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This will take you to another page, just warning you. And, I am prrrrretty silly on it.

ADVICE FROM HIS HOLINESS THE 14th DALAI LAMA





Recently a group spent days visiting with H.H. Dalai Lama focusing upon what they believe the five most important questions to be considered moving into the new millennium.



The five questions were:



1. How do we address the widening gap between rich and poor?

2. How do we protect the earth?

3. How do we educate our children?

4. How do we help Tibet and other oppressed countries and peoples of the world?

5. How do we bring spirituality (deep caring for one another) through all disciplines of life?



The answer:



The Dalai Lama said all five questions fall under the last one. If we have true compassion in our hearts, our children will be educated wisely, we will care for the earth, those who "have not" will be cared for.

He shared the following simple practice that will increase loving and compassion in the world. He asked everyone in the group to share it with as many people as they can.



The Practice:



1. Spend 5 minutes at the beginning of each day remembering we all want the same things (to be happy and be loved) and we are all connected to one another.



2. Spend 5 minutes -- breathing in - cherishing yourself; and, breathing out - cherishing others. If you think about people you have difficulty cherishing, extend your cherishing to them anyway.



3. During the day extend that attitude to everyone you meet. Practice cherishing the simplest person (clerks, attendants, etc., as well as the "important" people in your life; cherish the people you love and the people you dislike).



4. Continue this practice no matter what happens or what anyone does to you.

These thoughts are very simple, inspiring and helpful. The practice of cherishing can be taken very deep if done wordlessly; allowing yourself to feel the love and appreciation that already exists in your heart.

I tried to watch King Kong last week. It just threw me into a horrible panic attack. Actually I was already a woman on the edge.



The screen is constantly moving. There is non-stop movement. The camera follows the ape flying around the jungle with the chick in hand, on vines, and fights a dinosaur...or saurs.



The tribes people were very scary. This is definately not one for the kids. They were also the blackest people I've ever seen, when I grabbed a look at the screen here and there. But for the most part I had motion sickness from it. I didn't finish the movie, either.



Also, it is slow in parts that could have been cut out. I heard it was 3 hours long. I would sort of like to finish the end part. But at the same time, I know how it ends, and it would just make me cry and piss me off.



RANT: It pisses me off that man would go seek out the wild animal, trap it, take it to HIS world and when it freaks out, and wants to go back home, man kills it in a bad way. What the fuck is up with that? Typical and so sad. What is wrong with humanity? They do this to all wild animals. Look at the poor elephants swaying back and forth, in shackles, just missing their family, wanting to go home, almost insane from it. Elephants are very sensitive and family oriented animals.

I have inducted a few people. One, was actually a couple that were swingers, etc.



Now, what I saw, was Reiki Master like myself, healing, etc., and inducted them. Course, then I see Blood sport/letting shit and that freaks me out. But that is my issue, I suppose.



I just think that we need to get back to simplier, more innocent "things". It can be overwhelming, the dark. Life looses it's sweetness when that happens, you know? I am delivering what light I can.

"Out on the road today, I saw a dead head sticker on a cadillac....I can see you, brown skin shining in the sun. You have the top pulled down and the radio on, baby. I can tell you, my love for you will still be strong, after the boys of summer are gone....."

The doctor wouldn't OK my prescription renewal without me having to go in. I had enough to last until Monday afternoon, but they wouldn't be in the office until Tuesday. That would not do. So I had to go in today. I prepared myself for a anxious waiting room sit, with a Xanax under the tongue. I also popped two 500 milligram Vitamin C chews.



The wait was boring as hell, but I was calm, so that was great. I cringed everytime someone coughed though.



A sheriff came in, holding the chains of a orange jump suited, handcuffed young guy, with shackles on his ankles, making a ringing noise as he scooted along behind the sheriff. They went in right away. People made comments about how we could get in to see the doctor sooner, if only we were wearing orange jumpsuits and in cuffs. I laughed.



So the doctors assistant talked to me. I didn't expect to talk to another. He was new. Nor did I expect to tell him my life's story. But he needed/wanted to know and kept asking me questions. This helped paint the whole picture, I know. I know enough about myself to obligee him in all I am afflicted with mentally and emotionally. I told him that I am doing really well, considering all that is in my mind and that I make holding it all together look easy. Those closest to me get to see me fall apart now and then. More lately, but since I am a butterfly, I don't stay down for long. I am quite resiliant, even if I fall for awhile.



I took my refills with me, and an order to go to the hospital to have a test for hypothyroidism. I had wondered about that. I have put the test off for months, since it is about $300 and we have no insurance. Today, I decided to just do it. If I had it, and didn't do something about it, it can have long term reprocussions, in addition to explaining the rapid heartbeat I have (or that could just be me being high strung inside), and anxiety, etc..



