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i might be going nowhere, but i think i'm onto something good here.
Options are exhausted and my numbered days aren't getting any longer, how is a question and an explanation, one i've asked and, lacking a response, am creating an explanation to.
It's a jungle out there, but i've got my machete and a destination in mind. There are several rivers along the way, but i'm sure that even if i get swept away, it won't be anywhere bad. See, while even something like death is an action, a physical change and (possibly) a mental place, it's more of a concept, sort of an abstract idea. "When i die, i'll be at peace" Death is peace. "Death tore them away" Death is a cruel thief.
It's neither of those things. It's both of them.
It's just a matter of whether or not i want to smile when i get there, walk up the bank of the river wherever i wash up, whistle a little tune and maybe play a couple rounds of Snorbididdles with whoever i see first that is willing to entertain themselves alongside a stranger. like a theater. only interactive.
Whatever, it's a leap of faith because i have no clue where some of these rivers are, and the currents are (trust me) strong. Where i want to be is definitely not where i was, but somewhere much, much more awesome. It's got almost all the same people except me, cuz i'm never who i was yesterday. A month and a half sees either progress or the grimy film of stagnation. Welcome to the jungle, it's a long and dangerous journey, you're never really certain of all the things you have to be sure about.