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Parasite, the effect of acid reflux

I swallow everything you say

And always want to spit it back up

You spoke the lie a thousand times

You spoke the truth over a lie

And you crawl through my skin like a parasite

My layers of muscle, flesh, and skin

Creating your home, holding you in

I'll swallow everything you say

Only to spit it back up again



Why would you make me pick, you make me sick

I don't wanna throw this OR you away

But everytime I sit, and everytime I think

About what you mean, and everything you say

You slip through my skin like a parasite

Leech on my soul, draining me each day

I let you in, now I strive to get you out

I will always deny owing you this debt to repay

I'll only spit it back up again

If I swallow what you say

COMMENTS

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Kryptick
02:52 Jul 01 2009

Word vomit.

It happens.



My layers of muscle, flesh, and skin

Creating your home, holding you in

my favorite part. I really like how you kind of go in and out between metaphors and just being really straightforward. It gets the message across clearly, without you directly stating the issue. Very well written, it flows nicely :)

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***DISCLAIMER - alright, if language offends you, you most definitely do not want to read this...lol. it has a lot (A LOT!) of foul language in it, and I don't wanna piss anyone off, but I won't censor it either, so...either you don't read it, or choke on it...your choice. you've been warned. make your choice. still here? good. have fun.***







(SCROLL DOWN....)









































(FURTHER....)







































(THERE YA GO!)

Alright, now you've done it, I'm just sick of this

Normally I can control myself, but now I'm fucking pissed

I refuse to take responsibility, for what I'm about to do

Even though you'll be dead, the blame is still on you



So call me your sweetheart, I'll call you a bitch

You constantly call to me, then treat me like shit

Fuck you for being you, fuck me for being me

Why the fuck are your lies so hard to see?!

You always ask me, so let me tell you what I need

Oh my fucking god, how I would love to see you bleed



You always should've known, I fucking hate to be deceived

You always should've known, why wouldn't you ever fucking leave?

I hate your eyes almost as much as I hate mine

The fucking mirror makes me want to go blind

I'm guilty by association, you're guilty by design

I do believe its time I took back what was mine

(MY HEART!)

I do believe its time I took back what was mine

(MY LIFE!)

Call me your sweetheart, so I can call you the bitch



Who took it all away from me

(MY HEART, MY LIFE, I'LL TAKE, THIS KNIFE)

I refuse to take responsibility, for what I'm about to do

Even though you'll be dead, the blame is still on you

Fuck you for being you, fuck me for being me

Oh my fucking god, how I would love to see you bleed

(BITCH!)

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Kryptick
02:46 Jul 01 2009

"I hate your eyes almost as much as I hate mine

The fucking mirror makes me want to go blind

I'm guilty by association, you're guilty by design

I do believe its time I took back what was mine

(MY HEART!)"



oh man, hands fucking down...best part.



"Fuck you for being you, fuck me for being me"

close second.



So damn blunt...and...well, brutal. best word for it. I LOVE this one- and I definitely think you should record it. Seriously.

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You're throwing darts at my heart

One missed my chest and hit my throat

Straight to the jugular

I'm bleeding out slowly through a pin-sized hole

This'll take time to kill me

But it'll kill me nonetheless

So before I die, its time to confess



I knew all along about your lifestyle

Pleasure, playtimes, sex, and sins

Life full of friends and fuck buddies

But the funny thing is

I'd let it in slide, in the end



You're throwing darts at my heart

One finally manages to reach my insides

Causing a cardiac attack

My heartbeat fading from the smallest prick

This will kill me quickly

But I'll have time to speak my mind

I've known all along, I've seen through the lies



I knew all along about your wrong choices

Blurred bedrooms, memories broken

Life full of fuck buddies and friends

But the irony of it is:

Life will fuck you in the end

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Kryptick
02:40 Jul 01 2009

Imagery, chest dartboard! I really like the pin-sized hole part...cuz I can vividly see it, and that's really cool. A slow, painful death gifted by a careless lover...ah...the romance.



