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Ok, so I'm starting to lose my mind here in Korea, nothing seems to want to go right over here, and nothing seems to be right at home either, and I dont want to be here, but I'm stuck..... It feels like all I can do is bitch, and thats really unlike me, but oh well we all need to sometime I guess. I can't keep track of days anymore, it feels like its a Tuesday, but I think it might be Friday, I'm not too sure anymore.......... hurmmmmm....... Oh the humanity, I wish this nightmare would end so I could live my life instead of this dream. Let me return to the real world where I felt love and joy, and knew not only but sadness and sorrow.

Ok, here is the sad truth. I am stuck in Korea until October, no mid-tour leave, no visits to or from home, just straight working thoughout the whole term. I may be greatful for it when I have time to take off during thanksgiving, and the winter holiday season this year, but the fact that I just want to be at home to support my fiance in a time of need, hurts me more than I thought any pain could after losing friends to suicide and drunk drivers, and even to some new friends who I saw in the obituaries from Iraq (military friends from Basic training and Tech school. There is nothing more painful than having the most beloved thing to you, go through the tourtures of life while you can do nothing but sit and wait until you can oneday return, and try to wipe away the long dried tears......

Religion...... ok, so this has always been a really touchy subject for me, until a friend I used to work with spread his views on the subject, and we had a very interesting, drunken stupor, but surprisingly intelectual, sleep deprived conversation about it and it makes a whole lot of scence. Take for instance Final Fantasy VII. The life stream is never ending, and the souls are always merging and becoming new things, weither its a tree, or a dog, or a person. Now, Say that in that life stream, the souls could find a way to trancend this plane of existance and become part of the greater power. This, in essance is death worship at its barest of bones. The beliefs started by my friend were explain to me like this... "Now, death worship is not what it sounds like, I in no way shape or form am a follower of dark forces, but I am a believer in that in death comes new life, or eternity. Now when I dye, I believe, that if I haven't accomplished the goal that I was orriginally intended to do, I will be reincarnated and have to start anew, but with a dejavu type feel. I believe that as we go through this world, that I see as more of a purgitory, we are given a mission, and until we complete it, we cannot transcend. Like a human life cycle, there are young souls, teenage souls, adult souls, and old souls. The older the soul, the more they have been cycled, and the more they are coming to realize what their purpose is. Me I feel as if I am an old soul, and I see you ::points at moi, Loki Mayhem:: I see as an adult soul."

This is the why it was told to me, and this is how I tell you. I have no real religion, and I don't personally practice death worship, but I do use parts of it in my beliefs, as I do with most religions.

Well maybe not horror per say, but it was a pain in my forth point of contact. Anyway, lately, I have been a busy bee, husteling and busteling with the motor pool, and going to the field, and finding out I have to move to another company, cuz my unit is closing down indefinately. O op of that, I got to see The Dentist, and no I'm nt taking about the movie. This was my second visit in two moths, my first being a visit in wich I had two molers and all my wisdome teeth pulled, for which I was rather greatful. Today, however, I was scheduled for fillings ::shudders:: (I much prefered the pulling) Yes, it may not seem like its that bad, most people need to get there wisdome teeth pulled cuz they are impacted, and growing in cock-eyed and even breaking the mleres, and a couple cavities on top of that is normal for said circumstances, but, when the dentist tell you you have at LEAST three more appointments to be made........ yeah, lets just say the dentis s the arch nemisis of my mouth....... Anyway, it's not like I didn't take care of my teeth, far from, but in recant studies, it has been proven that dental structure of an individual is hereditary, so I now no, that since my father had poor teeth, as did his parents, and on my mothers side as well, I was cursed with this abundance of wretched teeth. I'm just happy that they are able to save my highly valued, and all natural canines. Anyway, other than that, my life is just peachy in Korea.