The Ultimate Vampire Resource and Directory

My Awakening Pt. 3
10:28 Feb 28 2013
Times Read: 401






As I said in my last entry, the trip from California to Dallas was a cross country one, long and arduous, since my mother was not in good health and had to make the journey slowly. My two best friends, Jessie and Ray, made the trip with us and I was happy that I would not have to leave them behind me in California. The bond between us was incredibly strong. Ray was like a big brother to me and we had known each other for years at that point. There were times that it was only Ray’s presence that had scared off some of the enemies which came to harass me and my family during the previous two years. He was strong and respected, and rightly so, for he could be fierce in battle.



As hard as it still is to imagine, since I had known her for so much less time than I’d known Ray, my bond with Jessie was even stronger. She was my best friend, like my sister, only closer. My bond with Jessie extended into the realm of the psychic and empathic. We often completed sentences that the other one hadn’t even spoken aloud and there were times that we had even shared our strongest memories with each other through a mental link that, to this day, is hard to understand and is even harder to explain. I saw her memories as though they were my own, and she saw mine, and this experience bonded us together even more closely than before. She and Ray were a couple and I knew, just by watching them together, that she was the love of Ray’s hard life.



On the trip, our car broke down just outside of Deming, NM. Jessie and Ray hitched a ride with a trucker to go into town to get help for the car and my mother, sister and I waited at the car for their return.



They never came back.



I was a devastated mess and my poor family suffered for it. By the sheer force of my Will, I made my mother and sister wait with me on the side of the road for nearly two full weeks before I finally accepted that Jessie and Ray were not coming back. Then I began searching for them. On the way to Dallas, I showed Jessie’s picture and left notes saying where we were going on the bulletin boards of every rest stop, truck stop and tourist shop from Deming, NM all the way to El Paso, TX. There were times that I had only missed them by five minutes. But I never found them and this left me a psychological mess for a long time.



Once my family and I were in Dallas, we still had encounters and experiences with the Vampire Community that sometimes left all of us, including me, rattled. But in order to tell you fully about that, I have to get more detailed about what was going on in my life at that time. Remember in my last entry, when I said that my parents had their own drama and, even though I didn’t want it to do so, that their drama became my drama? Well, it did, and this is how that happened.



When my dad left my mother for another woman, my parents had a joint bank account. My mother was disabled and the only income she had was from Social Security .Because my parents still had a joint bank account, my dad was able to go into the account each month and drain the money from it each time my mother received her direct deposits from the government. Because the divorce wasn’t finalized yet and because the bank account was still technically my dad’s too, he was legally able to do this and get away with it. But the consequences of his actions were harsh on my mother, my sister and me. My dad’s actions made us homeless for a while and this was the state we were in at the time when we had moved back to Dallas for a fresh start.



So, it was that much more unsettling that we were found by agents of my Sire one day when my family and I went to a mall to hang out and cool off from the summer heat (which, in Dallas, can be brutal). We were sitting on a bench in this huge mall when two young men approached us and said that my Sire had sent them to find us and watch over us while we were away. To this day, I have no idea how they found us. We had no permanent residence in Dallas, yet, and we were just a couple of people hanging out in one of the largest malls in the country, in one of the largest cities in the country. Yet, still, they found me. I don’t remember the conversation that we had with them. I only remember my shock that I had been found under such circumstances. As I said, it was unsettling and was a defining moment for me in deciding to leave the Community and find a way to somehow melt into obscurity. But that decision, and it’s main catalyst, didn’t come until later that year.



That Autumn, I got a job and was having a hard time with it, so one of my co-workers invited me to a party she was hosting. I was still in heavy grief over the loss of Jessie and Ray so, while I was at the party, I got very drunk, hoping to escape the pain for a little while. At the end of the night, most everyone had gone home except for me, two couples and a friend of my co-worker’s husband. The guy and I got to talking and drinking together and we wound up having a one night stand, the only time in my life that such a thing has happened. I got up and went to work the following morning and I never saw him again. A month or so later I discovered that I was pregnant and my whole life changed. With everything that I had experienced, I knew that I had to disappear from the Vampire Community and never look back. I had to protect my child from my enemies, no matter the cost.



I was still pregnant when my family and I decided that we were too isolated and without resources while we were in Dallas, so we made the move back to California and settled in a different small town than the one we had lived in before. My son was born that Summer and he became the absolute crux of my universe, my total reason for living, the center of my gravity. I would have gladly lived or died for him, and that is still true to this day. You may know him here as DanielNoctum.



To Be Continued…..

