He says he can take better care of her....
He says he hates me...
He called me a drug addict....
He called me a hillbilly....but I have noted that his father raised pigs, goats and he has received Copenhagen as a xmas present since he was 10!
He called to push my buttons...and once again I cried for him. Even 1200 miles away and he still knows how to work me over....
It's so quiet in my life....despite the chaos. Nobody seems to be around when you need them most....or perhaps you just don't need them when they are around, because you have them.
No messages are in your inbox.
It has been many days since I have found myself here....lost in my thoughts and away from my life.
Alot has happened...I have moved. I have escaped. I am free....yet, I am sad. I am lonely...and I am scared.
I have been ill. Bronchitis, inflammed chest wall, viral infection....
I have had too much time to think...which is always bad for me.
I walk aimlessly...doing as they wish and showing them "normal". They will never understand what lies beneath this skin of scars.
I cry tonight. I cannot find comfort within myself. The rocking does not fullfill its purpose. I refuse to find myself with another secret jewelry box. I left that behind, but I need something....I am tormented by my thoughts of what if's and should haves.....
I need to find peace....I need my life back. What happened to me....where did I go? I thought it was here at home....but, what is home? A place to hang your hat? There is nothing here. It's just another place to hide myself...to live in darkness and bury my heart further into the earth until I find the day to bring an end and final resting spot for the burden I carry. I made the poor choices and now I must live with them. ..it has been too long.
COMMENTS
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dabbler
00:28 Jan 24 2008
A real jerk is defined by a person who ...after trying to sucker you back to them fails they jerk right back to the reason you left them .
That is white trash Copenhagen for xmas....?