Tis the season. Yesterday I worked from 10-8:30pm. Today should be shorter, yet somehow I think I will be rushed the same as I was yesterday.
Good things, don't get me wrong. Still it does not make me feel good when my list to do grows instead of changes.
Right now I'm having difficulty not being hard on myself. There are certain things I do that I expect to do well. Even when I know I have done everything I can, I hate it when it is not to the standard I want.
I hate failing people. To me my own failure is not a big deal, but to fail others causes me to constantly re-evaluate the situation. What can I do better, what can I change. Did I not say something.
Breath.
No matter how many books I read, how much studing I do... it will always be practise. I may not be able to change that aspect but that does not mean I have to like it.
People used to ask me why?
Why on earth do you keep paint cans on top of your cat litter boxes?
Two words: Kitty Rocka
Welcome to fun times with the ick things our dogs do and then try to lick us after...
O.-
This is an excellent crisp.
1/2 baked pumpkin (cut pumpkin in half, remove seeds, back with opening to the baking sheet, for one hour at 350) strained.
2 tbsp cinnamon
1 tbsp allspice
1/2 tbsp clove
1/2 tbsp ginger
1/2 tbsp cardomon
1 can of condensed milk
1 beaten egg
mix together in 13x9 deep pan
in seperate bowl peel and slice 10 apples add 2 tbsp cinnamon and dashes of lemon juice (do half way and at finish to prevent browning of the apples).
Mix with pumpkins
At this stage can also add fresh cranberries, or pears.
In seperate bowl mix 1 cup brown sugar, 1.5 cups of oats and 1/4 cup of butter together.
Sprinkle on top.
Serves between 8-12 people.
Best part about this one is because it is not over sweetened you can add to hot oatmeal the next day for a little more sweet.. or you can make more savory with walnuts and blue chees when serving it :)
NO I am not a fucking vampire!
Ask again and I'll bite you!
Grrr hahahaha
So this one is a more traditional soup than the chilli.
1/2 cup dried garbonzo beans or 1 can perpaired beans
Chicken stock
1/2 pumpkin baked
10 cloves marinated garlic (or fresh)
Oregano
salt
cayanne pepper
italian seasoning
Olive oil
2 bay leaves
Bake the pumpkin, take out the extra striny stuff, then add to the chicken stock and prepaired beans. From there basically all you have to do is mix it all until the herbs relax (soft boil) and then eat. :)
So I got a call this morning at 9am.
My mom. It's 6am.
A police officer called stating that there was an accident that I was a witness to, and he needed to know
1. Why/what was I doing in Canada
2. Why people "close" to my roomie said I'd moved and gone home
3. Could I tell him where I was last night
Here's where I call bullshit, and will continue to pursue this.
1. my plates only have my mother's ADDRESS... not her phone.
2. MY PHONE is still connected in Seattle- ya'll fucked up jumping to that number- as on the message it GIVES my Canadian number.
3. If I find out this was a joke, I will file a complaint.
4. My license in WA means I CAN NOT LEAVE A SCENE until directed so by the police. So why would I leave if I had been at the accident? Hello, healthcare provider- oh wait that's right up here you don't know what the fuck I do.
Waking my mother up on her ONE Holiday off of work, I think you are lower than shit. Becuase my gut says if it is not you, it's your friends.
Keep me out of it.
Keep my family out of it. I have kept my mouth shut, and left you out of my life- do me the favor and leave me out of yours. Or are you so pathetic that this is your only way for humour? Do not drag my family into this.
Oh and Happy Thanksgiving all.
*EDIT* This is not about who you MAY think it is. The person it is about is NOT a regular VR member but I know they will read this. Sorry to those who thought I was pointing fingers. I know EXACTLY who this was, and unless you need to know- it is my entry- for me to vent.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. I'm telling you in advance, so don't act surprised. Since Ms. Stewart won't be coming, I've made a few small changes:
Our sidewalk will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries.
After a trial run, it was decided that no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.
The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this IS Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the plastic Peter Rabbit plate and the Santa napkins from last Christmas.
Our centerpiece will not be the tower of fresh fruit and flowers that I promised. Instead we will be displaying a hedgehog-like decoration that has been hand-crafted from the finest construction paper. The artist assures me it's a turkey.
We will be dining fashionably late. The children will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure they will be happy to share every choice comment I have made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims and the turkey hotline. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 5:00 a.m. upon discovering that the turkey was still hard enough to cut diamonds.
As accompaniment to the children's recital, I will play a recording of tribal drumming. If the children should mention that I don't own a recording of tribal drumming or that the tribal drumming sounds suspiciously like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, ignore them.
They are lying.
