As I have emphasized these past few days, I feel like I have been attacked by a diabolical energy, along with dear friends...or demonic entities....whatever it may be...it source was coming from the Christian pantheon. I dedicated a Christian spell to the mystical Christian God, and for a while I felt peace. I collected every metaphysical object I had, and made an altar. All of my tarot card decks, my Orthodox Icons, my Orthodox bible, my Orthodox Prayer Book, my runes, quarts crystals, various other stones, objects from the earth, holy water, and bread representing the body of Christ, my Buddha statue representing balance...unfortunately I didn't have wine to represent the blood of Christ for my challice and cup. I used my athame and wjite sage to clear out negative energy in my apartment, and burned a couple of white candles with some red glitter left over from beltane that represents peace. I casted out a Christian spell and sent it to the direction it was meant to go. For a while I felt peace. I even played music. For a while I felt peace, then the negative energy came back to haunt my thoughts. It reminded me of the parable Christ told of a demon being casted out, anf going to get seven more buddies to try to take the place back. Negativity is like an infestation of cock roaches. They spread out where they cannot be...then they come back when the environment is right. Similar to Islamic terrorists. lol Perhaps it will tale some time to have the effects I desire. I cannot fimd a high priestess at this time who can come and do a house clearing.
There's an inquiry going on that asks Wiccans when they decided to follolw the path, and why they chose to pursue it. The normal stereotypical response tends to be a person who felt dissatisfied or oppressed by traditional Christian roots. They grew bitter and found a belief that was more suitable, because it was more independent, rather that collectively based on a heirarchal way of thinking. Honestly, I can't remember a single event or evolution that ever took place that determined my spiritual path. I was always, since I can remember very intuned with the mystical elements of nature...but I related more to the practice of Witchcraft in general, rather that the religious aspects of Wicca. It is perhaps a more fitting transition to submit to a fertility religion with some sort of rules and constructs when your environment consists of ancient organized beliefs. I suppose I always had an attachment to history that predated Christianity, and was not surprised that Christianity, Judaism, and other organized religions were not based upon anything new. Jesus was a part of a long line of ancient savior gods that consisted of the deified humans to the likes of Krishna, Dyonisis, Zoroaster, Osiris, Mithras, among others. THis really is just common knowledge to the truth seeking mind, and as far as I'm concered, nothing to be feared. I was always quite fond of Christ and the mysticism that was practiced in the early centuries of Christianity...which may be one reason why I willingly go to an Orthodox church. My parents claim Christianity, but my father was always infatuated with ancient mythologies, and my mother is a hippie vegan that's into herbs and natural substances. They were both baby boomers, so it's really more of a play on words that counts...and they never really criticized me for my spiritual beliefs as long as Jesus was some place in them. lol I guess it goes back to the superstitions of my Irish and Germanic ancestors that my family embraced rather than condemned. As violent as my family was, we could always have a beer afterwards. lol Honestly, I didn't really begin to appreciate Wicca until I knew it was based on both a male and female deity. I misjudged it by thinking it was one big Dianic like circle of the Goddess cult that embraced militant feminism, and down casted anything of masculine energy. I think perhaps when I was 11 or 12, I began studying my beliefs more by collecting books, taking classes, and tools for ritual at an early age. I've become a more well informed and balanced practitioner because of it. The more you're open to learning, the more successful your craft becomes...which is why I became a counselor, due to my caring of the human condition.
I think that I will keep a journal to record all of these dreams in the morning to have a better understanding of what I'm dealing with, and perhaps a source to better equip myself to fight such things.
I do not discuss this with many people for the sake that I do not fully understand these things, as well as those who refuse to understand. I have tried to be open to discussing paranormal attacks, and unlike those who try to forget them, I try to confront them...and I haven't found too many out there willing to take that step with me. For a while, I have had night terrors off and on. I had not had one for over a year, until this morning. As a paranormal investgator, and an indivial who has contacted the dead on many occassions, it is simple to distinguish the difference between unbalanced chemicals, and external forces of negative entities. Now, the arguement is, are these "demons" predominantly a negative internal force that we all struggle with, or are they actually outside entities that can manifest themselves similar to an apparition...and some become so powerful, they can live inside your thoughts and dwell there for many years. Perhaps even generations. When I was with my ex-fiance, we had an apartment together, and we were always fighting. I loved her VERY much, and when two spiritual peopledoppose each other, various pantheons that you use can begin to fight with each other. It's not a very pleasant experience. I usually have complete contro of my sences when I'm asleep. Some of them seem entirely real, I will wake up screaming like I just witnessed a murder. It's almost like the movie, The Cell. lol Early this morning, I felt multiple forces strangling and suffocating me in my sleep, but I could feel it externally, and it was very difficult to wake up. I felt like they were multiple dreams within dreams. Could they be seen as simple psyche symmatics or the placeabo effect, or have we, in the western world found ways to write off every issue as psychological or chemical, that truely involve the supernatural. As a paranormal investigator, I have to take a neutral stance, but still be open minded. In one of my dreams, there was an entity in the form of a man grasping onto me to over power me. I struggled by stabbing him with metallic objects, and several bites to the throat like I was going to eat it out of him. (I'm generally not the type that runs away from things in my dreams) Yet al of it had no effect. He mentioned a close friend of mine who would soon be under spiritual attack, and I took it as a warning. My roommates have been having similar dreams. There is no doubt that there is some negative energy that I need to clear from my apartment, but your mind is strengthened by a collective resistance, yet unfortunately I haven't found those capable or willing to participate.
