The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

part 1 "the lover"





i stay awake at night asking mi slef the same question over

and over its like i am falling in to an never ending ring of fire and yet i can

see the bottom but the closer i get the more it gets deeper and yet i want

to reach the bottom i have a feeling its not wht i want it all ways seems to end the same way ever night..

.just stay i wake i tell mi slef and nothing

can get behind you but yet

this....this......monster is some were tht i can not find it its hidden away among the depths of mi house..

.its in the closet or under mi bed or in the bath room ever day i stay awake trying to find it yet it seems to stay hidden...

.i look in the places i here the laughing but i trace it to it and it just disappers...how...i....just...dont know its like a ghost...

has made a hole in mi head and its eating away at mi brain and i

.. find it and for sum reson i let it eat.....i guess it makes mi life feel whole should

i let it go and make it keep eating away at mi soul..

..or do i ban it from its horrible life......thts the question i ask mi slef "wht do i do" i feel like a dog chasing cars wht if i cought one.....then wht..

.its like this soul tearing evil tht makes u question everthing i feel like the living dead among the living.

..they stop and watch wht i do....like sum sort of....FREAK...and yet they watch me insted of running away they try to talk to me..

and when they talk to me.....i pour out mi heart and they just listen and they show no feelings....then they get up and leave...and i never see them agin.....its like a monster is inside of me and its begging to come out and fight but yet i cant let it its tearing the inside of me apart...

.its...trying to change the way i look at life....but i like ...they way i look at life already....why must i change....is it for the good of the ppl or is it because it wants me too.....but once i do change wht do i become...prolly the same thing i set out to destory..

..this evil monster..

..why i ask mi slef is it happing..

.is it because some

higher up power is causing this or because this thing inside of me wants to get out i dont have an answer to tht question...well....not yet any way.....



but do i want to noe the answer.....thts the same question i ask mislef....i...dont...know...........some times i do.....other times.....i dont....wht if i found out and i didnt want to noe the answer do i just let it keep eating at wht little soul i have left or do i cast it out in to the world to let it eat at other ppls souls....

.. i seem to never sleep now cus it feels like tht monster is all ways watching me so i have to watch it..

...if i go to sleep it will eat mi soul and i am trying to keep at lest a little bit of mi soul clean.......but i feel like i have wovles at the door..

...and why they are there i havent gota clue they just want to eat....but eat wht...mi soul ..

..drink mi blood....or do they just want to see how far down i can sink...they sum times lash out at me other times they lash out at wht feels like the only friend i have left who understands me and noes wht i am feeling when i look blank.

...but i feel like i must take the pain in order to keep mi friend safe from harm.....but

but other times i just dont know wht to do....they start to run for her and i all ways feel a bit slow....why....i should be running full pace.....to try and save a human life....but i what cost i ask mi slef......do i lose mi soul do i bleed or do i just take a hit....it....feels like i am trapped in...well...hell.....it all was leades there ...any way no matter wht no matter how hard i try....its this burning feeling i get....and i dont ask "wht if" cuz i seem to go thro with things....

..i chose to run no matter how much it hurts no matter how much blood i lose....it all was seems to end were i left off at this brick wall...like a mouse traped in a cage i run the weel and let them just watch...but to wht cost....it all was leads to this fake hell i created and i feel like i am waiting for this this monster to well just die i guess and leave me but it feels like this monster gives me life.....but life to wht......i dont know....well i prolly do but i cant put it in to words..

.its this feeling of feeling of well life....it was there all along....but yet its out of reach....just out of reach and i feel like this thing is holding me back and theres the goal i see....but wht happens...when......i....finsh.....do i just die or drop off this god forsaken earth...i sometimes feel like the monster is mi friend....







part 2 "the monster"





how do i tell of this monster....she is the air i breath the life giving water she is a god among humans....

and i want her to be mine all mine...nobody else's.....she is mi love...mi soul....and i love her....

even if its the soul tearing evil...she completes me....i wish i could say things to her....

but my damn mind wont let me...i..fear.....rejection.....why do i fear this feeling....i dont know i..

and scared i might destory are wonderfull friend ship....and yet i have come to love her more then

a friend....i love her with everting i have.....i will die for her....if she called out my name i would

come with hell behind me...it would take hell to stop me...how did this love start...i dont know....it just...well..

hit me....ever one probably noes it....and she noes it....but we just dont noe wht to do....

