The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Explanations
01:54 Jun 28 2005
Times Read: 682


If there is someone who can explain

I would gladly sit and listen

How does one explain feelings

Something that is unknown to us

Yet felt as clearly as the pen that writes this

Why is it that we build walls around that which we hold dear

We build walls around our hearts for protection

Is it protection from pain, or to keep others out

Explain then how it’s possible for penetration of our heart

A heart that is housed upon all sides, a top and a bottom

Are the walls we build on everyday not strong enough

Do we build walls of clay in hopes that in time they would wash away

Do we lock them up tight, or do we fail to close the door

Do we consciously allow the opening in hopes someone will knock

Do we only perceive these walls within our lonely minds

And in the reality we leave ourselves open and vulnerable

How is it someone can touch us when we least expect it

In the places we hold deep, in ways that are unclear

What defenses then do we have left when the barrier is broken

How do we fight a heart that wishes not to be caged

Knowing in time it is likely to be hurt and broken and will cease to feel

When that time comes we will lock it away yet once again

Someone please explain why then do we sit here day after day

Hoping and praying for one to come along who is worthy

Someone who will climb the walls, and break the barriers

That we perceive as being worthy and will take within in their hands

The only thing in which we hold dear and is ours to give

Someone who will cherish our heart as they do their own

If there is someone who can explain all these things

I will glad sit and listen



By HellChildDami June 27, 2005 ©

Apparition
01:15 Jun 25 2005
Times Read: 695


Not like others of your same kind

Like something unknown to me

Similar thoughts and expressions

Run a parallel course of my own

You’ve been tried but are you true

Just an idea in ones mind

Something so desperately sought after

Are mind and heart clouded by something

Sitting here thinking the same

The apprehension within the words spoken

Do the words hold little meaning

Or spoken in truth of the unknown

Fighting against a loneliness within

Fear of hurting more so being hurt

Giving in hope of being accepted

Accepting in trust of a truth believed

An apparition within the mind

Of what we perceive we need to live



By HellChildDami June 24, 2005 ©

Calm After The Storm
11:12 Jun 22 2005
Times Read: 702


An eerie calm has begun to haze over my mind

Thoughts and feelings have begun to become one

Darkness and chaos once shrouded my mind

Now begins to dissipate and dissolve

Confusion still lingers

Some feelings refusing to die

Yet when left unfed un-nurtured

Slowly dwindle and fade away

Emotions change like the seasons

Summer to Winter without the Autumn

Past that is not forgotten

To future that is uncertain

A light looms on up ahead

But do I remain hidden in the darkness

Or slowly place one foot in front of the other

Will it get me to where I am going

As the light glows brighter

So then does my spirit

Perhaps in time the darkness will be gone

And the storms that rage will calm to peaceful showers



By HellChildDami June 22, 2005 ©

Mother ~ The Angel At My Side
08:13 Jun 21 2005
Times Read: 713


There is an Angel who walks within my midst

I close my eyes and she knows my mind

Her image embedded within my soul

She knows my mind, my heart, my soul

Nothing hidden deep within

She sees all that is tucked away

Things forgotten she sheilds from me

Memories treasured she holds abreast her heart

She is as one with me

She protects that which I hold dear

She guides me in dreams within my mind

Knowing what I seek within my life

The one to hold me near

The one I seek within my heart

She knows that which they would be

She knows me, she is me, or I am her

Years and years have passed

She is always at my side

In my mind, my dreams, my heart and soul

For thirty four years a part of me

July twenty fifth marks twenty eight years my Angel

My guiding light through my tunnel

Darkness that has been my life



By HellChildDami June 21, 2005 ©

Mine To Give To Take Away
06:37 Jun 21 2005
Times Read: 716


My heart is mine to give

And mine to take away

I know where it's been

As I know what it seeks