I went to the hospital and filled out the paperwork. I was nervous. Even though I have 4 tattoos, I am petrified of needles, especially the long ones that take my blood. Besides, I have small veins and have had problems with that in the past.



They couldn't find my vein on the one arm and it hurt a lot. I had to lay down because I was about to faint and freaking out. I asked, looking the other way, if they were almost done, and she said, "No, actually, we can't get anything.". That is when the tears were swelling in my eyes. The pain was becoming so very intense and I was becoming more worked up by the minute. They had to stop and put a wet cloth on my neck, and I went to lay down.





The other nurse came over and tried my other arm, after I layed down. That time it worked. Whew! I was about to say, "Um, you know what? Let's just do this another time, shall we?".



D had been there the whole time, being supportive. He said I had done great, as he is handing me a kleenex to wipe my face. I was upset because of all of it, and feeling like a pussy. But I know I am not really. I know a lot of people that don't like that stuff. I've been told of men that faint in tattoo parlors.



Now I have two sore arms tonight. Hasn't interferred with my typing! *smile* I think a PDA would ease my pain and suffering. Maybe that diamond heart necklace from Zales, with the little pink flower on it. *smile*

I started applying for credit cards again. Got a bite. Got it in the mail today. Whohoo! Score.

I bought a Royal PDA the other day. The touch pad wouldn't work. I read the book, but I was doing it right, so it was defective. Damn!



Took the one back, and got another, exact model, the next day. Same problem. The touch screen wouldn't work. Damn again! Took it back today, but after I called the tech hotline. Yet another guy from India answered.



"Uh yes, Aboo, I wanted to know if there was some little trick I wasn't doing, to get the touch screen to work?".



"Are you using the stylus?".



"Yes.".



"It must be defective.".



"Ooooook then! That's what I needed to know! Thanks!".





Next, I go to Staples and spend the $100. Damn a 3rd time. But first I have to save up the other $70 bucks to get it. I grow weary waiting. I am an instant gratification girl.

I saw a show once, about how Freddie Mercury's last days were really hard on him. He could barely make it through the songs, and they had to take frequent breaks. When I hear that last album, it makes me both sad and feel wonderful. The song, "Beautiful Day", in particular, is wonderful. It shows his spirit.



Today has been a beautiful day. For some reason, later in the day, I was able to make a shift in brain chemistry. I have been doing a lot of Om's and Om Mani Padme Hum chants, reading my Buddhist teachings and a host of other things I do. The switch is something that my mind does, and without my permission, or notification, unfortunately. *laugh* Who knows how long it will last. I just know I feel like me and it feels great.



House Eternal is doing well. I have great people in there. Nice. That is a relief that I don't have to worry about that as much.



I have noticed that some people tend to ignore or try to 'outrun' messages about portfolios and copyrighted material. I started suspending people for that tonight. I don't like to do it, but, "I won't be ignored, Dan!". (Fatal Attraction)



I just saw the last half of Blazing Saddles. My favorite part of the movie (one of), is when they get to the toll booth and get stuck there. "Somebody go get a shitload of dimes!".

...not to be confused with "mom" home. Two different things.



Back home. I had convinced D to call the guys at work and take an additional day off. Luckily he had a vacation day to use.



It was nice to be away, though I was not truly 'away' much....that makes any sense to anyone. I first arrived there Saturday evening and fell into her arms sobbing.



Have taken care of Admin and House stuff for the day and going to bed. I am going to bed much earlier these days. My favorite thing to do lately is to take my xanax and lay down. You know that feeling when you first lay down and sink into the bed. That is the feeling we should all have, all of the time.



D and I were talking about Buddhist monks, and how easy it is to be peaceful, calm and full of love, when you don't have to be IN the world, to handle the daily stresses. I had been comparing the two lives. I got a strand of Buddhist prayer beads. Om.....

I had a severe panic attack this morning. I thought I was going to have to go to the hospital. I wanted to. It was the worst I had had since......um, last week. Luckily I have enough Xanax to put a horse to sleep, for that very reason. I kept taking pieces of them, instead of whole doses, hoping that would be enough. But it took more. No, I am not one of those that take it to party on. I am actually one of those valid cases that need it to keep my mind sometimes. I was taking 9-12 mgs a day for awhile, a few years ago, because I had panic attacks everyday, and several times. It was horrible. It was not living. I became agoraphobic. I took myself off of them a few years ago, taking only when needed. Why now, of all times, do I need it to this extent?



I feel too much. I think too much. I want to stop that. I don't know how. But, I sure as hell am trying.



I was at the mall in Oklahoma City last weekend. It was a welcome relief from thinking of everything. It was mindless shopping...which, I might add, is not mindless, it's mindFUL, but not of the same shit I am always thinking at home. It was lovely, strolling around the mall, shopping, being and not thinking.



