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2:43 PM 5-29-12 Mr. Fishy passed away.



On Friday, our pet rat Truffles passed in her sleep. Not a scratch on her from the other rat. Thank goodness considering the other horrific incident.



I feel sick to my stomach. I feel depressed. I'm trying not to cry. Not to think too much.



Maybe I can manage to hide in cleaning or my book if Aurora will allow me. She's not feeling well from the little bit of sunburn she got the past couple of days.



It's raining outside again. So that means, we'll give him a burial tomorrow morning.



I hate how I feel right now. I want my fish back. =[



He's lived with us since May 14, 2008. Aurora was six months old. This fish has been a permanent fixture in her life.



I'm pretty sure he had gotten cancer. We had been debating about getting clove oil to put him down. I just couldn't stand the idea of it though.



He went on his own terms. Eating bamboo roots. Away from the other fish that were trying to attack him. In peace next to me.



I'm lonely.



I need to let Brett know.

COMMENTS

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SuicideDoll
00:54 May 31 2012

I'm sorry for your losses. Best wishes.

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I'm rather sad. Brownie, the stroke puppy, has found a home. =[ I'm happy, of course. But I'm sad. I've spent countless hours with the puppy and I've seen him get better when no one else thought he would.



At least it's with one of Brett's friends who knows what she's getting into so we can keep in touch with her to see what's going on with him. And if something comes up, we can get him back or help find him another home.



I'll be giving him extra lovin' tomorrow. *tears up*



We're also getting rid of one of the girl puppies. The white one with brown spots. She's gorgeous. My stepdad even said it wouldn't be hard to find her a home. She would be snatched up quick.



We've nicknamed her "Princess." She acts like it. She's the one that I really liked from the beginning. Brit and Justin are taking her.



Two puppies down. Five more to go. Yay!



On a grumpy note: Brett saw that milksnake near the porch area a month or two ago when it was still supposed to be cold but we had a heat-wave type deal of 80 degree weather.



So it's been living out there/near there all this time more than likely.



I don't want to kill it obviously since it will kill other snakes. Usually smaller poisonous ones, if what my dad had told me was right... like a black rat snake.



We're keeping that door close though. I don't want it smelling our rats and coming inside. O_O



No, no, no! Those are Aurora's special rats!

*sighs* There's an eastern milksnake living near/on our porch. I found it today. O_O It tried to bite my boot. It was pissy but then just slithered away to a hideaway hole off the porch. It's a pretty big snake. It's at least 2 feet but I think it's closer to 2 1/2 feet. I almost killed it because I freaked. I want to get it off my porch though.



... Looks like I found what has been killing the birds that call our porch their home and has been leaving the some odd feathers behind for me to clean up.



It's the middle of the night and it was just out there. It disappeared though behind Aurora's toy box. O_o I'm going to be paranoid.



Damn snake, I've already killed two garter snakes. One because it wouldn't quit being aggressive around Aurora's sandbox and the other because Aurora stepped on it and it wouldn't quit trying to bite. I don't want to kill you.



You are actually quite pretty once I get past the fact that you tried to bite my boot when I scared you and you scared the shit out of me.



Truce?



You keep the field mice and moles away, leave the birds alone, and most of all, leave us (all people) alone... or I kill you if I can't get you safely off the porch.



P.S. It's not a good idea to act mean and try to rattle your tail when my daughter is around. She'll tell Papa and your snake butt will be dead. O_o

Stumpy has been a bad, bad raccoon tonight.



O_O



Stumpy decided to climb up the side of the house (wood siding) to try to get the baby birds at the roof.



Bad raccoon. Bad! See if you get petted again for a while.



*grumbles*



Heh, Stumpy got squirted in the tail to get down off of the side of the house. He went on up onto the roof and down the other side... but still the same result.



Silly raccoon. My cat didn't get to eat a bird, I'm not condoning you getting those babies either. You steal our dogs' food all the time so you're not hungry.



I miss my skunk and Mr. Possum. =[

I may call the doctor again. =[



I had a bad asthma attack. I was lying on my inhaler. Brett lifted me onto the couch and I used my inhaler. It was too late. The attack was too bad for it to be prevented. I puked everywhere on myself, the couch, his pillow, and his blanket.



Gross.



I think I may need to call them.



Stupid asthma. Two attacks today. Aurora punched me in the chest and induced one. The second was tonight... Brett and I were rough-housing. O_O I had fallen off the couch. So I don't know.



Ugh. Yuck.