We toyed with the idea of ringing a dainty silver bell to announce the start of our feast. In the end, we chose to keep our traditional method. We've also decided against a formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask the children to sit at a separate table.
In a separate room. Next door.
Now I know you have all seen pictures of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. This will not be happening at our dinner. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in a private ceremony. I stress "private" meaning this: Do not, under any circumstances enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children to check on my progress. I have an electric knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win.
When I do, we will eat.
Oh before I forget, there is one last change. Instead of offering a choice between 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie. Garnished with whipped cream and small fingerprints. You will have a choice.
Take it or leave it.
Martha Stewart will not be dining with us this Thanksgiving. Come to think of it, she probably won't make it next year either. It is a good thing and I am thankful!
Happy Thanksgiving!
♥
I have found my new love.
Seriously. I know that I will now be warm and looked after all winter.
Hot, steamy, with just enough floral to be soft but tart enough to keep me interested.
Jasmine tea with lemon yum yum!
That do justice to loosing a pet. Not ever, there is just something about that bond that unless you've had it, you will just not get.
And if you're like me who does not deal well with people, it can be devistating. I would not ever wish it on anyone. Still it is part of living, and one I dread with all my being.
You have had my positive thoughts because of the other hard situations, you continue to because I know how hard it is. But this, there are just no words I can offer.
Because if I empathise, I think I would loose my mind. I am so sorry. *hugs*
I didn't post my thanks to Faithnomore for that awesome banner of the biddies :)
THANKS it made me laugh! lol
Gingerbread Candles... and I have just the person to send them to...
>:)
Holy fuck, if I do that I will have NO time for anything else. :P
Seriously I will continue to speak out, especially if you directly hurt a friends' feelings by your actions. Keep on proving your lack of maturity and mean spirit.
In real time, it will get you no where very fast.
It is not something people seem to have much of these days.
Instead of thinking, "that's nice that someone is wishing me well for a holiday" there seem to be some people who think it's better to bitch about how a person you don't know well wished you well.
Hmmm wow, did anyone ever think they might be trying to break the ice and talk to you? But no, it's weird to wish someone well that you see EVERYDAY. Come on folks, those of us that have been here for some time- we see each other ever day even if we've never talked.
Can we move past Jr. Highschool and realize that sometimes people will TRY to get to know us? Sheesh and we wonder why we are considered snobbish.
It is because we are not gracious. Thank you for that point today, because I too forget at times.
And I will remain thankful even with my only family being more than 5 days driving time away, or 5 hours in a plane, even though I can't afford to see them. I know they hold me close in their thoughts, just as they remain so in mine.
I am Thankful for this reminder, and for the well wishes sent to me.
Sillly: "oooh there is something wrong with me, fix my 20 year problem with ONE treatment. OK?!"
Obnoxious: "wait, you want me to DO SOMETHING?! Ack... isn't there a pill for that?"
Appalling: "But McDonalds IS real food! Isn't it???"
People: Ugg... please tell me it isn't Monday tomorrow!
Biddys love SOAP... unless they forget the
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
hahahahahaha!
So my puppy, Holmes started chewing himself last year as a response to the anxiety of the move... and he hasn't stopped.
I've tried comforting him, walking him; everything you can do to relax him... and nothing has worked. I've even been looking for the "hoods" you see on dogs that prevent them from licking themselves... and in Canada you have to get them from a vet =/
I just need the cone, he's up to date with shots etc... grrrr.
Well I just remembered a home remedy.
And it's working so far! WOO-HOO! Cayenne pepper. It doesn't irritate the skin, but the taste- well he doesn't like it! Gave me the "how could you" with the tongue desperately trying to get the pepper off look (for those of you that have dogs think peanut butter tongue minus peanut butter).
Now he goes to lick.. takes a whiff and then looks at me O.o and then sighs putting his head down like a "poor baby". Awwwww
I would almost feel sorry for him, except he was starting to HURT himself- and it just had to stop. Honestly it was horrid.
Woo-hoo! To the natural remedies that work! *goes to get him a treat and extra lovin*
:)
Moonie who knew that Educational Sapphire Photo's make me get all Hawt 2!
When I get Hawt.. I start to rub my Pussy.
Wanna see?
Only mine bites back o_O
Looks like I'm out on the street. Dyslexia and all :P
What ever could I mean?
Is it the latest bullshit that people like to do? Or maybe I'm just angry at someone for being a shit. Hey you know people are two faced everyday...
But no, that is not what I'm talking about.
I am talking about the coaching boat, tomorrow morning in the snow we're supposed to have O_O
Maybe I should have named this entry "Colder than a witches tit in hell when it froze over"....
