The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I hate viruses, my computer has one and crashed. I need to get it fixed and so I am using the schools computer right now. I wont be on but for 20 minutes, twice a day until i get it fixed so....i am sorry for the inconvenience, not really, i fucking hate the inconvenience but i cant stop it. So this is a message to all who read this. I am sorry...Good bye, behave, have fun, and dont send me messages unless it is dire because A) i wont see them till later, and B) i only have a little space left in my inbox....Good bye *hugs*

My middle claw! the tip broke off and not it looks stupid! it took along time to grow it!!! GGGGRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!





o.O dont know....dont ask....

I cannot feel. It is so strange, give me pain, give me hurt, i will not feel it. Not a kiss, not love making, nothing can make me feel. Do I care? No. I am cold and i empty. And i do not care. "Give you the gun, to blow me away".....I do not care. i do not feel.

Red, the colour of hate

Red the colour of blood

Red the colour of anger

Red the colour of you.



Red, all i see is red,

your blood pouring out as red

Red, all i want is red

your blood pouring out as red



Black, the colour of death

Black, the colour of darkness

Black, the colour of evil

Black, the colour of my heart



Black all i see is black,

my heart beating black

Black, all i see is black

my heart beating black



Black and red, the colours of a vampire

Black and red, the colours of me...







dont ask, i dont know, i lost my train of thought after the first line so.....lol

I personally enjoy the fear and attention that fear brings. Especially if that fear is fear of what needs to be feared. If that fear it fear of me.



Perhaps it is the beast that I have inside, that we all have, but that most people never let out....I however, embrace it, its is my most loyal friend, it is me. And I am it. We are one. We are not what people fear. We do not make people run away. We do not bring fear to them. We bring ourself, and it is much, much worse than fear.



You must be stronger than emotions. You MUST be cold. Show no mercy, or you will hate what you are more than you hate what you once hated. Become a child of the night, but walk in the daylight. Be what we are all meant to be. What so many have lost to sorrow and pain. Let us be the fear people have. The torment they run from. Let us be Vampyres.



Loneliness. That is the one thing that the dakness does not tell you about. For good reason. If you dwell on loneliness, you will slip out of the sane realm and enter into insanity. "But in the end, you ARE alone, and there is nothing but the cold dark wasteland of eternity."



I only speak as one that has accepted the damnation of my soul and mind. That is the price you pay, if there be hell, which i do not think there is, you will be there before you can say "forgive me"...



I believe that this world is a form of what people would call hell, but to speak of hell is to imply a god, and I do not believe in gods or goddesses, only energy, only dark-hating, weak, fearing humans and those that make them that way, us.



When you begin, habit and emotions will be your worst enemy. anger and hate will burn in you as you are scorned and hated and spat on, but in the end, none of it will matter, because you will remember, and they will find theselves in a place they never wished to be in, a place with you, alone and no way to escape.



We will not guide you. We can push you this way or that, but we cannot be there for you alot of the time The way some vampires in the fictional realm were made was by being buried as they died, and they were left to break out of coffin and earth to feed. And the weak were left to die when their wail brought the humans to dig them up in daylight and they burned to death...



All you have to do, is learn to fly....

Oh the sweet bliss of nothing. No heart beat, no noise, no throughts, no nothing....that is what having no feeling is like. nothng matters. no one cares. no one is here. oh well. i dont care either. why? no one know. i dont know. i dont want to know. the only things left are music, Her and this feelinglessness....is that even a word, fuck it, it is now. what to do, what to feel, who to kill, who to save. questions that dont matter to me. a friend told me about a book he read. it was about an apathetic man. he said that they executed him. "for the monster he is" to use his words. last time we talked, i let out that i was apathetic. i think he might want to kill me, or to make me "better". i dont care. kill me if you want. just make her happy, make this feelinglessness stay with me forever, and make my music fly. that is all i wish.

What is this? This wet stuff on my face? Leaking out of my eyes? Its gross! Its cold and salty! What is it? why is there? what does it mean? Why am I feeling hate one moment, depression the next? Where has my mind gone? A few days ago, was i not fine? A few hours ago, was i not studying everything like a little kid? Why am i now unable to see things clearly? To concentrate? To feel correctly? Why all this confusion? Is it insanity? Corruption? Depression? Blind rage? Or something more? Or something less? Is it merely gorwing up? Or is it mental instability, bipolar or manic? Who can answers these? Will anyone? Is anyone there? Can you hear me? Do you care? Why do you look at me with worry and fear? Have you never dealt with someone like me? Why do you look at me sadly? Why ARE you looking at this anyway? Who are you? What do you want? What is your story as to why you are reading this? Who are you? Do you care? Should you care? I dont think you care. I dont think you should care. I think you should either go and kill yourself or take the gun out of your mouth and blow my head away. Either way, one of us finds rest, right? Oh I love to feel nothing as I am now. Yes, after all that, i am again apathetic. I do hope these things called moods, called emotions slow down or stop soon. Well until then...Be happy and die!

