The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

Has the ability to make me go from ok- to stressed beyond all repair. Yes this year will be one of change... again. *sigh*



There is nothing worse than loging on to my email and seeing her jibberish waiting for me. *shudders* And now I don't want my pot roast or my gravy :(



I have bile rising in my throat, and shortness of breath. I could swear that my heart is beating out of my body. LOL perhaps this is what stress feels like? Yes, I think my clinical diagnosis is right on. Damn it.

To my friends of all political parties:



Stop it. Stop the propaganda. Stop the bickering. Stop being "right".



Start by doing something. Start by thinking about the people you have hurt or killed in "being right". Start thinking of something else than the money in your pocket. Start being the "public servants" you claim to be.



Until then, the great ideal of America has been lost to the commercial tag lines and email chain letters. Our way of life is dwindling, because we believe there is no other option.



Right/Wrong there is a third choice- Us.



And I choose, "we the people..."



/rant

Today was one of the days where I wake up and wish I could just coach all day. No "real work" just me and nature on the water with the rowers.



Going home is something to be relished with a hot shower and coffee ready to get the day up and going. Putting on flannel pj’s and my fur slippers, to go downstairs and fix my morning meal. Taking a book and then curling up with homemade soup on the couch... it's a slice of those days that seem divine.

That is my summary of the last week.



My replacement at work - QUIT Friday when I was gone, and there is nothing I can do to bring them back.



Rowing went ok. There were some serious disappointments with where we ended up. Came down to we were out-rowed.



I am so far behind on many things that simply NEED to be done it's a nightmare.



State of Washington is still NOT on the ball and it's Costing me clients because they have my license marked "expired" yet they were more than willing to cash my check. I have to call them daily until they fix the problem. I NEED that to be done, and done yesterday.



Over all things are crap ola... I haven't written about it because THIS is my place to relax and unwind. Seems my being silent has gotten the "ASS+U &ME" to go off the deep end. So you want to know why I'm not talking.. it's because I'M FUCKING PISSED. I am Here to unwind and not be this way ALL THE FUCKING TIME.



Keep shitting on me and ya'll will see how not very nice I can be. I don't have time for high school theatrics, nor at this point do I care. Fucking grow up and leave me out of it. And this last piece is for real life too. Seriously, I am tired of getting shat on for doing nothing more than the best I can do.

I am Switerland in this- none of my business- so ya'll stop trying to make it "my business" I just simply have no time for bullshit. *sorry KCRC- not you!*



Step away from the computer, go out breath the beautiful fall air.



I know I'm about to do just that :)

And she was one of the first concerts I ever went to... somethings are still as good as I remember them.

And of course I got a sunburn... on a cloudy day =/



Go figure. My boat however had a really really good race. They finished just one second behind the heavy weight crew- so our school took 1st and 2nd. Woot!



Early and LONG day tomorrow. Doubtful that I will have time for anything but crew tomorrow- wish us luck at the races, tomorrow's races are for the Ontario Banner- which is a big deal!



*nervous butterflies for my crews, hoping I gave them enough to succeed*

HEY RAT! Loose something?!



Runs to go hide :P

So my replacement almost quit today.



I had told my boss it was a BAD BAD BAD idea to start someone right now, as we are:



1. Expanding to a new space

2. Having an Open House Friday

3. Staring a new session of classes first week of November.



Add to that my training this person *OI* I need serious unwinding time, only to have to deal with injury and illness from my athletes.



I am now down to just 6 days left of crew. Cripes I am trying not to panic, but I feel as if I am just swimming and not getting anywhere. It is all I can muster to just breath and let myself relax. Good news is, everything is in place for Friday- all that has to happen is for everyone to remember what to do.



On a more pleasant note, the head coach went out with my rowers today. I got to just sit there and drive the launch while he coached. What a huge ego boost. Basically he merely reinforced what I have been trying to teach them with different vocabulary.



It was amazing, hearing how he explained it and then seeing them have the "a-ha!" moments. Just what the team needed for this weekend. Part of me hopes it is enough, while the realist in me knows that there is still more development that unless it "clicks" they will end up where they were last week. Second. Not bad by any means, but I would have them win :P I am competitive after all. Point is, the team we are racing has the technique, and what I call the "umph" factor. What this refers to is the power that is applied through the finesse of the stroke.



Next year though- wow, I'm already very, VERY excited to see what these girls will do!

Here's to hoping that my immune system has not been too compromised in the past few weeks.



One of my rowers has Strep. No biggie you think? Unfortunately she's had it for 2 weeks- they orginally thought she had mono. But the kicker is, I've had scarlett fever two times, and have a tendancy to not get strep throat, but get strep internally right away. You could say strep thinks I'm tastey... =/



So, I get to watch myself very closely now, and if I start to get sick- I get to go get tested. With no health insurance. Bloody students spreading their germs. meh.