This to me, tells a story of a one sided relationship. You give, and you give and you know they aren't giving(even though you'd probably rather not know, ignorance is bliss and all that shit)...You know that they keep fucking up, and you'd forgive them willingly if they would just realize what the hell they're doing...

This person just was so careless and basically fucks it up big time. Soooo. you basically have time to say one last thing, the little ironic fact that they are gonna get fucked over big time.

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(actual lyrics to a song I'm about to record)



Are you surviving...

Are you surviving, or will you...die



The gift of death approaches, smiles right in your face

The gift of death is here now, this will be your final day



This will be your...

You will meet your...

Suffer through your...

End

(x2)



Take my life

I don't want it

Gift of death

I'll receive it

Bleeding wounds

You can't stop it



I can't find a reason to live

I can't find a reason to breathe

Please just come take this life from me

Please just deliver to me

The gift of death



NOW!



I will give my life if you give me the gift of death



I will never find a reason

To want to live this life

Take me out of my misery

And bring me the gift of death

COMMENTS

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Kryptick
06:50 Jun 26 2009

You know what's amazing about this?

well, the entire thing but that's besides the point



now whenever I read this, I can hear the song in my head. and by the way, now it's stuck in my head...and i like it!

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Firedrake
16:33 Jun 26 2009

Heard it, LOVE IT, give me moooorrrree!!!!

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Moving in for the slow kill

Be quiet, close your eyes

My fingertips on your back

Searching for your spine

So silent, I can hear your mind ticking

Looking for a way to sustain your last little thread of life

Don't worry, I'll make this painless

Tracking your nervous system to your spine



You're not deserving of a life in this world

Nor deserving of a quick, easy death

I'll continue to make you suffer

And then ease off just before your last breath

Pump the life back into you

So I may have the pleasure of taking it away

You've sucked the life right out of me

And this is the price you pay



You're not so brave now, are you

Nervous, so busy choking on your lies

I can feel your soul, can you feel me

touching your insides?

So violent, and so very sickening

Almost as bad as the way you made me feel about life

So shudder, I'll make you suffer

Tracking your nervous system to your spine



*breakdown entry and breakdown*

You ask me, you beg me for mercy

"Please don't do it, spare me once more"

Not a thought on it crosses my mind

I have to say...NO!

You won't tell another lie

You won't make it out alive

You won't escape this time

I'm tracking your nervous system to your spine

Torturous, I'm cracking down on your spine

COMMENTS

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MorbidAngels15
14:32 Jun 21 2009

wow this is wonderful hun :) you write so well.......

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Firedrake
16:53 Jun 21 2009

Brutally honest, blunt, violent and vicious....I love it!

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Kryptick
02:10 Jun 22 2009

This is definitely a favorite of mine. Sorry, I'm too tired to give you a full fledged review on it like I normally do, lol..but I did wanna stop in and comment and tell you it's really amazing. Very creative.

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Clinch your eyes closed tight

As I cinch the noose even tighter

The flames leap higher

As they start to burn brighter, beneath you

The daylight burns out as smoke fills the air

Light from the sun's rays, replaced by the darkness of the blaze



We've built a battleground

The noose versus your neck

Fueling the fire, let it surround you

Open your eyes, for the full effect

So as your blood reaches its boiling point

And the heat begins to simmer around you

You'll feel your body burning, your mind reaching a haze



The pyre is left to rubble, after time

The mob has taken another life

Sins cleansed in the pile of ash

And a single hanging strand of rope

We built the battleground

This was a battleground

So you think you're immortal?

Feel free to lift your fists, we'll find out

Unlucky for you

I think your life has just about timed out



So you think you're untouchable?

You're on the wrong end of the blade this time

Unlucky for you

I'm sick of you, and I've made up my mind



You thought you were invincible?

I think you might've jumped the gun

Unlucky for you

You tried to prove yourself, but I won



Anyone else think they're a god?