It's a funny number- one that is associated with evil in our culture. But in others it is a lucky number.
333 is lucky, 666 is also, and 999 is the luckiest number there is.
So Horray for hitting my 666 entry in this section of my journal and hitting it today. For while many will outwardly view today as a day that we were "hit hard" I view it as a new beginning.
And you haven't seen anything yet, becuase the pieces are in place... and my numbers have been spot on... just wait till you see what I've been building for the past two years. Patience is a virtue.
As is following your heart and soul, even when others get hurt by your doing it. Long term it does lead to everyones happiness. I don't just believe this, I know this.
Watch me FLY
Hey Sappy, I only counted 9!
And in truth... unless you know my dogs... they will bite your ass :P So I at least have 2 reasons... not to mention under the roomie's bed! HAhahahahaahaha
*Edit* Well shit woman, it's not my fault if you take a crappy picture where the 10th one is in the fuzzy stuff :P
HA!
You know I like where we live, but today is just GRRRR
It is the second time that I have had to give entry to people when I knew that they were going to come- but not WHEN.
Um folks I have 2 dogs and job where I am not always around... so to just "drop by" is not ok in my books. I NEED the notice- because I can't change my work schedule to be here for this stuff that is needed... but I need to work.
ACK O.o
*twitch twitch*
Edit: you know looking in mirror and seeing crazy hair, and last nights eyeliner- is another VERY good reason for my complaint.
That or I'm seriously the coolest emo *le sigh*
AHAhahahaahahahaaha! That's what you get for loosing a biddy bet!!! And yes that is the bra I'm wearing in my profile/portfolio pictures.
Who's next >:)
you know poor Megan looks traumatized!
Sometimes just are silly gits.
:D
Silly gits, that phrase amuses me greatly
Silly git... silly git wheeeeeeeeee!!!
*whew* ok I feel better now ;)
VampWolf
11:59:53
Nov 12 2007
you suck and smile? wat does that mean? and will you show me in a sexual role play?
Responded with:
This came this morning to my email, another practioner sent it to me. I have known cases of 10+ years of migranes and headaches, that once I had the client stop Diet coke- there no more migranes or even headaches. Which also means that the 1200-2200 mg of tylenol they did not have to take (yes they took WAY more than the recommended dose, because even migrane rx did not help and their Dr was at a loss for what to do). The case listed below is more extreme, it does not have to be extreme to cause you issues. Occasionally I don't mind consumption *hell I have one on occasion* of "bad things" but occasionally is once every 2-3 months, and can not be done in the first 8 weeks of detoxing the body from whatever it is.
The point is not to deny, but to find balance between good and bad.. and slowly tip the balance to more towards the good. Typically the younger the client, the less it bothers them. It is women nearing 30 with over 10 years of consumption that start to get ill. Don't kid yourself- unless YOU make it. There is no such thing as diet anything. ALL of it is chemically altered and chances are you will not respond well to it.
Message me if you want some ways of cutting the fat/sugar from bad types to good types. This is something I strongly believe in: WE HAVE THE POWER to make OURSELVES well.
It does not come from a pill or rx. It comes first from us. ok back to the email:
The attached information is not new......we nutritionists have been talking about the dangers of sugar free foods for at least 10 years now because there is scientific documentation that broadcasts the information listed below.........but this information sent to me by a dear friend and colleague says it better than anyone else.
So I am sending it to you - for your information - so that if you haven't heard it before - you have a chance read it now and be informed.....so you can make changes before you have to deal with a serious illness caused by sugar free foods at some time in the future.
The company known as Natural Flavours uses aspartame in many of it's ingredients and there is no way of knowing if products containing natural flavour(s) is natural or synthetic. I found this out while working at the largest food show in North America - the IFT 10 years ago. I had the opportunity to talk to their sales reps in their 2000 sq. foot exhibit space and asked them how does the consumer know whether their ingredients are natural or not. The reps said there was no way for the consumer to know. I also had the opportunity to attend a conference there and sit beside one of the people at Pepsi who was aware of the dangers of aspartame and was looking for a suitable substitute. I asked her if she drank diet Pepsi and she said definitely not!
If you are into reading labels if it says natural flavour(s) don't buy it. If it says NutraSweet, or equal - don't buy it. If it says natural flavour - as far as I know at this time the ingredients are natural.
Also for your information NutraSweet is Equal's largest global customer. This is not small business. Donald Rumsford was in an influential position at the FDA when aspartame was approved for human consumption. Shortly after this ingredient was approved Rumsford moved to a high level position at Monsanto. Coincidence? You tell me.