My Awakening Pt. 2
02:35 Feb 25 2013
Times Read: 445






I guess you could say that he was my Sire, since he awakened me. I spent a lot of time with him over the next couple of months and, based on some of the things he told me, I adopted him as my cousin. He introduced me to the vampire subculture in our area and I learned much about how to interact with others of our kind. I learned the proper etiquette and respect to show to others, and *how* to do to so. Learning this was very important, as it helped me to navigate effectively inside of the vampire subculture. Those were probably the best, most important lessons that my Sire taught to me, and they are lessons that have stayed with me to this day, and which continue to serve me well.



But, to be honest about it, he really didn't teach me much beyond those...cultural lessons. After those first, initial lessons on proper mannerisms among the Clans, my Sire taught me the basics, but left me to figure out the rest on my own. As far as my abilities were concerned, I was self-taught as, after a short time, my Sire seemingly dropped off the face of the Earth, leaving me to my own devices.



But that was okay really, because all things supernatural and...magickal (?) seemed to just flow out of me quite naturally. What I learned that I could do, and my ability to use those powers, came to me in a nearly effortless stream of knowledge that poured through me on an instinctual level. I am not boasting, as I think that being humble is a good personality trait to have. I am simply trying my best to show you what my life was like 20 years ago, when I was 15 years old and was active in the Vampire Community.



Needless to say, I advanced through the ranks of the vampire subculture in my area very quickly and soon found that I had students of my own. I was mostly known simply as "The Baroness" by most of the people who operated in my area, and only my personal students knew to associate that title with my Dayside name, meaning the name that I was given at birth.



As with any other kind of group, I had students who were more serious and committed to learning than others, and I did my best to deal with all of them as fairly and competently as was possible for me. Those who weren't as dedicated fell away on their own, for the most part, and so I focused my attentions on those students who were the most eager to learn and grow into their own Nightside abilities.



But there was a down side too. In time, after my Sire had disappeared, I found that, even though I had my friends and supporters in the Vampire Community, I also had my fair share of enemies. These were much more subtle than my supporters, as they stayed in the shadows, both literally and figuratively.



At the time, I lived in a house that had a brick wall, about waist high, which surrounded my property. The wall ended at the driveway in front of the house, so the property stayed open there, but it was fully closed off in the back yard. Beyond the wall in my back yard, there was a very large field which separated my property from the road and the rest of the city. This field became a battle ground of spiritual warfare that raged on, all around me, every night, for nearly two years. I had to stay continually vigilant, HYPER vigilant, even, in order to protect myself, my family and my students, who happened to live with me at the time.



It is a very difficult thing to try to describe, all of these years later and, (frankly) to people that I'm not sure will understand me. But I will try anyway. I feel that *someone* here will understand, and that encourages me to continue on. I'm a very rationally minded person, perhaps part of the cult of science in some ways. But what happened all around me during that time in my life defied logic and made me even more of a believer in the reality of the occult.



As I said, I had my supporters and friends in the vampire community, but I never asked any of them for help. At the time, I didn't know where my enemies were coming from. I only knew that they were there, in the shadows of the bushes around my property at night, or in the field on the other side of my back yard. I was being constantly watched, whether I was at home or away. Just like you can feel it when someone stares into the back of your head for too long, I too could sense it whenever I was being watched or followed. To this day, I don't know why this happened to me. I have my suspicions, namely that I was maybe too open about the Vampire Subculture to those who I wished to take on as students.



You must understand that, 20 years ago, the Community was very different than it is now. Back then, secrecy was ALL and was one of the most important rules to be followed by each individual within the Clan structure. Today, the Community has "come out of the coffin", so to speak, and is much more vocal, much more public than they ever *dreamed* of being in the very early '90's!



By the time that these, for lack of a better term, "imposing lurkers" started coming around, my dad had already moved out of the house and was getting a divorce from my mother. They had their problems and I had mine. I truly was the last and only line of defense for my family and friends at that time and I could not have taken that role more seriously if I had tried.



My parents' drama became my drama, unwanted and unneeded as it was. The point is that my parents wanted to be as far from one another as possible and my mother, fearing for me in many ways, wanted me as far away from the area in which we lived as was possible. She thought I needed saving, but knew that there was only one place I would consider going to, my original home: Dallas. So, my mother, sister and I made the cross-country move back home, and the next stage of my Dark Journey was set into motion.



To Be Continued.....

My Awakening Pt. 1
12:09 Feb 19 2013
Times Read: 468






So do I tell you everything, or nothing at all? I'm a writer, so I don't believe in half stories. I'm also honest to a fault, so I don't believe in half truths either. So, I guess that means that I will tell you everything.



It really was a dark and stormy night on October 28th, 1992 in a small town in California's San Joaquin Valley. I was 15 years old and had no idea that on that evening I would be reborn into the world of Night. I was at my high school campus to perform in the choir and work back stage for the costume/make-up department of our school's drama department, of which I was also a part. Did I have a flair for the dramatic? Yes. I was also very down to earth, a skeptic really, despite the fact that I had been raised in a home with very strong Christian values and belief systems.



