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Confused

Betrayed

Not sure what to do next

Unknown is my future

Uncertain is my dreams

Never knowing which way to turn

Never knowing which way to breathe

Always hoping for something better

Always hoping that this feeling inside me

Will not disappear like before

Knowing that this time

This relationship

Could be different than all the others

Never sure what they are really feeling

Never sure what they are really thinking

Do I make them happy?

Do I make them smile?

Do I give them what they need?

Can I be what they need me to be?

Always questioning myself

Always wondering if I am good enough

For them

For myself

For what they are offering me

Do I even have anything to truly offer them

Other than a broken heart

Other than a bruised soul

Other than a load of baggage

That follows from other relationships before

What if I make another mistake?

What if I get hurt again?

What if I am not good enough for them?

What if I hurt them somehow?

Always doubting myself

Knowing my faults all too well

Seeing myself crumble

When ever I try to stand tall

But that is the way healing goes

At least I think that is how it goes

Soon I will be strong enough

To be good enough for them

For they only deserve the best

Because I love them

With all that I am

And all that I have left

And all that I will have in the future

I love them completely

For all time

And always

A miracle has happened

Something I never dreamed would happen to me

Between us both

We have created a new life

A tiny spark that will prove our love to the world

My joy nearly bubbles over

As I wait at home to tell you

But when I do get the chance

Your response isn't what I thought it would be

I never thought you could get that angry

I never thought you would make me cry

I never thought you would hurt me

I thought that this was something

That you would want too

Its too late now

Can't turn back the clock

Can't change what has happened

Though you swear it will never happen again

As I clean up the blood on my face

I want to believe you

I long to believe you

Things can go back to the way they were

This is what you tell me

This is what I believe

As I clean up the blood on my face

Maybe the baby will help make things better

At least that is what I am hoping for

As bruises start to form

Closing one eye to the world

Please let the baby help make things better

I whisper to the reflection in the mirror

As I wipe away the last bit of blood on my face

When I look into your eyes

I see something that makes me pause

That makes me wonder if there is hope for me yet

That makes me wonder if love has not forsaken me as I have believed

Maybe there is hope for me

Maybe with you I will finally find the peace I have been longing for

All my young life



When you take me into your arms

I feel the warmth that you have always offered me

A warmth that penatrates even the darkest parts of my soul

That hints at a world where I wouldn't have to be afraid

That hints at a world where I could truly be happy

Maybe you are the one for me

Maybe you are the one that can set me free

From my dark and lonely prison



When you kiss me oh so gently

I am amazed at the passion there

I am amazed at the hunger there

It scares me so much

I know that you could destroy me without even trying

My heart is so fragile from being put back together so many times

After so many had decided that it would be best to break it

But still your so very gentle with me



You have told me that you will never hurt me

But I have been told that before so many times by people who always break that promise

So far you haven't done anything like that to me

You know everything about my past

Maybe thats why your so gentle with me

Maybe your scared of breaking me

As I am so very scared of being broken again



But as we lay here together in each others arms

I can't help but wonder if this is meant to be

If this is what I have been looking for all my life

If this is my chance to be truly be happy

Then you kiss my forehead and hold me closer as you whisper your love to me

I feel happy and terrified at the same time after I hear your words



I look up at you and know you see it all in my eyes

Your arms tighten around me slowly

Letting me know that your still there

Yet the fear remains

And I wonder if it will ever leave me

Then I wonder if you will ever leave me

As tears slowly slide down my cheeks

You brush them away gently

And for the first time instead of running away

I let my heart run towards you

Hoping beyone hope that this will be different then all the other times

And I whisper through my tears

"I love you too"

tiny little footprints

left in my soul

of all those who have trampled

where no one should go

too many scars

that no one seems to notice

or even care about

but i am learning that this is how the world works

no matter what you do

your left behind in the dirt

while everyone else loves and becomes happy

your stuck in the dust

wishing to be happy

longing to be loved

knowing that it will never happen

no matter what you do

and all you have to show for your pain and troubles

are those tiny little footprints

left in your soul

To each their own

When it comes to fighting for survival

You have to learn to breath your own way

To think for yourself once again



To each their own

To be alone with yourself

And all of what you are thinking and feeling

Even when you should surround yourself with everyone who cares about you



To each their own

Why must you push me to be

Something that I am not ready to be right now



To each their own

Why won't you let me do this my way

Why must you force me to be cheerful when I don't feel that way

Let me do this my way before you push me even farther into my pit of depression



To each their own

Learn it

Live it

Or leave me be

Sweetest dreams

Never come true

They did once upon a time

When I thought that

You were true to me

Then that belief was destroyed

What else is new

When it came to you

I was always the last to know

I was your puppet

I was your pawn

I was your toy

The worse part is that

I let it happen

Never again though

My eyes are wide open now

And your not welcome here anymore

feeling trapped within my mind

unable to break free

of these chains that bind



always fighting the urge to flee

running around blind

screaming for help like a banshee



longing for a release

from this prison cell I call my head

trying to find my peace



I am filled with dread

wanting everthing to cease

walking around like the living dead



wondering if things will ever get better for me

wondering if I even care if they do or not

wishing someone would hear my plea



I am caught

I will never be free

everything I do is for naught



hear my words

hear my screams

someone come and help me please

Passions building to great heights

Hungering for sweet touches

Desiring for your hot mouth upon my skin

Needing to feel you near me

Needing to feel you in me

Unable to catch my breath

My heart beginning to race so fast

I feel my back arch upwards

As you torment my skin

With feather light touches

With soft kisses that barely touch my skin

I feel as if flames are dancing across my body

Enticing me to climb higher

Along the steps of pleasure

I feel a force building throughout my body

The flames burn bright in my heart

The hunger devours my soul

I begin to moan and whimper

As you run your nails over my skin

Ever so lightly

Ever so gently

Causing such enjoyment

Causing such torment

You continue with your teasing kisses

Everywhere you touch

Makes me burn brighter

Now I know that the flames will never die

As long as you are around

And how I want you to be around

I yearn for you

I long for you

I need you

Just don't stop what you are doing

Please don't stop

Don't stop

I need more

More

I need all of you

I need you to complete me

I will do whatever you want me to

All you need to do is ask

And it shall be done

No matter what you desire from me

Ask me

And it shall be done