He just continues to lie. He said it had been 2 weeks! It was more like 4 days! I am devastated. I continue to let him kill me. It has been a tough few days. I let everyone down. They thought I would finally make the move and do what I need to do before he kills me.
When I said I didn't everyone seems to have shut down on me. I know they are tired of it all too and now will probably not help me when I really need it.
I can't hear from my left ear. It has been this way since yesterday. The asshole next to me at the range was firing magnums and was louder than I expected. I only used plugs like a fool and now I am deaf in one ear. But tonight, I wish I were blind...so I can't see him hurt me anymore.
God please give me the strength to leave.
This is my destruction.
So today they give me the drugs. I have to go see the wizard now....isn't that fabulouso? He tells me he doesn't love me anymore in so many words...it is now really over....and then I run over a dog....and it dies! I am a mess, but today I saw who matters and cares for me and he doesn't....and that is a breath of fresh air. So, I'll take the drugs, I won't drink and I won't smoke. I will run...and I will eat better. This is my time...and he will not take it away from me again.
Everyday.....one big fat lie.
I can't live like this. Why can't I just walk away? He is killing me everyday with the lies and then the silence.
Give me the strength to end this.
So much space between those that matter....
Too many miles....
Too many hours.....
I can't seem to feel the void. The space within my heart. The space between my tears.
The space between our two pillows when I lay my head down at night.
The space between our conversations...the space between my sighs.
Sometimes not enough, but mostly too much space.
The space between the scars.
The space between the earth below where I will lie. Is 6 feet enough space I ask?
The space between the bolt and the muzzle.
The space between the boat and the murky bottom of the lake where that fine catch awaits.
The space between those flames and the sticky marshmallow.
The space between the hangers in the closet.
The space between what was asked and what was answered.
Sometimes a little too much space.
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