The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

She sat there desolately staring blankly at the screen before her. There were so many thoughts running through her head. It seemed so pointless to her that she was even here…That she even tried to pretend that she cared. But what else was there for her to do? At this moment she could give a damn less what was going on and how the world felt or thought. She put a hand up to her head and ignored the little voice that was notifying her of a message she had just received online…So many things to think about…When would her mind ever shut up? Out of the corner of her eye she saw the professor walking over looking quite concerned. She knew what the woman was going to say, and it really pissed her off. When the woman came over and asked if she was okay, she simply glared at her, logged off and walked out of the room. She never said a word to the woman. It wasn’t any of her business if she was alright or not. Aside from that, what’s so wrong about staring into space and pretending that you didn’t exist? She really hated people sometimes; they were all just too stupid. On and on her mind raged, one thought after another. Would it ever subside? She walked on not knowing where it was that she was headed. She simply let her legs take her where they wanted. It was amazing just how cowardly people really were. She thought about finding someone who bragged they could kill someone and never think twice about it, never feel remorse, and handing them a gun. She imagined that she would look at them deep in the eyes and say, “Shoot me. Shoot me if you can deal with the consequences and are so bold.” But she knew what would happen. They would look at her utterly terrified, unable to do anything but think about how insane she must be. How could a person be such a coward? She cussed herself. How could she talk about anyone else being a coward when she knew that she herself could never do something like that to someone? Before she knew it, she was out on the highway, ignoring the speeding vehicles that nearly blew her off her feet each time that they passed. It took awhile for her to get away from the school. But she had managed it. She wanted to be away from everything, but had no idea where to go to achieve such a feat. After some time she called herself out of her thoughts and back into reality. Where was she? It was so dark. But what was there to complain about? Absolutely nothing. She sat on the ground and looked around herself. She was on some dirt road that was surrounded by trees and stars. Off in the distance, past the lumbering pine trees she could see the glow of headlights and the sounds of civilization. She sighed and smiled. She was finally away from everything that had ever caused her strife. The only problem was that she couldn’t get her mind to shut up. She wondered if she were to die, would her spirit be plagued by never-ending thoughts about pointless and menial things? Knowing her luck she would. She leaned back on her hands and closed her eyes. It began to rain. The falling water felt so good. Like a blanket wrapping her up, protecting her from the hurts of the world. Then from behind her she heard some faint music. It was like and almost like the weird creepy choir music you hear from a roman catholic church after the main ceremony is over. It was weird. She got up and looked around her, but there was nothing, she was still alone. She closed her eyes once more and damned herself for being crazy. This time she heard laughter. It was soft, dark and somewhat seductive in a friendly way. In her mind she wondered if such a combination was even possible. She turned and looked behind her. There he sat. As comfortable as someone enjoying the sunset would be. His dark hair fell over into his pale face, dripping with the rain. He looked at her and smiled. Those gleaming eyes of his were what really made her paranoid. They were so inviting yet dark. She stared into them for a moment noticing the silver flecks that lined his purple iris’. They were gorgeous. She looked away. “Why are you out here?” She pondered his question. It had been awhile since she thought about what really pushed her to leave. “I…don’t really know anymore.” He laughed. What was so funny? “I figured as much. You always were the type that acted before you really thought about something.” To her that comment seemed wrong. She thought about everything, tried to never act upon anything. How could she be the senseless type? She only looked at him. He stood and held a hand out to her. What did he want? Did he want her to come with him somewhere? She thought for a moment and realized something. How could she be so stupid?! The thought had finally crossed her mind that she had never met this person before; she had never spoken to him or seen him. Who was he and how did he know her? “Who are you?” she asked. “That will be answered soon enough. I need you to see something first.” He once again held his hand out to her. She stood and followed him; Despite the fact that her instincts were screaming to stay behind and forget the guy. They walked on together in silence. What was there to say? It was more or less thoughts and questions spilling over into her conscious mind. There were so many things that could be said, but she knew that she would keep her mouth shut. “Do you know why it is that you wish to die so often?” She looked at the ground and sighed. She could tell that he was looking at her intently. Why did he want to know? How did he know how she felt anyway? “Because there is nothing worth living for anymore. There is no happiness, no calm, no honesty. It is all a bunch of bullshit that goes on day to day. No one gives a damn. Why should I care anymore? I have tried so hard to be the