The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

The things my friends tell me...
07:09 Jun 29 2006
Times Read: 1,021

A message I just received from a friend:



The other morning I had gotten up and got ready for work. She was still in bed so I brought her a cup of coffee and told her to get her lazy ass outta bed if she wanted to get some breakfast with me before I had to go to work.



She was kinda groaning and doing the "Ouch, ouch, ouch" thing like she was 80 years old.



I asked her if she was alright and she said; "No I am not. Holy shit **** you fucked me crippled!"



HAHAHAHAHAHAhaahahahahaha



I thought that was fuckin cool!

OH CANADA!
03:42 Jun 27 2006
Times Read: 1,032

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration.



The unflinching arrogance of the Bush Administration is prompting the exodus among liberal citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.



Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists, and Unitarians crossing their fields at night. "I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry.



"He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay."



In an effort to s! top the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk"



Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves. "A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. They did have a pleasant little Napa Valley cabernet, though."



When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR.



Liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers. "If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.



Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies.



"I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"



In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps! to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. "We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The president is determined to reach out.

Reality
23:50 Jun 26 2006
Times Read: 1,034

HOLY SHIT.



I move in less than 3 weeks. Today I finalize the sale/turn over of my Acupuncture Pract. I almost cried in telling my patients that I am leaving- they have been so important to my growth as a practioner and a person. I have been very blessed by them.



Now I am left to pack, clean and paint my house, clean and repair parts of my mothers, organize HUGE gararge sale and rent my house and our rental.



Full Tilt Boogie time! I'm still here, just going to be in and out quite a bit...

Justification
20:31 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 1,041

How do you justify when your actions hurt others? Regardless of the initial intent, they end up hitting one of those nerves? You know the ones that are buried, that aren’t meant for others to find.



I am not saying that I created the problem, but I expose them. It is theirs to do with as they see fit, yet I can’t seem to leave well enough alone. It is not enough for me to just be there, I want to know more. So in learning I dig, and my luck seems to have it that I hit one of these buried lines. I hate that I find these. I sometimes find them purposefully; more often than not it is an accidental “spring”. Once I’ve tapped it, I wish I could undo it.



There is no reason, even if it does “good’ in the end. The pain that I cause tears through me, and I know it isn’t ok or fine for them. All I can do is empathize with what I did, and hope that they will trust me and let me help fix what I caused.



I did this.



Worse, I will do it again. There is no way to avoid it, for when I do- it happens in a much more chaotic hurtful way. If I know I am doing it, there are measure I can use to dampen the impact, but more often it is in something I do to express the fun, joy someone gives me that this beast rears it’s ugly head. My subconscious will not stop, even when consciously I am trying to be normal. This is why I don’t let many near. I hurt them.



Where is the justification, if you hate what you were made to do?

Contemplation
03:39 Jun 24 2006
Times Read: 1,047

At this juncture I find myself getting exceedingly irritated. Not because I have so much to do, but because I really just want space. I am not answering the phone, as time and time again it is a friend wanting more of my time before I leave.



I am not opposed to this, but I do have an extensive group of friends and now that a date is in sight, they are all clambering to get a piece of me. My family is no better. This is part of my journey. Will I be able to keeps some of these bonds given how badly I am acting? I don’t know. But my sanity tells me to continue my walks, doing what I need to and the rest to take or leave.



There just is not enough time for me to give everyone and get the things done that NEED doing. My issue is how much it hurts to leave these people who have been truly wonderful to me. I can honestly say that I am blessed, and that things are going pretty much how I knew they would go.



One surprise was a friend’s birthday party. I met her through her now husband some 7 years ago. He and I met actually through the Stranger’s personal ads. I hadn’t placed the ad, but my room-mate Randy HAD.,. lol that is another story. Anyway, at the party her husband stops and is like- wait you haven’t met so and so before? To which the person I was talking to, replied no- why? He stopped and looked at me and then said, ‘what the hell you’re leaving anyways. Ann is the girl I told you I met through the personals who was way out of my league but cool.”