I know the pain of giving

Not been accepted as it is

I know these things all too well

The loneliness of being trampled

Reaching out in fear of the unknown

Taking that step in hopes and dream

Terrified that it isn't real

What the mind sees

Not what the heart seeks

Giving knowing only if it's meant to be

Will the given be accepted

The cards are stacked

The sisters have spoken

The stars are aligined

Is the time at hand

Only one knows the answer

Heart held out on shaken hands

All hopes, dreams, and emotions

Held within these hands a life

Before you seeking to give the same in return

The exchange of a love given

In trust recieved in trust

My heart is mine to give

And mine to take away

I know where it's been

As I know what it seeks



By HellChildDami June 21, 2005 ©

From Innocence to Evil
01:05 Jun 21 2005
Times Read: 723


One who mocks what they do not understand

Not everything in life is so complex

So deceptive to the mind or the eyes

Not everyone wishes to strangle life

The air from with it draws breath to live

Perceived in a world of black and white

Where even the grey matter is within it’s midst

Things aren’t always what one thinks them to be

The life chosen a lonely one to be assured of no pain

Yet reaching to the outside from within

Crying for something not sure of

Wanting and needing to feel the touch of the offered

Yet afraid of grasping afraid it’s not truly there

Not a reality to be seen or touched

But to be easily mocked for it’s presence

Loneliness never fades when it’s never let go

Always does it linger always there in the dark crevices of mind

Adults should know the difference

Games are to be played by children

Innocent minds not able to perceive

Only seeing what’s there within their sights

Oh but to be a child again

Young before the age of corruption

Before life sets in and reality twists innocence to evil

Loneliness the outcome of a child long lost



By HellChildDami June 20, 2005 ©

The Best Of You ~ Foo Fighter©
19:06 Jun 19 2005
Times Read: 727

I’ve got another confession to make

I’m your fool

Everyone’s got their chains to break

Holdin’ you



Were you born to resist or be abused?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?



Are you gone and onto someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head

Without your noose

You gave me something that I didn’t have

But had no use

I was too weak to give in

Too strong to lose

My heart is under arrest again

But I break loose

My head is giving me life or death

But I can’t choose

I swear I’ll never give in

I refuse



Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?

Its real, the pain you feel

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Oh...



Oh...Oh...Oh...Oh...



Has someone taken your faith?

Its real, the pain you feel

The life, the love

You die to heal

The hope that starts

The broken hearts

You trust, you must

Confess



Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?



I’ve got another confession my friend

I’m no fool

I’m getting tired of starting again

Somewhere new



Were you born to resist or be abused?

I swear I’ll never give in

I refuse



Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?

Its real, the pain you feel

You trust, you must

Confess

Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Oh...

Forget© ~ By CountessMoon
21:03 Jun 16 2005
Times Read: 741

Words
07:53 Jun 15 2005
Times Read: 750


Words spoken in time and space have a different reflection then when spoken. Taken as face value their meanings delve into a whole new realm of existence. How one uses words to paint an image within the mind of a soul reflects upon their inner being. How one perceives these words are a reflection upon their minds. A mind is always going to run in circles, in a maze never seemingly finding the simple exit, that is just around the next corner, never seems to show itself. Words like the walls of the maze, leading, guiding, whispering delusions, tricking one into thinking they are something they are not. Encouraging one into a false self of existence. Bigger then the comprehension of what a few mere words thrown together paint within a soul. Words hurt, maim, kill the inner being of one so close, they murder what one believes. Words bring life to the dead mindless thoughts wandering within the endless maze of ones reflection.