Come stand before me, we'll see

Unlucky for you

I'm not short on killing ability



So step back, step down

Feel free to crown me your king

Unlucky for you

I've never been afraid of a damn thing

COMMENTS

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FathersGrace
01:56 Jun 24 2009

oo..i like this

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Well then your words are lost

and if you force them, they fall upon deaf ears

Coaxed words are not worth the attempt to hear

So surrender to silence and try not to fear

the crippling pressure to which you adhere



Well then your thoughts are gone.

Your mind is breathless from the chase,

running from the thoughts you'll inevitably face.

So open your eyes and gently embrace

the words that left you in this place.



Well then your voice begins to fade,

You sift the ashes through empty hands,

Attempting to process all the demands.

Searching for the ocean in a desert of land,

Starting to embrace, you begin to understand.



Your comprehensions just too late

And as your mind ceases to bend

You realize you're too close to the end

Your heart is just too broken to mend

The only option left is to allow him to send...



Send you straight to hell



(written by Stephen and Kat)

COMMENTS

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Kryptick
07:36 Jun 19 2009

Check out the gun show over here...BOOM. BANG. Fiah powah!

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DeadHeir
07:45 Jun 19 2009

lol that was by far the best comment ever



"blah blah blah, I DON'T LIE!"

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You've spilled my blood on this now tainted ground

The drops fell slowly, didn't make a sound

Pooled so neatly, in a shape so round



Fall to my knee, hold my arms out bare

And I'm drowning in crimson despair

Call out weakly, but no one's there



You spilled my blood, but now you're gone

In my head, I replay our favorite song

How much longer will my heart beat on?



Fall from my knees, flat on my face

I'm drowning in my own disgrace

How much longer until I leave this place?



My eyes are closing, its getting dark

Dreams drifting of us sitting in the park

This is my heaven, we're not so far apart



How could I love you when you've left me to die?

I wouldn't want to live without you by my side

Anyway, I'll just pretend its a final "goodnight"

COMMENTS

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Leinth
12:52 Jun 18 2009

Such raw emotion....I love it...very well written.

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Kryptick
17:32 Jun 18 2009

Holy crap, Stephen. This looks very similar to something I would write- the rhyme scheme, the word choice...So naturally, I relate to it because of that...Also, the concept appeals to me in the sense that I understand it.



"Fall to my knee, hold my arms out bare

And I'm drowning in crimson despair

Call out weakly, but no one's there"

When I think about it from my own perspective, this hurts.

When I think about it from your perspective, this KILLS.



Amazing write, I like it very much.

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Isis101
22:25 Jun 18 2009

Wow!

I think that there could be nothing more tragic than being used. abused, and left to die. Your way with words have transformed it into some kind of tragic opera.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
02:23 Jun 19 2009

So then, who made the cut?

You or her?

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MorbidAngels15
14:34 Jun 21 2009

i agree with most of the comments here.....such emotion.......

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I don't need you anymore

Your memories alone, will be enough for me fuck up myself

Your job here is done

I feel so alone, but still you're haunting me now

You don't need me anymore

My eyes tell the story, I'm devastated beyond repair

You'll survive this

But I'm afraid I just might not be so fucking lucky

You did this to me

But yet, you're completely comfortable with the idea of just walking away

Turn your back on me

Smile at the fact that you were the one to do me in

Walk away slowly

Savor every step, you know deep inside its killing me

Don't look back

I won't even be there, if you do...



Just leave me for the reaper, don't hold my hand

Don't act like you care, you turned your back

My futures falling off now, its been lost in hindsight

How am I supposed to save myself from my future...

If I can't even save myself from my past?

Your memories alone, will be enough for me to fuck up myself

I've fallen into the abyss

I'm left here for the reaper, don't extend your hand

I won't bother to take it, you already turned your back

You'll survive

But I'm afraid I just wasn't that fucking lucky

COMMENTS

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Firedrake
13:40 Jun 18 2009

Such drama, so blunt and accusing...makes me want to cry just for the pain in these words...