HUH?



While I know many people prefer to just see my face, I really do not- unless I am in a mood to exude “pretty”. Normally I am very plain, or at least like to think of myself as such. I am not one with big family connections, although I do have friends with those. I prefer the sidelines… out of his league??? He has a very good paying job, comes from a rather eccentric but well established family, and well frankly- he according to his own measure is beyond anything on a material level that I could hope for.



So why do looks mean so much? I realize I do get away with and have used mine to my benefit. However I do not do well with relationships, as most men that want to date me, want to change me. I am FIERCELY independent… to a fault really. From where I stand, I am the flawed one, the one that isn’t worthy if for nothing else- I will not be someone’s trophy. Don’t kid yourselves… most people are looking for that in the “one”. Someone to hold up, a need to fulfil or heal, an ideal that is false, pretence that allows them to feel special with no real substance behind it. Is it too much to want someone who sees, understands and then even in your darkest hour is able to embrace you, as your equal?



Reality is I don’t know. At this rate I probably never will.



Then in spending times in the Japanese gardens with a friend, another blow to my ego occurred. My friend stated something I think I knew, but never acknowledged. Basically they pointed out to me that while I am mature beyond my years (their words, not mine) I am still emotionally in my 20’s.



HUH?



Ouch. This is true, in loosing someone I held dear, I basically stopped my emotional growth. Granted I’ve intellectualized it to a great extreme, but I have not felt in many years. Hurt tends to do that to people. We go into an opposite extreme once we perceive the pain that might occur.



Time for me to play catch up. Maybe in a reckless manner- perhaps not, but it is quite clear I need to take down some of my walls or else they will rule the woman I become. I would rather consciously take control, even if it means I am a total mess for some time. That way the responsibility is on me, and not my circumstances that I’ve endured.

*LIGHTS*CAMERA*VR Drama!*
04:46 Jun 23 2006
Times Read: 1,049

The lights dim and then slowly rise to an amber glow on the backdrop of the red velvet curtain. A woman wearing black ever so slowly raises her head to address the audience,



“Oh that I were more than a meager Iconoclastic Dominar!” Slowly the lights shift to focus just on the woman’s head and torso, “Then I might not have the grief of getting not one, but two teasing calls. Each one springing hope of witty banter or the potential of conversing beyond the day to day frivolities.”



As the lighting continues to shift to envelope and focus on her face, it is seen that there is an almost pained expression, “you see, at this point I am not worthy of the attention of a Sire, let alone one who also has the power of the buttons.” With the finishing of her statement, the left side of her face grows dark and the right slowly follows to expose something the light had covered. One small tear.

PATHETIC
18:14 Jun 22 2006
Times Read: 1,064

Say it with me children.



P*A*T*H*E*T*I*C



To contrive that anything you say or do online is going to become your reality. Liars! Each and every single one of us; to ourselves, to our friends and worst off those we really care about. So to come up with IM chats that prove anything, the most you can hope to prove is your own pathetic existence.



I know I’m real- obviously you are still looking for validation.



Suffice to say that my pain, while I might share glimpses to select few, you will never know. I may try to empathise with a dear friends pain and grief, but it is not mine to bear. Each of us has our limits, some are greater than others but that is another issue all together.



Am I deceived, no… the reality made itself know in other ways… am I disappointed, yes… I really don’t like when friends are hurt… will my words make a difference, depends… do you really want to listen?





*****On a side note*****

I am offended! Since I am WAY older than the “middle aged spinster” - this Biddy is offering some of her skin care regime to said bachelor. Who’s face obviously is FAR more worn than hers -at just one year younger.

Incarnations of Immortality
06:29 Jun 22 2006
Times Read: 1,067

For Love of Evil.



This book has been on my mind for the past week, me thinks it's time for me to unpack that and do a little late night reading. Espically since Minamurray wrote about this in her journal.