Vomit getting in the eyes, coming out your nose, and you feeling like a gusher of some kind is not decent in any way that you could think of it.



Good-freakin-night. =[

COMMENTS

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SuicideDoll
11:54 May 18 2012

This sounds horrible, Tiffany, and I agree: It may be best to call the doctor just to be on the safe side. Best wishes.

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TheArtistRose
06:05 May 20 2012

Hope you're feeling better now. The taste of vomit is not a pleasant one.

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DireConsequences
06:53 May 20 2012

Yesh. Thankies, both of you. I'm feeling a bit better.



We're supposed to possibly have a 90 degree day sometime in the next week. O_o I'm not looking forward to it too much. I'll be staying inside much of that day. *nods* I'm going to see if switching back to my other rescue/relief inhaler when I need it helps. I had just been switched when my breathing started getting worse again. So idk... Maybe it's time to go to the red one even though I like the blue one. Weirder things happened with my daddy! LOL!

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Yesterday was horrible. Bloody horrible.



Aurora almost got hit by a car. We (Aurora and I) were putting groceries in the trunk of my car after dropping Brett off at an appointment. She started dancing next to me which I didn't mind. She was right next to me and still helping me put the stuff in. We were almost done and she jumped out into the traffic of the parking lot with a van and car coming right after it. I immediately grabbed her.



I didn't care about my car trunk being open, didn't care about my money or card there, I just went for her like I should have. Who cares about money when it's my daughter?



That was only part of it though. On the way to get Brett, we almost hit a cat and a raccoon. O_O



On the way home after getting him from class, we hit a raccoon. Aurora was really upset. I was more upset probably from the incident from earlier in the day.



The raccoon was okay. It hit the skid plate and survived.



I never want another day like yesterday.

Never.



Today's going to be busy. I have tons of clothes to do. I'm hanging clothes outside to dry and taking some to the laundry mat. I'll be doing some more tomorrow too. The blankets, sheets and whatnot I can't make dry quicker outside. Duh. But they're going to be hanging none the less. Anything to save money. =]



I think I might be avoiding a lot of thoughts today. A lot of them. I've been trying to get things done the past few days though. My asthma keeps acting up to the point of me vomiting. I need to do as much as I can, when I can so it does get done.



Let's get back to it! =]



Oh Brett went to the iron workers today. Hopefully they hire him on. He loves welding. =D He did that in job corp before anything with computers. I've got my fingers crossed. They would train him.

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SuicideDoll
21:43 May 10 2012

I'm glad Aurora is alright. My niece (who is two) has a habit of running away from whoever she is with when she's outside, so I always have to be extra careful when we're going out to the car or are anywhere near a road or in a parking lot. It can certainly turn quite scary quickly.



Best wishes to Brett in regard to the job and to you with your asthma.

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So the one puppy definitely had a stroke, on the right side since it's left side is where the problems are. I'm trying to find a rescue place that will take it and WORK with it. I don't want the puppy put down when it's perfectly healthy other than it's front leg and neck now. I've gotten it's hind leg better and it's able to stand halfway up and turn away. It's making progress. It's a beautiful puppy and it's upsetting that it happened. It wasn't a heat stroke because it's eyes would have glazed over. It was a regular stroke. =[ I don't know what to do other than keep working with the puppy as much as I can. I obviously can't keep the puppy. We're keeping one that Aurora gave to Papa. Little Stinker knows how to work her magic.



She wasn't allowed going with them yesterday and they backed all the way up the road a good bit to tell her "get in the car and tell them bye."



Before that when they were leaving, she was telling them "my heart's broken, Papa. It's never going to be fixed. It's broken."



LMAO! She's adorable. Poor thing. She knows exactly what she's doing pulling those heart strings of my stepdad. *nods*



She's been helping me with the puppy that had the stroke. She's been so gentle and sweet. She generally is though but she especially is with this puppy. =] It makes me proud.



Thank goodness the pups are starting to nibble wet dog food. We'll be able to get rid of them soon. Find some homes. Heck yes! I don't want to get attached anymore than I already am!

COMMENTS

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xxEmaeraldxx
21:49 May 08 2012

I hope you find a good home for the puppy :)

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I feel like I really messed up. I went off at the mouth (kind of, but not really, I don't know). I'm upset about the fish, Aurora won't go to bed, I'm tired, I'm frustrated and I want some time alone to spend with Brett.