Now for those of you who have switched to Splenda - it's not the saint we would like it to be. It starts out as sugar but the process it goes through turns it into a dangerous product also. Long term use of foods containing splenda will cause your thymus gland to atrophy. The thymus is a key gland in the immune system function.....so unless you want to risk an autoimmune disease in the future - don't put your money on splenda.
The best sugar substitute on the market at this time is Stevia. It comes from a plant and in either powder or liquid form it is 100 x sweeter than sugar. This means you only have to use 1 drop of the liquid to equal a teaspoon of sugar. Excessive use of this product will produce an aftertaste - so use it sparingly.
Another product that is making waves as a sugar substitute is Xylitol. It is as sweet as sugar so you need to substitute spoon for spoon. The price of Xylitol makes it an expensive alternative, while Stevia is much more affordable.
If you have any questions about sweeteners, please don't hesitate to contact me.
www.feelbettertherapies.com
--------------------------------------------------------------
A forwarded message from a friend:
SWEET POISON
A MUST READ
In October of 2001, my sister started getting very sick. She had stomach spasms and she was having a hard time getting around. Walking was a major chore. It took everything she had just to get out of bed; she was in so much pain.
By March 2002, she had undergone several tissue and muscle biopsies and was on 24 various prescription medications. The doctors could not determine what was wrong with her. She was in so much pain, and so sick.she just knew she was dying. She put her house, bank accounts, lifeinsurance, etc., in her oldest daughter’s name, and made sure that her younger children were to be taken care of.
She also wanted her last hooray, so she planned a trip to Florida (basically in a wheelchair) for March 22nd.
On March 19 I called her to ask how her most recent tests went, and she said they didn’t find anything on the test, but they believe she had MS.
I recalled an article a friend of mine e-mailed to me and I asked my sister if she drank diet soda? She told me that she did. As a matter of fact, she was getting ready to crack one open that moment.
I told her not to open it, and to stop drinking the diet soda!
I e-mailed her the article my friend, a lawyer, had sent.
My sister called me within 32 hours after our phone conversation and told me she had stopped drinking the diet soda AND she could walk! The muscle spasms went away. She said she didn’t feel 100% but she sure felt a lot better. She told me she was going to her doctor with this article and would call me when she got home.
Well, she called me, and said her doctor was amazed! He is going to call all of his MS patients to find out if they consumed artificial sweeteners of any kind.
In a nutshell, she was being poisoned by the Aspartame in the diet soda...and literally dying a slow and miserable death.
When she got to Florida March 22, all she had to take was one pill, and that was a pill for the Aspartame poisoning! She is well on her way to a complete recovery.
And she is walking! No wheelchair! This article saved her life.
If it says ‘SUGAR FREE’ on the label; DO NOT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!
I have spent several days lecturing at the WORLD ENVIRONMENTAL CONFERENCE on “ASPARTAME,” marketed as ‘NutraSweet,’ ‘Equal,’ and ‘Spoonful.’
In the keynote address by the EPA, it was announced that in the United States in 2001 there is an epidemic of multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. It was difficult to determine exactly what toxin was causing this to be rampant.
I stood up and said that I was there to lecture on exactly that subject.
I will explain why Aspartame is so dangerous: When the temperature of this sweetener exceeds 86 degrees F, the wood alcohol in ASPARTAME converts to formaldehyde and then to formic acid, which in turn causes metabolic acidosis. Formic acid is the poison found in the sting of fire ants. The methanol toxicity mimics, among other conditions, multiple sclerosis and systemic lupus. Many people were being diagnosed in error. Although multiple sclerosis is not a death sentence, Methanol toxicity is!
Systemic lupus has become almost as rampant as multiple sclerosis, especially with Diet Coke and Diet Pepsi drinkers. The victim usually does not know that the Aspartame is the culprit. He or she continues its use; irritating the lupus to such a degree that it may become a life-threatening condition.
We have seen patients with systemic lupus become asymptotic, once taken off diet sodas.
In cases of those diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, most of the symptoms disappear. We’ve seen many cases where vision loss returned and hearing loss improved markedly.
This also applies to cases of tinnitus and fibromyalgia.
During a lecture, I said, “If you are using ASPARTAME (NutraSweet, Equal, Spoonful, etc) and you suffer from fibromyalgia symptoms, spasms, shooting, pains, numbness in your legs, cramps, vertigo, dizziness, headaches, tinnitus, joint pain, unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss you probably have ASPARTAME poisoning!”
People were jumping up during the lecture saying, “I have some of these symptoms. Is it reversible?”
Yes! Yes! Yes! STOP drinking diet sodas and be alert for Aspartame on food labels! Many products are fortified with it! This is a serious problem.