"suddenly appears in an open field tied to a post and blindfoled with a cigarette in his mouth.. Ten feet in front of him is a table with a pistol and a sign that says " someone shoot me now"



This was quoted today by a seeming enemy of mine, yet how right those words seem to me now....i though he was scum, but it was not so, he was like me in a way that makes me quake in fear. He knew how to hurt people. badly...something i seem to have nack for as well it seems. us two, at opposite ends of a spectrum, but very much the same being...



"stands at the post waiting for the fatal bullet"



was quoted by him as well later in the discussion...i am waiting for that bullet now, i am waiting and praying to no one that it doesn't hurt. I hope that i can become the beast before the man is dead....someone kill me please, let that bullet be in the back of the skull, let my execution ring as a message to all who hurt others....i know i will not die yet, but oh how i wish i could. to be removed from this place of hurt and pain, please, if you are as cold hearted as me and are near st. louis, hunt me down and kill me in a back alley under a street lamp light....

(No I am not high, stoned or under any influence. I am merely....alive and awake)



Everything moves so fast! Why? Why do people hurry through life? Do they enjoy the fast pace, or the excitement? Are they trying to live as much as possible? When you hurry, you miss the things in life that matter. They miss the rabbit's journey across the empty walkway on campus here. They miss all the life that is abundant and thriving in the short patches of grass. They never stop to wonder how the maker of the building made it, or planter of the gardens made what they made. People miss these things and more and it makes me sad that they will not see it. Why do we hurry to the end? Why do we not see and wonder what is around us? Only what is in the future. That is what people look at. Not what they are, not how they move, not how others do what they do. Please, do me a favor if you read this, whoever you are. Take one hour out of you life, one hour in the evening, in the morning, midday or in the night, and walk where you normally walk, but look and listen and wonder about EVERYTHING that you see. That would hear. That you touch. Look at the ground and wonder how it got that way. Stop walking and watch an animal, a car, a person until they are gone out of sight and study them. Do not worry if they become afraid, for to stop and study and watch are not of the norm. Look at their attire, their stance, how they walk, how they move, male or female, not sexually, but physically, just watch them. Fascinating it is. When you slow down, things make sense. They make you wonder. They make you think and want to know more...

this music....its making me hate, its making the beast wake up slowly, its pushing the people i care about away, its giving me motive to kill, without giving me reason to. it grows and blinds my senses with rage, it makes me cold and mean. and I let it. I enjoy it. I hate it as much as i love it...."I feel the anger changing me"

Where am I? my mind is not here anymore. My heart has fluttered to a roost, somewhere far away, but it will be back later, i know it. My spirit is floating off in no direction. I am everywhere and nowhere. Am i calm and relaxed? I dont know. Am I dead? Maybe, maybe this is what death is like, being not of this realm anymore. I hope death is like this. This is a good feeling. I am beyond my mortal self right now. Give me bullets, give me fire, give me a knife, nothing will kill me in this state, i am no longer a man. Right now, i am a spirit. I am a god. I dont want to go back....please, just a moment more?

hate burns my flesh, drowns my world and blows me into the abyss, no reason, no purpose, only hate, only loathing for nothing and everything. confusion perhaps, possibly mental instability, but most....hate. Who can save me now?

ignored? pushed aside? wtf?.....i feel the anger burning, the hate rising and the beast stirring....

I'm better, didn't find what i was looking for but hey, i like the site too much to not stay! lol

i'm confused....to those who i care about the most, please dont ask me why....to those who dont know me, please dont be concerned....to those who care and are concerned, please, leave me alone.....I have a lot to think about.....I'm going to be taking my leave from VR for an undefined amount of time....I will return when I do, do not be worried, do not care, I am ok, I merely need to....find something....good bye

fangs came today....they looks ok, not great but good enough but the adhesive doesn't work....i need cement or something to keep em in, i'm willing to do that....anyone have any suggestions?....

Well, I'm about to get started packing up and doing laundry and shit. Feeling the anger boil at everyone. Hope I dont get kicked from here....just as long as stupid punks dont comment on the wrong thing at the wrong time....HORTENCIA!! I LOVE YOU!!!.......Damn, I'm gonna miss her sooooo much...*sighs* well I'll get by i guess, missing everyone on the Rave here, missing friends at school here, missing everything really....Movies and home cooked meals are the only thing to look forward to....and driving, omfg how i miss driving with the windows down, blaring rock music and speeding and.....well....thats about it....to all my friends, hope you see this and to you, I say good bye...Hortencia, once again I love you more than anything in this screwed up world. And I'll miss you that most....only waiting for the day we come back together....and from then, waiting till we can be in each other's arms for good....Good bye...





Vv--vV

Damn, this is not my day. I just missed Hortencia, my love. I will be leaving for the next week for srping break and wont have much time or access to the internet and wont get to talk to her much, if at all!!!! WAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND I, in my omnipotent stupid accidently delete the best thing I wrote about my love in my journal here!!!! WTF?! *cries* AND its a dreary day of working on nothing that matters and only hoping that she will be on later so I can tell her how fucking much I love her....

I have no clue what i am feeling right now. I feel the energy. I feel the power. I feel the music. Nothing can stop me. I feel the confidence and the best feeling there is besides being with the one I love. I love it!