By HellChildDami June 15, 2005 ©

Tormented Wings of Gold
06:09 Jun 15 2005
Times Read: 752


To Hell with you

To Hell with everyone

It’s already where we walk

A Heaven, a Hell

What remains after this life

What really matters

We live lives in Heaven

Here upon this earth

Torment our minds, in our Hell

Last breath taken

Who wants to continue to live the same

No breath in our lungs

No blood flows

No heart beats

No thoughts remain to torment

Who’s soul continues to roam, searching

Fires of eternity await the lost and broken

Golden stairs before pearly gates for the righteous

One death brings forth a life to begin the suffering

One more precious innocent lost and left alone

Making their way through with tormented wings of gold



By HellChildDami June 14, 2005 11:50 pm ©

Illusions
06:09 Jun 11 2005
Times Read: 774


Tears she’s cried throughout her life

Compare not to the tears she has cried for you

Her heart aches and her mind bleeds

In the painful thoughts of you for a chance to believe again

Belief in the illusions within her body and soul

That there is truth in what her heart seeks

That far beyond these walls built for protection

Have not become a prison from which you sit

Wondering in awe at something so close seemingly so far out of reach

Yet it is just beyond the cage for which you hold the keys too

Tears cried in vain for something she knows not

Yet yearns to touch, feel, embrace

Deep within the heart, mind, body and soul

Housed within the layers of brick of her own prison

Her tears reach for you in the silent darkness of a moon lit night

You hear her sobs as wisps of wind through the trees

Standing there staring into the blackness passing

Moon light shimmers upon the water

Illusions of an image of a weeping woman

Wanting to reach out afraid that the waters flow will carry her away

With trembling fingers you caress the waters edge

And through her tear filled eyes she seeks the one to heal her pain

Slowly her image slips away through your fingers in the gentle flow

Cursed in a Belief that she is all but an illusion within your minds eye

But the tears she cries are all too real as she drifts to sleep

Wondering how long she will go on

Her pillow soaked in another night of mindless dreams





By HellChildDami June 11, 2005 ©

Incomplete ~ Backstreet Boys© ~ Sad to say but yes I like these lyrics
03:50 Jun 11 2005
Times Read: 780


Normally I post lyrics in the potion section because songs are like potions in my ears ... but these two just really fit 0,o it's not necessarilly Incomplete or Miserable in a bad way .. ok well yeah miserable and incomplete is an awful feeling ... but ya know just ... oh hell i can't even expalin what I mean but a few will know ...





Empty spaces fill me up with holes

Distant faces with no place left to go

Without you within me I can’t find no rest

Where I’m going is anybody’s guess



I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you

I’m awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete



Voices tell me I should carry on

But I am swimming in an ocean all alone

Baby, my baby

It’s written on your face

You still wonder if we made a big mistake



I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you

I’m awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete



I don’t mean to drag it on, but I can’t seem to let you go

I don’t wanna make you face this world alone

I wanna let you go (alone)



I’ve tried to go on like I never knew you

I’m awake but my world is half asleep

I pray for this heart to be unbroken

But without you all I’m going to be is incomplete



Incomplete

Schemes
04:02 Jun 06 2005
Times Read: 807


How I ache deep inside

I feel as if I'm falling apart

So much is upon my mind

Waiting for this and waiting for that

My head screams in agony



Too many thoughts

Too much to do

Not sure what is most important

Yet just wishing it would all find settlement

If only things would just slow down



I might find peace

Or some standing ground

I'm dizzy and sick from all I think

Not sleeping or eating

All i want is to drink



To drown my mind

My heart with it too

Some euphoric dreams

They're what I need

Something to break all these schemes



By HellChildDami June 5, 2005 ©

Love’s Treason
21:22 Jun 04 2005
Times Read: 815


I have tried to tell you for so long

I could never hurt you as they have done



My only wish is to cherish your dreams

And hold you close in the days to come



My heart it aches at the pain you feel

Knowing all to well that it is hell



You’re not alone in this empty inside

We’re two of the same in where we reside



A blackened heart has taken it’s hold

Upon your mind it has taken control



To live in fear of what you desire in life the most

Someone who understands and will hold you close



It is a chance you must be willing to take

Something to you I swear I’d never break



My heart has been through hell itself

Yet all I desire is to give it to you



To take a chance and find happiness again

Bringing to life our minds once again



I speak not of love for that is treason

But to give of myself for a season



A season or life it does not matter

Whatever the length there is only one reason



You’ve brought laughter behind these eyes

When loneliness and tears were all to rise



I’ve wanted to tell you this for so long

Live in my hell you’ll see my hearts song



By HellChildDami ©

Pacing
06:17 Jun 03 2005
Times Read: 826

Where does one go when there is nowhere to go? How does one cope when they are lost and confused? How do you keep the pieces together, from breaking apart and shattering a dream? How do you find light wandering around in the blackness? How are you free when you feel like a caged animal? Locked up within your mind, thoughts pacing back and forth like a lion. How much longer must I wait for freedom, from thoughts and physical beings?