See, that is a key. Simply BE. Not in the past, not in the future, just BE HERE NOW. I try real hard to stay in the moment, concentrating on every little detail to keep me here, instead of floating off in my mind about everything ever said to me, done, wanting to do, past deeds, etc....



This has been my current plight (though I have dealt with it since I was 7 years old) that I do not talk about much in here. I do not want to bother people with my problems.



If we learn through our emotions, as they say, then I am one smart motherfucker.

We found out that our friends The Mississippi All Stars are up for a Grammy!!! How fucking cool is that shit?

I was watching City of Angels last night (The book is Wings Of Desire, I believe). D had asked me if Nicholas Cage's character, the Angel, was dead. I said, "No, but some call them Angels, some call them guides. They are the ones that are with us all the time. They are the ones that whisper in our ears, warning us not to go down that dark alley, because there is a bad person in there. They are the ones that tell us to turn right because turning left would cause a horrible accident and we are not destined for that. They are always with us, guiding, watching...", and I stopped, because I became overwhelmed with emotion and tears welled up in my eyes.



I thought to myself about how I wish I could believe in God. It's not that I do not, necessarily, but that I do not know either way. But how wonderful that is, to believe that someone is cradling you with their warm, invisible hands, loving you unconditionally? Who doesn't want that?



Some believe that we do have that, but that they are not angels or God, but spirit guides. That is my current belief as well, and has been for many years. I believe they are either loved ones passed over from this life or another, or a soul that we have made arrangments with before birth, for their gentle, wise guidance.



Either way, this movie had me evaluating life, yet again. No new theories, but the unconditional love of the 'Angel' and his light invoked the universal love, that gets lost so often in daily routines.



Too bad it was such a downer movie, with a crappy ending! *laughing*

reminder....strip club



watching people

I saw that movie tonight. I liked it. Had a crappy ending, I thought, but I like to think they went back. ;) Oh, did I just ruin it?

I was dropped off at the door of Wal-Mart this past weekend, and waited for D to park the car. While I was waiting, I spied an older woman sitting on a bench, with a full shopping basket, and oxygen tank. I watched out of the corner of my eye for a bit, as she sat there, alone, watching people walk by. Wal-Mart was packed this past weekend.



So I went over to her and I started a conversation. Normally people start the conversations with me first, no matter where I am. I asked her, "Where's your people?", and smiled. She smiled and said that her such and such (I couldn't hear her very well) was inside getting her groceries after getting the older woman's groceries and now she was watching people. We talked about how we both like to watch people, and how she had to get a new VCR because hers broke, but this time she got the VCR/DVD combo and couldn't wait to watch movies later.



A friend came up and we started talking too about Christmas cards and how her son wanted to have a mohawk shaved into his head for Christmas pictures. He is about 6 years old.



I told both the older woman and my friend goodbye, to go put my digital pictures in the Fuji machine in the photo department.



Later on the way home, I told D about how I started a conversation with that older woman. He said, "I saw that!". I said, "Well, I didn't want her to feel invisible.". He said, "She was probably wondering why her invisibility cloak wasn't working.".

I had a very interesting night tonight. Roller coaster ride. I am still pondering it, and I am too tired to comment. Good night peeps.....

The car died again today. Fuel pump AGAIN...no ride. Cold outside. More cold coming.



It's not fair that they put the fuel pumps in the gas tank.

Things have slowed down enough to start back to Admin jobs. I actually started lightly last night, checking out the forum. Tonight, I added new profiles to check as well.



There aren't quite as many messages waiting to bombard me, though very close. Last night's messages being offline made it nice and quiet and was a nice break.



House Eternal is coming along great. I am pleased to see the interaction and participation. I have quite a few Topics covered now by the Topics Council. There are some really nice people in there. I am glad the housemates are stepping up to it. Without that, we would not have a home.

Even though I was able to get away from Rave for A day, I still it still ran through my mind, constantly. I played back the bombarding messages from Friday and early Saturday morning, what people had said to me, what I had said to them. I always do this.



And then it hit me. I am the Woody Allen of the Admins.

They managed to find this site. They managed to make a name and spit out a short paragraph, full of incoherent babble, but they don't know what color their eyes are.



"not sure what colour my eyes are,..."

First entry for tonight's hopeless. Born in 1990:







"Quote: Bite Me.....than fuck me











I am a cool kid.....im also a huge whore"





Two words that just shouldn't be in the same region, much less the same sentence....kid and whore.

Another interesting one I found. We have tons in common...I like cupcakes too.



"I really dont know how to describe myself. sorry. oh i like cupcakes."

I've been looking through so many profiles lately! *zoned look* I thumb through them, searching for signs of intelligence. In some of them, I find people, mainly kids, saying,



"I really enjoy bloodplay...bloodsex, cutting, branding...anything that produces lots of blood and pain...I always wanted to be tortured...I made my friends promise that if they kill me they will make it slow and painful so that I suffer..."



