Today was supposed to be the day where I was able to give a glowing positive update. However today started with my oncologist saying, "the words I used were shit and fuck."
It seems that while the first two rounds were cutting down the cancer, in the last week it has come back in two areas. There are also very tiny spots showing up in other areas that are a concern.
Forgive my bluntness. This is not the news we wanted to hear. It means my cancer could very well be fully chemo resistant. We are not done treating it, but we now must do more. Thankfully the new regime will allow more natural approaches while I'm going through treatment, but it is not ideal in any manner.
At this point my oncologist is reaching out to other cancer centers (Mayo and Fred hutch) to see if there are treatments there that might be more effective. I on the other hand am regrouping and setting up appointments to get the natural aspects as fully on board as possible.
I am truly sorry for not texting or calling many of you, but emotionally I am drained. I still feel like this is doable, and that I'm on the right track; so while horrible to hear this today, I am not letting it get me down.
One positive is that this new regime will allow me to work more- which if you know me, is a huge comfort in keeping as much normal as possible.
Tonight the pity party starts and ends. Tomorrow I will go see Mad Max because bad news deserves a movie where shit is blow up. For you my dear friends, please love each other a bit more- take a bit more care of your own, and always focus on the positive in your dark times.
This is about living to the fullest, not living to die. For we don't know when out time is, as this week has shown too many of you with your loved ones. We are not our bodies, we are the light that we share and shine. All of my love to you all.
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