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Yeah. Wasn't quite expecting that to be so definite.



I hate it here.

There is a lot that I've been internalizing, that I still can't seem to find a voice for. I seem to be on an "even keel" but I'm just not "happy" here. At the same point it took over a year for my adjustment to London to be ok. I'm here for at least 5 years.



A part of me simply wants to get by and then move somewhere that I want to be.



Another wants to wake the fuck up, and at least physically get back to where I like to be.



It's tough when life hands you lemons, and you mentally make things right, yet your body tells a much different story. I'm thinking it's time to do cross fit again. There aren't any other gyms around here that will kick my ass, and I'm just not "feeling it" at the yoga studio. It's not nearly as challenging or really relaxing as I hoped. Frankly I'm very disappointed in it. The style they teach is good, but not right for my body type. For someone with multiple health issues, and difficulties, it's great. But I need my ass kicked, I have a constitution like a stubborn mule.



There is also difficulty where I'm living. Thankfully I'm hearing about it all second hand, as the cops have been here twice this past week. When I moved in, my neighbor introduced me to everyone- only I didn't realize the town-home next to his was his mothers, and the one across the courtyard was his brother's. Two months ago, the day after his daughter was born- his mother died suddenly of a heart attack.



Two nights ago, his brother drank himself to death. I too easily relate to the pain he is feeling, and can't help but feel horrible for him. The other cop visit, was for a family going through a divorce. Apparently things were heated enough that they were called.



I don't like it. In a way, I'd rather just stay in my bubble. I'm not really making any friends- and frankly I don't have the emotional out put for them.



My lawyer was in a car accident a month ago and is suffering from a brain injury- so my hopes of attending my friend's wedding are slim.



I'm overwhelmed with just "stuff" and the majority of it, isn't mine. I really want my life back. It feels like I'm on hold here, even though I know that is simply not the truth of the matter.

I've spent the night cuddling with Egon and Winston.



It's been a good night :)

FUCK YEAH! Taxes are paid.



Now to make enough to make payroll :P



Seriously, this is very good as I paid out a lot in extras this month that save us in the long run but I was afraid would put us behind. It's so nice to just be "ahead" plus have the ability to move forward.



Such a relief, not that was was exceedingly worried; I just wasn't certain as this is my first quarter as "business owner". At least at this business. Plus we had the busiest day in the clinic ever, and it's nice that it no longer was from when I was going away- it was yesterday :) We've now beaten the old record by 2, both in the same month. The new chairs in the clinic most certainly are helping us in our busy times. Not once did it seem overwhelming, but every chair was filled and I had tons of room to move.



This is also good because it is was my new employee's second day. Yes she made some minor mistakes, but she did an amazing job, wasn't overwhelmed and over all- I'm SO excited. I'm hoping by the end of the month I can add 4 more hours to her week. We'll see the final amounts once I see how the taxes effect the business.



LOVING it with the clinic being so busy, it really confirms transitioning to community not only has been great for me; but the real aspect I love is that I will be adding to the economy by adding jobs, and keeping alternative medicine affordable for those who want it. Ok, back to doing charts from yesterday, and this week's accounting.

Taxes are done. I've also been getting back into the routine of going to work out. Everything hurts.



I also made my very first hire. All and all, it's been a good week. I'm just a little disappointed that I can't have today "fully" off.

So today I added yet another chair, and now the clinic has 13 chairs. It's funny, the changes got a very positive response. If they were noticed.



That's one really cool thing, is that some people didn't see the change- they assumed it was just how it was. You know that moment where it looks so right, that everyone just assumes that is what it was before.



The other benefit is that the layout I want to do with reception desks will work. But until then, it is already working so much better.



I have a TON of work to do tomorrow.



Plus my cousin is home from the hospital so I have to go and see him probably each day this week. I want to get him up and around again.

Day after = OWIE. Heh. At the same point, I'm going to start yoga tonight so hopefully that helps stretch things out.



Tomorrow = Accounting. UGH. That is the joy and the pain of being a business owner.



Hopefully I'll be able to give myself a raise soon. I'm still getting paid only about 16k a year. I'm cool with that as all my bills are paid, and have enough for some "fun" things. However in the next two years, I want to buy a house and a new car. The house will be a bit more than my rent so I'm paying that right now, but the car- well that will be a payment above what I'm doing now. Now it's just to get everything moving forward.

Started work today with a lunch meeting at 11:30am. By 1pm I was back at the office and starting to get things organized so that we can have two reception/work desks built.



While it may be a month before we actually build the desks, the work I did today allowed for me to add another chair to one of the treatment rooms, and get all of our supplies into one area. I still have a bunch of organization to do, but it's much more functional which I hope will help with getting work done.

He would have been 46 today.



It's a bitter-sweet realization that this day has become for me a day of remembrance, but it seems far more respectful to have it be on what was his birthday than the day of his death. Finding the place to celebrate, and honour the memory while making things better for those who have also suffered through treatment makes it not feel like a waste of emotions or actions.



Yes, I've talked about him- but in truth today is a day where I'm reflecting on them all... each different thought, memory- they all mean so much. At times I hear each one of their voices, and it's like they are right next to me having the conversations of the past.



While time does make it really easy to forget, it doesn't make it easier.

NOLA on my mind...

Today is my baby brother's birthday. I'm still behind in many aspects, however, I've been good by taking a pj day, and doing nothing.



Friday was supposed to be my work extra day, but with getting up at 4am to get my friend to the airport, then shopping till noon for home/clinic supplies....I was trashed by the time I got home. It didn't help that I only slept four hours, so I took a 3 hour nap and then headed back to Kansas City for a yoga class. After that, I was done for the day. While it's great to get some errands done, it is a bit disappointing to not get more of the office work done.



Ok, back to resting- it's going to be a very busy week

I feel as if I were put in a meat grinder today. Not a bad day, but a challenging one.

Started this week out with a bang of 30, yesterday was 18... and today? We shall see.



I also have a bunch of things not going ideal right now- nothing big, but still requires time to fix the issues. Add to the recovery from NOLA and the go go go of last week... it's nice to be home and to be able to ramble- switch things around.. and still work.



Grateful, and a tad overwhelmed. :)

*cries*



I wanna go back. :( It all went so very fast. 10 hours of sleep later, I'm refreshed and ready for work. Sipping on my coffee from NOLA, and wishing that I were there.



While my life is here, I am seriously going to work on a "big dream" project of getting some vacation property in NOLA. I simply love being there too much. I wish I could just "move there" but the reality of my situation demands that I stay here- and honestly I'm liking it here.



Knowing that I have a get away, and place to "let loose"... yup. It's gonna happen. Might take some time, but I've been thinking about it now for the past six years, and it's stronger now that I've been back to see it closer to pre Katrina activeness.



Ok, back to work with NOLA on my mind.