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Well...today went horrible. I had a very, very, very bad day at work. Now...I'm relaxing at home and refuse to do homework. I just want to kick back.



Tommorow is going to be chao's I can see it now. Going to be doing an early spring cleaning on my room before the cruise, then I'm working, and then helping out to clean up the rest of the house. Going to be nuts.



Lumina-

Today was an unusual day. I made a new friend, a guy named Eddie. Ran into him (damn near literally) while I was out and about in town doing some shopping. Very cool guy I must say, and his partner Alex is really nice too.

I got a call from the ex-bf. That little bastard has been harassing me lately. It's all about vengeance right now, and I wont even begin to get into details...but yeah. It's getting pretty bad. Don't appreciate being called certain specific words I don't care to repeat. I would like to rip his tongue out however. He's a foul disgusting excuse for a man.

Last day of classes today for me, and finals are all next week. Oh Joy.....lol



I guess mostly I'm stressing about my ex issues. He's been just slamming me every time he gets the chance and I want to go over there and beat him down. LOL He's just upset because I refused him. He got dumped and came crawling back to me after he cheated on me etc....yeah, mucho drama that I just don't want to deal with. He's just stuck back in that high school mode and I refuse to put up with immature little brats like him.

Seriously, I'm ready to rip out my hair. I shouldn't let him get to me like this, and usually I don't let people do that. Well folks...it's like the saying goes....what doesn't kill us, makes us stronger.



Lumina-

This morning was excrutiatingly difficult to get through. I swear, I was probably moving so fast to keep up with the pace of everything going on I was nothing but a blur. It was 19 degree's this morning and I wear a sweater, a jacket, gloves and I was wrapped in a blanket. I was STILL cold. I was out there at 6 am working. They said it might drop even more, and that it's going to snow in the mountains. My town, hasn't seen snow sense 1976. It might just do it again apparently. The day that is snowed here, it was only an inch and melted half way through the day.



Oh boy......lol



Lumina-

I'm sick of it, and beyond sick of it. My mother continues to pop in and out of my life. I'm SO tired of it. She ruined my childhood. She broke apart my family, and now she thinks she can just pop in and out my life whenever she wants. Sometimes she wont call for MONTHS. Then suddenly....wham...there she is, wanting something.



*sigh*



Lumina-

So I went to Rocky Horror last night. Midnight showing and it was a blast. They did a kick ass job despite how small the area is. The actor for Frank this year did just a beautiful job. He had it down perfectly.

I laughed when I found out who was playing Riff Raff this year. It was the same guy I danced with at a party called "October Rust" back on halloween. I've posted pictures from the show on my portfolio already. My friends and myself all dressed up for it, and it was loads of fun too.

This year is was a "christmas" themed rocky, so all of the transilvanians were all christmas elves.



Needless to say, I had alot of fun. Didn't get home till about 3 am this morning.



More Later.



Lumina-

So I come home from the store and find my Dad and stepmother all excited and happy. I ask them about whats going on, and come to find out, nobody bothered to tell me either, that my Dad might have had cancer. They just recently discovered that it was not cancer but a high hernia. Well fantastic. I'm very happy to know my Dad isn't going to die, but the fact of the matter, is why the fuck didn't they tell me? They come up with all these excuses as to why and it just bothers me.

I totally understand some of there points however. They did not want to put the stress of school, work and then that on my shoulders.



The deal is though, if he were to die, I'd be moving to Tennesse. We'd sell the house, split the profit between my stepmother and myself, and then we'd have to uproot from jobs etc, and move to Tennesse. I just saw my entire life destroyed, flashing before my eyes.



Losing my Dad would mean moving, all my friends family etc left behind. I would probably no longer have internet access because at the moment I'm struggling just to pay bills. LOL So I'd lose VR, and I just....it came to hit me rather hard what all I could lose. Worst of all, I'd have to bury my own Dad. I am closest with my Dad, and losing him would be a horror I dread to encounter. I know I'll lose him one day, but I want to spend as much time with him as I can now.



Lumina-

Over the last few weeks, I've been realizing a few things that I hadn't before. I never realized how narrow minded or shallow I'd become over the past few years and it shocked me to realize it. I've been working on these problems, and trying to overcome them.

People say I've become something terrible, and I realize it now. These thoughts have been floating in and out of my head lately, and I just felt like writing them down.

I remember back in high school, which was not so long ago, about two and a half years ago. In high school I discovered the darkest parts of myself, the most violent parts.

When I left high school, I calmed down alot, and become very passive. I may be boiling up on the inside, but outside I'm as calm as ever. I realize, lately if I hold it in, I'll emplode. I'll just go completely berzerk on some poor unsuspecting person who crosses my path and pushes the wrong buttons.

Lately, people have been telling me that I've changed, and that instead of being that person I once was, I've become a little more vicious, more cynical and alot more sarcastic. Maybe it's just life tearing holes in me that I've yet to fix.

I guess it's a good thing I've come to realize my faults and am fixing them. I dont like being who I am right now. I feel like a little more of that darker part of me is showing, and if I continue on the way I'm going, I'll push everyone away from me eventually, and I'll just be alone. I need to change a few things, I know I do.

I've noticed how shallow I am too. I'm to quick to pass judgement, and that is just a bad thing. I'm coming to realize how great people can be if you give them a chance. I guess as life went on, I just became less tolerate of people, and was irritated by others easily.

I've just got so much to work on I suppose. It's a good thing though, I believe it be another peice of my awakening coming into play. I've always believed that an awakening is when a person goes from one reality into another. They become more aware of there surroundings, realize there true faults and learn to change and flow with life in a different way.

In the end, I think I'm doing things for the better. Everyday I let go of a little more of that vicious side of me, and become a little more patient, alot more kinder, and alot more open minded to people.

I'm going to enjoy this time I think, because I'm going to meet more interesting people who will change my entire perspective on life, and I think these life experiences will change me for the better.







Lumina-