The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006
03:53 Dec 29 2006
Times Read: 768

(copied off an email sent me)



A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's

final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses

for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious

personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate

family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand

and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I

was suffering from complete and utter sexual

exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter

and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher

smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and

sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the

exam with your other hand."

I refuse I tell ya!!!
22:34 Dec 28 2006
Times Read: 772

Woke up with a sore throat, stuffy head and nasty headache this morning. took some herbal things like vitamins C and echinecia (spelling??) and some tylenol and went back to bed for a bit. Felt slightly better after getting up but seem to not have any energy. As the night draws near my throat seens to be getting slightly more sore. So....called MOM.....told me to get to the Dr. before it gets worse. Well its 5:30 so will have to suffer tonight and get up and go in the morning. I see Vicks vapor rub and a tad bit of whiskey in my future tonight. HAVE to be well...the BF is coming up tomorrow and taking me to Cinci for the weekend. I refuse to be sick on New Year when I actually have a BF to celebrate it with..I refuse I tell ya!!!

Catching Up
04:26 Dec 28 2006
Times Read: 774

It has been a while since I have actually written something other than copying something here, I felt the need tonight to do so.



Christmas was great. The house was full of family and food and love. What more could a person ask for??? (Ok, maybe better sleeping arrangements!!!) There were 10 adults and two children in three beds and two air mattresses. Normally that would work mostly, but see I am not married and all the adults were but me and my boyfriend. I got the bed and he got the floor beside the bed. Most would ask WHY? But see my folks are old fashioned enough to believe that people should not sleep together before marriage. We wanted to respect that.



Gift exchange with friends was better than usual this year. More laid back and I actually got things I liked and could use. (Yes gals I mostly meant Donna).



I am currently on break from classes and have started doing a bit of cleaning. Absolutely amazing how much stuff we accumulate over the years. AND then there are the ranges of sizes of clothes. From current size to a little bigger to way smaller.....all in the closet. Just in case, you know?



VW39 tends to write about me in her journal...often it seems. I fuss at her for putting my real name in....and she goes on and ignores it. Gotta admit it sort of teed me off at first. Now I am resigned.....and plotting my own revenge. (Yup best be on your guard girlfriend)



Planning vacation.with the same VW39...at first we stated Florida, now it seems to be NC. I actually dont care as long as there is water for me to refurbish and renew my spirit by. You see, I am a pisces and I NEED water and it has been soooooooo long.



Both VW39 and Nightgame are Sires and then there is me.....at 16---Vampire. But, gotta say I am SOOOOOOOOO okay with that. Not competitive at all with them here. I really only joined at first to know what they are talking about. I stay for the same reason PLUS I like playing the blue guy and writing here some. I have found a few other folks to talk to on sparse occasions but *shrugs* I prefer in person conversations so much more than online.



Well it's been an outpouring of words and thoughts to sort of "catch up". If anyone actually reads this other than VW and NG, sorry if it rambles, they are pretty used to subject jumping with me. Have a good day!

Don't Save It All For Christmas Day
03:07 Dec 26 2006
Times Read: 779

Here are the lyrics to a Celine Dion song. It is a beautiful song, but the lyrics are powerful as well.



"Don't Save It All For Christmas Day"



Don't get so busy that you miss

Giving just a little kiss

To the ones you love

Don't even wait a little while

To give them a little smile

A little is enough



How many people are crying

People are dying...

How many people are asking for love



Don't save it all for Christmas Day

Find a way

To give a little love everyday

Don't save it all for Christmas Day

Find your way

Cause holidays have come and gone

But love lives on

If you give on

Love...



How could you wait another minute

A hug is warmer when you're in it

And Baby that's a fact

And saying "I love you's" always better

Seasons, reasons, they don't matter

So don't hold back

How many people in this world

So needful in this world

How many people are praying for love



Don't save it all for Christmas Day

Find a way

To give a little love everyday

Don't save it all for Christmas Day

Find your way

Cause holidays have come and gone

But love lives on

If you give on

Love...



Let all the children know

Everywhere that they go

Their whole life long

Let them know love



Don't save it all for Christmas Day

Find a way

To give a little love everyday

Don't save it all for Christmas Day

Find your way

Cause holidays have come and gone

But love lives on

If you give on

Love...

Love...

How the angel got on top of the Christmas tree
04:36 Dec 07 2006
Times Read: 789

Not long ago and far away, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip,

but there were problems everywhere. Four of the elves got sick and the

trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so

Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then

Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed

Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that

three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and

were out, heaven knows where. More Stress.



Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the

toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. Totally frustrated

Santa went into the house for a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey.

When he went to the cupboard, he found the elves had hit the liquor and

there was nothing to drink. In his frustration, he dropped the coffee

pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen

floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw

it was made from.



Just then the door bell rang and Santa cussed on his way to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big

Christmas tree. The angel said: "Where would you like to put this tree,

fat man?"



And that, my friend, is how the little angel came to be on top of the

Christmas tree.

TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS (BDSM STYLE)
04:29 Dec 07 2006
Times Read: 790




'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the domain,

Not a subbie was stirring, (they were tied down with chain)

The shackles were hung by the chimney with care,

And the St. Andrews cross stood empty and bare.



The subbies were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of floggers danced in their heads;

The Dom in his leather, and I in my slave cap,

Had just settled down after getting our whacks.



When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I crept from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew very quickly.

Tripped over some handcuffs and cursed soft and thickly.