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Isis101
22:27 Jun 18 2009

'Don't act like you care, you turned your back'



This line hit a lil' too close to home for me, but I'm cool now.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
02:25 Jun 19 2009

Okay, so my final question on any of these is....

Who hurt you so badly?

And is it really that hard to get over?

There's too much pain in these... It needs to be let go.....

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MorbidAngels15
14:40 Jun 21 2009

oh damn.....this is how i feel if i broke up with george.....it would be really bad and i would feel like i now had no future because of him fucking me up......damn i shouldnt think like that :(

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You're addicted to lying

Doing it over and over again

Now you're out of true friends

You won't escape the apocalypse

Hiding in the shadow of the colossus



Pray in God's name

Hoping he can validate your existance

Wishing his silence had a sound

Uttering his name

There won't be any god around



You're addicted to dying

Doing it over and over again

Now you've reached your true end

You won't escape the apocalypse

Hiding in the shadow of the colossus



Pray in God's name

He can't hear you through the distance

You denied him too long to turn back now

You're stuck in place

You might as well stand your ground



You're addicted to dying

Don't even bother trying to live

Praying in God's name

He can't hear you through the distance

He won't take the soul you give

You might as well stand your ground

Hiding in the shadow of the apocalypse

Represent your past



Half-hearted apologies

Bow down, on your knees

Full-blooded hypocrisy

No denying what I see

You're as dark as the crimson you bleed

More evil than this earth has ever seen



Heart-warming apologies

You've got them all on their knees

False representation

They don't know what to think

You're telling them what they want

While you take away what they need



Represent your future



You've taken the lesser path

The one beneath the high road

You're fooling them, but there's no fooling me

I see through your mask, you're full of deceit

You're full of lies, I've never believed a single apology

So here's my heart-felt explanation

Of what exists between you and me...

Distance, disgust, absolutelly nothing

So represent yourself the way you see fit

As far as I'm concerned, you're full of shit

COMMENTS

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Kryptick
05:16 Jun 16 2009

HAHA, holy hell, what an amazing ending...solid, strong, and blunt. Just like you. I like the represent your past/represent your future twist, and also the apologies reference. That's pretty cool.

For some reason, I also really like this:

"You've taken the lesser path

The one beneath the high road"



I'm not sure why. It just caught my attention.



This has really good flow, it was easy to read. I like it :)

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Firedrake
17:15 Jun 17 2009

...slightly uncomfortable...brings back memories...but wonderful all the same, just like all your work :)

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MorbidAngels15
14:37 Jun 21 2009

Well this is great.....but it kinda reflects on what is happening to me right now, maybe when he apologises to me it will be aload of shit so he can keep on controlling so he can keep doing it over and over again until i go insane.....meh i really hate liars =[

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How do you win a battle...

When no true weapon exists.

How do you fight a war...

Using anything but your fists.

Its all in your head, this conflict...

And still it rages, robbing you of bliss.



This fight has long been lost, you're still wishing you could win

Who knew failure would leave you the only one standing in the end

No doubt, these are wounds that no doctor on earth could mend

Its a gash so deep, a cut so long, no one knows where it begins



Its so hard to live around so much devastation

Its so hard to breathe when no one shares your air

Who would wanna live when no one else is alive

Screaming to the sky "When is it my time?!"

Waiting for what feels like eternity, never hearing a reply

The battle in your head still rages

Robbing you of bliss

But how do you win a battle...

When no true weapon exists...

The fight has long been lost, you're still wishing you could win...

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Kryptick
02:34 Jun 16 2009

Yay for the repetition in this, I like it a lot. The concept is sad but true...



"Who would wanna live when no one else is alive

Screaming to the sky "When is it my time?!""

that would be my favorite part.



The flow is a little strange in this, that's the only thing I wish would be different, if the flow was just a little smoother, but it's nothing unbearable. I think this is good, especially the concept.