There are no coincidences, only patterns we don't understand. My fear lessens, however the future is still tangled. First and foremost, I need to get my shit together. :) No simple task, which is why I fear. Will I allow myself into this corner again? Or is it now my time to soar beyond the physical limitations I have forced upon myself?



Time slows. I shall see...

It all comes together
23:47 Jun 20 2006
Times Read: 1,082

WOW. I am both touched, honoured and overwhelmed.



It seems everything has a pattern and sometimes we just have to stand back a little for a glimpse of what we are and will become.



My oars were bought a week or so ago, by the rowing center I row out of. No need messing with any ads.



I sold my boat cover this morning without doing more then putting the intent out there 2 weeks ago that I needed to sell it.



I have been honoured to get the opportunity to develop new REAL friendships with Images and MrD.



Images I feel I can trust with my thoughts behind my actions as I think we both come from the same.



MrD challenges my very sense of how I have perceived spirit. We come from such a different view yet the essence is so similar.



My Lawyer informed me today I should be able to move in 4 weeks.



One of the family rentals is going vacant August 1st and I have friends who will be moving in- no need to deal with applications.



I’ve arranged to have my kitchen sink fixed and improved so when I rent my house out it is dishwasher friendly.



I sense another big test to my being… my best friend’s father in law was just given 4 months to live.



So much to be thankful for, yet I sense a looming trial will begin again. For those of you who don’t know me, I lost over 45 people in the period of 2 years a while back. Making things rather numbing. The numbers haven’t stopped; they’ve just slowed down a little. I pray that this isn’t the beginning of another major cycle for me as the last one left me broken.



This is my pattern. The best possible scenario followed by some of the most difficult in the extreme. Previously I was surrounded by those that love me, this time I will be on my own. I used to think of myself as strong and very able… now I pray that I am flexible enough that I don’t loose my roots and break.



Patterns all around... sometimes I wish focusing weren't so difficult.

SMOOTH by Santana
05:37 Jun 20 2006
Times Read: 1,086

Sex, dancing and Mojitos is what this song reminds me of… not down and dirty sex but the allure, movement turning from sensuality to pure raw joy…In the hot summer night just as it begins a light rain.



No better song to end my day with…

Instigator
06:07 Jun 18 2006
Times Read: 1,100

So very true, and I’m realizing this must be why I prefer the sidelines. I see things and have a knack for making them happen. I do this even when it compromises my own happiness or perception of such. No I’m not a martyr. But I seem to just know when something is or is not meant to be, especially when emotions are involved.



To that extent I often give the push, help out the fates so it would seem. Funny that fate rarely seems to assist me in these matters of the heart. Where I get my assistance from fate is in my material needs and those I am trying to rid myself of. I tend to be the stroke of luck that someone needs to their path to finding someone. Time and time again, I build someone up emotionally only to have to let them go. Irony is while they are what I want at the time, they themselves do not typically help me.



They break me.



In these breaks I discover parts of me I never knew existed. I am able to bring them forth and examine and grow them. And this brings to mind a comment made to me almost 20 years ago (cripes! I’m old).



“You have so much to give, you will not end up alone.”



The answer to that is, “That is why I will. In giving so much, I also need that much more.”



Again this is so predominately clear, each year I become a little more detached and a little less open. While my capacity to help increases, it also sets me a part. I choose this path and while mostly I love what it creates there are moments where I wish I would be allowed just one more day from that summer now 13 years past.



To have the full package, one blissful day. Part of me wishes I had it in me to resent that I have always been denied this, but that would destroy my hope. I have to hope, even if I must live it through others, as my hope is all that seems to keep me from darkness.

*W*O*O*F*
05:52 Jun 17 2006
Times Read: 1,108

This is a TRUE story about my use of the word "woof"...



So my old roomie Randy (boy) and I were having dinner before the opera, as he and I were very good friends. While we are chatting over our appitizer this STUNNING woman walks by. To which he comments, "I'd like to bend her over and make her bark like a dog".



