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For the last two years I have been on the state board of the NASW....I was asked today if I wanted to stay another two years...I said NO. Lots of reasons..but the two largest...I do not have the time to devote to it like it needs and....I have soo many things on my plate that I don't have time for me. So...one gone...more to leave I think.
We often tread very fine lines in our lives both intentionally and unintentionally. Things around us also have fine lines that we sometimes have control over crossing and sometimes not.
Some fine lines include:
Love and Hate
Pain and Pleasure
Good stress and bad stress
What to say and what not to say
Spoiled and unspoiled
Friendships and parting of ways
Personal space and intimate space
Poverty and making it
When walking these fine lines, sometimes we cross without meaning to do so. When that happens we are often left wondering what happened and question...why?
Sometiems we cross on purpose, with fore thought and an intended reason or purpose for doing so. Often the reason is a small grain of something that has tipped the scales.
Kissing, touching...pulling hair...handcuffs...whatever goes in your bedroom or backyard...truck...neighbors bedroom even! Its lights, camera ...ACTION BABY!
Well ....hell. The BF just called and he will not be coming up this weekend...they asked him to work over. Sigh....just as well I suppose as I am definitely in PMS. Yes I just put that in black and white.....well yellow.
I purposefully did not call him for the last two days and he called tonight...early.... to say he had missed me and that he wasn't coming. Ok....it irks me a little. But..I worked last weekend so I can not say anything about him working.
So many changes coming in a couple weeks... not sure where the journey will lead. Feeling a bit scared, hurt, devalued, frustrated, worried, and lost where work is concerned.
A slight bit of confusion comes into play where the BF is concerned. Does he love me? Does he not? Acts it but doesn't say it.
But there is also...comfort and support from the love I have from family and friends. Even my students are encouraging and hate to see me go.
In an odd mood I think. Told you was PMS time didn't I? I usually get funky then. Although the stress is usually not this bad when I do.
Chin up....things will work out the way they are supposed to and I will get where I need to be,
I have faith in that......I have to or else I would be nuts.
I posted an opinion in a forum thread today. I did not think the thread was a good one for this site. I stated as much.
It was just my opinion. I got "smacked" by a consul. Well, huh! Ok then. No more forum posts for me...and log off.
A few hours later I log on. I find the thread closed but I go read it anyway to find out what actually closed it. I see where a few folks actually agreed with me (thanks Vampirewitch39)and a few posts that had misunderstood the thread and a few in support of it. Shrugs.......moved on.
Went to read my favorite journal lists. OMG. Two of them had long rants about the thread. They supported me. Thank YOU Nightgame and Redqueen!!!!!
Then went over to the House and read a thread or two there. Saw where it had become a topic. Wow...I had no idea that my simple post would have such an impact today. Ok technically it was the consul's response that caused the uproar, but I seemed to have inadvertantly started it with my opinion.
Just goes to show....no matter how small the detail or opinion....it can have a huge impact.
I really enjoyed my time in the Coven of Darkness Incarnate. The people there are terrific. It is just that sometimes folks need a change. I felt as if a chanage was in order.
I hope things continue well with the Coven and that things also go well with me in the House.
I think that the pictures of space are just glorious. I would love to live in a time where travel in space was as easy as it appears on Star Trek. I would travel to many places. Many sites and colors would be seen.....many like this one.
The following is an email from my boss. My employemnt contract is up May 14. They have known for a year now....sigh...
I wanted to check in with you—I understand you’re getting a little bit concerned about employment next year. I’ve sent (yet another!) inquiry to the relevant administrators about the creation of a professional staff position and hope to know in the next couple of days if I can begin a local search.
Please don’t make any decisions or commitments until we’ve had a chance to talk! I sure would like to find a way to keep you around next year if not longer!
I wonder sometimes what this world and nation are coming to. I think of all the wonderful inventions that we have and then I think of all the negative ways those inventions have been used.
I look at global warming and wonder how long it will take Mother Earth, Gaia, to shake us off her world and start over. She has to be very sick and disgusted with us.
I think about what my Grandfather used to say, "There will be another civil war in this country. But it won't be between the blacks and the whites...it will be between the haves and the have nots of this country." I am beginning to believe he was a seer of the future.