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ScorchedEarthErotica
02:51 Jun 16 2009

This is awesome as always

Very good flow

Powerful images

Strong words

love it

xx

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Broken bonds lead to broken promises

Broken memories, shattered like glass

Walking away slowly, wishing I could run

The biggest promise you ever broke, was when you promised not to break one

You'll thank me, in the end



Broken bones surrounded by broken bottles

Broken minds, laid to waste by drinks in glasses

Fading away slowly, slowing losing the pain with each one

Every little drink, every spin of the chamber, your russian roullette gun

It'll break you, in the end



I wish you could see

How bad your misfortunes sting

I hate when you bleed

Fucked up, on fucking everything

The drugs, the drinks, the guns, the "fun"

Its all packed away

You'll find your way back, slowly wandering

You're bound to relapse

Walking away slowly, wishing you could run

The biggest promise I broke, was when I promised not to break one

You'll thank me when its over...

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
07:57 Jun 15 2009

O.O

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Kryptick
16:17 Jun 15 2009

This one hits a little too close to home for my taste right now. I can understand this clearly from both sides.



Normally your advice-giving lyrics and poetry(i.e. 'look at your life, here's what I think', that kind of perspective) come off kind of angry...but I don't get that vibe from this one. It's wise, insightful, but too tired and worn out to be angry.

I really like the use of repetition, as I always do, and I like the "You'll thank me when it's over" ending. I thought the roulette reference was a good one, too, "spin of the chamber" is a good way to work with that metaphor, it creates a strong picture in your head.



My favorite part:

"You'll find your way back, slowly wandering

You're bound to relapse

Walking away slowly, wishing you could run

The biggest promise I broke, was when I promised not to break one"



The promise line, by the way, is fucking brilliant...Awesome piece.



One thing though...

Sometimes, when you're walking away...you trip over the bottles.

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ScorchedEarthErotica
02:52 Jun 16 2009

I can feel the hurt..you're strong for writing this..very good poem though

xx

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I will slowly and methodically manipulate your mind

Mold it into a destructive nature

And watch you annihilate yourself, from the inside

I will violently and unethically torture your thoughts

Mold you into a killing master

And watch you annihilate who I choose from the outside



I will crush you under my hand, and bring you back up again

I will tear you down, so that I may rebuild you

I will destroy all that you love, so you'll destroy all that I hate

I will hurt you, to make you make you invincible

Shroud you in emotional metal and steel

Make you inconsiderate of your own sins

I will take away all that is yours

And you will be mine to control

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Firedrake
16:24 Jun 14 2009

-growls- you do that already quite effectively...

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Kryptick
19:53 Jun 14 2009

This is some fucked up manipulation.



It's some weird messages in here though. If you read through it, it's consistent...but if you take separate lines out, you get an entire different meaning. I'm not sure whether that was intentional or not.

I have a deep respect for lines by themselves, that's why I like your writing- it's amazing when it's put together but it's still something notably of substance when you take it apart.



To me, the first stanza is hateful, angry, and selfish. What I get is not just, but evil. It's taking revenge up a step, so you can get what you want out of it. It's not paying a debt, it's wrecking a life...a soul, and it's deliciously wrong.



However, as you go into the second part, it's taking any sort of vengeance plot out of it- destroying for the sake of being rebuilt...for selfish reasons. Control.



Just fucking evil. and awesome.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
07:43 Jun 15 2009

Actually, I kind of disagree with Chicka up there....

It's really not so evil if you look at it from a military point of view...

That's pretty much what our Drill Sergeants do to us to turn us into soldiers.

It's their job to tear down anything and everything that you are and put you back together in a way that will enable you to do horrible things if the time comes to that.

I mean, look at me. I'm a medic, I help people. But I will not hesitate to fire a weapon into some kids face if he's coming at me with a bomb... Cold, hard, truth..... I don't like it, but it's what I have to do. Soldier first, Medic second.



*sighs*

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DeadHeir
07:45 Jun 15 2009

and this is exactly why I love writing :)

two completely different outlooks.

thank you, both of you...you just gave me even more reason to continue writing

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What if I were to shatter like glass...

