The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

I have spent my first couple of weeks on this site looking through some of the most amazing profiles. I am in awe of some of the talent displayed by the members here. The artwork and the poetry some of you have posted just blows my mind.



I am what one could call "Artistically Challenged".

I ccouldn't paint or draw to save my life. Nor can I sing a lick and my writing leaves much to be desired.



I must say though that I take complete enjoyment in experiencing the talent of others. I love that I can look at a piece of art, read a poem or listen to a song and experience an emotional, spiritual and physical reaction so strong that it really has become addictive.



So I must thank all of you here who are feeding my addiction. :)

Today was a bad day.



A little background first....

About 4 years ago I did some major damage to my shoulder. It was constantly slipping out of place and dislocating. This wasn't a good thing for several obvious reasons but also because I had only the year before restarted my martial arts activity after a 10 year hiatus.

It didn't actually start interfering with my Karate until 2004. Finally in Nov 2005, after many months of waiting for MRI's and other tests, I had a surgery done to repair the damage. I was told to expect a lot of pain afterwards and several months of physiotherapy. I could expect to go back to a modified version of my Karate training after 4 months.



Now to the present.....

I have been having a hard time the past couple of weeks just raising my arm to the side. I could get it up parallel to the ground but no higher without assistance or a lot of pain.

I went back to the doctors 2 weeks ago and he tells me I have an impingement in the shoulder. I need more physiotherapy. I was cool with that.......until today.



Today I endured the most painful session of physio ever. As the therapist pulled and stretched my arm beyond anywhere I could imagining it going I thought I was going to vomit. They need to stretch and pull the joint in order to creat some space in the socket so that it will be able to move more freely.

I was also told today that I likely won't be back to my regular Karate training for at least another 6 months.

This puts me out of the next black belt grading. I wasn't able to complete the last grading due to my injury. I will now be waiting until 2007 before I can go up for my black belt again.

I'm not sure what hurts more....the physical pain or the emotional pain of knowing I will have to put off the black belt for yet another year.

For several nights over the past month I have had the same dream.

It starts out with me driving then hiking towards the border (no idea which border) where I have to cross. I sense that I have moved into a different time in the past. I am walking in a wooded rural area with lots of trees and I come to a place where there are some rocky hills. Eventually I come upon a large building....very old and rustic looking. There didn't seem to be much happening from the outside but once I went in I found it to be quite busy with people milling about or eating. There seemed to be lots of ale flowing freely as well and everyone appeared to be having a good time. They also had lodging available so I decided to stay the night. When I first went to the room I was to stay in there were 2 beds. I put my backpack down and then went back down where they were serving food and ate. When I returned to my room there was just one bed and it was turned in a different direction. It didn't seem to bother me too much except that it seemed odd. I got ready for bed and went to sleep. I remember dreaming that night. A dream within a dream. In this dream I take a hike to explore the rock hills around the area and after awhile I see a cave like openingin the side of a hill. I go in and I have to walk a couple hundred feet or so before it opens into a huge open carvern. In this cavern there are stairs everywhere....only thing is they go in all different directions...some upside down..some

sideways (if you are familiar with Escher it's just like Relativity...except that it's in a cave) Strangely enough it's not dark in the cave. There are pools of water amongst some of the rocks, water trickling down some of them. The rocks in the cave are almost crystal like...shiny and sparkling. I decide to go up one set of stairs towards a door. I open the door and there is just an empty room there. I go down to try another set of stairs but on my way to do that I see someone across the cave, the person seems to be familiar to me although I couldn't see his face. I felt like I knew this person and wanted desperately to reach him. The rest of the dream is spent trying to get to him. Now the stairs start shifting. I look ahead to see where I am going and when I think I reach that point I'm not where I expect to be. It's like everything around is an illusion...and everything in the cave moves and changes as I try to get closer to this person. I try to call out to this person but my voice seems to disappear as it leaves my mouth. He never hears me.

And that's it....I just end up waking up at this point in the dream each time.

I have tried to go back to sleep hoping the dream will continue but it never does