People have forgotten about working for a living. They feel that they should be entitled to things simply for breathing. It is the Gimme attitude.
People need to return to som basic principles in this country.
1. If you are able....you work at something.
2. If there are unfirm people in your community, take care of them.
3. No one is OWED anything beyond the basic human rights and those set forth in the Constitution.
4. Take responsibility for your actions...always.
5. If you are not prepared to take the consequences, don't do it.
6. It is an HONOR to serve others, especially in the area of politics. It is NOT a career.
7. Children are the future...teach them independence and give them love. Help them to have a better future than you did.
8. Stop hiding behind the "it is not my problem"...it IS YOUR PROBLEM if you are a human.
9. Realize that you are no better than anyone else.....and often no worse.
10. Slow down, take a look at nature it is beautiful, and love yourself because you are worth it.
Went to the Dr today. No mono, no strep throat but some sort of infection that has me tired, achy and a huge lump in a very sore throat. He gave me three different meds and said "go home!" Came home and took a 2 hour nap. No time to be sick at the end of the semester dang it. Sigh.
Your personality stands out from the average person's particularly in the areas of:
Your High Curiosity Level
Your Low Emotional Reactivity Level
Your High Need for Variety
Your High Empathy/ Sensitivity Level
Your personality is made up of a unique pattern of traits. These traits impact the way you think, feel, and behave on an everyday basis. In your report you will read a detailed explanation of each of your core personality traits, including your strengths and challenge points.
Your Interaction Style:
You scored 55 in the area of extroversion/ introversion, which means that your energy is directed primarily outward towards other people and things - rather than inward. You don't mind being alone, but you feel most energized and inspired when you are around other people. Your mixed extroversion/ introversion tendency affects your learning style: For example, it is more effective for you to listen to a person explain something than it is for you to read about it on your own.
Social patterns: You are right-brained when it comes to interacting with people and recognizing emotions in other people.
What does this mean? Since there is a 'cross-over' in the human brain for visual information, it means that you tend to focus on the left side of a person's face when you want to figure out what they are thinking and feeling.
Hearing preferences are an interesting exception to this right-left crossover rule. For example, if two people were talking behind a closed door and you needed to put your ear on the door to eavesdrop, it's likely that you would use your right ear instead of your left.
This Personality Summary is based on only 2 out of the 32 personality dimensions we measured in the questionnaire. Your 100-page Personality Report is based on all 32 dimensions and will give you and in-depth analysis of your unique personality.
Knowing yourself better will help you lead a happier and more successful life:
Help STOP child abuse in your area! In honor of the month.......watch the video and say a prayer, light a candle, send a thought, do SOMETHING to help stop the abuse!
*WARNING the next video has some very graphic pics*
Please do not watch if you might be bothered by them.
Had a massage and a facial yesterday. It was the first time I had ever had that kind of facial. I laid on a "bed" while she used various loations and potions and machines on my face. It had some sort of electricity that I had to hold a bar so it it wouldn't shock me too much. I fell asleep at one point while she was massaging my face. Woke myself up snoring.lol
The massage...was good. But it took forever for me to relax into it. It was even painful when she hit the sore spots on my lower legs. I have a thyroid problem that makes my lower shins red and very sore to the touch.
The day before I had a reiki session. It was good as well, she even incorporated crystals into the sesion. But I must say between all those....I am a bit sore in the strangest places.
I did manage to get things together...mostly...tonight...off to the tax people tomorrow afternoon. But Geez......I am soooooo the woman in the cartoon. OMG...Is it REALLY tax time???
Morning rat.. Birdy stretches her wings....and opens her beak in a yawn.....
*Rat jumps up, grabs the open beak and looks in to see if you got any worms*
Birdy snaps beak shut out of surprise......and catches rat's head.....
hmmmmmm what to do.....
Birdy then realizes what she has done and quickly releases rat...and starts spiting out rat hair......YUCK....
*Rat falls to on her butt, looks up at Birdy to only have spit land on her...*
”Hey I am clean! I took a bath a few weeks ago. When it rained, I stood outside a little while, I let you know.”