Have you ever seen the World of War Craft episode of South Park? If not, you can find it on Comedy Central's website, and watch it for free. There was this one ascended master at the top who had absolutely no life, and he was going around killing everyone else's character for fun, which not even the creators of the game could figure out how he was able to do it. So...Cartman, Kyle, Stan, Butters, and other of our true heroes spend weeks killng wild boars out in the fields to gain easy points and improve their status, until they are collectively able to create a character to destroy the ascended enemy once and for all! I haven't been on Vampire Rave in ages. I've just come back after two years, and I'm only at nearly level 23 at the moment. The vast majority of your ranks consist of staying on the site as much as possible. What if someone left their lap top open, and just stayed logged into Vampire Rave for weeks straight?! He/She would go through the ranks, and perhaps be one of the immortals in record timing! Then, once that level is accomplished, you could scheme, and collect everyone else's vampyric psychic energy! It would be like Freddy Krugar and all the souls he collects. The more points you collect...first Vampire Rave, and then the entire Vampyric community!
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...The system times you out. So if you stay logged in, you're logged out. Also, if you consider using a page refresher, don't, they're highly illegal on the rave.
That has to be one of my favorite South Park epsiosdes
Sex magick makes you feel a lot more optimistic about your life! Especially if it is engaged with someone close to you. When I was a nihilist, it was just a temporary cure for my massive headaches when dealing with epilepsy. I considered it to be better than being addicted to drugs or alcoholism which runs deep in my family line...including my famous great uncles Lonn Chaney jr. and Senior. God rest both of their souls. Freaks run in the family line, and it is indeed a blessing. I try to stay away from those who don't have some sort of mental disorder or disorientation. It shows lack of character. Plus, enjoying the pleasure of sex without the unnecessary anebriations is medically approved! During shabbats, I've been working with the High Priestess of my coven to come up with recipes and herbal blends that makes erotica more satisfying. Beltane is a sex wiccan's party. Hopefully as I experiment and collect more herbs and recipes, I can post them here for others good use. Last night, a few friends of mine made a huge fire in my living room with sages to clear all of the negative energy that has come into my home this year. Now that I'm practicing magic again, my mood has become more delightsome. Now, I just need to work on having more interest in school. lol I'm taking a lot of experimental classes that do not apply to my major at all. I was feeling a bit light headed during the full moon as well...but my Beltane stick is back in perfect order, and hopefully between now and Litha, I'll accomplish everything that needs to be done.
There once was this great counsil of gods doing a science experiment. God is a kid with a failed ant farm. The gastric juices covered the atmosphere forming the premordial soup that would ultimately lead to conscousness. The gods created male and female separate but equal. The women were very graceful and social creatures, so lesbianism was in their nature. Guys were killing each other off very fast because they didn't like that the other guy's fire log was bigger than his. They felt threatened by their neighbors and made their fire logs bigger by stealing others. Soon it came down to five men...and they discovered women. Now at that time all the women were nude and not ashamed...so the guys looked at them and were like "whoa!" They went down to them one by one trying to show off and prove themselves to them. "unga chonga wonga me big fire log!" THat didn't work, and they started fighting again....this time over who would get the girl with the biggest organic drums. Then....they gathered around and came up with the first super great idea! Currency! THe women were amused. Then....when they learned to agree with each other and make fire with their fire logs in the winter, the women were ecstatic! They loved the man at last! Soon they began to compromise their lesbianism with bi-sexuality. As generation grew and evolved, soon some of them even became hetrosexual, when they found out the FUN way to pro-create was by way of penetration instead of alien DNA that produced the Nefilim. Though...they still retain AT LEAST lesbian tendencies to this very day!
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