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I get to soon join a Geisha school, and yoga, perhaps. Miss thinks it's a good idea to learn. I am so happy and grateful that she gives me this opportunity to improve on my body, mentality, spirituality and emotions! I hope that in turn I become the very slave she wishes me to be, or even better than that! Right now though, I am tired, so I need sleep. A lot more happened lately but it has been so much that its hard to retain it all. Miss and Sir and I went to the mall (my strength in power must be stronger heehee) today and we went through shoe stores, spencers, hot topic, the food court, and bought food (Japanese!!!) and a corset.

went to the division for the blind services today. things worked out well.

why the hell do people say one thing but then say another and then try to convince me they said something else when i know what the fuck i heard?

why do people also not just say one thing, but then completely act different in comparison as to what it was?

why can't people just freaking stick to one thing and be done with it? gods, it's not that hard. then it's all blamed on me. it's quite annoying. more than annoying. then i have to take it like nothing is happening and then when i try to pent it in like they say too then it's all "what's wrong?" ughh...

fucking hate people with a passion...

on top of it, everything i say is wrong. everything i do is wrong. everything i fucking think is wrong too! all of my perceptions and beliefs are wrong as well. my reactions, my feelings are all wrong to.

in other words; absolutely positively nothing about me is right or good. remind me again why i try to please people? they don't even know what they want so how in the seven hells could i?????



on the good side of things....



i can better describe myself. not that it really matters, it's still not good enough. we got movies and stuff yesterday.

talking about my answers again... saying how i answer things wrong... heh....

other good things....umm... my mind can't freaking think. i've been told way too many other things of the negative persuasion to think of any good.

which is good. for me. because then something would mess it up about a minute later.... ugh. bad is the disguise of good. bleh.

gotta go.



more good news: house isn't on fire yet.

If only I could show you



Just how much I really care



Everyday I'm torn apart



Not knowing if you're even thereYet again



You're a testimony



Now and then



That a greatness occasionally can come alongWherever I Stand



You're the one



Who'll be right there with me



Wherever I land



You're the one



Who'll be there to break my fallWhether fast or slow



If only I could know you



So every way I feel



A part of something like you always doYet again



You're my sanctuary



How and when



That a greatness eternally does come alongWherever I stand



You're the one



Who'll be right there with me



Wherever I land



You're the one



Who'll be there to break my fallWherever I stand, wherever I stand

[ Wherever I Stand lyrics from

http://www.lyricsyoulove.com/t/taproot/wherever_i_stand/ ]

You're the one



Who'll be right there with me



Wherever I land



You're the one



Who'll be there to break my fallNo matter where



No matter how



I know that you'll be



There by my side



It feels so rightThe sting you share



The fact I'm found



I know more about



What lies inside us gives me lifeWherever I stand



You're the one



Who'll be right there with me



Wherever I land



You're the one



Who'll be there to break my fallWherever I stand, wherever I stand



You're the one



Who'll be right there with me



Wherever I land



You're the one

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do

But I continue learning

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know



I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you



I'm sorry that I hurt you

It's something I must live with everyday

And all the pain I put you through

I wish that I could take it all away

And be the one who catches all your tears

Thats why i need you to hear



I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is You



and the reason is You [x3]



I'm not a perfect person

I never meant to do those things to you

And so I have to say before I go

That I just want you to know



I've found out a reason for me

To change who I used to be

A reason to start over new

and the reason is you



I've found a reason to show

A side of me you didn't know

A reason for all that I do

And the reason is you

Thank you for what you have said. Once I got the answers I was trying to look for, I feel a peace that I haven't felt since I did what I had to do, as well as a happiness. I will always care about you even from afar (no, not in the crazy stalker way) just in thought and you will be in my prayers (if and whenever i have them to begin with). I hope you have a good life and you always be happy.

So do what you do best, make Blade jealous every day, be arrogant in your classes and get the A's, become famous again in your videogames. Just be happy.

Your way of coping is to forget, I understand this.

Mine is to remember the good days and be happy that those existed. You are a great guy and you will do wonderful as a history teacher.

Thank you also, for the B for effort.

Thank you for two years of such happiness and love that you gave. I have changed for the better because of you. I have a new song for you. It's just right for this situation. I hope you like it--it isn't cradle I promise! I think you'll like this.

What is love but another word to say "hate" for eventually they leave you in hate, as you leave them, and in the name of love hate is born through jealousy and obsession. Some people use the word "love" to hurt others, and even, they lie about loving someone for years for that person to find out love was, has always has been, and always will be only a lie.. but it has been in her heart for all those years only to have it denied by the liar during those years... to be admitted later.

Then again, the liar has lied that time, for the liar told truth that the love was real, and had a secret the trusting person didn't know. Ah, If only love was so simple...

I remember when they ever spoke of him, my eyes glowed bright and sparkled with absolute pride and happiness. Now when he enters my mind or is spoken of nothing but tears come to my eyes, with a dull death in them.



What is the change?



He is no longer mine.