Would you deem me worthy of repair?

What if I were to crumble to ash...

Would you thrust me gracefully into the air?

What if I were to escape my past...

Would you consider us a possible affair?



What if I were to give my all to you...

Would that be enough for you to accept me?

What if I were to decide what to do...

Would that make you open your eyes and see?

What if I were to finally choose...

Would I be able to give you what you need?



If I were to shatter like glass...

It'd be because you couldn't accept me

If I were to crumble to ash...

It'd be because you wouldn't open your eyes and see

I would be willing to escape my past...

If it means giving you what you need

To be happy

COMMENTS

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KMD
04:41 Jun 13 2009

Holy shit.



I think.. that's pretty fucking amazing.

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Kryptick
20:03 Jun 14 2009

You're right. This is much more my style than it is yours, haha...I really think this is beautiful, it kind of makes me sad that you were able to finish it, because I would really like to say that I contributed to this, it's that good...



I adore the use of repetition in the end, how you tie everything up really nicely. There are no loose ends in this, it's thorough, it's complete...not as hard to get your head around, compared to most of your stuff, but that doesn't make it any less thought provoking.

Overall, this is pretty mellow for you, but I love it.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
07:47 Jun 15 2009

What's with all the "What If's" though? Cool poem but I hate "What If's". Something can always be different. Something can always change but you can't ask "What If" ALL the time....

Drink water, drive on. ^_^

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I've got this feeling inside

I think its time I drew the line

You've stepped over it numerous times

While it was still only drawn in my mind

But I'm telling you now

Do it again, and you will find

The darkest corner of my life



I'm warning you, don't test me

Its better off this way

The line is drawn in my blood

Don't taint it with your own

For if you ever cross it

We'll be the only two that know



I know the tricks of a killer

So steady, and alone

I'll bury your body in pieces

In places you call your own

I'll answer questions calmly

Weakly, sadly, in a drone

So dare you ever test me?

Its a sin for which I'll atone

I have no fear inside myself

Of those who walk alone

I know the tricks of a killer

We'll be the only two that know



So now you know my feelings

I've drawn you this distinctive line

Don't dare to try and cross

Unless you wish to find...

The darkest corner of the afterlife

COMMENTS

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KMD
04:28 Jun 13 2009

Wow. You know, your writing kindof hits close to home more often than not.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
07:49 Jun 15 2009

Dude... Who pissed you off? *laughs*

Need help with the body? :D

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You hear me, but do you hear my words?

Your senses don't fail you, but do you comprehend?

You've reached your wits' end, before the song even begins

You'd rather hear someone sing another writer's words, than hear me scream whats on my mind

Physically, you have able eyes, but mentally, you're blind

But I don't give a fuck, I'm still here to speak my mind



Verbally dysfunctional, my lyrics have more meaning...

Than anything else you'll hear on your little radio, mind stuck in mainstreaming

I can guarantee you, if you listen without hearing

All you are going to get of this, is some crazy guy screaming

Physically, you have able eyes, but mentally, you're blind

Here is your chance, take it or not, to get inside my mind



You hear me, but do you hear my words?

Your senses don't fail you, but do you comprehend?

Forgive me for screaming, allow a little emotion from inside

Instead of singing softly, like everyone else alive

How dare you condemn me, for not singing like they do

You'd rather hear someone sing another writer's lines, than ever hear me scream exactly whats on my mind

I don't give a fuck if your ears bleed, or I'm out of line

I don't give a fuck, I'm still here to speak my mind

COMMENTS

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KMD
04:27 Jun 13 2009

...



Wow.

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CrypticDs
06:16 Jun 13 2009

Ok I really like this one :)

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
07:52 Jun 15 2009

Woohoo! Fight the conformity! Always sing your own song.

If you sound like everyone else, no one will ever hear you.

Sound off differently though, loud and proud in what you do, and you'll have a lot more fan mail in the end.

^_^

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I look down, my hands are covered in...

