Angelus's Vampire Journal

Angelus's Journal

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9 entries this month

← Mar 2011

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**Giggles**
23:42 Apr 22 2011
Times Read: 773

A.A.A.D.D..

KNOW THE SYMPTOMS!

Thank goodness there's a name for this disorder.

Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it manifests:

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose in the driveway,

I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage,

I notice mail on the porch table that

I brought up from the mail box earlier.

I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys on the table,

put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table,

and notice that the can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back

on the table and take out the garbage first..

But then I think,

since I'm going to be near the mailbox

when I take out the garbage anyway,

I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my check book off the table,

and see that there is only one check left.

My extra checks are in my desk in the study,

so I go inside the house to my desk where

I find the can of Pepsi I'd been drinking.

I'm going to look for my checks,

but first I need to push the Pepsi aside

so that I don't accidentally knock it over.

The Pepsi is getting warm,

and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Pepsi,

a vase of flowers on the counter

catches my eye--they need water.

I put the Pepsi on the counter and

discover my reading glasses that

I've been searching for all morning.

I decide I better put them back on my desk,

but first I'm going to water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter,

fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote.

Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,

I'll be looking for the remote,

but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table,

so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,

but first I'll water the flowers.

I pour some water in the flowers,

but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.

So, I set the remote back on the table,

get some towels and wipe up the spill.

Then, I head down the hall trying to

remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the car isn't washed the bills aren't paid there is a warm can of Pepsi sitting on the counter the flowers don't have enough water, there is still only 1 check in my check book, I can't find the remote, I can't find my glasses, and I don't remember what I did with the car keysThen, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today,I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.

COMMENTS

NanaKiki
00:02 Apr 23 2011

Amen... I am so guilty of this... do they make a pill for it?

*giggles*

DestroyingAngel
07:37 Apr 23 2011

Oh my god! *rofl*

Seriously, I go through days like this too. By the time I complete my tasks and the tasks I didn't count on doing...I kinda sit back nd go..."why he hell am I so exhausted?!"

Lol...right on. Thanks for this! :P

DestroyingAngel
07:39 Apr 23 2011

^^Wow...check out my goovy typos!^^

*turns red* Sorry lol.

hellkid
01:02 May 02 2011

lol that is funny!

Lullaby
04:20 Jun 09 2011

Boo. I have serious procrastination problems, and my day ALWAYS ends up like that.

**Giggles**
23:29 Apr 20 2011
Times Read: 775

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were.. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill...

Barefoot... BOTH ways...yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

1) I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

2) There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then

you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

3) Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

4) There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

5) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

6) We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

7) There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOSH !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

8) And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

9) We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win.

The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

10) You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

11) There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

12) And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

13) And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores! And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

COMMENTS

NanaKiki
00:04 Apr 23 2011

Hell yeah!

**Giggles**
22:52 Apr 15 2011
Times Read: 798

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.

She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do this?'

Bob thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.

COMMENTS

DestroyingAngel
01:57 Apr 16 2011

Lol :P

hellkid
21:06 Apr 20 2011

LOL! where do you get this stuff. highly amusing.

NanaKiki
00:06 Apr 23 2011

How do I get in touch with this therapist????

**Giggles**
13:08 Apr 15 2011
Times Read: 802

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs Parks, asked her class,

"Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?"

No one answered until Mary stood up and said,

"You should not asking sixth graders a question like that!

I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the Principal

who will then fire you!!

Mrs Parks ignored her and asked the question again,

"which? body parts increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?"

Little Mary's mouth fell open, then she said to those around her,

"Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class,

Anybody!

Finally, Billy stood up , looked around nervously, and said,

The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated

is the pupil of the eye!

Mrs Parks said, Very good Billy! then turned to Mary and continued.

As for you, young lady, I have three things to say,

ONE, you have a dirty mind,

TWO, you didn't read your homework,

and THREE, one day you are going to be very, VERY disappointed!

COMMENTS

hellkid
21:04 Apr 20 2011

LMAO!!! :D that is very good i love it.

