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The weekend was rough, tiring at times and at others relaxing and little invigorating.

I still haven't cried over my dad or felt any loss. I think part of it might be the sense of non-completion that comes from not having seen anything relating to his death, other than words.

I have a had a moment here and there; he worked in grocery stores most of my life. Being a grocery employee child is different than being a patron and I went on to work in grocery for several years myself. I remember calling on rough days and complaining to him about work and he would tell me not to complain about the customers because they are doing what they do so that I can do what I do. He advised that I should make the job worthwhile for myself and instead of feeling at the mercy of their demands I should be more appreciative. It shaped my perspective because I had never seen it that way before.

Those things followed me through the grocery store Friday and Saturday.



The situation with my animals is looking better than I could have hoped. I feel more at ease. Yesterday I talked to the vet that I was referred to and my county is spaying and neutering owned and feral animals for free. The vet is connected to the animal shelter and they also loan humane traps so I can catch the ferals and get them altered too. They will also be immunized. Once those 2 things are done no one can say jack shit about the outdoor cats who have chosen to congregate at my house. They don't actually belong to me but right now they are my problem.

Fly in the ointment, I would have loved to just turn the ferals over to the shelter but the shelter has a policy that they only accept by appointment now. This way they can control their numbers and avoid overcrowding. I have to pay if I am turning over animals at the clinic. But I can alter the ferals, bring them back here, socialize them, and bring them in later by appointment.

I checked the adoption website yesterday and the cats I gave the Officer on Thursday are in their system for adoption. I am so relieved.

I am feeling really wiped out. Yesterday I was interrupted in the middle of a perfectly lovely day by my brother messaging me on facebook.

"call me"

"I don't have a phone, I can't call you"

"his phone number"

"dude I still can't call, no phone"

after a few minutes I asked if it was an emergency and he said yes but of course I still couldn't call.

A few hours later I am once again yanked from a perfectly lovely day by facebook messages. My cousin telling me she heard the news and she is sorry and my aunt telling me she loves me and I can call.... what the fuck are you people talking about?

My dad. He is dead. I heard about it on facebook. My brother couldn't message me 2 simple words.

I don't think I am upset. My dad wasn't my favorite person. He lived far away from me. He was one of the people who ostracized me for moving 3000 miles from family.

I didn't sleep well. I tried to nap this afternoon and it was restless.



This afternoon a Sheriffs Officer comes knocking on my door.. well er window, knocking on my window like the raven. I have too many cats. I know. I feel pretty helpless about it but she came to help me out. Our county finally stopped murdering homeless animals! They don't even murder ferals anymore! I am ecstatic! They will help me with spay and neuter too; cheap or free, whatever gets it done! I am thrilled. They will even loan me traps for catching the ferals so they can be altered, immunized and adopted or released to live out their happy feral lives.

Awesome! This news is so great!

Then my husband tells me the car needs a clutch.

The one car that runs and isn't a gashog needs a clutch.

However he wants to fiddle with the broken car and drive the gas guzzling truck 120 miles a day.



All of this together, piled on top of me makes me feel like I want to puke. My head hurts, my stomach hurts. I want to lay down and cover my head with a blanket until all the stress is gone.

I just realized fully for the first time ever how long the next 4 years is going to be. It isn't about political policies or anything like that. In the 20some years that politics and voting have been something I needed to be concerned about there really hasn't been one single time that the President and his policies have interfered with my staunch Anarchism. Not once.

My husband is a fan of the person in the White House at this moment. I... let us say I have a more discerning taste.

Any time I say something like "that man needs to hire a writer and stop writing his own material" I get the silent treatment and a cold shoulder.

COMMENTS

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SimpleMan
05:21 Feb 18 2017

Politics is an almost forbidden subject at home. Too many fights over stuff I cannot change. I do not argue but members of the family do when they come by. I am over all of it

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GatsunoKisu
01:49 Feb 19 2017

I was pretty glib during the entire election and my fella got a little annoyed with me.

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I should probably not watch ecchi anime in the middle of the day. This afternoon my thought process was so juvenile.

Nobody knows how much I stress over the budget. Nobody!

This morning I thought my hair was going to fall out!

One bright shiny spot. We were paying for a lawnmower via rent to own. I know they are a horrible money suck but when you barely have credit and don't actually have the cash to pay for one all at once you take what you can get.

The lawnmower is paid off!

Such a load off my mind.

I watched the first 4 episodes of Scum's Wish.



헐!!



That is one messed up anime. I want to watch some more!