Dr. Espart (one of my speakers) remarked that so many people seem to be symptomatic for MS and during his recent visit to a hospice, a nurse stated that six of her friends, who were heavy Diet Coke addicts, had all been diagnosed with MS. This is beyond coincidence!
Diet soda is NOT a diet product! It is a chemically altered, multiple SODIUM (salt) and ASPARTAME containing product that actually makes you crave carbohydrates. It is far more likely to make you GAIN weight!
These products also contain formaldehyde, which stores in the fat cells, particularly in the hips and thighs. Formaldehyde is an absolute toxin andis used primarily to preserve “tissue specimens.” Many products we use every day contain this chemical but we SHOULD NOT store it IN our body!
Dr. H. J. Roberts stated in his lectures that once free of the “diet products” and with no significant increase in exercise; his patients lost an average of 19 pounds over a trial period.
Aspartame is especially dangerous for diabetics.
We found that some physicians, who believed that they had a patient with retinopathy, in fact, had symptoms caused by Aspartame.
The Aspartame drives the bloodsugar out of control. Thus diabetics may suffer acute memory loss due to the fact that aspartic acid and phenylalanine are NEUROTOXIC when taken without the other amino acids necessary for a good balance.
Treating diabetes is all about BALANCE. Especially with diabetics, the Aspartame passes the blood/brain barrierand it then deteriorates the neurons of the brain; causing various levels of brain damage, seizures, depression, manic depression, panic attacks, uncontrollable anger and rage.
Consumption of Aspartame causes these same symptoms in non-diabetics as well.
Documentation and observation also reveal that thousands of children diagnosed with ADD and ADHD have had complete turnarounds in their behavior when these chemicals have been removed from their diet. So called “behavior modification prescription drugs” (Ritalin and others) are no longer needed. Truth be told, they were never NEEDED in the first place! Most of these children were being “poisoned” on a daily basis with the very foods that were “better for them than sugar.”
It is also suspected that the Aspartame in thousands of pallets of diet Coke and diet Pepsi consumed by men and women fighting in the Gulf War, may be partially to blame for the well-known Gulf War Syndrome.
D r. Roberts warns that it can cause birth defects, i.e. mental retardation, if taken at the time of conception and during early pregnancy.
Children are especially at risk for neurological disorders and should NEVER be given artificial sweeteners. There are many different case histories to relate of children suffering grand mal seizures and other neurological disturbances talking about a plague of neurological diseases directly caused by the use of this deadly poison.”
Herein lies the problem:
There were Congressional Hearings when Aspartame was included 100 different products and strong objection was made concerning its use. Since this initial hearing, there have been two subsequent hearings, and still nothing has been done. The drug and chemical lobbies have very deep pockets.
Sadly, MONSANTO’S patent on Aspartame has EXPIRED!
There are now over 5,000 products on the market that contain this deadly chemical and there will be thousands more introduced. Everybody wants a “piece of the Aspartame pie.” I assure you that MONSANTO, the creator of Aspartame, knows how deadly it is.
And isn’t it ironic that MONSANTO funds, among others, the American Diabetes Association, the American Dietetic Association and the Conference of the American College of Physicians?
This has been recently exposed in the New York Times.
These [organizations] cannot criticize any additives or convey their link to MONSANTO because they take money from the food industry and are required to endorse their products.
Senator Howard Metzenbaum wrote and presented a bill that would require label warnings on products containing Aspartame, especially regarding pregnant women, children and infants. The bill would also institute independent studies on the known dangers and the problems existing in the general population regarding seizures, changes in brain chemistry, neurological changes and behavioral symptoms.
The bill was killed.
It is known that the powerful drug and chemical lobbies are responsible for this, letting loose the hounds of disease and death on an unsuspecting and uninformed public. Well, you’re Informed now! YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW!
Please print this out and/or e-mail to your family and friends.
They have a right to know too
It has been that type of day.
But the party went well... fucker hasn't told you all, but :D woot it was fun!
I am wearing my uber BIG sweats... the ones I made for after basketball *WTF was I thinking green and white? Shit.. should have done BLACK.. food stains don't show as much on black*
but I am all snuggly in the sweats I practically swim in... and am making plans for another set... made out of polarfleece
oooooooh that makes me want to pull out serger RIGHT NOW, pull out the pattern and get going *FYI it would take me less than 40 min for another set as these only have ONE area of straight stitching for the elastic* and the rest is surged.
Hmmm maybe I need to get LOTS of polar fleece and make everyone these sweats... ugly uber baggy and oh sooooo comfy
le sigh
Truly, I just wanted clear communication. For that I thank you.
Roomie at Paintball- check
People notified of plan- check
Kitchen clean- check
Food prepped- check
tons of running around with head cut off- in progress...