He and I continue our conversation, and it turns to my seeming "lack" of interest in most men. Well this just isn't the case (I'm PICKY), and I just happen want more than the physical. Nevermind I don't often share my thoughts on who I find as attractive to just anybody.



The conversation continued in another direction, and I waited till we were finishing our drinks to lean over and whisper, "woof" right as the most beautiful man walked by. Randy almost spilt the remainder of his drink (not to mention the bit that went up his nose) it caught him so off gaurd.



Ever since then, if it gets a woof- what I'm REALLY saying is: "I'd love for him to bend me over and make me bark like a dog!"



Can you guess?

Caledonia
05:20 Jun 16 2006
Times Read: 1,119

Not the place, the song by Dougie MacLean.



It is what I listen to when I feel myself crumble. When I can't seem to find my place or the way seems to have fallen away. Dramatic? Well I do have a degree in it.





It allows me to feel, be safe like a hug that is all encompassing. Vibrations through my essence, calling me forward to whatever it is that is soon to be. Thank the gods for my synesthesia, without it I don't know if I'd ever feel like this. Like a lover truly understands and sees. Somehow I didn't scare them off, they still are there solid and I am part of that - peace- and then release. I can fly.



"Oh and let me tell you that I love you

That I think about you all the time

Caledonia the air you're calling me

And now I'm going home



And if I should become a stranger

You know that is would make me more than sad

Caledonia has been everything I've ever had."

Sometimes...
03:52 Jun 16 2006
Times Read: 1,121

I wish my brain worked properly.



I lost my shuffle the other day, and still no sign of it. This is why I have to have a routine, otherwise I end up in total chaos with no controls.



*sigh* Hopefully it shows up as I pack... but my gut feeling is I lost it. If only it were as simple as being blonde.

Coincidence?
03:39 Jun 14 2006
Times Read: 1,133

So here I am, about to move to another country.



I have found a roommate who’s name is Matt.



Recently I have acquired a friend here on VR who’s name is Matthew.



Today I went to get my national credential diploma framed, and the store clerk who helped me was named Matt.



At dinner tonight the waiter’s name was… can you guess (???) yep, Matt.



Damn wonder what the universe is trying to tell me…?!

DIG THIS
21:31 Jun 09 2006
Times Read: 1,157

I've always been one that truly enjoys a challenge mentally, physically and spiritually.



So I hope you DIG THIS: I HAVE A MAJOR CRUSH.



Perchance miscommunication is occurring because I do not want to admit the truth stated above.



This is something I want to fight against, not allow the normal flow of conversation or silliness. Dissect and kill. Because I know I will loose in this battle. I will not be different from any other left in the wake. Right there is my problem; I don't want to feel - unless happy. Unless it is within the norms, that I in my pathetic intellect have deemed worthy of my view of life.



Illusions of being different, special still dance around in my brain, like a hope that will not be fulfilled. Truth is, I've lost- game over but I still have not yielded. Don't know if I will. Some part of me wants to be claimed- by one that finds me worth the effort. Someone that is willing to put up with my analyzing and general bullshit. I want to be seen as something more, than just what I am, and at the same time cherished for exactly who I am. I do not want something small or safe. I want to fly! Feel my emotions and spirit be torn from my flesh, while knowing there is safety and security that are only offered to me. I do not want to be one of many. I want to be the one that is the confidant, the friend and lover. I want to know your body, mind and spirit in return fully understand you. In that same breath I do not want to be tied down or belong to anyone, nor do I want to own you. Freedom of body, mind and spirit. A fit, a match… balance.



The illusion of this swells and I hope like the retard that I am: Does this one understand me, will I be worth the battle? Or am I continuing my egocentrical babble about my being special?



Know that I am trying.



To take things as they come, whatever they be. Smile and nod, even when torn between thoughts and desires.