*pause, blank stare at reader, sigh*



And then I got a thought....we should send them to Iraq, or wherever there will be guaranteed capture and torture! They would love to be tortured and maybe even decapitated! I bet they would love that shit. After reading those profiles, I would love it if they went too.



*rolls eyes*

This is hilarious. I love Family Guy.





Osama on Family Guy

EnlargeYourMember









I am always getting these in my junk hotmail. Oh finally, I can get this done!

This guy is insane, I think. *raising eyebrow* Huh?









"Quote: rape the willing cats are nice pussy meow meeeeoooww











well i large ok lets be realt realy large but i am crazy and sexy they tell me like a stalker sexy





but in the end we all just need a nother sole to make use happy"

The human race is crazy. We try to be things we are not. We try to suppress the things we are. Is that not crazy?

I had a polka tape I would put in the player at parties just to screw with people, as I was always the DJ. I don't think I have any polka mp3's now, though.

I hurt my arm worse than I thought I did last weekend, when I got everyone together at mom's to go bowling.



As you know, I am the activities director of the family, so I decided that we should all try bowling for a fun time. It was fun actually. Youngest brother Justin quit after 2 gutter balls. Middle younger brother Josh did really great, not having bowled for about 10 years. Harmony did excellent. Neil beat us all, rockin' the house and having his best score ever, and it was neck and neck with D and I until he got a strike. For some reason, I was sucking that night. It didn't matter, as I was having fun, and so was everyone else except Justin, who decided to drown his gutter sorrows in a strong whiskey mash.



What did bother me, though, was that I couldn't get a proper grip on the ball, so I was having to use the tendons of my forearm to hold it and keep it from being dropped behind me...which is what I did when I borrowed Harmony's heavier ball! *laughing* It flew behind me. I just knew that was going to happen. I am petrified of being humiliated in public, as all other panic attack people are. It was funny of course, though. I found a different ball, with more curved grooves but it was too late, my arm was already hurting.



Days later, with the bowling injuries sustained and typing on here, I found that when I bend my fingers even slightly backwards, I get shooting pain in forearm. Ouch! So I've been typing with few fingers and slower, not using arm much.....my gimp arm! I sure hope this goes away. I want to bowl again.



On a side note, there were a surprising amount of ORBS at that bowling alley! I need to post those. There were very colorful lights too, but you can tell the difference between the orbs and lights. At least I can.

I have a story for any word. Give me any word, and I bet I have a story to associate with it.

A dog barks in the distance...

I was at lilshadow's portfolio tonight, looking for copyrighted photos, as I do most every night, and came across this in her description box:



"Sorry pictures coming soon!!"





She had no photos in her portfolio. I commented, "Sorry pictures coming soon? But I wanted the good ones!".

I was watching some of a Twilight Zone marathon the other morning on Sci-Fi. I was supposed to be asleep at that hour.



This one was about older folks at a nursing home, regressing to younger days, and playing kick the can. I had never seen the original one, but I had seen the "newer" one, in Twilight Zone, The Movie. I love that one, so seeing the original was a special treat. I was surprised, because I have seen SOOO many of the episodes.



I could feel the old guys pain, frustration and sadness when his son left him there, and he stood on the street, suitcase in hand, watching the young boys play kick the can. To a certain extent, I understand what he felt. He surmised, in very deep thought, that as long as you play kick the can (or get out there and play), you would not grow old. He said that once you stop, you start to grow old. I believe that to be true. His grumpy, childhood friend wanted to just sleep, but he reminded his friend that he used to believe in magic. What happened?



I play all the time. I jump around. I dance. I collect little hamster stuffed animals. I love Hello Kitty. I love current music. I joke, love to laugh, and love to lay in thick, green grass. Despite all of this, I feel youth slipping away. It is most disheartening and terrifying.



I am naturally young at heart. I will forever be a child, since Gemini is one of the children of the Zodiac (along with Leo and Aries). What scares me most, besides the final transition, is growing too old and decrepid to play, to walk, to run, to move, to eat...to live.



I read health information all the time. I have numerous books on what to take for this ailment and what to take for that one. It is quite overwhelming, actually, and I just have to walk away from it, and end up just getting another sugar laden Icee.



I got into a funk the other night, because I was yet again, looking through the Bottom Line books magazine, POWER AGING. A book with tons of information on how to cure seemingly impossible to cure ailments, and naturally. I am planning on ordering this book. I was quite impressed and way too curious not to. They are actually, very good books from that place. Rather high priced, but worth it for the plethora of information not given by mainstream physicians.



I can't stop this process of moving to the next aged chapters of my life. But, I believe I will certainly do some kicking and dancing along the way.

I found a cool site, that has a timeline of vampires. Thought you guys might want to check it out. Perhaps you've seen it already.



Vampire Timeline