WOOT
Damn your Mom for giving away that I was up to something :P
HAPPY BIRTHDAY :D
"I would rather you hate me secretly, and be kind to my face; than for you to tell me what you think and feel."
To me that is shit, and is not what I consider a friend.
I know that I am a harsh person. I can hurt people to the core, and no I am not proud of that. Actually it leads to me thinking and over thinking more than most people will ever realise.
It wears me down.
Still I do it. Why? Because I do think that people are worth the second chance that they should be able to live their lives consciously without others approval or acceptance.
Do not mistake this for any ideal of perfection. It is simply how I think we should all live. And I see great potential, if only it is not held back.
Even in myself. Perhaps this is why I see it clearly in others, I continuously hold myself back. This fall at nationals, watching my rowers take steps I had taken, and then watching some of the toe the line that prior they never reached... I was truly proud.
Not because they did not win, but because the pushed so hard there was nothing left to give. They gave it all. Next time, they will have practised going all the more harder, and their potential will increase. What an amazing thing to watch and then realise that they got some of that from the suggestions I made.
Because I did not go further. I did not want to. I wanted to learn so that I could help other go the full distance. That is what has driven me all these years. Granted I was injured. Still I could have returned. I have rowed much since the injury and placed in national events...
I want to be in the background. I do not like the attention. It is the same reason I did not act, I prefered backstage. I like to watch a show, and to hear the audience ooo and ahh over what they see. While they will never know it was the woman next to them that did the work to create it.
If a postive change is instigated from my words, then I have done more than I could ever expect to with my life.
I wish that others do not have to go through all the pain I did. Still that is not my choice to make. I do try to not deliver harsh blows without some encouragement.... but I am only human, and still I think some more about what I can change and improve upon.
There is still much to learn, and much hope to embrace.
And here's why. You know I do not share my name publicly. Yet less than one week where this web site almost cost me a job you do this in your journal:
"who is purposely keeping Matt and ***** (Maverick and Sahahria)"
That alone is the reason I never trusted you. That is why I do not message you. You twist things how you want. You are your own hero, goody for you.
And you have invaided my privacy long enough.
Do not flatter yourself to imagine that I talk about you, because when I am done with this journal entry you will go back to what you were previously:
Just someone else on VR that I occasionally think about because someone else mentions them. No I am not judging you, I am looking directly at the "respect" you have shown me.
Even if I print something here, I do not "talk about it" people jump to their own conclusions. Bottom line is you have shown yourself to have little to no class.
Using my name was the last straw. If for no other reason than it is MINE to choose to share or not.
Notice I still have not used yours? I will not sink down to your level, even though there is much else I could say.
I am stronger than you both physically and mentally. I do not care about the finacial, I will make it better with or without your portion.
Because I am simply better than you.
Yes I believe that, and it's not that you don't have potential. It is that you shit your potential away. Not my problem, nor do I care. It is your life as you have said several times. Enjoy it.
Perhaps you will not wake up in a world of regret, then again maybe you will. Simply I do not care. I have myself and those that have both protected me and helped me to watch over. You are not nor will you be one of them.
My anger here is that I went against my gut instinct with Maverick in letting you move in. You did not hear how he defended you, or how he supported you when I told him flat out I thought it was a mistake. You have made an enemy of someone who trusted you and defended you to others.
Unlike many people my anger is not taken out on other *except rare occasions* it is directed towards myself. I knew you were like this, and still I played nice and tried to be a friend. Shame on me.
I have now vented, and this topic is closed. The trash is by the curb it will be picked up and someone else will take care of it. It is of no concern to me.
Interesting, I never mentioned names... and you assume. Granted this time you were correct.
I still have the reciept for $300 that I wired and the $30 Western Union charged me. Do not tell me what I paid. I keep strict records, and have the reciepts for tax purposes.
Also that "moldy food" was purchased by me at Costco prior to my leaving. Doubtful it was "moldy" as I bought things I knew would last till I got back... frozen, canned, etc.
As for the phone bill it's because we have unlimited long distance which means that:
1: all calls we make are included to the US and Canada.
HOWEVER, this does not include operated assisted calls or 411 or information calls *69 or any other special call. The $350+ is for operated assisted calls that were made by your friends *edit: NO that is not the entire bill- that is JUST THE OPPERATED ASSISTED CALLS*. Not mine, as all of mine have long distance and they were the only way I could keep in contact with home during the 3 months that we couldn't pay down the phone bill.
DUH if you've ever lived with someone for a long time you do get on each others nerves... whatever we're over it.
And thanks for announcing my finiancal difficulties to all of the rave. YES I AM AWARE OF THEM. I WAS SCREWED WHEN I MOVED.