opposite of what they all are. To care, to try and understand others and the way that they feel. But each and every time, I get run over and treated like crap.” He nodded his head. “That is truly understandable. Yet it is not the real reason that you desire and end to your life. Think about it love. You sit and analyze people all of the time wondering what goes on in their head. Well you know what goes on in your head, so why do you really wish to leave the world behind? She thought for a few minutes, but she already knew the answer. It was really simple. “I am tired. I am worn out on all of the issues and problems that present themselves to me and I feel that there is nothing left for me to do. The only logical way for me to get out of all of this and be happy would be death. Basically, I just don’t feel like dealing with it anymore.” He nodded his head. Was this the answer that he had been looking for? “Look ahead of you. What do you see?” It was silly, this question. She didn’t see very much at all. “I see the road, curving in the darkness. Fog, dirt, you, and nothing else.” He smiled. “Do you see nothing else?” This was getting aggravating. “Well yeah, if you count the trees and all. Look, what do you want me to see? There’s nothing out here!” He turned and grabbed her arm lightly. “Calm down love. Look at me closely and tell me what you can see.” She glanced at him and then looked away. “Nothing. Just a person.” He sighed. “Look harder, I know that you can see it.” She gave up fighting him and stared hard. Something began to happen. There was some sort of glow coming from behind him. It was faint and iridescent. There was an outline of something. What was it? She looked even more intently. It was wings. He had silver wings jutting from his back. She walked behind him and reached her hand out ever so gently. The tips of her fingers brushed against soft, downy feathers. It was real. Or was it? There were so many conflicting ideas that she now had. Could she have possibly fallen asleep there on the side of that dusty old road? Or was all of this actually happening? She took a step back and gasped. “What?” It was the only thing that she could manage to say. The mysterious man smiled at her. “It is more than you think. You have been wishing for death for quite some time now. I am here to see if it is truly what you wish for. Now again, look ahead of you and see what it is that you need to see.” She turned obediently and looked at the distance ahead of her. At first there was nothing but darkness and fog. But then shapes and outlines found their way into the edges of her vision. What was it? She saw herself, lying dead on the ground. How did she know that she was dead? Simple. There was a massive hole in her chest and lying on the ground beside it was a gleaming dagger. Had someone stabbed her, or had she done the deed herself? There was blood on her hands. Perhaps she had only grasped at the wound. She would never have the guts to take her own life that way. The scene before her changed. It was school. There were so many unhappy people. What was with them? She listened to see if she could hear anything. There was a murderer loose. He had gotten the quiet girl. He had stabbed her in the heart. No one knew her really well, but they all knew that she was now gone. They were sad because a psycho had gotten to a fellow student. They didn’t even know her name. The announcements were said, in them there was a moment of silence for a student. They had pronounced her name wrong. Then it came to her family. Her parents were no longer living. They hadn’t been for several years, but there was her sister. Her sister didn’t even care. Her life went on as normal. Screwing every boy that came to the door. The images faded and the mysterious boy was the only thing that stood before her. “This is what will happen if you die. Or rather this is what will happen in the world if you choose to die. Her face grew dark and shadowed. “Does that mean that I have to choose right here and now?” She asked of him. She already knew what he would say, and she already knew what her answer would be. He shook his head. “If you choose death, I will kill you and then you will never know pain again. You will come with me where you can make a difference in other ways than you have been trying here on earth. If you choose life, you will walk home from here, and you will have strength renewed to deal with all of the issues that life has and will present you. However love, let me warn you that your life, should you choose to live it, will not be easy. Either way, it is your choice.” She sat upon the ground once more and thought for awhile. “Where is it that I will go when I die? What will become of my soul, my spirit?” He knelt beside her. “I cannot answer that for you. You must discover this on your own.” She figured that that was going to be his answer, but no harm in asking right? She asked herself, what would she miss if she were to leave her life? She thought real hard for some time on this, but found that there was nothing she would miss, save her memories, and they would go with her, she would make sure of that. The answer was clear. “I choose death.” It was simple. Three little words and the deed was done. She was gone somewhere beautiful and ancient, where there were so many new things to learn and see. She no longer had to deal with the earth. She observed how her death had affected the earth and realized what it was that Gabriel had meant when he said I would make a difference in another way. My death had straightened out my sister, and it had made the entire students think about the possibility of life slapping them in the face and saying hello dumb-ass! It was wonderful. It was the best decision I had ever made in my entire life.