Even as my infatuation increases, I wonder, “hmmm, am I just food perchance? A game to pleasantly divert you? Of mind, spirit or flesh... or nothing?” Irony that would be, a great big fucking laugh in my face. Since that would both feed your ego and physical aspect, while it would be exactly what I stated that I wanted but didn’t really desire.



You get what you ask for, and I seem unable to form the words that my body and spirit are demanding I acknowledge. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Screwed yet again.



I am pathetic, weak and human.





I hate that.

OMG... Like totally awesome!
21:11 Jun 08 2006
Times Read: 1,164

YAY YAY YAY *spastic happy dance all over living and dinning room *



Just off the phone with my lawyer... and 3 weeks OMG!!!! 3 weeks and I am out of here!



*Insert* What the fuck, I'm nuts... the world is going to end I don't have any idea how I'm going to pull this off... it could be the biggest mistake of my life, but here goes nothing*



CHRIST... no more procrastination time for me. It's full tilt boogie for this babe.

Mwahahahahaha ULTIMATE SIBLING POWER...
18:57 Jun 08 2006
Times Read: 1,170

I ♥ my house, I ♥ working with Images, and I ♥ the fact that as an Assistant I now also have cyber power over my baby brother...



Who said being a big sis isn't a pain in his arse >:)



****



On 18:43:05 Jun 08 2006 sahahria wrote:



pppssst play hangman too, earn favor... participate in house or I'll trade you to some lame house :P



PortlandBarFly

10:52:01

Jun 08 2006



Reply



Block User



Delete





don't trade me because that would make you ultra-double-dog-lame. Plus I would spam this site and your message box with so many chuck norris jokes that you wouldn't be able to see straight for a week and cancer would probably help too.

****





NO NOT CN! I'll be good... for the time being *snicker*

HYPER!!!!!!
09:16 Jun 08 2006
Times Read: 1,179

-_-



I hate hormones. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

















yep go figure. Damn.

A Good Morning
16:25 Jun 07 2006
Times Read: 1,183

This morning was stellar. My rowers are continuing to improve and the rhythm of things is becoming clear.



Upon arriving at the boathouse just as the last bits of twilight and full morning was transitioning there were bright blue skies and calm water.



On we were upon the water we headed south into Lake Union and I was struck by one of my favourite views of Seattle. Water like glass and a sky that both promised and impended. Where we were at was bright and sunny but ahead Seattle's skyline was covered by clouds that were reminiscent to ash and soot.



Many people do not realize the best water to row in, is the rain. This is because, often there is no wind and recreational boaters often don't like getting wet. So you may enjoy some of the most peaceful times, calm waters and fully meditate in your movements.



Wings on water.



In those moments I am flying. The boat below me is on air that cushions between it and the water. Surrounded by the sound of water breaking and the gliding boat. Bliss.



This morning seemed to remind me of that; I could feel it in my fiber as if I were the one on the water. I can fly and am ready to soar.

And now...
00:18 Jun 07 2006
Times Read: 1,199

FUCK ME RUNNING.



Well it was inevitable that someone would go all EMO today. Of course it had to be me. MEH. That's just the short end of the stick.



Up next: Biddy's Ride Bareback at 8 o'clock brought to you by my mascara's running.

-
19:21 Jun 06 2006
Times Read: 1,204




NO NO NO



This is not what I want.



Wants: security, stability, not a user, active physically, my age or older, direction in career, family, pets and a FUCKING WHITE PICKET FENCE DAMNIT.



Been made a fool yet again, I wish I were not what I am. I seem to go against my own moral fiber. Deconstructed, broken there is a part of me that no longer communes with spirit, I hate that it has been removed from me. The guardian presence is gone, but the pull grows great each day.



Shunned, removed from the encompassing compassion and comfort. I want what I was not made for, and that is not ok.

Chaos and Contradiction...
10:57 Jun 06 2006
Times Read: 1,208

have over taken what I thought and wanted to replace them with raw desire. Logically there is a point where water boils. How is it then that in the moment all semblance of stability seemed about to fall?