So yes I owe Matt a lot, as I was not given the job I was promised. And yes I'm keeping track of what I pay etc. I've been on Matt's end of the situation before, I'm very familiar with it.
However I usually do not announce it or if I do, I do it in such a way that not everone knows. For all the general public would know, it could have been a current roomie, or another past one.
You were the one who named names. Do not forget that.
To me that is a complete lack of respect. *
*obviously I'm tired. Typonese corrected- note to self do not write journal entries after 14 hour days*
Let's play with math questions for grade schoolers:
You move in and pay $300.00 for the first month's rent.
You stay 2 months. The second $300.00 that you deposit into bank is counterfeit *I'll give you that you did not know*
Still owe $300.00.
Then you accept COLLECT calls and talk for several minutes/hours at about $4.00 per min.
You now owe over $350.00 for phone bill.
Then you pay for food $150.00.
However I paid $200.00 for food and left- you moved in next week- by the time I was back ALL of that food was gone. Plus I covered your "missing" $300.00 with western union AND had to pay $30.00 fee for the transaction.
So here's the fun part:
Total: $1100.00
You paid: $450.00
PLUS a $50.00 in a check *thanks by the way*
So you paid $500.00
That still leaves $600.00 owing. Pretty simple isn't math?
Be happy, be VERY VERY HAPPY
I think I just peed in happiness!
The Schnizzle
Mark my words- they will one day. It is not your beauty, nor is it your artistic ability.
It is from your depth as a person. Your ability to see, care and still stand for what you percieve as correct.
It has been my honor to watch you grow. Neither one of you really see yourselves fully yet. Choices still have to be made, but I am certian they will be your choices. That is amazing to me, to see not one but two lives lived fully.
That is going to be the final and most beautiful piece of art that will be done.
Don't forget that. For anyone, because in truth they do not matter... in that respect neither do I. Lol! Sorry had to, but you both rock my socks ;)
Give them tons of love, and if you still don't get it?
Don't bother...
Cool Chick 1
Awesome Woman 2
Some people think that because a warning was done, that previous postings make them exempt. Folks the rule has been on the book for over a year- is it true that no one takes the time to read the Manual?
And praise of your witty remark is cute... FOR ONE POST. Several of them in the same thread going back and forth with ONE person? It is pompus and irritating...take it to private message for the verbal masterbation with a friend. There is so much snivelling happening right now. Suck it up- it's only 24 hours.
However, this is what was said:
On 22:48:00 Nov 04 2007 UpirLikhyj wrote:
Out of the blue I received a one-day suspension from you with no other explanation than: "For holding a private converstation that was not (or not explained to be) part of the thread discussion."
As I have no idea what this refers to, and as none is provided by you other than the above, I would appreciate some idea what it was I was suddenly suspended for. I think I deserve at least that, don't you?
- Upir'
On 01:03:54 Nov 05 2007 sahahria wrote:
It was the conversation that you and Oceanne held in the nephilim thread, I had to delete 6 posts- 3 from you, 3 from her that were not on topic. Both of you were suspended for one day.
As warned in the BE Ye Warned thread, we are taking a firmer hold on the non-contributory posts in the main forum.
My explination was more than enough in the suspension.
On 01:27:19 Nov 05 2007 UpirLikhyj wrote:
The exchange to which you took such exception took place weeks ago and long before the "Be Ye Warned" notice. To punish either of us so long AFTER the fact and so long BEFORE that warning is unfair to us both.
Additionally, as stated in the Be Ye Warned notice, it was primarily intended for those who, so as to earn post points, simply reply with "me too" or "I agree" type entries. It was not intended for those who, in furthering the discussion of the topic, simply explored same further.
- Upir'
On 01:34:24 Nov 05 2007 sahahria wrote:
Actually the rule has been in place for over a year - it is listed in the VR manual.
UpirLikhyj 20:57:04; Nov 04 2007
Whether the rule was there or not, you stated that we were suspended due to the "Be Ye Warned" notice after which (not before) you are "...taking a firmer hold..." on those entries you subjectively view as "non-contributory."
Despite your capricious judgment, our exchanges WERE contributory to the topic of the Nephilim and did most certainly forward the discussion thereof; they were not "I agree" or "me too" type entries that contribute nothing and against wich the "Be Ye Warned" notice was specifically and emphatically addressed.
