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I'm so thinking I should write a book with that title...



Anyways~on to the reason I am venting today in an online journal that most of you don't read anyways. And, if you do happen to stumble on this page by some dumb luck, you're probably not reading it cuz you want to, but maybe because you're just as friggin' bored as I am.



I have recently been reunited with a person of my past...about 5 years ago, I met a gentleman while in the lowest part of my life. I had lost all sense completely and decided I was going to 'get right' with a decision I had made several years before.



Hi, my name is Deborah, and I went AWOL from the military.



There were several personal reasons for this, which include:



Lust

Boredom

More lust

And complete denial that I had to listen to ANYONE tell me what I could or could not do.



Soooo, yeaaah. I left. Plain and simple.

And I went back so that I wouldn't have to keep wondering if my ass was going to be hauled off the next time I got pulled for a traffic violation. Plus, well, I wasn't sure what kind of a job reference I would get if I didn't make amends...crap-hole government or not.



Hi, my name is Deborah, and I fucking hate our political system.



Another story for another day.



Back to mystery man. He was....something. As I watched him search through my belongings-including my panties which I SWEAR he stole a pair-I experienced the weirdest combination of fear and something else...still don't know what that 'something else' was, but looking back, it seemed like a warm meshing of love, lust, hormones and the strong desire to attack.



Hi, my name is Deborah, and I LOVE attacking people.



Nah, not this one. Long story short--we somehow ended up falling HARD for each other in the whole week I spent there. He was in charge-I wasn't. He could command me to do anything he wanted-I had to obey.



It was perfect.



Of course, at that time I didn't realize there was so much to it. But, I was very young and a bit naive at the time too. Oh, and I was pregnant (which I didn't find out until after I was released and sent home).



Yeah. Did I mention Hormones?!



So, this guy is back in my life now. And as screwed up as it all seems, I friggin' MISSED him..a lot. We've talked off and on over the past eh, 5 years or so, but not anything close to any sort of reconnection.



Here is the kicker....ready?



We didn't even have sex!!



Now, I'm a firm believer that there are people you meet in your life that have some sort of affect on you, whether good or bad..weird or normal...hot or cold. But, I also believe that depending on how much exposure you've had to that person, it will affect how strong of a memory you have. Or maybe how long you keep the memory. Or how awesome the memory is. Well, sex is usually a guarantee of those special memories, feelings, whatev.



So, why is it that when I talk to this guy everything comes flooding back so strongly? Why is this the exception to all the rules? Hey, I've dated men before...and I've forgotten half of them (no, not because I'm a sex fiend either), and there probably WERE a few sexual encounters. But this one? Nope, nothing more than slow kisses and close hugs. Yet, I remember so much...and I remember how good it seemed to feel.



Maybe this was the very start of my journey with fetishes. Maybe this was me experiencing the first of controlling and being controlled.



Oh, the past and the wonders it holds....



Hi, my name is Deborah and I have a fucked up past.

COMMENTS

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birra
18:16 Dec 29 2009

But with such an interesting past, just imagine what the future can hold!

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