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Been working on marketing, drop ins to meet Drs in the area and basically looking for 1. more work here 2. work anywhere near here.
So many things in the pot right now my head is spinning. Again I feel the stability I have longed for slipping out of my reach... this time with potential disaster.
Things are not as I would have them... to the extent that I feel the coursing through my veins that seems to tear acidically out and into my pours.
Numb
To the extent that I almost don't care anymore. I just have to keep doing. I am frustrated and fatigued. Desperation isn't part of it- not yet, but I am still trying to find outside of the box.
You know I'm over using this word as of late... it just has such a nice sound. Before I share what started this rant, I want to ask-
What is WRONG with being human?
Is it the weakness, frailty or that we have limited lives???
For me I see NOTHING wrong with it. Our weaknesses support our greatest strengths if we have the courage to push and push for them. Our fragility is amazing in that for such a weak physical frame, we do amazing things- travel distances and in truth do not get hurt as often as we "should".
Lastly our humanity is the source of our magic, totally contradictory in that according to our own science we should not be possible (we still don't understand how life came to be- theories, but nothing that is confirmed)...
That is beautiful.
More than some mythological being with all the strength and power, that does nothing but lurks in the dark preying on the weak...
The message:
SimonTheAntares 22:47:32, Feb 12 2007
Good afternoon here.
I saw your post on vampyre enemies thread.Since you are dominar,appointed by prince,
Would you really study linguistics before you going to say any words since you mentioned the word human again?
We are not human at all.Please stop embrassing and misleading your friends
by what you not understanding fully.
You going to call yourself human?
***
So now I ask, who is afraid of being called human?
So Maverick has a date today... and BOY has he been like a kid in a candy store all day. Not only is the woman sassy and smart, she's a good conversationalist.
After shopping most of the day, he's now ready... set... GO! :P
I just had to show how adorable he is in his excitement...
I'm doing when I think again... WOOT crocheting... I made Maverick a cammo scarf and ideas... they are going and forming into final bits... I like that I'm working when playing again. Because it's not stressful, it makes work fun and let's my obessive side be put forth in a positive way.
Lots to do tomorrow and Sunday... I'm excited... this is the fun part- scary because I have to put it out there... but in truth minor compaired to everything else I've done. Monday- game day :)
Although it's odd seeing my "home" in Daire's journal. However I like the me here better, and don't want to spoil anything but big things in the air... and well it could be part of that miricle I asked for... definately good things show up even when there still is bad. Yes both are needed spices in life....
Do not ever think that I will be your friend. Nor that I give a rats ass about you and your group.
Since my arrival in London, "your help" has yet to be seen. Not one phone call, email or IM... and I have done the latter two. I did not call because I did not have your number. I had it last in April when I visited here and threw it away after that, as I did not need it again until I got here. See I thought you'd answer messages.
But after what happened to Maverick yesterday, at this point don't bother. You not only brought doubt to his story... and I have it from OTHER than him that it originated with you... but that you brought more grief to one of the nicest women I have ever met is unforgivable- the woman’s sister lost her son, and the BULLSHIT you spread is what caused the pain she had yesterday when they had to call her to confirm that Maverick was not lying for attention like you stated to a third party. The only good thing, is that she apparently laid into those calling… my thoughts- too bad it wasn’t you.
I am done.
Funny thing is you won't even think this is about you, because you think you've above it and that it won't come back to bite you. Nor that you’ve done anything wrong. Your group is full of talk and bullshit- not one time have I EVER seen doings from them. I have two descriptors of what I have seen since being here: Childish and Immature.
I'm fine with your hating Maverick- I've maintained friendships with my roommates enemies before- never has been an issue, yes I'm easy going and understand that there are two sides: but your lackies brought me into it...
Here's the thing... like the new rules on VR to prevent slander... I KNOW that you're walking close to this line as people-
CLIENTS of mine have said, "you know for not existing you're a good Acupuncturist"....
THAT would qualify as slander as you are HINDERING my business, and removing potential clientele. This is my only warning, as if I get firm, provable confirmation of it- you will see me in court.
Jan 5th Called AIG VALIC to cash out what little retirement I have.
Jan 18th called because no paperwork for request had come.
Had them fax information to my office. Promptly faxed it back.
Jan 20th check for 10% less than what I was told I would get was issued... because they forgot to tell me that having it mailed to Canadian address would mean a holding of 30%.
Jan 23rd Called to cancel check and have it reissued to my Seattle address.
Jan 29th Called and found out that request had not gone through and they would reissue the stop payment and reissue check. Check would be overnighted to me by Feb 2nd.