It was my boiling point, or rather right before it. Was it serendipity that made the conversation turn or were you giving me a break?



Every sense seems to warn me and I just fucking can't, no you know I'm lying with that. I DO NOT want to stop. And I still fear that in this I will loose the very essence that is me, and remain but a memory.

The pleasure was mine...
11:18 Jun 05 2006
Times Read: 1,212

Thanks again,







Adorable.



I like how you say that :)

How is my move going?
17:38 Jun 04 2006
Times Read: 1,214

pro·cras·ti·nate Pronunciation Key (pr-krst-nt, pr-)

v. pro·cras·ti·nat·ed, pro·cras·ti·nat·ing, pro·cras·ti·nates



v. intr.

To put off doing something, especially out of habitual carelessness or laziness.



v. tr.

To postpone or delay needlessly.



[Latin prcrstinre, prcrstint- : pr-, forward; see pro-1 + crstinus, of tomorrow (from crs, tomorrow).]

pro·crasti·nation n.

pro·crasti·nator n.



Taken from Dictionary.com









to the one I have spent most of the past days conversing with, it was not wasted time.

What?!
18:50 Jun 03 2006
Times Read: 1,222

So I've logged on, started brewing coffee and my cat is lying on the armrest of the loveseat I use as a sofa.



SHE IS SNORING O_o



I can't get my camera as that will wake her, but I now have 3 animals that SNORE.... cripes.

Marked Spirits
23:24 Jun 02 2006
Times Read: 1,232

Some things are sent to remind us.



While I have more to do, I find myself lurking here because of spirit. Conversing with those who understand the gift and curse of being marked.



The spirit demands that I no longer ignore it, I must move and accomplish (get started) on my higher purpose. Don't fret, by this I don't mean in a role-playing way. I am talking about my soul's purpose. We ALL have one. Some of us grow into them, some just know and then there are those of us that are marked. We have known from a young age, basically as long as we remember.



For some reason or another a few of us fight this, perhaps it is going against the idea that things are mapped out prior to our being here. Maybe it is our Karma demanding that we LEARN, feel and from there step up. There are infinite possibilities as to why it takes some of us longer to touch this in ourselves, OR come back to it.



As a child, I was considered extremely gifted. And not just by my family. I did not want this- I preferred to do things on the sidelines, yet even in choosing this path I still seem to be noticed. I am feeling that events are in order that are going to bring more notice.



I don't know how- or in what manner, but I feel like I'm almost ready to embrace that. In watching V for Vendetta last night again- I was struck again by the line, "there are no coincidences” indeed it all has purpose.



Those words you that were on the tip of your tongue that you wish you would have said later. The gut feeling that something doesn't fit- isn't right, all of these are our spirit wanting its freedom. We should be able to say / do these things, not in spite but in respect, we do not have the same paths but we should not hide. We can take a stand while allowing others the freedom in their path.



Then there are our out bursts, where we scream yell and behave like the children that we are. Reminders of what we need to work on, if we take responsibility for them. Energy has mass. What we do not take care of WILL come to light, it is only a matter of time.



Time slows, as it gets closer to light.



Polarity. Mutually supporting and consuming. It is the paradox of Yin/Yang, Male/Female, Dark/Light it is the natural order. Please don't take this as a sexual statement it is not. I personally am a woman whose energy is very masculine, yet sexually is straight. There are men who have feminine energy, we balance in our families, mates etc. it is a much bigger statement. Different yet the same.



I am closer to seeing more of the pieces, people and places. Time is slowing.

Quite the week..
18:30 Jun 02 2006
Times Read: 1,234

hmmm I'm procrastinating (big surprise)







Did I mention YAY???

CRUSH
21:53 Jun 01 2006
Times Read: 1,238

Oooh someone has caught my eye, and now- I want to know more.



I love that :) It just makes things all warm and squishy



YAY squish!!!