wht if she died wht would happen to me....i...probably....just....disapper into the pale moon light...looking at

the stars wondering if i will ever see her agin....wht if i died where do i go.....am i just a long forgotten

lover or some thing more to her.....i fell trapped...but trapped in wht....hell....HEAVEN....ever time i am

with her i feel complete...if i died i would spend forever in hell just too see her once....so many words i could

to tell of my love....but i feel like if i do wht will happen to mi most inner thoughts....do...i share them with her or

do i stay locked up like i have for so many years.....these ppl dont know her like i do...i noe wht to say to make her

feel better and yet she talks to me she tells me things tht are on her mind and so do i.....were did it begin.....ironically

i realy never saw her untill i got to know her...she was a great person....lovely voice....she looked like a god in mi eyes

and yet ppl still made fun of her....God if i wasnt chained up i prolly would have killed them for just looking at her wrong

yet this....this....system they have....pervented us from showing are love with each other....the high power..thought it was the

love of evil....but....it was our evil....this...this unholy marriage...as they called...was the work of satan.............if she had to spend forever in hell....i would want to be by her side i dont care if i have to die...as long..as

i am with her.........

















part 3 "them and the chapel"











the evil as they called....was....well...evil......they called us evil....dead....freaks....unholy......that one was mi favorite..

unholy......so much blood spilled over tht one word.....they sent me ppl to listen to mi problems.....i didnt want to talk about it...

so they threw me to the darkest place....they said i was going to hell for loving her.....i looked them right in the eyes and said i dont care

.......they put holy water on me...it didnt make me change my mind....i some times wonder if i even have a mind at all....my only goal in life was

to love her more then ever...they called me a devil.....satan.....death.....i just looked at them and laughed....they all was wanted to make me "right"

.....they started reading the bible to me....then they gave me a bath of holy water....it burned...but nothing could compare to the pain i felt from

missing her....ever night i cryed over her....they called her evil....i called her my unholy angel.....i wish she could see how much i love her...

but she is shy and so am i......but are feelings for one another are stronger then any cage they can put me in...God i love her so much but yet

its just so strange we know we love each other but how do we tell each other.......but how do i do it i have told her and mi feelings but she didnt noe how to react....

it was a shot in the dark but the flash lite up the room...and.....i.....hope i can enter tht room................... one of theses days.....













part 4 "my unholy love"







how do i tell of my love for her....no....words can describe wht it feels like when i am with her....but no words words can desribe wht it feels like when

i am away from her.........but....yet i just tell my slef its not so bad with out her....but then i see her in everthing i do.....when i sleep she is in my dreams

when i am thinking i am thinking about us.....and when i am with her all i feel is the evil closing in on her....but its good evil....i dont care wht the others say.....i wish she was mine...

....ever night i say thoes same words to my slef over and over agin.......it feels like i am losing my soul to this evil godess i worship...but she is mi evil godess.....

.........she...she....is my evil.....my unholy evil....there are saints....i say fuck the saints....they cant kill me....i might as well be dead.....becuse with out her mi heart goes black........its like letting go of ur dreams..

...i have been monsters....i have been satan....i...have..........been............DEATH.......death its a strong word for the weak minded....but wht i bout me.....i dont fear death......its just a state were the human body dies

if she was death i would want to die ever single day.....but yet she is human.....a gothic princess.....i have said thoes words so many times......some ppl think i am crazy....crazy for her

......but yet they cast me out.....i am glad they did too becuse i would have never met her.....i suppose i owe some thanks to the monsters tht made me............this love i have is so strong......i never thought i

would be able to tell her how i feel........mabe i can i dont know......but yet the wovles have another idea.....i hate thoses wovles.....with out her i am scared to keep on living....cus....cus i feel empty...

.....empty inside......theres all was a hole in my heart were she blongs.......ppl may call me weird....strange.....but as long as i am with her there....just words......i all was seem to fall asleep thinking about her

.....thinking of the good times and the bad times........i love her with words i thought i could never speak.......they cant get me to shut up........because i am thinking of her.....some ppl die and others seem to live forever

.......with out her i want to die but when i am with her............................i want to live forever......

hummm were do i began ok first off i love the darkk lol so many ppl tell me to change haha i dont want to change its fun being evil and sorta insane....well ppl tell me i am like the joker lol mabe i should go get some make up and paint mi slef...ppl say i am one in a million...i get bored so i eather go insane or listen to m&m or mcr or rise aginst ppl call me a "free spirt" well i am not realy a vampire or goth i am like a mix btween evil and satan umm funny and nice....yeah i am pretty random but hey its fun being CRAZY i have some realy close friends lol um kc and cv and jr (crazy ass head) yeah they understand me but other then ever ONE thinks i am insane....for sum reson blood tast good idk why tho lmao