The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

“They have got you looking so hard for any flaw that after awhile that is all you see…for whatever it's worth, I’m here to tell you it is possible. It is possible.”





"I got the better end of the deal. I only lent you my body, you lent me your dream."





"For someone who was never meant for this world, I must confess, I'm suddenly having a hard time leaving it. Of course they say every atom of our bodies was once a star. Maybe I'm not leaving.



Maybe I'm going home."

Rice steamed with Dill



Tofu Veggie Curry



and



Garlic Tomato Bean Sauce...



who says eating well has to taste bad?! Obviously those who do not know the power of the word: SPICE



Yum yum!

I had a discussion about spirit. How to prove its existence beyond the I feel, and the truth is that I can’t. It is impossible, does that detract from the idea of spirit to me or make it less so. No, it actually comforts me in that I see it in everything around us.



Something so small that when it’s gone, only another spirit recognizes its loss senses it’s leaving. Am I being hokey? You betcha I am. I remember the night my grandfather died. We knew it was soon, there was something different.



If there isn’t spirit, why did both myself and my roommate wake exactly at the time he died. Stranger, so did my entire family. The call came moments later as I was living in his home and he was living with my mother.



As a 15yr girl I remember looking at my friend and telling her point blank, the phone’s about to ring, after that my mother will ask if you want to go to the ocean with us as my grandmother just died.



In my family I so far have just known. Like a touch on my being. Just a physical response of my chemical reactions? Could be. After all a heart muscles will naturally start a rhythm based off of electrical current. Maybe it is that I am made of their flesh. I share the same DNA as them. Make it less special? Nope, still hasn’t done that for me.



See life to me is what is so special, as I think more and more about all of this. Yes to an extent we are rotting bags of flesh… but only if we choose to live in that manner. It is a choice. I am reminded of the movie Gattica. One of my all time favourites, I’ve seen it literally hundreds of times as it so well illustrates what God/Spirit is to me.



How much will you push to change the reality around you? I have done this. Even at great odds, and that is spirit. That calm whisper, drive and imagination. It is the dream, the dance, whatever we are willing to touch.



Not to say that we won’t fall. Tenacity is my answer to that. Unfaltering drive, going through over and over… as it never seems to fail, just as you are about to quit, something else will make itself known. First a spark, a potential… nourish that and it grows into hope, a chance and then a way. Over look that, and well, you are just another person with a broken dream.



Constantly I am evaluating my situation, choosing what I want out of this time here, how I wish to grow and change. This has meant changes of dreams, not because I found some of them not doable, but because they would mold me into something I didn’t want to be. So I looked for plans B, C, D, and so on… always looking. For the road to spirit is narrow… so much so you climb a mountain following a small steep path that has so many rocks, and you fall so much that most turn their backs to it.



It is painful growth; it hurts you, demands ever more from your actions and being…



Nothing tangible to gain except self worth. And that, no one can take from you as you have claimed it with each and every stumble. Each fall becomes more and more demanding, until one point you can stop and look. Then, and only then will you realize that this path never ends, it demands constant tireless changes, so much pain, hurt, loss…



But you should see the view from here my friend.

Member: laisecompataunt

Subject: vampire rave

Date: Nov 29 2006



Question: is this life all about sex?



Response:



You must be kidding. This is not a question for an acolyte. Please do not waste our time further.



Looks Radu answered it too:



radu



Vampire Rave Acolyte



16:58:47

Nov 29 2006



I answered it to.I was so strucked with how dumb it was all I could say was ."Come on give me a break".Some people will never learn.





-Ahahahaha too much!

90, 796 steps



Concerns of self-deception, vanity and unreality. Disbelief. Ironically I would have it continue against better judgement. So much potentially at risk with this, at the same time there is insight, understanding, and calm.



So similar, it scares me. I fight against what I know to be true. Reality bends and twists.



Beautiful the images it reflects as light passes through.

So I went for a 2 mile (about) run today... *GASP* egads I am a total and freakin LARD ASS... it must weigh 1000 esp when I am trying to make it move in any sort of quick manner. DYING... ok not really, but I have a long way to go.



As for those of you who seem to jump on the Oh you're not as fat as you think you are bandwagon, KNOW THIS...



I am used to having 18% or less body fat. Currently about 27-32%



When out of shape in past I could still run 10 min mile... no where close right now.