The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the luster of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my sleep-crusted eyes should unfurl,

But a miniature sleigh, pulled by eight pony girls,



With a Dominant driver, so forbidding and stern,

I knew in a moment I'd a great deal to learn.

More rapid than eagles his pony girls came,

And he whipped them, and shouted, and called them by name;



"Now, dashslave! now, danceslave! now, pranceslave and switch!

On, subbie! on slavegirl! on, slavepet and bitch!

To the top of the porch! to the training room wall!

And I'll redden your bottoms, should one of you fall!



As terrified tears before the cat-o-nine flow,

When they meet with an obstacle, gather courage and go,

So up to the house-top the pony girls flew,

With the sleigh full of sex toys, and the Dominant too.



And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of pony girl boots.

As I drew in my head with a sense of forbode,

In through the front door the Dominant strode.



He was dressed all in black, from his head to his feet,

And his clothes were all studded, leathered and neat.

A bundle of sex toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked very menacing opening his pack.



His eyes, they were hard with a definite gl! ower

His countenance cold, and I quite felt his power.

His sternly set mouth bespoke no reprieve,

For the unlucky subbie who caused him to grieve.



The goatee he sported lent a devilish air

As did the slight spatter of gray in his hair.

He had strong pectorals and a muscular torso.

That hardened and flexed and gave force to each blow.



He was lean, stern and fit, quite the Dom of my dreams,

And I wanted to serve him, so went down on my knees.

He looked down upon me, with a turn of his head,

He made my soul tremble while my heart filled with dread;



He spoke not a word, but put me to straight to work,

He watched me in silence, idly tapping his quirt.

"Heel me," he commanded, the lone words he would say,

And he stalked out the door as I rushed to obey.



He sprang to his sleigh, to his team cracked the whip,

Pulled me 'cross his knee, where i hung scared and limp.

And he whispered to me, "I shall teach you a lesson.

Happy Christmas, new slave; tonight we shall session."

THE 12 DAYS OF CHRISTMAS (BDSM STYLE)
04:27 Dec 07 2006
Times Read: 791

On the 1st day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

A Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

On the 2nd day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.



On the 3rd day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my

knees.



On the 4th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather

Pillow for my knees.



On the 5th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a

Small Feather Pillow for my knees.



On the 6th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS,.4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple

Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.



On the 7th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3

Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my

knees.



On the 8th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL

BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small

Feather Pillow for my knees.



On the 9th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6

Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple

Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.



On the 10th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7

Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3

Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small Feather Pillow for my

knees



On the 11th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9 Candles Dripping, 8

Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes of KY, FIVE ANAL

BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps and a Small

Feather Pillow for my knees.



On the 12th day of Christmas, my MASTER gave to me...

12 Orgasms Screaming, 11 Pairs of Stockings, 10 Lords a Whipping, 9

Candles Dripping, 8 Floggers Flogging, 7 Crops a Swinging, 6 Tubes

of KY, FIVE ANAL BEADS, 4 Ball Gags, 3 Blindfolds, 2 Nipple Clamps

and a Small Feather Pillow for my knees.

CHRISTMAS CAROLS FOR THE DISTURBED
04:20 Dec 07 2006
Times Read: 793




1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?



2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are



3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas



4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me



5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and Trees and.....



6. Paranoid --- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me



7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire



8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why



9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?



10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Grandma's Boyfriend
21:08 Dec 01 2006
Times Read: 801

A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?"



Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend.

I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."



Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible

She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem.



The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister.

The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?"

The little boy replied,

"Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

River of Alcohol?
21:08 Dec 01 2006
Times Read: 802

A minister was completing a Temperance sermon.

With great emphasis he said,

"If I Had all the beer in the world, I'd take it

and pour it into the river."

With even greater emphasis he said,

"And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he said,

"And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."

After completing his sermon, he sat down.

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, announced.

"For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365,

"Shall We Gather at the River."

The Importance of Concentration
21:05 Dec 01 2006
Times Read: 803

WIFE:

What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?



HUSBAND:

Definitely not!



WIFE:

Why not - don't you like being married?



HUSBAND:

Of course I do.



WIFE:

Then why wouldn't you remarry?



HUSBAND:

Okay, I'd get married again.



WIFE:

You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).



HUSBAND:

(makes audible groan).



WIFE:

Would you live in our house?



HUSBAND:

Sure, it's a great house.



WIFE:

Would you sleep with her in our bed?



HUSBAND:

Where else would we sleep?



WIFE:

Would you let her drive my car?



HUSBAND:

Probably, it is almost new



WIFE:

Would you replace my pictures with hers?



HUSBAND:

That would seem like the proper thing to do.



WIFE:

Would she use my golf clubs?



HUSBAND:

No, she's left-handed.



WIFE:

- - silence - -



HUSBAND:

F**k

21:05 Dec 01 2006
Times Read: 804

Are you a Grinch??
21:04 Dec 01 2006
Times Read: 805




How To Tell If You're A Grinch

Your only contact with three spirits on Christmas Eve

Is gin, vodka and bourbon.



You turn on the lawn sprinklers on Christmas Eve

To keep carolers away.



You buy all of your Christmas gifts at a

Store that also sells gas.



Your idea of Christmas dinner is a

Six pack of beer and a cheese log.



You use your Christmas Club money

To buy wrestling tickets.



Your only holiday decoration is a rotting pumpkin.



You reuse last year's Christmas cards and

Send them out under your own name.



You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor

Display to replenish your own supply.



After an invitation to a friend's house, you bring a commercially produced fruitcake and try to pass it off as home made.



You steal gifts from the Toys-for-Tots collection bins.



You put out last year's stale candy canes for children.