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Well finally the end to my bad day! i had jsut writen a huge paragraph but erased it after rereading it becuas eit revlied to much of my thoughts and feelings and if that certain person read my thoughts and feelings of my depression i would be in deep shit! so sorry for erasing but i keep everything internal unless i'm happy so leave it at that! yes i had a horrible heart breaking day but no one will really know so why does it matter what i say! feelings and thoughts of mine should stay unnoticed, that way i stay unnoticed.

When we drink, we get drunk.

When we get drunk, we fall asleep.

When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.

When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.

So, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven!

Well today has been interesting! actually its been a little heart breaking but no one can tell! When you find out what someone you care about truly thinks about you and its not al that good of a thing it hurts! but hey no matter what they say i am to them i will always stand strong by their side! even when they dont realize i'm there or when they dont remember anything about seeing or spending time with me! like i said i'm use to being a wall flower and those i care about it doesn't matter to me if i dont even exist to them any more as long as i can do my job for them as taking care of them and supporting them even when they dont "see" me! i hope all are having a better day then me love to all who read!

Ello all, today is a good bad day. my pain has subsided for no and i amno longer feeling to bad (i found some medicine) but i have gotten alot done the past to days and was hoping to hang out with someone special to me yet becuase it is the last week of this college semester this week is filled with four exams and doctor visits which i have to focus on the exams. i am hoping that after this week i might be able to take him out to whats called hte gator pool its like a miniture water country usa but on a military base! or maybe he and i could go to water country usa becuase i have never been there or we could go to bush gardens again! it just all deepends on when he gets time off and if its between semesters for me! i miss him greatly and wish i could have seen him so if he reads this i o apologize for not being able to get to you! all my love to all who read!

This is for the girls i know guys hate this but its whats on my mind! Dont you all hate periods! one of my friends on VR already knows the hell i have been through since 4:00 this morning and yes she is laughing her head off at me! Its amazing how even on your period th ebest thing could be happening and yet you are inthe worst pissed off mood that you dont care who it is you jsut snap off. then you get those emotions from your in so much pain, you are pissed off you wanna cry, you want someone who cares to hold you yet you at the same time dont want to be touched! i swear someone shoot me!!! or atleast drug me enough to sleep it off until its over! LOL! like i said this is an entry for girls! if your a guy and read this and understand you are rare in this world cus most guys even avoid the subject or anything that has to do with it! hence while i stayed with my sister in her dorm we were evil and hug (dyed red with food coloring) tampoons off the guys door knobs an din their bathrooms! When i get in the righ tmood i can be down right evil if i want to be! lol Love to all who read!!

So far today has been a good day! i have been able to spend it with my best friend NELLY! i was jsut thinking about it she and i have been friends for almost 15 years now! its amazing that it ahs been that long! she and i are jsut being our sleves today which is always nice becuase that means their is never a dull moment! she and i are also in spending time with another good friend how always makes us laugh until we cry! well thats it for now i'm going back to nelly i jsut felt like typing! love you all bye!

Well so far this morning i have been in several arguments with my mother then when i call and talk to see how one of my friends is doing at their job i find out they are not in a good mood pissed off irritated and over the phone started taking to actions out on me when i said a comment which they took to be smart ass but was not meant to be in any way!and yelled at me a little over the phone for it! i apologized to them becuase i truly did not mean for it to come out as a smart ass statment but again in case they read this i do apologize! i just wish they didn't take their anger a dfrustration out on me when all i was trying to do was see how they were and what i could help with! but thats life i jsut hoe they can be in a better mood later!i hate feeling like ive done something horrble wrong when i dont know if i did or if i didn't mean to. well by for now i hope all who read this have a good day and better then mine has been so far!

just a quick one today people, sorry. I noticed this journal is on three peoples favorite list and i know who to of the people are but i'm intrigued to find out who the third person is i know i'm on nellys and dark lords but the third i have no clue? i'm just bored out of my mind right now no one is on to talk to or their at work. you gotta love the things that comes out of ones mouth when they are bored and tired (deadly combination) well i guess thats it for now i'm off to go sleep in the car or by the water which ever is more comfortable! hope all who read this have a good day!

I read others journals and i know mine will never be that good but i also know that it is a way for me to get my thoughts and feelings out! for the last month or so i have be sad lonley and torn inside with a difficult decision that would change the rest of my life! But i have finally be able to talk it out with my lord and i feel better now he understood my place my feelings and my thoughts, he also understood the torment my body and mind were going through! and all over someone i care about! its amazing how you can love someone and give them your heart and soul and everything and yet still know for a fact that you will never be more to them or there life than what your position already is! Yet you accept that and continue to do everything for them and give them your self fully just to make sure their happy even if you know the end result might kill you in the end! love and feelings are a delicate thing but when your willing to scarifice everything of someone its worth it! the problem is not letting that person know that way you wont have to worry about things changing if they found out the truth in life! I will do what is neccesary to kepp those i love happy no matter what it takes as long as i dont lose them from my life! one of my worst fears is losing those i care about! but i'm jsut happy i was able to sort everything out so that nothing will change even if it doesn't change for the better but instead stays the same is fine with me! sorry for the rambble but thatnk you for listening and reading!