THE BLOOD
07:27 Sep 25 2009
Times Read: 714
*This is another true tale*One evening my sister and I wanted to go to the beach at night. After our father commited suicide, we tried therapy of our own. As strange as it sounds, we dealt with our pain by sprinting off in the middle of the night to rock concerts, rock concerts, meeting the bands or band members and we would also go to the beach at night. When she called me up one night at 11pm, I was at my apartment with Tina and Danny. Two really good friends at the time.
"Hey, wanna go to the beach. Im ready now to pick you up," she said to me. "I have Tina and Danny spending the night over here tonight," I explained. "Lets take em', get your asses ready now, be there in 10 mins," my sister replied. "I guess we're going to the beach right now," I told them with a giggle. They were pagans so they were always up for the energy of the ocean. Tina grabbed my bag that had all my tools in it for spellcrafting (sans my book of shadows). We went downstairs and waited for her outside.
Our drive from the desert to the sea was about an hour and a half and we were already feeling better on the inside. Groovy tunes and a drive make me happpppyyyy! We were all in good spirits and we found a place to park. We walked to the sand and made our spot. Danny and I lit a circle of candles and Tina talked about how close my sister and I were. "You guys are best friends and sisters," said Tina with a kind wink. Julie (my sis) got to her feet and gave me a giant hug in the middle of the circle. Though my sister wasnt pagan she respected it and believed in it. Danny went to Tina's side and held her. They watched us in our circle. My sister took out her pocket knife and she gave me a tearful look.
"You're my best friend. You're my sister and I LOVE YOU! We're always gonna be close...and I wanna prove it!" she said.
She made a small slash in her hand and then she handed the blade to me. I made the same slash in my right hand. We pressed them together and became blood sisters.........which is odd cuz, we're related by blood lol. A hug sealed the deal and after a few hours of dancing around in the surf, we headed back home.
I miss those nights. I used to looked foward to those nights....before all the abandonment happened. Nothing will ever be the same. Nothing will ever be like those nights. I suppose thats what happens....I often wonder if Im the only one who keeps people I care about close and in high regards. *sighs*
THE SEVEN SHADOWS
05:01 Sep 24 2009
Times Read: 734
I found myself being followed by the seven shadows of a seer. By the little lessons my teacher bestowed in me with each conversation. I look over my shoulder and remain aware that the shadows are always upon me... Making sure they see me as well as I see them. The past, The present, The Absent, The haunting, The Dreaming, The Awakening, and The Neverending. All of the above hitting me at once. All of the above becoming more vicious than ever.All of the above....I still can't explain. If you think you've entered the Seven Shadows....it's just the Seven Shadows entering you..."
I felt myself becoming haunted by images and visions. I was used to going to them...now they were coming to me. I walked through a daze and didn't really find myself. At times I wonder if it is too late...but I know it's not. I'd lay on my back and there would be a knife. I'd lay on my side and there would be a thorn. I'd lay face down and there would be... another face to see. I was being swallowed alive and I didn't even know it. He doesn't know better but he doesn't know why either...that we could die and still breathe. That we could project and light the way for others. Times like this we're just lighting the way for ourselves....and maybe thats what we have to do before others know too much...And then there I was in the middle of dense foliage and manicured madness. Miles and miles of vast green and grey. I was dressed like the small ghost of a girl who had been murdered by her own hands. I watched and waited as we traveled a path nobody wanted to explore. One that had been kept secret until this night.