My own bloody sins

I wait around for my soul to cleanse...

Every memory of what I did

I'm only erasing my own recognition...

This is going to happen again



Painstaking, I spill more blood with each step

The sins I've committed, show themselves etched...

Within myself, my hands are covered in...

My own bloody sins

It doesn't make sense

I've taken the lives of many

And its eating away at mine

I've stolen the lives of many

I think I've finally crossed the line



I feel their blood...

Its spilling from out my wrists

I feel their blood...

How did it come to this?

I feel their blood...

Its spilling from out my wrists

I don't feel mine...

I don't even seem to exist



Slowly fading away

I've taken their lives

Their revenge is to take back

To take mine on this day

I feel their blood...

Its spilling from out my wrists

I don't feel mine

Its spilling from out my wrists

COMMENTS

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KMD
14:57 Jun 07 2009

I don't know weather to smile because it's amazing, or cry, because it's amazing. Gah.

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Firedrake
21:10 Jun 08 2009

KMD is so right this is amazing...I hope I can write like this one day...

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
07:56 Jun 15 2009

Sins, no matter how vile or evil, can always be forgiven.

In this, I don't think it's that you can't feel your own blood... It's that it's so mixed in with the others' you can't tell them apart....

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I need to...

Untie my eyes, from the...

Fixed grin of society

Sterile, yet so deadly

Always laughing in my face

Everchanging, unchanging

Needing an escape



This is the final time, in this life, you'll ever have a chance to strike

Don't pass it up with fear and uncertainty boiling your blood

We're approaching the final hour

And you've accomplished nothing

Tied down by the binding chains of society

Fear has left you unmotivated and gasping for air

Escape the clasps of society's bonds

Sterile, yet so deadly

We're approaching the final hour

Walk the plains of hell, scattered with dead

We're approaching the final hour

And you've accomplished nothing

Is this where you wish to reside?

Break the chains that bind you, move forward with resolve

Untie your eyes from the fixed grin of society

The final hour approachs

Move forward with resolve

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Kryptick
21:21 Jun 03 2009

Oooh, I love this. This is kind of different than what you normally write but it has little points in it, like your unique use of repetition, that brands it as your own. First off, what grabbed me was "untie my eyes". I can honestly say I don't think I've ever heard that phrase. And the fact that you used it in both the beginning and the end makes it that much cooler. It's not easily glanced over, it sucks you into the words, the meaning.



It's hard for me to pick my favorite part but if I had to pick this would be it:

"Sterile, yet so deadly

Always laughing in my face

Everchanging, unchanging

Needing an escape"

I think "sterile" is the perfect word. It's not a word most people would use, but that's another thing that makes this your own. I also love how you repeated the "sterile, yet so deadly" line.



There's something subtly captivating about your use of repetition, I know I bring it up all the time...sometimes I don't even notice, and I'll reread something you write and I'll notice something...You really have an amazing touch when it comes to this, putting little things into your work that accentuate your main idea and make you understand a little better.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
08:03 Jun 15 2009

I like just reading into what you write.. Trying to figure out what you were thinking or feeling at the time.

Every writer worth his salt, that I know anyway, has always put a little of himself into his pieces. The only way to get a reader interested is through personal experience.

You've got real talent. ^_^

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This was created, with foul intentions in mind

Horrid words spoken sweetly from lips

Will easily corrupt the blind

How could you resist, when you can't begin to see the crime

If only it were as easy...

As opening your eyes



I may not know better, but I've drawn a fine line

A line between the things that I think, and what I feel inside

I'm needing you now, more than I ever have

But you're leaving me now, you've corrupted my mind



Allowing myself to see so clearly what I thought was hidden

Its so easy to resist, when you can see the crime

Horrid words spoken sweetly from lips

Will easily corrupt the blind

But its so easy to resist, when you can see the crime

I've drawn a fine line between what I think, and what I feel inside

It was always as easy...