It was hot and stuffy back stage so I went outside to catch some of the cool, fresh air that came from the storm that raged quietly outside. The rain poured down in torrents where the school halls were uncovered and the dark storm clouds billowed and rolled over head, lit eerily by the street lights until they seemed to glow with a pale orange fire all their own. I tell you all of these things so that you may see how the night itself seemed to lend itself to my Awakening. As I made my way out of the backstage door a young man and his girlfriend nearly ran right into me as they moved to enter the door. He was lean and tall, wearing all black, including his thick trench coat and heavy leather boots. As we passed each other he gave me a knowing smile and then the door closed behind me. I took a step or two but something gave me pause. I had a question form in my mind that I just had to ask him before he disappeared backstage. I turned around to open the door and go back inside when the door swung open in front of me and he stepped out of the door, the two of us nearly colliding for a second time. We excused ourselves and introduced ourselves and got the pleasantries out of the way. I remember saying to him, "I know this is going to sound strange, crazy even, but there is some scientific evidence to support the theory of their existence..." I realized I was rambling, so I just asked my question. "Are you a vampire?" He gave me that knowing smile again and said, "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am. I'm a Vampyr (pronounced vam-peer) actually, and so are you." I had never heard of a vampyr before, and so my litany of questions to him began as I asked him, "What is a Vampyr?"



I know now, 20 years later, that what he described to me was more commonly referred to as a psychic vampire or, as they had long been called in Eastern Europe, Strigoi Vii/Viu, a Living Vampire. But I knew nothing of these things that night, so long ago, and I hung on his every word, which became a new gospel to me. Had he chosen to tell me that the Sun had actually burned out eons ago and that the light we now see had simply taken that long to reach us, I would have believed him; not because I was particularly naive but because there was something in the timbre of his voice, something in the words that he said, that made me feel and sense on a very deep level that absolutely everything that he said was true.



As he answered my question, he began to tell me a story, fantastic and wonderful. I will share it with you now, but please understand that this conversation happened 20 years ago, so my ability to quote him exactly is very limited. But still, I remember what he said, so I will tell it to you here as precisely as is possible for me. "4,000 year ago, there was a family, " he began, "half of them were Druids and half of them were Vikings. The Druids revered nature and all life, but the Vikings were war-mongering and destructive, killing people and the environment around them everywhere they went. So the Druids placed a curse upon their Viking cousins. The curse said that they would always hunger and never be satisfied, thirst and never be quenched. They would have to feed upon the life force of humans and, should they try to resist the Hunger, their bodies would force them to feed upon the people who were closest to them, both physically and emotionally. The curse would follow the blood and would pass from generation to generation, forever, possibly skipping a generation every now and again, but always reemerging. But the curse had other effects that Druids did not foresee. The curse granted the Vikings great strength and speed at need, allowed them to shape shift into certain animals and to drain the life energy from all around them, including the Druids. The race of the Vampyr had been born.



"In answer to this, the Druids cast another curse, this time, upon themselves. Since the power of the Vampyr followed them through the blood, the Druids would take their strength and vitality from the blood of their enemies. Through this casting, the Druids gained all of the powers of the Vampyr, but with costs of their own. They could no longer endure the light of the Sun. They gained immortality, but were cursed to wander the ages alone, watching all that they loved wither and die, time and again. War broke out between the races of the Vampire and the Vampyr that lasted for centuries, until both had driven themselves to the point of extinction, with no clear winner in sight. In time, other supernatural races emerged, like werewolves, and the Vampire and Vampyr were forced to make peace. A clan system was, by nature and necessity, devised, which classified and separated the different supernatural species. Battles for supremacy and power raged on between the Clans, forcing the Vampire and Vampyr to cast aside their remaining disputes and join forces against the other Clans which had arisen. Over all of the Clans, there was a Throne. Only the strongest and most worthy member of the Clans could hold the Throne and, time and again, this Holder of the Throne came from among the races of the Vampire and Vampyr, a system which holds true to this very day. It is in this way that the races of the Clans have become confused in the minds of Men. "



There were many other lessons that he taught me over the next few nights and months, but it was the things that he shared with me from these first two nights which have stayed with me the most vividly over the last two decades. Though I believed everything he told me then, unswervingly, I have learned much on my own since that time. In his story, I still see grains of truth sprinkled throughout, obvious ones for those who know how and where to look for them, but there is much of this story's truth that I also now doubt. Despite that, I am grateful to him for what little he did teach me. I had been Awakened, but my journey through the Night was just beginning.



To Be Continued.....