NanaKiki
00:09 Apr 23 2011

*giggles* Ain't THAT the truth!

**Giggles**
12:01 Apr 13 2011
Times Read: 817

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to New York .. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing what I do for you for free."

A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he is going, he replies, "I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800 a year."

COMMENTS

DestroyingAngel
01:58 Apr 16 2011

LMAO!

hellkid
21:08 Apr 20 2011

LMAO!!!

NanaKiki
00:10 Apr 23 2011

LMAO oh hell...

**Giggles**
00:53 Apr 11 2011
Times Read: 837

Little Johnny walked into class every morning with a black eye.

After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it.

Johnny's answer was:

Our house is very small miss.

Me, my mother and my father, we sleep on the same bed.

Every night my father asks, 'Johnny are you sleeping?'

Then I say 'No' and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.

So the teacher says to him, "Tonight when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer".

The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief, but the day after that Johnny comes back with a severe black eye again.

My goodness Johnny, why the black eye again?

He tells her:

Miss, Dad asked me again, 'Johnny are you sleeping?

And I shut up and kept dead still.

Then my father and my mother started moving you know at the same time Mom was breathing erratically, kicking her legs up frantically and squealing like a demented hyena on the bed.

Then my father asks my mother:

Are you coming?

Then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?'

And my dad answered 'Yes'.

They don't usually go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me.

COMMENTS

hellkid
01:22 Apr 11 2011

this is very funny! LMAO! ^_^

bandnrd
01:59 Apr 11 2011

LMFAO!

JustinV
15:37 Apr 13 2011

That's F'ED UP!!!! I love it!

DestroyingAngel
02:00 Apr 16 2011

That is pretty screwed up...

but funny lol. :P

Transvision Vamp were ...
13:55 Apr 10 2011
Times Read: 844

Transvision Vamp were a popular British alternative rock group. Formed in 1986 by Nick Christian Sayer and Wendy James the band enjoyed chart success in the late 1980s. James, the lead singer and focal-point of the group, attracted media attention with her sexually-charged and rebellious image.

Career

The band's original lineup was James, Sayer, Dave Parsons (bass), Tex Axile (keyboards) and Pol Burton (drums). Parsons and Axile had both been in punk bands prior to joining the band - Parsons in The Partisans, and Axile in various bands, most notably The Moors Murderers and X-Ray Spex offshoot Agent Orange.

The band were signed by MCA and released a cover single of the Holly and the Italians' song "Tell That Girl to Shut Up" in April 1988, but it only reached number 45 on the UK Singles Chart. A month later the follow-up single "I Want Your Love", with its pop/punk crossover appeal, entered the top 10, and peaked at number 5 in the United Kingdom. Minor success was achieved with 2 further singles, titled "Revolution Baby" and "Sister Moon", which reached 30 and 41 respectively on the UK Singles Chart in 1988. The band went on to release the hit album Pop Art in October. It stayed on the album chart for 32 weeks, peaking at number 4.

Transvison Vamp - Trash City

From Easy Rider to Star Wars

From Che Guevara to Laurie Anderson

From Light Shows to Videos

From LSD to MTV

From Back Pack to Pac-Man

From the Now Generation to Hi-Tech

From 2001 to We're No.1

From Oh Wow to The Transvision Vamp

Motivation for the Spacin'Generation...

The rules are...there are no rules...

Success is credibility...credibility is success...

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City Video Dreams, 21th century

Hey boys I'm a Planet Queen

Of the 21th Century

Trash City here I come, Sony 8 for a Lazer Gun

I got my finger on the trigger, gonna do a shoot and run

I'll see you honey when the shooting's done

We gotta aim to stun so grab your guns

And let's go!

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City watch out here I come

Electric Blue neon overdrive

VHS twin customised

Shoot it up to Saturn Live

All you hot-shots can take a ride

I'll see you honey when the shooting's done

We gotta aim to stun so grab your guns

And let's go!