Birdy just glares at rat and keeps spitting ..... now more for effect rather than to get rid of hair......got to make rat think I am choking on it birdy thinks to self.....
* Rat fears the birdy is choking on her hair.... oh what to do? Rat looks at her nails, thinking she needs to sharpen them..... then gives out a sigh. She runs over and starts pushing on the birdy’s stomach yelling out, “Breathe damn it Breath!! The cat will never believe this one if you die!! She will blame me!!”
Birdy gives a grunt at rat poking her in the stomach.....and leans over, hiding rat's head with her wing as she coughs, and grabs the worm that poked its head up....straightening up.....birdy drops the worm on rat's head.....
And birdy stops coughing.....
”Ah rat.......you about choked me to death.........cat WOULD believe it toooooo!”
EWWW!! Rat runs around in a circle and throws the worm off her head.
”I know Cat would believe it.. she thinks I would do anything.” *rat smiles sweetly, hands folded at her belly, like an angel*
I have no idea were she would get that. (Birdy raises an eyebrow at that but lets it pass.)
Someone in charge is awfully good at dishing it out, but can they take it? Now may not be the time to find out. While their behavior is annoying, it's a good idea to choose your battles (and your timing) wisely.
How can you move forward when you don't have everything you need? The answer is simple -- if you can't move forward, then move sideways. Go around the issues that have been holding you back, and come up with creative ways to get what you need. Collective thinking is key, so ask for ideas and let everyone contribute their thoughts.
I just wanted to say that I am not feeling all that helpful tonight. It is not often that I do not want to aid others but tonight is one of them.
There is not a THING on tv tonight. Think I will try to get in bed before 11 tonight.
EWWWWWW watching Modern Marvels on toilets...and thier start in cesspits or rather stair wells in the castles as there was no where else to go. Just EWWW.
Can you tell there are just things wandering thru my mind tonight with no particular way of telling what will come out next?
Well about half way there to becoming a full out Bittch! It won't be long now! I think you have a little devil and little angel in you! Right now there are fighting! Maybe the devil will win and you will be a big Bittch!
Among my dreams is the one for a home near water. A nice home with a comfortable welcoming feel to it. One that people love to visit in and feel the love in the home as they walk in the front door.
I think this might do.....don't you? Wonder where I can get this? Think I could get Rat and Cat to buy me this for Christmas?
The BF did come up this weekend. He got here Friday night and said he had yelled at a 16 year old for "keeping me longer from seeing you" (the kid didn't give him a cup to get his drink while he waited on his food at McDonald's).
That was kind of a nice statement. But I think it was more frustration from work showing than anything.
Then we went to get some food. Came home and went to bed. Both of us fell asleep fairly quickly. I slept pretty well but apparently he did not. In any case, we slept until almost noon. Then we got up and went to lunch and ran into his parents. We asked them to join us.
From there we went to a book signing for a friend who is on leave from Iraq. he wrote it on the local Civil War battle at Camp Wildcat.
From there...we came back home and took a two and half hour nap. We got up and ate some food and went back to bed and slept ALL night again until almost 9 this morning. Apparantly we both were down with something and sleep was the treatment.
So.....all the worry about should I ask or should I wait and so forth this weekend was a moot point as we were both too sick/tired to move let alone have a serious conversation.
Perhaps the next time we are together. But he did buy me a Hershey bar for Easter....:) and went to MY parents this afternoon for a family gathering. Good thing we were both feeling better. Just took almost 24 hours of sleep to do it.
I got on the interstate the other night and there was this car that was driving with only park lights showing. It was really dark. How stupid was that? (It gets worse) Anyway..... lots of folks flashed their lights at the car, including me. Never turned them on.
So...trying to be the good citizen that I am....I called 911 hoping to get the car off the road before an accident happened. I got the dispatcher who asked where I was...I said MM 31. He said you are almost out of my area let me switch you to another dispatcher......well I repeated the call....again where are you?
By this time, MM 30. Again was transferred to the local town...this was the THIRD dispatcher. By now we were almost at the exit...I explained why I had called but she got off the exit......so NEVER MIND! And hung up the phone. So much for trying to be the good citizen. Sigh.....