By HellChildDami June 2, 2005 12:05 A.M. ©

Waiting Patiently???
02:58 Jun 03 2005
Times Read: 829


Hours in the eyes of a mortal man

Mere seconds to a God

Seconds turn into long days of waiting

Time spent waiting for the answers of which I seek

For old news to die and fade away

Something new to come to life

Waiting for the endless days of pain to stop

Waiting for the future to come to light

Nights where sleep will come

Nightmares to end and dreams begin again

Wanting arms to hold me close

Wanting to hear those silent words

Someone to give my love so true

Someone who won’t throw it away

A caress of warmth to touch this soul

For cold to wash from behind these eyes

Time passes by me and I am so tired of standing still

Waiting for something of what I know not



By HellChildDami June 2, 2005 8: P.M. ©

Again :}
10:50 Jun 02 2005
Times Read: 839


I would like to hold you in my arms

Feel your soft lips against mine

The touch of your hands against my flesh

The ache in my muscles massaged away by your strong fingers

Your muscular arms wrapped around me holding me close

Lying next to you my back to your chest

Hear the sound of your voice, laughter ringing in my ears

I would like to look into your eyes again



By HellChildDami ©

Cursed Mind
06:05 Jun 02 2005
Times Read: 846


Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

What have I become, What have you done, What have I let you do to me

I once had hopes and dreams, aspirations, Things yet to achieve

Now I have nothing, Nothing to hold me, Nothing to encourage me,

Nothing to guide me, nothing to love me

Thoughts of death roam through my head

Wishing I were dead though not truly wishing

Missing what I once had become

Siting here in the darkness that has shrouded my mind

Not knowing which direction to turn

Waiting for a sign from above or beyond

Waiting for a sign an answer perhaps

Waiting in time for my peace of mind

Silently screaming within these walls that were once mine

Struck dumb, still but wanting to run

Running in maddening circles within my heart

A ride from which I see not the light at the end of the tunnel

I’m trying to break free from that which binds me here

Scared of a past long thought forgotten

Scared of dreams yet to achieve

Scared of the reality life has come to be

All I want is Someone to hold me, Someone to encourage me,

Someone to guide me, Someone to love me

I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you I hate you

Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck



By HellChildDami June 1, 2005 11:50 p.m. ©

Live By Anne Sexton ©
11:25 Jun 01 2005
Times Read: 856

....



Is life something you play?

And all the time wanting to get rid of it?

And further, everyone yelling at you

to shut up. And no wonder!

People don't like to be told

that you're sick

and then be forced

to watch

you

come

down with the hammer.



...

Georgia Creek and Kittens
10:26 Jun 01 2005
Times Read: 859


Midnight sky

Sitting on a bridge

Looking into the darkness

The smell of pine in the air

In the distance shadows of mountains

The moonlight reflects within the water

Ever flowing the creek travels on

The sound of the dark water

As it laps against the rocks in the bed

Blocking it’s free flow

Kittens gathering at my sides

Peering over the edge at the water below

Rubbing against my legs climbing over me

Their little bellies tumbling in loud purrs

These sounds, these smells, this reality felt

Bringing peace within my troubled soul

These are the things I will miss of my past



By HellChildDami June 1, 2005 4:15 A.M. ©

Confusion???
09:15 Jun 01 2005
Times Read: 862


Like a shadow upon the wall

I sit in cold deadly silence

And I watch



I watch the tears flowing freely

The eyes empty and void of all feeling

Lips quivering in silent pleas



The glint of steel against sunlight

Sensing heat coursing through deep veins

Slowly caressed against pale white skin

Feeling the blood as it pluses through



Steel blade gently pierces tender flesh

Crimson red begins to flow

Trickling down the sides

Droplets drip down staining porcelain



I watch as light begins to shine behind empty eyes

Face begins to come to life

An undescribable look of peace over comes

All pain felt gives way to euphoria



By HellChildDami June 1, 2005 3:10 A.M. ©

As It Was Written By Anne Sexton ©
08:43 Jun 01 2005
Times Read: 863

Earth, earth,

riding your merry-go-round

toward extinction,

right to the roots,

thickening the oceans like gravy,

festering in your caves,

you are becoming a latrine.

Your trees are twisted chairs.

Your flowers moan at their mirrors,

and cry for a sun that doesn't wear a mask.



Your clouds wear white,

trying to become nuns

and say novenas to the sky.

The sky is yellow with its jaundice,

and its veins spill into the rivers

where the fish kneel down

to swallow hair and goat's eyes.



All in all, I'd say,

the world is strangling.

And I, in my bed each night,

listen to my twenty shoes

converse about it.

And the moon,

under its dark hood,

falls out of the sky each night,

with its hungry red mouth

to suck at my scars.