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I'm unsure where to begin. I'm starting to sink into depression again. I've been feeling it for a while now, and I've tried keeping myself busy, pulling extra shifts, playing with the family and friends. It's like a never moving shadow just hovering in the background.

I'm trying my best to keep up on all these bills because someone decided he's going to keep smoking after being suspended from a union job for passing a dirty piss test. He has to do therapy sessions twice a week, and it's been a month and he hasnt even attended one fucking meeting. He's doing a roofing job with my brother and is supposed to be making like $3300 off of it, and hasn't once asked me what he can help me with. He's talked about buying one of my brother's guns for $550 though, and that pisses me off. We have three guns now that are in pawn every six damned months that I have to make payments on and then in turn pay to get them out. I just feel like it's a never ending circle anymore.

He got mad at me yesterday because lately all he does is yell at me. He never wants to drive anymore, but will sit there and bitch and freak out about the way I drive. He yelled at me because someone pulled out in front of me yesterday, as if it was my fault. He yelled at me because I was in the middle lane(turning lane) to make a left and someone was in the middle lane in front of me that kept driving while they were trying to merge into the lanes going the opposite direction I was, as if I was supposed to back up. I told him he was acting like my mother, who I swear will bitch at me to slow down for the stop sign 3 blocks away. I told him I'm just straight up tired of him doing nothing but yelling at me anymore. All he could say was "well I will stop riding around with you then." That's fine. Ride in the truck that I pay for that you keep leaving at my brother's because you can't stay sober long enough to drive it home. I don't know what else more you want from me.

My mother can walk up two flights of stairs to go see my niece and nephew, but refuses to walk up four single stairs to see my house. She's going all the way to Tennessee on my sister's dime for mother's day, but wouldn't let me pay for ice cream the other day. I will never understand that either, why they put my sister on such a high pedestal. Her and her husband are just the light of my mother's life, as if when I started dating my husband and he introduced us to her husband that her husband didn't try and get with me. That's a whole nother story though I guess.

I don't know. I'm just tired.

COMMENTS

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DarknessFollows
15:04 May 05 2021

Sounds like you need a break and some you time

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