My size is only slightly larger, but several items of clothing don't fit, that I really like. I will wear them again.



I am used to being able to do what I want, when I want physically, nope can't do that right now...



NO LONGER... I am loving it here in London... so much more light, more sun, less rain... it's all Fab for my mind and well being...



Have even seen 2 clients... by end of week will be 3... not bad for being here just starting on my 3rd week... the ball rolls and it begins.



Look for more changes as it seems the time for my hybernation is over and well, it's time to move and shake...

So as some of you already know from Maverick and NightBlossom’s journals, I had a long weekend. MrD came to London.



Started out driving the 3 hours to go pick up our guest and from there, was lots of discussions, going out and watching movies. Funny how doing not very much can be exhausting.



So highlights of the weekend:



1. I got to poke MrD! GADS, not that kind of poking. Perverts. Acupuncture ;) Also introduced him to tuning forks. Gotta love toys for healing.



2. Ice wars at the Wrecked Room. LOL seems like NightBlossom is Kamikaze ice warrior and MrD is the Assassin, Star is the instigator and well Freek, he just laughed at all of us.



3. Saturday night almost killing people in line for pizza. Seriously it was horrid, I’ve never seen that kind of response about pizza. Next time, giro stand so we get home quickly as we were in line over an hour for the bloody stuff.



4. Getting lost. Yep that’s right. I have only gotten lost a handful of times in my life. Well I took MrD on an hour-long adventure of London where I always seemed to always take the wrong turn.



5. Sunday retro night, yep I have to agree with NightBlossom, love that 80’s music.



6. Getting lost around Ann Arbor, seems that MrD in my car is a curse. Remind me to get maps when driving with him in the car, as 2 times in one weekend is freaky. Typically happens 1 time every 5 years. Sheesh.



7. Club in Ann Arbor, although by this time I was people watching more than dancing. Could also be that I had a client the next am, so had to leave the club and drive the 3 hours back to London.



As for pictures? CRIPES I forgot :( I have a digital camera, charged batteries and totally, completely forgot. *Sigh* well I suppose that’s ok as I wouldn’t want my picture taken… Next time perhaps.

You do not listen to my words, nor have you seen how many times I have stood up for you and tried to make matters “right” by getting others involved and not being nearly as bitchy as a can be.



To say you see between my words, I promise you are wrong. You have never made an effort in that, and well I am both shy and outgoing. By that it means my true friends understand that at times I need a nudge… not because I do not wish to talk, but because I do not know what to say. So I will say nothing.



To think that you are entirely blameless is also fallacy. You have rarely put exactly what you mean in your postings, and I for one am tired of your assumption that people do not pick up on what you mean because you are so much better than us.



Two words.



Self Reflection



You are destructing, and in doing so hopefully will grow into what I saw and wanted to protect here on VR. You have blamed me and praised others, for things that I asked them to do. No, you do not know me. Pity really as even now, I would prefer to connect you with those that could help you. But as of right now I am done. You have insulted too many people that I care about. Yes they are Internet friends but unlike 99% of people here, I have met almost every single ONE of mine in person. I wish you growth and well… but this is the end of my thoughts on this.

YAY... it seems I actually got my brother to see things differently. I am on the phone with my mother and she is on her way to spend a few hours with my brother. From what she said, he was thinking some of the same things I said to him... big steps... I am so glad to be proven wrong with this so very very glad!



YAY!

YAY!!

YAY!!!



And one of her best friends called two days ago because she didn't want my Mom to be alone today. When my Mother called and tried to protest not wanting to impose, her friend (bless her always!), told my Mother, "Are you kidding? If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have a family." See my mother introduced her to her husband.



Such a lovely present for me to hear this, to hear the joy, hope and strength in her voice this morning. :)

Hardest part about today this year? It's not that I won't have a true Thanksgiving meal, or that I won't be able to be my crazy "pie" woman (I usually make 10-20 from total scratch pumpkin pies for all my friends and family).



It is that no person in my family will be with any other family member. I had gone through the pains of making sure my brother would be able to spend time with my mother today, one of her favorite holidays.



My ex-step-father however per his usual bits, sabotaged it. See Mom and he were going to travel to Portland to spend time with him. Yes, Mom will put up with him for my brother's sake, and in truth our family does not hate... get angry and even - yes. Hate, no.



