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I have this mind, which tears me down

I can’t stand up for myself I never have

I can’t just be myself, from the fear inside

What the hell

I’m so sick

Sick of life

Sick of living each day not knowing

Tomorrow or the next

Or if I’ll screw up once again

I’m such a failure

I do know right from wrong

But just choose to stray from what’s right

And follow the path to eternal damn

Sometimes I lie awake at night thinking back

To everything I’ve ever done

Things I could’ve done but didn’t

And how my fear drew me closer

And how now I’m almost there

A part of me wants to turn my life around

But the other part wants my conscience to just go away

I’m sick of hearing right from wrong

But I think the path I choose does not make me a bad person

Or afraid of whom I am

It’s just so hard

How she treats me is not right

How who I am now is because of her

It’s just not right

And I make one mistake

And all of a sudden I’m not right

I ‘m the mistake

The one thing everyone could live without

What did I do to deserve such torment?

One day I’m ok

And the next want to just throw my life away

How is this fair

I ended all this a long time ago

Or tried anyway

Was I not good enough for the mighty God up there?

Am I going to hell for something I didn’t make?

I didn’t make my heart cold, or my tears ice

I didn’t make what I feel inside, or my crushed soul

I didn’t make who I am today

Who I am today reflects back to the things

She’s done or said to me

I’ve tried for so long to find away not to break

But the truth is I’m broken, fallen and I can’t get up

I don’t want to get up

I want to lay here and let the time pass by

Maybe than I can forget what my heart holds deep inside

The anger and frustration

I just can’t deny

I want to let go

Why? Why can’t I just let go?

Take me away

Away from this place I call home

Sometimes when the world is dark

And all is asleep

I start to just think

About my life and what it used to be

And what it became

And how my emotions

Can just take over

And leave me broken deep inside

What can I do?

How do you fight back?

When sometimes your life

Is on the line

And there’s no way to turn back

Your mind is running

Your faith is barely holding on

Your heart is cold and slightly broken

You’re bleeding

You’re screaming

You’re slowly leaving

The pain is addicting

Everything else is just shattering

Your soul is lost

It can’t be found

No one can find it

Not even yourself

What do you do when you know you need help?

But can’t even admit it to yourself

You look in the mirror and all you see is a broken image

Of what used to be you

What do you do when there’s no where to run

No where to hide because all along you know

The person tearing you apart is just on the other side

Of your bed room door

Each day seems to just drag on to the next

Every scar is covered by the new

Every tear just adds to the rest

You can’t even try anymore it all seems so worthless

You tell yourself that even if you do you’ll just fall again

And when you’ve fallen so many times in just one day

You start to feel so weak and tired of trying again

Not knowing if the next day you’ll fall even harder than the last

When you finally break down and fall to the ground

It hurts to move or just to fucking breathe

Your fears take total control and leave you begging for death

Away from all this pain; hell hole you’re living in

To just stop your head from spinning

And your sight from going completely black

When your holding on to what feels like nothing

And your body totally shuts down

All your tears suddenly turn cold

You sit there; and eventually fall asleep

You make it to the next day

Your heart pretends that everything’s ok

But what you truly feel; you are too ashamed to show

You smile when you’re hurt

You laugh when tears even start to show

Your heart, your soul

Are all in a show

No lights; no cameras

Just what is left of this girl?

Hearing voices to take the easy way out

Nothing you can do

They double or even triple

Leaving you screaming on the floor

Crying, begging, and pleading

For someone to just listen

And once day turns to night

You wonder if you’ll make it

To see the darkness turn to light!

It was dark, the moon was full

Silence filled the open earth

Thoughts racing through your mind

Must fade away from this darkened world

Everytime your head

Hits your pillow

You let out a silent cry

Knowing in the back of your mind

That each night draws you closer

To what is most desired

Death is on your mind

Where you feel you have to go

Nobody cares

And nobody quite knows

What you must hold

Embrace the fate to unfold

For you are just a young rose

Easily torn with a touch of a hand

Thorns to represent an unspoken past

But roses don’t ever last

The beauty fades leaving the grey

Burning deeply in each side

Until nothing’s left

So you must hide

Away from the pain

The world

The truth

The fire you hold onto you hold tighter

Your heart possess you and must soon tell you

That you are on death’s row tonight