As opening your eyes

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Kryptick
20:47 Jun 03 2009

I really like this...but its kind of strange. The rhyme pattern is interesting and the repetition is randomly arranged, but I really like it. This is an intricate piece to me, I really like it a lot.

"I may not know better, but I've drawn a fine line

A line between the things that I think, and what I feel inside"

that's my favorite part :)

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
08:05 Jun 15 2009

I have to agree on the favorite part. ^_^

Something about it strikes home....

It's always easy to draw that line between what you're thinking and what you're feeling isn't it?

Not so easy to act on the right one though.....

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Every second, of every second chance

I fail to impress

Every second chance, I'm considered second best

And with every day I come to this realization

I'm learning to care less and less

You're system fails

And you fail to impress



Your expectations set so high

Raise the bar above my head

Striving for perfection in your eyes

Its impossible

I wish I could decode everything you said

This entire time I've been trying

I fail to impress



I don't know why I've always tried so hard

With constant failed results

Constantly dodging my own mistakes

And withstanding your jagged insults

I see through your desires

I'm done leaning on you for guidance

Your insensitive words lit a fire

I see through you

You fail to impress

Your system fails, and you fail to impress

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
08:12 Jun 15 2009

Never a good idea to try and meet someone else's standards.

They'll always be set higher than you can reach.

But that's because they think they're so much better.

Just remember that you are the better person and in turn, raise your bar.

Make is so that no one can tear you down.

Get off that miniature pony ride, climb up on that 50 ft high horse and strut your stuff. ^_^

You are your own perfection, a god in your own mind and world.

Flaunt it.

You don't have to impress anybody but yourself.

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The collection of scars is quickly growing on my arm

One more, with each little thought of you

Read it right, it tells my story

Look closely, I carved out the lyrics to this song



Your fingers are like daggers

Violently tearing into my flesh

Turning every subtle embrace

Into a lovely torture

Closing my eyes reveals the beautiful nightmare

Reopening them, reveals the truth

You meant to do this to me

I always had reason to be scared



Never turn your back on a backstabber

Opportunistic, if given the chance

Understand, what they take, you'll never get back

Fingers like daggers

Violently tearing into your flesh

Embrace, torture, nightmares

The truth is revealed

This is the cycle of love

Fall. Embrace. Torture. Nightmare. Fall. Repeat.



The collection of scars is quickly growing

Once more, with my final thought of you

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Kryptick
01:18 Jun 02 2009

This one hurts to think too hard about, it was really hard for me to read...but it's really good.

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
08:17 Jun 15 2009

Spirit of the Bayonet? kill, Kill, KILL!

What makes the green grass grow? blood, Blood, BRIGHT RED BLOOD!

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I'd hurt someone that made me feel this way. It's not often someone hurts me as bad as all that and gets away without a trip to the hospital.

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As the eyes of judgement tear holes

And its vise-grip grabs hold

My tears drop and slip through the floorboards

I know what you say to be true

I just don't know what to do

Release my throat and look in my eyes

I hope you see I'm finally prepared to try



Embrace the truth, erase my past

Take your judgement, and choose my path

I'm moving on

Who knew home could be so close to home



I've found myself, once lost so deep inside

You've helped, but its time for my own ride

Thank you for your words, encouraging or otherwise

Even though it hurt, I've finally come to realize

Who knew home could be so close to home



I'm exploring new waters, ones I once feared

Uncharted islands now mark my map

Scattered in places I never thought to look

I'm filling the empty pages

Of my life's history book

Autobiographical, every event spelled out

I'm writing my own story, and I don't need your help



I'm finding my way

I'm moving on

Who knew home could be so close to home

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Kryptick
01:20 Jun 02 2009

I really like this one a lot...its very hopeful, which is different for you, but I like it very much. My favorite is the first stanza, and lovely use of repetition as always :)

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MyArmyMyMilitaryMyLife
08:18 Jun 15 2009

Never settle for someone else writing your story for you.

Got to find you're own way sometime... Make an adventure story out of it. ^_^

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