It is Friday afternoon and my boyfriend of almost two years (the end of this month) is coming in from were he lives, which is 3 hours away.
The time together has been really good. We seemed to fit from the first. But then a few months ago, I told him I loved him. His response?
"You do? Well you are pretty ok too."
Shortly after that was Valentine's ...I got a card...a week late.
Then his birthday was a week before mine. I gave him a present, total value $60. I got a card.
Now I am not all that hard to please....pick me out something you think I will like, wrap it up, give it to me. I will love it. Why? You took the time to get something you think I will like and you took the time to make it pretty for me. Bottom line, you take the time to do something for me, let me know I mean something to you and I am a happy gal. Even VW and Nightgame will agree on this. (Except for one green purse, grins.)
I think I am feeling....taken for granted....and beginning to think that maybe ....maybe....he doesn't feel the way I do. So..do I let it ride until our anniversary of meeting at the end of the month and see what happens? Do I suck it up and ask him what the devil is going on ?
I do know this....I do not like having this feeling. Tne unsureness, the walking on eggshells feeling. I deserve more...better.
A strong woman (my beautician) said today...
It is better to be lonely and single and know the reason, than to be married and lonely and not know why.
I agree logically...but my heart......is torn. I guess I will know what to do when I need to do it. At least, I pray so. And, if you are reading this, please say/send a positive thought my way that I will make the right choice at the right time.
nice to see Kay still knows how to get some tail......
*puppy plops down in front of couch*
I love reading you guys's journals after you have all been together- it's like watching my three sisters...lol
all of you write well- it is all different but special in it's own way- I have learned a great deal from all three of you- although I still find it hard to read the sexy stories...lol....I guess I feel like I know you all too well to think of you THAT way...LMAO
I will tell her things JUST to make her go eeeuuuwww...lol
knowing full well it will show up in print- I just LOVES being famous...lol
I don't care if she does put my name in- I get the most wonderful people to talk to because of it- and she says no one reads her journal
I just like the fact that we all get such a kick out of the soapbox...lol
maybe relying on your southern belle-ism is more like it...lol
silly birdy- typing to me while talking dirty to him...LOL
sounds like you gots some skeletons in yor closet, miss Scarlett...lol
don't think you have to sugar coat shit for me honey-
this could go on all night-just make sure Kay knows about it...lol
*gallops all puppy like over to look at the pictures on birdie's birdcage walls*
Mice are, let's face it, the McNuggets of the animal kingdom. Everything eats them. They form the greater part of the diet of any number of carnivores, and only their exceptional fecundity allows them to thrive and continue leaving unpleasant gifts in my kitchen cupboards.
Being, of course, an exceptionally common food source, there is not much available to mice in the way of divine retribution. No one is haunted by mice. A cat may kill a thousand mice in a year and sleep untroubled by ghostly scamperings. The sluggish brains of snakes would not register an eldritch squeaking from beyond the grave, even if they weren't stone deaf. Mice live, die, and return to the vast mousy unconscious without much pause along the way.
But.
Every now and again--rarely, terribly rarely--a mouse will suffer some injustice above and beyond merely being eaten, and in the tiny furry breast, something unfamiliar will wake. With a rage and determination generally lacking in rodent kind, the mouse will set out, sideways, into the crawlspaces of existence, behind the baseboard of the World We Know, seeking that last, great arbiter of mousey existence, the one being who can aid it. And if the mouse (or the mousey ghost) is very lucky, and quick, and braver than mice generally are, they may come at last to the home of the great Demon Rat of Vercingetorix, a monsterous rodent of gimlet eye and grim demeanor, kindly disposed towards its tiny brothers, but generally unpleasant to everyone else. Before this final judge, the courageous mouse may plead its case. And if the Demon Rat agrees, then it will return to earth with the mouse, and then Bad Things Go Down, the details of which we'll leave to the reader's imagination. The Demon Rat doesn't mind people eating mice, but he gets downright testy if somebody mistreats 'em, because in a well run universe, even the lowest of the low have at least one defender.*
I love you sis......go get Demony on those slackers!!!
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