So many things have happened this weekend that are going to challenge this next weekend.



Illness

Injury

Not knowing



And all I can do is put my best foot forward. This am started with an email from an athlete that I knew was potentially out for the season, but I was waiting for them to tell me this. On Saturday I had told them call or message me ASAP.



She waited until MIDNIGHT last night to tell me =/



How the HELL am I supposed to re-arrange things with 40 min in the morning and NO SPARES? My response to her I hope was to the point and not too upset, but really she blew it. I should have been the FIRST to know. Not her teammates finding out from her facebook status. Grrrrr.



Then there is my weekend, it's hard when you know friends are going through a difficult time and you want to help- but can't. I hate that. It's so hard for me not to just fall into the role of doing... patience, I'm still learning.



In good news, I think I found a friend who I lost touch with a few years back on Facebook :D I've missed him- his humour and off beat sense of being always meshed well with me. Last time I spent time with him he was in dentestry school, and he showed up to my "White Trash X-miss" party with fake teeth that made him look like "Billy-bub".



Watching him in his overalls and teeth "stirrin the porrage" was enough to make myself and all my friend pee. Great times. I've really missed those great times- I think it's time I start building some new memories to rival the past ones. :)

Cranky IrishSpudMuffins ♥

Someone did a journal entry about complaining. It was an eye-opener to how/what people are thinking when they only see one aspect of your life. And I realized that I very well may sound like one of those complainers.



Honestly things are awesome for me right now, just a wee bit challenging. Considering I like challenge and my "life goal" is to never stop growing- what this means is I am working hard on me. Looking at all that is happening, when asked- I have a difficult time telling you what happened just this last Friday- because that seems like weeks ago.



I am in that blur where you move and think in the moment, and reflect about what you've done later. Considering that, what makes it into my journal right now are what I consider the "bloopers" along the way. Things that I know are funny, even if they suck (such as my giving myself a black eye- I mean it IS funny, even if painful).



So take a step back, re-look at my words and try to see the humour from someone that is honestly exhausted in all aspects of her life, just trying to keep on for the next week and half. It will give you a clearer perspective on my actual tone, and messages.



Life is more than good at this time- it is vibrant.

Was woken up by my "little" girl dog... she was scrounging for food *she's always STARVING, er she thinks she is* and when it took longer and I couldn't get back to sleep- I found her peeing in my basement >.> Grrrrrr



Cleaned that up.



Have now been up for more than 20 min... and am not getting tired. DAMN IT. I really need the sleep- even after sleeping so much this weekend, I still feel like I'm dragging.



Meh, time to try again.

Oh crap... Did I just send a message saying that my message center is a butt munch?



*opsy*

So you think just because you have some stupid mark thingie, and because you can spell that you are "cool beans", well I have something to say to you....





HAVE A ROCKIN BIRTHDAY



Now the rest of you go post... go post NOW!



:D

I gave my self a shiner... wait for it...



Getting out of my car =/



Good thing is it did not hurt my eye, as my glasses were on.



I think today is a great day to go see a movie and take a nap.

Just so ya'll know.



That is all :)

Yes I do wear glasses. The ones in this picture are my "going out" glasses. The ones below are my "everyday" glasses.



I can't stand the thought of something on my eyeball O.o unless for Halloween, it just isn't happening- it grosses me out. Besides I love the Elton John way of glasses- new mood, new glasses :P







So yes, if you see me without my glasses I am:



1. looking for them

2. in front of the computer (can't stand the color distortion)

3. at work- same thing, I have to see colours clearly

4. eating or in conversation



It's strange I suppose that glasses change the colour, but it's the best description of what happens. Basically while making things at a distance clear, they hinder my ability to see. Perhaps it is part of how I see colour as texture that is hindered. Donno, just can't stand to wear them when in situations where I want to get to know people. :P

Seriously, if we all "got what we deserved" what kind of life would that be? Most people would find that many others view them in not so kind of terms. I pray that we all get not what we deserve but what will bring us bliss.



I'm sick of thinking negative things, and because of this I am thankful that I have the patience to learn from the bad things. That even when I take it as "woe to me" that deep down I am searching for what I can improve.



Bring on life, I will remain grateful in my deepest parts, even if I have tears streaming down my face. Most of all, I will wish my enemy bliss, that they may one day see something other than foe.

Were there some way for me to express all that I want to feel, apposed to all that I try not to.