Frankly, your actions in punishing those, like myself, who do contribute significantly to these forums will result only in us being forced NOT to contribute in the future so as not to find ourselves reprimanded and suspended for daring to actually contribute factual information. You have shown well that the leaders here do not seek intellectual discussion, but instead prefer the ignorant and brainless entries that fill these forums constantly and without reprimand. Therefore, enjoy instead all the sycophants here who begin every entry with fact-less "I believe" opinions that truly due not forward the topics. I will stop wasting time trying to contribute fact-filled and thoughtful entries since... as you have proved... any such can at any time be judged and simply deleted by anyone of sufficient rank regardless their knowledge or lack thereof of the topic in question.
Where power matters more than facts, it is indeed the truth that is always made the greatest casualty.
- Upir'
My reply:
Save your insults to my intelligence.
The posts that were the problem were deleted in them all that was stated was you stroking Oceanne's ego and vice versa. The postings that are still in the thread were on topic so they stayed.
It's only 24 hours of which, over half had gone by before you logged on. Get over it. The forums are a mess because people forget private messaging the ego stroking and think a simple "I agree" is appropriate. There was a time we overlooked them because they were not the majority of postings.
I would think that someone of your intelligence would see that this argument is a moot point, lick his wounds and simply watch his tongue in future. I did not think it to be such a big deal as you were not the only person this has happened to.
*****
After this message he started messaging this email that one of my friends shared with me:
UpirLikhyj
02:08:08
Nov 05 2007
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Just messaging to let you know that I will not be attempting to contribute in the forums any longer. Sahahria, a dominar, just suspended me claiming I violated the "Be Ye Warned" notice issued last week for a couple entries I made months ago in the "Nephilim" topic of the forum. As I have never been guilty of the "I agree" or "me too" entries against which the notice was specifcially intended, the suspension makes no sense. However, I see no point in arguing this with her further. As I told her, where power matters more, the truth is always the greatest casualty. And so it is here.
As she has capriciously chosen to suspend me while first conveniently deleting the entries so that no one can review them, I see no point in further attempting to contribute here when, apparently, intelligent contribution is not desired by the leaders.
As you are of higher rank, I am glad that your forum contributions can continue without being made victim of those like sahahria for whom power and the dictatorial exercise thereof matter most.
I wish you well,
- Upir'
****
OK my real thoughts? If you were such a "great teacher" as you claim to be, you would do as I suggested and understant that hey, guess what? I've fucked up in the past too. We all do.
GET OVER IT, grow- hey maybe you'll find new ways to give us the "light".
But to behave like this, you are nothing more than a self important wind bag who's pissed that someone else took some wind. Um, last I checked no one owns wind. Deal with it.
As a teacher your goal should be to improve the overall tone, not talk down to people because you veiw yourself as so much better than.
Truth is, as a teacher and coach I dread the mistakes I make. I look for them constantly, and then try to never make them again. Because this moment will never be here- and my words; my words can make a difference.
So when I'm told I've made a mistake, I often reflect on what lead to it. Most times it is my ego. It is then I breathe, relax and try to step forward to do better.
Bitter- you bet. Do I like it- no. But even though that first step is the hardest- I take it.
Was the mark spunk or skunk?
o.O
LMAO!
Steamy hot.. melt in your mouth... creating lots of saliva as you anticipate... so wet and hot it burns your hand and mouth...
Hard boiled eggs ♥
what were you expecting?
Perverts.
Seem to put the thoughts of others away. Even when it is only the fantasy I want, you just seem to arrive in thought and the rest is forgotten. It is in the calm that seems to be around you, the way that it rolls off your shoulders.
Your glasses seem to be the thing that I first see. Followed by your deep eyes.
Calm.
Then the sillouette of your shoulders walking away. Every so often they do not in my minds eye leave, they approach.
And it's like the conversation we had during the Western Invite. Do you know how much I didn't want to stop talking. How the flow just seemed to start when the things we had to do began?
I want to imagine how it would feel for your arms to raise just enough to place your hands on my shoulders. Enough that I was comfortable to lean in for a hug. Nothing more than an intimate moment am I ever able to imagine. But that seems to be what I long for from you.
Those quiet times when I can be fully in my element as a person, and still be with you.
It is doubtful this will happen, still there is nothing I long for more. Perhaps it is my loneliness for being so far from home. I know that most people see my strength and ability. I suppose it is to my credit that I can move so far away and fit in so that others do not see how hard this is and has been on me. Or how lonely it gets with a limited friend base, and even more limited pocket book than I have ever had.
When these thoughts overwhelm me, I seem to see your glasses as if you just walked up to me and I turn to see your profile. Then a look that in your calm way assures me that I will make it through and this was the right thing.
But you never were here, so I continue on trying to forget- till the next time you try to help, and other circumstances pull us from finishing what seems will never start.
You know as a rower- I get it that coaches would forget me.
But to forget me as a coach??!? *sigh*
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