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So, in totality I have managed to drag up my crappiness of my Multiple Sclerosis with all of you on a non-stop pace.

I apologize for this, and yet, I don’t. I needed an outlet, seeing my therapist every two weeks isn’t enough, my parents, well they make it to be dooms day, and so do the neighbors. I am so frustrated; dare I tell them that I am depressed that I am considering entering a mental health hospital at this point.

Yes, an antidepressant should work – but I have to wait 30 days for it to kick in, I don’t know if I can hang on for 30 days.
I think I broke my foot when I fell walking up the stairs – yet because I am so depressed, I don’t want to go to the ER, in case they decided I need a mental health work up. Pitiful I know.

Now yes, I am listening to music, and barely can drive myself, I have no desire to eat or actually wake up.
Everything hurts, and right now we are thinking I have a kidney stone! What more fun can be lurking around the door in the back?

My ultimate questions, how much more of this stuff do I have to handle before I am allowed to stand on my own two fee pain free? Am I asking too much?

COMMENTS

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SedeDeSangue
03:26 Dec 27 2019

*hugs*

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So, I’m not depressed, but I’m bummed for sure.

I’ve had more steroids treatments- they helped but didn’t solve the problems.

I had my brain & neck MRI done on Monday. Results given today - not really okay with the findings at all.

First I have damage to my C1-C4 vertebraes!

But worse- I have a bunch of new lesions in my neck! That’s not good at all. It explains why I’m having such bad issues - numbness leg/arm, numb fingers, circulation issues, massive pain from neck to arm pit & gait issues. And to add to my issues, as I walk down stairs, my body tries to make me fall backward now & w/long drives, my left leg goes numb. When I wake up in the morning I feel like I belong in Area 54!!!

So game plan - benzodiazepines for pain till I get approved for my IV treatment (so many requirements by insurance), then we’ll regroup to see if I need to see a spine doctor about me C1-C4 vertebrae issues.


Literally I’m a fighter but this a lot to face, considering for 15 yrs my MS was ‘normal’ for 15 yrs - nothing so outrageous- now I’m facing serious issues & waking up to the fact it’s progressing at a rate I’m not prepared for!

Yikes, I’m ready to get off this roller coaster!

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NikkiAidyn
18:58 Dec 13 2019

I'm sorry to hear about the results... You're being a lot stronger than I would given the situation.
I hope somehow things will work out in the end...best wishes to you

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Kraai
21:44 Dec 21 2019

Thank you. I’m in crumbling state right

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For those who have commented & read my journals, thank you.

Never in my 15 years with MS, have I dealt with such a scary flare. As a result of the flare, my other auto immune disorders are flaring too. I’m signed up w/2 of my specialists to get my circulation & inside the skin cysts taken care of (the latter carry a lot of bacteria & can lead to horrible outcomes if left untreated & the damn pain is just unnecessary.)

When something flares out of control, it’s par for the course everything else gets set off.

My doctor checked in with my, right now I’m looking at 3 days of IV steroids but come Friday, she’ll decide if I get 2 more days. We are looking at switching me to the IV treatment that blocks B & T cells, more side effects but should work better for me.

When I was done today with my treatment- the fatigue was crazy & at home my gait was kinda like a newborn Joey lol!

I really appreciate the support, as I have a meltdown and freak out. I’m not giving up or throwing in the towel but to say I was scared, would be a tremendous lie.

Thank you so much.

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FeralHeart
01:35 Dec 05 2019

I'm wishing you the best and sending you all of the positive energy ❤️

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Autumnswhisperingwinds
20:57 Dec 08 2019

You have my healing blessings hun.....so sorry you are going through this flare up, I completely understand that....hugs

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Okay - so I’ve established it that I have MS.

I’m really doing horrible. I’m so weak on my left side, it’s no laughing matter. The pain is off the chart, too. I’m taking way too much Vicodin - and I hate that shit.

Today I tried running normal errands - I had to come home & ask for a ride to finish my errands. Literally I was so exhausted & weak, I couldn’t drive or function.

I was really upset.

I’m a strong person - Viking (Scandinavian). I try to let nothing take me down but this flare is literally bringing me to my knees. I’ve almost fell on the stairs 8 times just today! WTF

Tomorrow I start steroids again, stronger strength & I’m keeping my fingers crossed they work magically.

Literally I’m desperate- I can’t stay like this much longer.

I miss my buddies on VR, my friends, my other organizations and we’ll everyone. This has haunted me and it just sucks!

Okay that was my bitch session. Thanks for listening...I’m loosing it for sure.

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DarkestTemptation
04:50 Dec 04 2019

Aww, you fight and hold on my dear keep pushing yourself to do it or get your love to help you out that’s what the true power of love does it drives you to go beyond your means.

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SedeDeSangue
16:27 Dec 04 2019

I’m here hun message me if you need to chat.

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NikkiAidyn
17:34 Dec 04 2019

I hope your doctors find something to help you. I can't imagine what you're going through and I definitely feel for you

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Kraai
21:49 Dec 04 2019

Thank you all. I just spoke with my bff, I told her how freaked out I am. I’ve never been this messed up from MS, and it’s causing other auto immune illnesses to go crazy. I’m about ready to give up, but I’m fighting.

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