Anyways, back to what happened. Mom and he were supposed to goto Portland. He backed out. Told my brother they were not coming, KNOWING my mother then planned on going on her own.



Enter my brother's girlfriend, asking what he's doing for Thanksgiving. Wanting him to go with her to her Dad's in Portland. Well he ASSUMED Mom wasn't coming down and agreed. No phone call just to make certain, no thinking GEE this is the first Thanksgiving EVER... and yes I mean in 59 years that my Mom has to do alone.



Now he does not have time to spend even an hour or so with her if she were to take the time to drive to Portland. Yes, I had a major blow out with him. He fucked up. He let his Dad and Girlfriend pressure him and didn't think or stand up for himself. I am not pleased. This is something Mother did not need this soon. But so typical of why I had to stay, and patch things up.



Not that my brother is uncaring, he just doesn't think about the entire picture. He sees much of what he wants. I don't know how this is going to affect Mother, she's doing better with her depression... but I have a feeling that when I return to Seattle, all the work we had started on, and she was actually doing in her house... will have stopped.



I am grateful that I am actually feeling rested for the first time in many years. I will have more I can do to help, when I return in December. I am just still not pleased... still upset that this trial has to come when I spend DAYS talking to my brother before this explained why just THIS YEAR was so important... and he totally let me down. *sigh*



Happy Thanksgiving y'all

71,209 steps, and still I would spin some more....



Lovely thing about moving.. need to make new cards, new brocures, new everything ACK!



And since I am always wanting to improve... well then.. it gets rather uh, interesting ;) Good thing is I can work and wander VR... except when printer is being total tard, like right now... *SIGH*

Stand up for what you believe in even if it's not popular.

56,042 steps so far in this dance. Tragic that some were lost in my foolishness.

I have been trapped within the music of your word, enchanted similar to Ella…tell me what you would have me do, and I will do it. Now I am compelled to dance with red shoes that will not remove themselves from me.



But unlike the famous tale the pain from dancing only helps me. Creates new perceptions of things, whispers of what I did not dare believe might exist. Dance girl, dance! Dance some more… there are so many stars above. I will twirl and twirl, until I fall dizzy from the pleasure only to lay in the grass to stare at the stars.

A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.



"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.



We can't stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her."



Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone "Like heck they're getting divorced," she shouts, "I'll take care of this." She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up.



The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay" he says, "they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

Why is NightBlossom getting rich of drunken roommate? SHUCKS... lol

*snicker* wake up to a rather loud and amusing drunk roommate, going off about "wierd fricken VR aliens"... Begging my dogs to help him convince NightBlossom and I to let him post multiple posts in the House Eternal Drunken posting thread. Bribes with Dog food don't work... my poor dogs are confused, and looking at me to explain what's happening.



Now he thinks my dog ate his weiner... and he's begging him for it back.. oh dear, now he thinks Megan took his balls... Good one NightBlossom *snicker*



For some strange reason, he things my dog has a PhD in psycology... he keeps calling her and she keeps comming to me looking at me as if to say, "Mom, what is WRONG with this human... HELP mom!".

Slowly she reaches the wood, pungent the smell of pine, fresh moss and rain permeate her. So very long left to travel, yet she hears the music.



Distant ever so quiet, but it grows louder and she knows. Soon she will join others with the dance, not just in her dreams but in this wood. One step forward, tentative, uncertain, full of unspoken doubt; suddenly the melody changes. Happier, it will still have its low dark moments, but there is light and she mustn’t forget the dance, the twists and turns how she loves the feeling of flying it creates. Weightless, timeless and free, calling her one more step keep going forward.



Whispers; she hears the voice now. Soft, assured and still fragile but it creates a feeling of strength and determination. She can hear the power it contains, a magical wonder that wakes and will join the dance. Hurry. It seems even though this path is empty except her lone self, they hear and understand. Quickly now, she must not get lost looking at the wonders of the wood, there will be time for that later. So very sweet, these distractions.



It is all she can do to remember the things she needs to do, before the dance will be her life. She must still learn and find the way. The music still plays, it grows ever so slightly louder… and she changes her path towards it.

So things are starting to move.. I spent most of the am setting up shelves and unpacking.. cleaning the kitchen. Yesterday I went into work, start to think about HOW much I have to do. You know all the practical things, brochures, cards, intake forms, releases etc… and things I need for office…



I’m still not on time here.. am waking at 11am which makes me feel like I’ve missed 90% of my day… and just hitting stride with things around 5pm ACK.. that has GOT to change. Animals are settling down, less anxiety with them.. as now they are starting to see their old schedules return.