I have always found it interesting how people 'find' one another as I so seldom have had any instance aside from crushes where I wanted to spend time with a person. Often times I am trying to not be around people. I like it this way, and it might have to do with why when I'm around those I like I am so chatty. I simply have saved up my social time ;)



Still I wonder if by being how I am if I am "shooting myself in the foot" for some of the things that I would love to have. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and how I'm doing it. Sometimes I just wonder what the grass would be like if I made different choices. Such as not being so singular minded. Once I have a goal or idea in my mind, it is there, just as if you ever do something for me to loose respect for you, it will never happen again. I simply cannot go back considering that I typically will not do this unless someone has broken my trust more than three times.



Today would be a day where I wish I were free of myself to fully be excited at prospects, and gleeful. Instead I sit here contemplating what the reality is and how I should just expect that I am dreaming once more.

I get that my profile is not for everyone. Thank goodness, it gives us more to talk about. That said I have put a lot of time into the profile I do have- the words are aspects of me. Who I am, how I live- yadda yadda yadda.



So to get a "1" from this profile is actually funny to me:



Quote: I am kinky kunt ox here to help





A very broad minded guy who lurks in the shadows of society but has the funds and means to make things happen.

I own a escort agency with a particular kink for goth and bdsm, dont be shy you ask away im here to help,and come bouncing out of the darkness when needed. Its who i am and what i do,so if dont like it keep moving right along nobodys forcing you to have a sook.

O.O



I ate too much turkey.



And stuffing.



Add some mashed potatos



Sweet potato



Green Beans



Gravy



with Pumpkin Curry stew.



*BUURRRRRPPPPP*



I have way to many leftovers, and I still have to make that pumpkin cheese cake with my homemade pumpkin pie.



Started this am around 8am with preping everything- cooking the pumpkins and then straining them. Didn't eat during the day and still I'm over full. wow.



Time to clean up and prep the left overs and pass out. YAY me, for doing this even though it just was for me. Now I'll have my favorite left over casserole to freeze for the next little bit. Plus I have my Halloween dinning set out :)

This song brings me back to the summer I was 18. I remember laying on my bed, listening to this song over and over.



So much in the memory of how deeply this man's music has touched and honed me in my spirit.







Thank you rat for the beautiful bitter sweet memories.

just when it seems that nothing will get any worse, it does.

To hear that it will all be ok



That I will get past this



Good things will come



You will have rest



Things will not always be difficult



Your childhood will return



Alone will be a past tense



So many things, and I'm so very tired. I am trying, and I just don't know if that is enough right now.

And then off for a long weekend. It has been such a trying three weeks, and I am looking forward of the bustle of the regatta- and then bed, as Sunday we race in Rockchester.



Monday I will attempt my first Thanksgiving. Granted I will be by myself, but if I can't "entertain" for just me- why should I entertain for anyone?



On the list: Homemade pumpkin pie with the pumkins I bought.



Pumpkin pie cheesecake *Heidi's reciepe*



Pumpkin/Barley soup.



Curried Pumpkin



Candied Cranberries



Turkey



Mashed potatos



STUFFING :D



What I don't eat, I'll freeze to eat during the next few weeks. Besides it will be nice to chat with my mom. She has Monday off, so she's going to "walk me through" cooking my first turkey.



I'm glad I choose to do this. While some may think it's depressing to cook a meal like this for yourself, it's refreshing to actually get a thanksgiving. Otherwise I would not have one. This year would have been the third year of no turkey for me. So I'm pretty excited about doing this, although if honest- it would be better to have someone to share it with.



Perhaps another year.

Three years, so much has changed, and still so much is exactly as it was. I would not have expected this, actually I did not even dare think about it.



Perhaps when I am ready to face it, I will express it. For now I will just enjoy the bits of fantasy, that seem to ease something that I didn't know were in me.

We are now in full tilt race season.



And I have to make some serious choices. I am confident in what I've put out- but I have to wonder am I doing too much for the "underdog". Fact is, they were the bottom four either fitness wise or technically. I have worked with them, and they are now having good rows. Still the level is not nearly the extent of the Varsity. True I consider them all varsity- but they are not in the top boat.



I need them to push the other girls further- simply put the habit from what I've seen in total complacency. I am fighting that hard by maintaining the dynamic for the racing. Still what I've done could open a big bag of headache for me. In a good way- but one that well could make things worse than if I had just followed the norm.



Fatigued is a great word for how I feel. Things are certainly getting better and better- I am just in a holding point because of so many things. Procrastination is not my friend any more. I am seeing where it has held me back in so many ways. Instead I'm making friends with priority, and whenever projects. Slowly I'm adjusting my thinking and in autopilot for the must dos. The others, are also getting done- just not nearly as quickly as I'd like.



Then again I have to remember I am working 5:30am-7:30-8am, 9:30-8pm most days. The breaks I take are determined by patients, if I'm doing office work etc. I miss my puppies- going on walks or just sitting around petting them. I miss just "hanging out" with the animals. However I adore what I do.