We were outside until Aurora got back up. We had the door open with the screen shut so we could see into her room. But yeah, he came in and I dealt with a pup. She wouldn't listen to him so he traded me. I put Aurora back in bed and he dealt with the pups.



What is frustrating is he knew I want to spend time with him outside tonight because of the full moon, the biggest one of the year... and he came back in, laid down on his couch and starting getting on his laptop.



I got frustrated. Told Aurora to go to bed or no cartoons tomorrow at all, to Brett I said something along the lines of "You, me, back outside, now" and so yep, I messed up.



I don't know and I'm tired of saying that.



I'm about to go back outside by myself with a blanket and lay in the yard looking at the sky.



It's too peaceful and the moon is beautiful. I can't see wasting this night.



We had been doing better the past few days. A good bit better. We've been focusing more on being friends than anything. And I just had to eff it up.



This is going to get to me for days now probably. =[ The fact that I was the first one to muck it up and he's writing about it right now. He doesn't really write and I messed up enough for him to feel the NEED to write.



I hate this feeling. =`[

Mr. Fishy is going to die. =[ I'm trying not to let Aurora see me cry so much.



This is the mean ass fish that killed another fish that was the same size. I won it in a street fair that I took Brett, Aurora, my Grandma, and my nephew when it was my nephew's birthday and Aurora was six months old.



This fish is about over four years old. He can't swim straight. He's flipping when he tries to go to the surface.



We tested the water. Everything is good. I turned the filter off for a little so he can eat what he can, if he can of the flakes and shrimp pellets in.



I'm sad.

I'm a sad, sad Tiffy.



I feel like hiding.

Gosh, I feel horrible.



My poor baby fishy. =[

I feel somewhat confident in my ability to fool myself if I want to do so.



Now to make the decision to keep any smoke screens blown away.



Heh.

Even when I mean absolutely nothing to you, I know someone cares about me deeply.



^_^



I wish I could get out of the funk I'm currently in. I won the writing contest I entered with the story on Liliana. I wish I had more time when writing it. But oh well, can't change that now.



The person is doing another contest that's ending July 1st with 61 twists. I'm debating about entering it since the subject is Liliana again. The appearance of the avatar has not changed and I cannot continue my story that I just finished unless I fast-forward it a few years.



I'm undecided. I'm letting her post the first few twists for me to come up with something or decide on whether I'm going to participate.



She asked me if I was interested in role playing with her. I am but I'm not. It's hard to explain. I guess I just don't want to commit to something with a stranger that I have no clue how their thoughts process or their flow when writing. We just may totally clash.



I'm interested in role playing... but I don't know if I'm interested in doing it with her or someone else on that site or online. I like doing it in person. O_O



Damn.



And I need to get over myself. I'm never going to get anywhere if I can't get over all this self doubt and crap.



I don't want to submit my designs for the art contest even though I've been working on them with Aurora because I don't believe they're good enough.



Ugh!

It's stupid.

I should just submit them.

I'm never going to get anywhere without hitting that submit button.



I just... there's already amazing stuff submitted. I doubt I'll win anything at all. If any of my designs are used though, we'll be compensated which means currency. So why not try and just put our best foot forward and have fun with my daughter?



Why can't I quit being so damn negative?



When did this start being me, damn it?!



I actually had an anxiety attack today. I saw a person that we don't get along with, she talked to me and Aurora... waited until Brett came in from smoking and she was leaving then came up to our table to talk to all of us together. O_O I was quite angry from the situation. She put her arm around my child!

COMMENTS

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ShatteredMirror
06:12 May 03 2012

-hugs-

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Levity
16:20 May 03 2012

You won?!

That's great! I'm so proud of you! ♥



If you ever want someone to RP with online, you should come RP with me sometime :)

I'm a little rusty, but it's fun at least.



And you should totally just go for it love - I'm entering a contest on dA to design some shirts; if I can manage to do that then I'm sure your entries for this will be just fine!

Don't doubt yourself - I believe in you :)

And even if you don't win, at least you can have fun with it and see what people think of them and whatnot.



Go for it! :D



♥

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fyre
02:33 May 04 2012

DING BAT!!! Those people with killer designs are just that good because they have experience with the program, I doubt it will take you that long to get up to speed and start smoking them... I think we both need to start writing again... I am thinking of doing a story as well, but NO-ONE is going to get to read it until I am satisfied with it...



But anyways, sweetie, the site is supposed to be fun and relaxing.... If it starts causing that much stress I will break into your laptop and block the site....lol nope, not that suicidal!

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