List for tonight, start unpacking my things clothing etc and start on books… get car unloaded.. and well organize as I go as piles overwhelm me. LOL such a wuss…



And then there is my waking dreams. So much has happened with them, hope a spark.. there seems to be magic, as only can happen in that moment between day and night. Forever in twilight I would adore. Stop time in that moment like in Lady Hawk the two can touch and be. Perhaps there is a different reality but twilight, I will meet you there.

Had a wonderful time meeting with friends and well, am now a bit worse for wear... more once I've slept in a real bed for the first time since September.



I pray that some how tonight I find wings, to fly me to a place that is far more, do dance once with the Fae and watch them in their splendor.

Am currently in MN... at a friend's house. Once I help them clean the mess from having me, I'm on the road to get b-fast with Belleisra YAY :) and then a pit stop in AnnArbor. See you all in London either late tonight or in the am :D

Quick diversion, YAY ME! I finally figured out how to get more music up :) there is now a song in portfolio as well. I hope you enjoyed the one in the journal. Although sometimes I have found I have to re-load the page to hear it… hrm well that’s what you get with free wi-fi on the road.



I am currently in Montana, and have managed to hit a snow storm on each pass that I have gone over (Cascades, Rocky's). It would seem I am just a head of Jack Frost on my trip east. That or he flirts with me, just to make sure that I am paying attention.



And yet there is much that preoccupies my mind. Dreams of splendour seem to pollute my thoughts. Not of what most would consider success, but of giants asleep as our hills waking. I remember my grandfather taking me through the mountains, point out where the peaks appeared to be profiles, and I long...



I drove most of the night, and as the big sky of Montana opened to receive twilight, I could almost see again... magic is afoot... there is a time table that is about to ring... apple pie is done...



There will be a time when I am allowed to go, but when it happens it will be of mixed emotions. I have known this all my life, so much to do, be hurt by and still there is joy, bliss that will occur. Extreme, there is no way other that I may live. Mediocrity is not something that has ever been part of my life, and clearly will not be.



Soft touch, deception? Perhaps, but if it is so... then it is needed for the proper channels to be opened. Do I fool myself again? Doubtful. I would hide us both, from the rest of the world. Private within the dream and the bliss, not to share but that is not the purpose of being here is it? So many easier ways to do things…



I have never liked store bought pies, they lack



Magic.

Was what my mother's blood pressure was just measured at. For those of you wonder why this move is taking so long, I can only push so much so far or I run risk of loosing the only person I feel I can truly count on in every manner.



Without her assistance, I would not be who I am today. About to fly into my future... patience... it is happening, just because it's not my timing, it is right.



*this is the correct numbers, damn dyslexia...

As of tonight I will no longer have home phone or internet.



See you all in Canada :)

$24 to send CASH to Canada.



Well at least with exchange rates it's more Canadian that I sent =/



Yep, my ass still hurts from that one. Bah.

I met a kindred spirit today. Familiar in so many ways, there is an aspect that I know this person beyond what they have revealed. Nihilist Dauntain, perhaps that is what he may consider himself.



Creativity seems to flow forth from brief conversing interludes. Ever based in reality, the contrast is humorous in that it sparks my flight into the magical and fantastical. A longing for the Autumn people, to help him find his glamour and magic, returning him to his rightful place.



To remember the joy, that is beneath the surface just waiting for permission to be allowed to spring forth. Waiting between the worlds it would seem, more, so much more creativity. One thing is certain about this intrigue.



Things are just getting interesting.

So much shit. Animosity.



I found the program from my grandfather’s funeral today.



I really had no idea how much SHIT is in this house. Many cool things... just so much, and working on it alone... I am at a loss.

Cramps

Storms

Web issues

Shoulder pain

Poor sleep

Overall malaise



BAH. I need to find my motivation again; today was a bad day for no other reason than I just am here. I feel like crying and sleeping. Wandering off into the woods.



That is my dream. I just go into the mountains find a cabin and never return. A nice fire, books, and life.



Nothing else. Simple beauty, not the complexities that really don't mean anything and don't enrich us except within societies eyes. Is that too much to ask?

Best part of anxiety? Sleeping in, means getting up at 6:30am instead of 10:30.