The challenges of being a head coach are still overwhelming me. Slowly I am learning, and eventually the extra work will not be nearly so difficult for me. Thank god for Al, he has so much experience, is direct in telling me what to change and patient with some of my choices. He has been there, done that. Yet he will let me do my own thing, suggest maybe by doing it this way I've done too much on me and then suggest another way. That insight is invaluable, and it is part of why the overwhelmed.



What most people don't know, is that I'm coaching with another coach who is in charge of the heavies *I have the lights*, and this coach has been clear in their distain of me from the start. Being the new kid, I am the brunt of much expectation of how "they" do it, not what I'm used to. Most of the coaches I can deal with, but this one has made it clear to the athletes that there are issues with us. Although aside from annoyance at times, I have no issue. Imagine someone who has to stress and exaggerate situations. Now multiply that to almost a farce, and add a heart of gold. You have an idea of what I'm working with. Such a unique story (what I have heard so far) but in many ways, desperate to be remembered and noticed. At times I have wondered if I am resented because I came and suddenly was fully in the "loop".



Perhaps I will never know. What I am aware of is slowly the differentness of what I'm doing is breaking down that rough exterior. Because frankly it's too hard to work with that. I'm far more interested in getting the team to move fast... the boats, etc- well those are the tools we use, not something to stress over.



I am rambling now, but I am doing well. My mother worries that I'm not going out too much. Good thing I didn't tell her that I'm here more now that I have new "buttons" to look at... and she's ever hopeful when she hears a name repeated, "is that your boyfriend?" O.O



You would think that at almost 40 the woman would give up already. lol. I'm too tired, and frankly I think I'm too selfish to ever have that. I like what I do, and don't want to compromise my life to that of what someone else wants- as most *mind you not all, but most* men wish to be the "center" of attention. I just am not like that. I have to have my freedom- and in return I give theirs. Companionship is something that most people do not get, as modern relationships often are not set up for that as a reality.



Crap, really rambling now. Ok over and out.

You cannot be serious. This, well excriment has got to stop- if you can for one moment stop being a selfish drama whore....



Then go HERE to make someone's day a little happier ^.^



Yes I'm not above bait and switch for my friends :D

Ich spreche switzerdeutsch.



AKA Keep me out of your interactings with those I consider friend, and I will continue to do as I have and give you your space.



I am not getting in the middle of this, I just had a horrid day and if you attempt to bring me into it- you have been warned.



Do not put double-edged swords in my lap, I too can use them and have the patience to wait till it will really hurt.



There is a joke that has been going on "Beware the butt water" you know nothing of it. It has been going on since before New Orleans- it has nothing to do with you or anyone you know. Do not assume or you will make an ass out of us both.

#&$^#*(&^##(*$&@(#*$&_%#$)(*_)((@*$#()&U()*#&%OI(U#&*(#$)_98



Wow, that does make a person feel better.



Tried for close to 6 hours to finish my week plan for rowing... Was interrupted at every turn. =/



Got home was told dog shat on carpet... great :(



Took my steam cleaner, cleaned it up and another mess... went to clean the cleaner... and BROKE IT X(



I'm done. Fucking hell no!



OK Breath... now I'm going to look around hopefully joke a little and unwind before crew in the morning.

I can't find my nightmare before christmas DVD... damn it. :( And people wonder WHY I don't loan out videos.

Now the main house page looks almost right :P



.......................................................................................................



Hahahaha, sorry I couldn't resist ;)

Races went very well, we won in the single, the eight and I am hoping the double. Only the four got second- however I know they have much more in them... so needless to say, I'm getting uber excited for next week.



I want them all to do so well and have a great season... damn it if I have to eat gravel for that to happen.



Off to bed now as I have been awake way too long and away from my animals... ♥ puppies and kitties

Thanks Boss :)



*walks carefully away from the buttons* Whew *trips on one* Crap, what was that?!



O.O

Heidi was spot on with her journal entry... sometimes things just happen at exactly the right time...



I now have a Buffy Birthday Card that plays the theme song and several candles along with a shirt that says,



"it doesn't matter if the voices aren't real as long as they have really good ideas."



I needed that ray of sunshine! WOOT! :)

What more can I say? Coaching- exactly what I wanted. Who knew the headache it would be? Thank goodness I've coached for 13 years or I would probably go nuts right now.



Work arrangement, same thing, although I had a better idea of the difficulty I would be facing there.



Acupuncture- amazing, although with so many fertility clients, the miscarrages are really weighting me down. I truly wish everytime they would stay pregnant. It is gut wrentching to watch their pain, and know that I can only assist them with what I do- I want to do so much more...



I am making so many mistakes, and still I keep on. I am learning so much and still I see how much more I need to grow.



Truly I am blessed, although going on two weeks of "Mondays" I have to say I'm exhausted.