Feb 5th Called again, and found out YET AGAIN that my funds were sent to a different local and the stop payment of the original check was not done... AND my money won't be available until Feb 14th IF then. X(
NOW they have offered to pay all my late fees and such from this what I consider MAJOR FUCK UP with my money. NEVER again will I do business with them. End of story. Grrrrrrr.
Going to sleep. So much fear and wanting the night not to end.
Don't get me wrong, things aren't horrid, just not how I would have them... and it is going to take more creativity than I ever have mustered before.
Still am uncertain as to the path that should be taken, but that is merely time. It will be ok. I have learned that- for in truth, we have no control anyways... letting go is the next step.
The lesson, has finally hit home. Awareness, what is left is doing. And the dark... hardest part is that it is like an embrace that I do not want to leave. I begin to dread the day.
Because I gave up on so much because it would not fulfill ideals and a sense of purpose. Now armed with those- the challenge becomes making a way in a world several hundred years after the type of living desired was fashionalbe...
With a personality that would have been broken or burned.
Returning to the embrace of night, dreams that take all else away... still wondering what dream I will let go of next? Once that is done, will there be anything else worthwhile, or will a wandering begin?
The cross roads approach, somehow they were missed previously. Now the loom in view, great in what they speak of...
Not nearly as strong as I would like to be for this... weary, still under it all bitterness threatens... choices yet to be made.
Breath, and let go first of the night... work that is dreaded must be done in the morning....
So I mentioned before our renters are moving out because they did not set up an oil account with the oil company prior to running out of oil in December... did I mention that they want their deposit back?
Considering they rented from us starting Sept 06- and moved out Feb 1st 07... this is what they have done (mind you these are the same tenants that did NOT read their lease prior to moving in and promptly broke the lease).
My outline for their move out letter:
Didn’t leave keys until Feb 1st and returned that evening for a bike left in the backyard. There was a swimming pool, and toys left in the backyard that will need to be taken to the dump.
Charge for Dump fees: $15.00
Left windows unsecured in:
Basement: garage, extra room, storage area
Main Floor: Small bedroom, living room and dinning room
Smoke Detector was removed from premises.
Removed light fixtures in Entryway, Hallway, and small bedroom. Replaced bulbs in said fixtures with light bulbs are not compatible with the fixtures in the house.
Cost for new smoke detector, hanging the detector, and new light bulbs and installation of the original fixtures: $50.00
There will be a charge for the oil that was used during the month of January to prevent further mold damage that was visible in the Master bedroom and to prevent the potential of the water pipes breaking. Tenants were advised that the pipes in the home are not insulated upon possession in September by both the Landlord and the Landlord’s agent, which meant that the home needed to be heated to a minimum of 55 degrees at all times. Tenants were also told at that time to arrange their oil service with Cascade oil as they do payment plans, etc which they did not attempt to do until December 2006 when they ran out of oil. Once the new tenant takes possession of the home, Cascade Oil will be contacted to do a measurement of what oil was used. You will be responsible for the amount used in January until the new tenant takes possession.
Amount charged: To be determined.
The Kitchen stove was left dirty, the supplied drip pan to ease oven cleaning was removed, and oven was not cleaned. Walls in Master Bedroom were not washed, as mold is still present.
Per your lease the minimum fee for cleaning is $250.00.
We paid contracted workers to fix the carpet and water fixtures, garage door locks etc, an amount of $300.00. Since it was the renters responsibility to allow the workers access to the home to do the work, and the renters made an appointment with the worker, and then were not available for the set appointment; nor did they notify the landlord that they would not be available for the appointment. Therefore the amount paid was forfeited to the contracted worker. The contracted worker proceeded to try to contact the tenant only to have none of their calls returned.
Amount charged: $300.00
The painting in the small room that was done without landlord approval has been bid at $400.00 to be done again in the original color.
Amount charged for Labor: $350.00
Amount charged for supplies: $50.00
We are holding the remainder of deposit/final billing until we have assurance from Seattle City Light and the City of Seattle Water, Sewer and Garbage departments that all bills have been paid through the date of the new tenants possession of the home.
Amount charged: To be determined once accounts are settled with city.****
Oh did I mention that of an $850.00 deposit, they think they are entitled to all of it back? HA! Hardly when my mother now has to hire other people to do the work THEY should have done prior to moving out... OR fly me home to do it. People obviously have NO idea how much cleaning services and painters cost...
To all the BS around the rave... Maverick's cousin died last night. No it is not a story, nor am I "lying" for him. His parents called this am, and asked to take him to work. When they arrived, they told him.
Doubtful that they want to play emotional games with him or I.
If I hear one more rumour that he's lying about this, well needless to say that person will loose my respect forever. End of story.
Matt, I'm so sorry. I know how much this hurts you and the concerns it brings up. All of my heartfelt condolences.
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