phone rings, it's my cousin saying "come outside! we are out here waiting for you". I had no clue they were even coming over. Here's the thing about me drunk I'm cool, happy, and very horny, when in a good mood drunk, but if someone pisses me off it gets VERY ugly. I was thinking when I first started drinking, I'm under a lot of stress lately maybe I shouldn’t drink I might be evil, but then I thought well it's just me & my wife in the room, if we stay in here alone I'm sure I'll be fine and lots of fun lol. Well, since they came over wasn't just us two anymore. We were outside in the car, everyone is joking & picking with my wife cause she came outside walking funny lmao, hmm, wonder why...anyway. I was out of it so I don’t really remember how the conversation went but some how my wife was asking my cousin about a girl she knew that used to like me & I still talk to once in a blue moon when my cousin calls me & she's around. My wife says something playing but me being drunk, I took it the wrong way. I got very pissed off and started yelling at my wife. She tried to get out the car & I grabbed her shirt & hair. *sigh* I almost hit her. I feel like such a asshole. She got out the car to go inside the house and get her stuff to leave. Guess who came running down the steps to make things worst! My dumb ass mom, she's yelling at my wife saying she heard her cussing outside & in the house (which was a lie). Telling her she is disrespectful & to hurry up and get her stuff & leave. I was a little loud outside but there was NO cussing. My wife was telling me to unlock the house door so she can get her things & I was asking her to come back to the car & please talk to me. I didn’t want to make a scene outside. Well she was already pissed with me & my mom yelling in her face didn’t help. I knew one day my wife was going to cuss my mom out just didn’t know when...Oh! She went off on my mom. I know everything that was bothering her about my mom she got off her chest. I bet it felt good. I don't feel bad or even the least bit of anger at my wife. My mom been had it coming & she has been treating us dead wrong. The only thing I regret is getting mad with my baby and almost hitting her. I love her so much and would never hurt her, it's bad enough her last relationship was violent. She doesn't deserve that. I'm not getting drunk again...all this happened cause I was being an ass. I hope she forgives me & knows I'm truly sorry.

Wow fucked up shit!
09:11 Sep 09 2005
Times Read: 702

What a day! My head hurts, my stomach hurts, my eyes feel like there bleeding, My mom is bitching as normal, my wife has a attitude, the baby is crying and I can't have sex....*pulls out gun*



My will....

I want to be buried with EVERYTHING! Fuck you all! Fit it in the ground anyway you can! lol Better make that 8 ft. instead of 6.

Things Looking Up Already!
23:09 Sep 05 2005
Times Read: 710

My cousin called and asked me if I wanted to go to Friendly's today! My fav place to eat and have a great sunday for desert mmmm. Oh and it's her treat, hell yeah! I know I'll enjoy myself, I always do hanging out with her, she's crazier than me and funny as shit. Today might be good.

After the Rain Comes the Sun
22:59 Sep 05 2005
Times Read: 712

It seems just when one thing is finally getting better more shit falls my way. *sigh* am I cursed, no I’m just being silly to think that but if someone said I was I wouldn’t be surprised. Maybe it’s just my mind playing tricks on me, maybe things aren’t as bad as I think. It could always be worst, at least that’s what I try to tell myself…though I feel things are going to get harder but it'll be easy as long as me and my wife stay helping each other through. I’m trying hard to stay positive and be supportive cause I know my wife really needs me right now. I need her too though but I think what she’s feeling is bigger than mine. I must stay strong and not give up. This is all a test in life, to see if we can really make it through hard times and keep our relationship together, that’s what I think and I know she agrees. We will make it trough these things and come out of it stronger, smarter, and better people. I love my wife and for her I’m not going any where and I will get myself together, for her and for me.

She hates me! She always have and will.
05:27 Sep 01 2005
Times Read: 725

My mom hates me and I see it so clearly now. Is it because I didn't turn out the way she dreamed of? Is it because I'm gay? Cause I married the love of my life and it isn't a man? Is it because she says I'm just like my father and she hates him?



I used to ask myself these things all the time...Fuck her! I don't care why anymore! She treats everyone better than me. She never showed me love! Never a hug, kiss, or even a warm smile! She only said I love you when I was angry and yelling at her telling her how fucking sorry she was as a mother to me!! Even then she didn’t directly say I love you to me, she said I love all my children. You love all us but not the same eh mom? FUCK YOU!! MAY GOD SHOW AND BESTOW ALL THE PAIN ON YOU THAT YOU GAVE TO ME! When I'm gone, I'm gone! Not a phone call or address will she ever get from me. Maybe I'll see her at the family gatherings, but even then she better not speak to me or fucking look at me or my wife. She treat us like we are nothing so that's what she'll get in return. I don't need her, I got more love from my cat then I ever got from her. There's only one person in my life that shows me more love than I can even bare some times, that's my wife. My mom tries to make her not want me! She says things about me in front of her trying to make her look down on me. She tries to embarrass me and make me look bad. All she does is make my wife look down on her, like what kind of mother is she, and questions how can anyone treat their child that way.