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I don't really get told everything that goes on in the house. I'm not included in meetings or anything. I don't hear about anything until Ryu calls me or I read about it in something he posts. I'm all the way in kansas so I'm kinda not around any other house members or anyone like me. at least not that i am aware of. I mean they have been like a family to me. there for me when i needed someone to vent to and cry to and they supported me in things I wanted to do like when I was pregnant Ryu was the only one who supported my decision to keep my son. He was the only friend i had that cared enough to keep in contact with me and keep tabs on how i was doing through my entire pregnancy and after i had my son. When I was depressed he was the one who brought me out of it. But there are somethings that bother me.. like me getting kept out of the loop when it comes to fights and whatnot with other people from the house and other houses. I'm just tired of the fighting and the arguing and the drama. we are our own house. I understand their are rules and laws that have to be obeyed that are created and put into effect by the VNC but as long as we follow those rules i dont' see why others have to make such a big deal to how the house is ran. its just like any human family. Every family grows up under different rules but the laws are all the same, don't beat, abuse, or use your children, love them unconditionally and protect them and teach them what they need to know in life to survive. I can see both sides of some of the fights I do know about. Like the fact that alot of the members are females. Naturally anyone would think badly of that. But even on VR there are more females than males by quite a large ratio. He doesn't trick girls into joining and he doesn't let under aged girls or boys into the house. They have to be 18. One girl was a mistake because her and her mom made us really believe she was 18 and she wasn't. So getting into the house has become more security based. Ryu has his good days and his bad. He isn't perfect. then again no one is. not even i am perfect. I just want the fighting to stop. I hate grudges being held. all grudges do is destroy peoples lives. especially the grudge holder's life. I'm a forgiving person. i really am. I might not forget but I forgive. I forgive one guy that used to be in the house for things I have heard he has done and know that he has done. I was hurt badly because of some of the things he did but I still forgive him. I wish others could do the same. maybe then there wouldn't be rivaleries. Ugh!!

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voodoochile
00:13 Oct 17 2009

:(

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iam
01:23 Oct 25 2009

some wise words, you kids should listen.

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Sometimes I wish time would just move forward. It seems like time has stood still too long for my longing to handle. I don't want to remember what I feel. I just want to feel the numbness of this abyss. No one can tell me that I'm not alone in this world I'm in. In reality I am. No one can share my sorrows and pains. No one can tell me they know how I feel. They don't know and they can't feel what is wrong with me.

I am only human...or so some of us think. Intellectual being of many natures. Alien of a different time. Whatever title fits best. These things that run through my mind. pictures of things I can't understand. Words that make no sense at all. Sometimes the only time they make sense is when I write them down. Even then they only make sense to me over half of the time.



The ultimate questions right now are: What is wrong with me? Why am I so different yet so alike? Why would anyone choose to be with someone like me?



Questions that will forever truly remain unanswered and never completely understood.



For I am darkness in the lightness of the world. A shadow, if you will. Something no one can grasp, but everyone can see.

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iam
01:37 Oct 25 2009

it is a lonely path we walk. though i feel you must find a way to take comfort in this numbness.

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There are times when what is in my head makes sense... and then when I try to say it.. thats another story.

I wanna help people...but now its like nobody can hear me.. no one can see anymore.

I feel so small and helpless when no one can hear me and understand.

I just want to help...is that so bad?

The world can be cruel and so can the people in it. Only one can be hurt and damaged if they open themselves up to it. Sometimes even the strongest wall can fall because of a simple crack. But what makes that crack break is a force that is applied at great strengths. As long as the crack of your self-being is reinforced with belief and hope and faith it shall never fall. Look at the Great Wall of China.

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LordOfNoctemAeternus
04:13 Oct 09 2009

well said my darkling

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