I knew nothing of the faces that were staring back at me and at the same time I knew everything. For good measure I could say " It was the best of times...it was the worst of times." Every step seemed to be a contradiction....every breath seemed to be a psalm or a prayer....but to who? I wasn't a child of god but I was begining to wonder if I was a servant to the fallen. Should I have cared when we came across the marking point in the wall? When the trees bent towards the ground and the gritty sand of the Mojave was mixed with the sea? The last gate reached beyond humanity and I was dressed like the apocalypse already happened and I was it's only survivor. Tattered and worn out, banished and bruised, ashes to ashes, and cuts on my knees and little palms....I was looking towards a great big dusted world and a hole in the wall ( so to speak ). I wanted to look in and find the mystery that had been haunting me for nearly three years now. Sometimes, just sometimes... there are no coincidences. There are no such things like that in the other realm...there is no time and there is no limits. Why now have I remotely stumbled across something that may prove otherwise? I closed my eyes and fell into my insanity. I visioned myself becoming that dark place right before a seer becomes one with the scaper...and dreams aren't the playground anymore. For the first time I felt what SHE did....a void. I woke up and realized the playground could be altered....the play toys were no longer made for children. The moon was still white and there would be another tomorrow....for now. To understand what a seer sees is to see the begining and the end, the alpha and the omega, and from then on....only the vast inbetween.
*something I wrote a while back.*
DONT OPEN HADES
03:53 Sep 24 2009
Times Read: 737
This is a true story, It happened about a year and a half ago. I was rooming in this HUGE house on the west side of town (which was richer lol). My friends came from northern cali to live in the empty room they had next to mine. At this time, I was in the darkest throws of Paganism you can imagine. I'm no longer a pagan, for so many reasons. I wasn't a Wiccan. I prided myself on what it was...good old fashioned Witchcraft. My speacialty was spellcrafting in the name of god or by the triplicity (coven of only 3). My other two tri's were moving in, so I was stoaked at the time.
I was the Crone in the Tri. The Crone's specialty is the realm of the dark and all matters relating to it. Richard was the embodiment of the Maiden, being light orientated and kind matters. His wife, one of my childhood friends was the embodiment of the Mother. Neutral and equal to bend on both sides if needed. I remember that winter in the desert being one of the wetest winters I'd ever seen anywhere in California. It even snowed a few times. We had prepared to go out at Midnight and drive to Boquet Canyon, park and hike to someplace near the creek there. It had been raining balls all day and all night. I had prepared like most dark rituals that needed my experience with 'opening' paths to the darker realms. I took a bath in ice water and even had the window open, though it was 35 degrees, windy and cold outside with swollen clouds in the night sky. I meditated on the death realm. The teacher I had told me he'd do this to connect with the realm of the dead. "In order to be close to death, you have to imagine yourself post mortem," I whispered over and over trying not to
let my shivers effect what I was saying. There's really no room to fuck up when you deal with this shit. 15 years of practicing it taught me that lol. After I was certain I had made a connection to the dark realms I wanted (even the seven shadows), I dried off and got dressed in my witchy clothes, boots, sling bag full of candles, my ritual Athame's (ritual daggers and mine were Isis and Osiris), my oils, herbs and my hand written, hand bound 500 page Book of shadows written by yours truly.I then grabbed one more thing, the snake I perchased for the event. Or more like...and I hate saying it, would have been the main event, we got in the car, cranked sevendust and set out to the canyon.
"Are you feeling icy enough?" he asked from the front seat. "Yup," I said. I never talked too much before a ritual of that magnitude. It started to rain. "Guys, how hard do you think it'll rain while we're in the canyon cuz....we have no cell service out there and nobody knows what we're doing or where we're going!" said Richard with a laugh. "3 college students come back 10yrs later and document it with their cameras..." I said sarcastically. Still, we drove. Richard tried to change all the lights to turn green before he got to any of them and I scalded him about wasting energy like that on something so ridiculous. He got a little butthurt over it. We arrived at the canyon.
It was raining when we got out of the car. I let my friend hold and protect my book of shadows (our bible) and protect it from the rain as I helped Richard get the shit we needed for alter set up. We carefully found our open spot near the swollen creek. Even if it rained hard as hell, we would be safe from the rushing water, we thought. We set up and it was almost impossible to make fire happen in the rain like that. We managed and found out we were under a tree that had a rope hanging from a branch that looked like it was designed to be a noose. "Ricardo, go put your head in it," I joked before we were to gather in our positions. Richard's wife took my Osiris Athame and she made a slash on his finger. He screamed and I supressed the giggles. My turn only she used my tool, a sterile lancet. I bled like a mutha lol. I saw the excess and thought how nice it might add to the abience of the mood....so I covered my face with my own blood. We gave eachother the 'look' and took our places. I was first up on the stage so to speak. I took a deep breath and connected with the earth beneath me, and what lies in the center of the earth. Yes, this was going to be dark. The snake writhed in the bag near my boots. I spoke in the loudest voice I could. Stern. Almost a deep screaming:
"Sun of the East
and Western sky
Northern lode
That guards the pole,
Sea of the south,
My ancient blood
Points and Elements
Work my goal;
All that I ask
Is thy desire,
All that I seek
Is for thy care
My Earth is thine
And thine my fire
Our waters one
My breath thy Air
Lamiae
Larvae
Lemures
Passim-Passim!
That thou shalt be turned into a stone,
And that all thy wits shall be turned front to back
And that over thy face the loathsomeness shall creep,
And that as in a coffin thy limbs shall be bound,
And that light shall be withheld from thine eyes,
And that thy house and lands shall be impoverished and spoiled,
And that all nourishment shall taste to thy tongue as wormwood,
And that thou shalt be held alien from thy fellow man
And that these things shall be so until I release thee,
I spread this table and mark this stone
And spit upon it and conceal it,
And light these candles and apply these poisons,
And fix this curse upon thee
In the names of the four fires
Whose names are RIL,YUT,SAR and LOD,
Who shall consume thee as they are consumed.
Lamiae
Larvae
Lemures
Passim-Passim!"
We waited and I went to loose the snake before my sensitive Tri could protect it. I still wasn't satisfied with the vibes we got. I dont know what came over me at the time. I shouted:
"HADES, YOU FUCKING BASTARD, DO YOU HEAR ME! I SAID RIL, YUT, SAR AND FUCKING LOD, YOU PIECE OF SHIT! OPEN MY FUCKING GATES!!! MY FUCKING GATES! THEY'RE MINE!!!"
Then almost instantly, we heard the sound of pouring rain. My Tri was freaking out as of this point lol. "Maybe we should stop this," whispered Richard. His wife quiet and waiting with me too. I gave him the 'NO' look. I screamed again:
"HADES, OPEN MY FUCKING GATES YOU PUSSY!!!"
Then we heard the sound of rushing water. It got harder. "Oh shit!" screamed Richard. "We HAVE to run, flashflood!!!" screamed his wife. I didnt move until they pushed me. "We cant just leave in mid calling! We'll be fucked!!!" I shouted at them. Then I realized what would consume me if I didnt run after them. I picked up as many things from the site as I could, as did Richard.His wife had my book of shadows safely. We made it to the car. Barely. We shivered like crazy and hauled ass out of the canyon and more than lucky to be alive.
"We're screwed guys," I said.
"No...actually...you're screwed Di," She said in that flat tone that made me want to punch her in the face. I looked out of the window from the backseat. "No, I had it right. WE'RE screwed," I said. And we were...we just didnt know then, by how much.
Now days, after having a life changing event. I do not practice. I never will. Its no joke either. I have seen what years and years of fucking with people's lives that way will do...to me. Perhaps I am still paying my heavy karmic prices now. I don't slam witches, wiccans and other assorted pagans...Its just not for me anymore at all. I refelect to things like this. I feel pain for the enimies I smitted down. I feel pain and I feel shame for ever having the knowledge or ability to be THAT dark and mean. I sure hope I dont burn in the 7th circle of hell...that would really suck ass. Maybe I deserve it though.
Hmm. *sits back and hangs head with inner disgust*
COMMENTS
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SuicideDoll
21:47 Dec 09 2009
I often question that as well (referring to your last line here). I can understand how you would miss nights like these, as they sound very lovely and fun.