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City watch out here I come

Hollywood in Soho, hey now it's a real go-go

Tonight I'll be upon the screens

You'll see me in your dreams...Alright...Oh wow

Trash City here I come

Trash City watch out here I come

Watch out here I come

Trash City Video Dreams...Video Dreams

21th century

Hey boy I'm a Planet Queen...I'm a Planet Queen

Of the 21th century

Pop-Pop,Rock-Rock,Shoot-Shoot,Swoop-Swoop

Pop-Pop,Rock-Rock,Shoot-Shoot,Swoop-Swoop

Transmission,T,Trans,Transmission No.1

No.1 Video Star

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City,T,Trash,Trash City

Trash City watch out here I come

Trash City, Trash City here I come

Trash City, Trash City here I come

Trash City, Trash City here I come

Trash City, Trash City...I'm here

Transvision Vamp Wild Star Lyrics

Transvision Vamp Wild Star Lyrics

Send "Wild Star" Ringtone to your Cell

Translation in progress. Please wait...

Oh you're a live-wire child, a Wild Star King

You make the universe in my head spin

You make all the neon silver screens glow

You're my rocket-boy blue, you're my hero

You don't move, you just glide

You don't cruise, you just ride, ride, ride on in

Wild Star, Wild Star, Wild Star

Like a booster boy, you give to me

A rush, rush, rush of electricity

10,000 volts and the energy starts

10,000 volts going straight to my heart

You got tiger tricks, hip-hop hips

Electric lips and your kisses, oh, your kisses fizz

Wild Star, Wild Star, Wild Star

Oh you're my star, Wild Star, Wild Star

Wild Star, my star, Wild Star, ah ah yeah!

Oh you're a Wild Star King you're my hero

You make the neon silver screen glow

You made all the stars fall right out the skies

And all of those stars fell right into my eyes

You don't move, you just glide

You don't cruise, you just ride, ride, ride on in

Wild Star, Wild Star, Wild Star

Oh you're my star, Wild Star, Wild Star

Wild Star, Wild Star, Wild Star

Wild Star, that's what you are

A Wild Star...my star

Transvision Vamp - Hanging Out With Halo Jones Lyrics

Well they used to call me Queen Bee

'Til I threw the throne

Hummin' all day man

That's for the drones

Then it was leather and chains

A real wild child

Now it's the sonic groove

And an ivory smile-oh, if looks could kill

Hey now, I'm a girl of the times

A child of design

Romance, romance is cool

But I've got things to do

I'm hanging out with Halo Jones

So don't call round 'cos I won't be home

I'm hanging out with Halo Jones

Hanging out with Halo Jones

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Now Halo Jones, she's a nuromancer

Well, she looks like a dream and she moves like a panther

Halo, Halo Jones

Is a girl of ice and fire

She got everything

That all the boys desire

But if you're asking, then the answer's no

Got things to do and places to go

We're heading out for independence so

I'm hanging out with Halo Jones

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Well let me tell ya now

All the guys just wanna shoot

They say we're sweet, huh

They say we're cute

But we know, yeah we know, we know

That ain't so, ah, ah, no way

Now we're skyway bound

Looking down ono the city lights

Me and Halo

Heading out on the late night flight

Hey now, I'm a girl of the times

A child of design

I'm hanging out with Halo Jones

Don't call round 'cos I won't be home

Got things to do and places to go

Just leave your intentions on the answerphone

I'm hanging out with Halo Jones

Hanging out with Halo Jones

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

And we know, yeah we know, yeah we know

That we gotta go, gotta go, gotta go, go

Go, go, go, go with Halo Jones

Transvision Vamp (I Just Wanna) B With U Lyrics

You're mine, you're mine, the stars told me

You're mine, you're mine, it's your destiny

It's true, it's true it was meant to be

It's true, it's true, it's your destiny

And for your world my love is free

There's nothing here holding me

'Cept this feeling deep on down, down, down

(I just wanna) B with U

(I just wanna) B with U

(I just wanna) B with U

Baby that's all

Well the authority have got their problems

I always try to be one of them

And I think I'd be happy, to be bad

If you said I was good at it

Please baby, please baby tell me

Was I good at it?

(I just wanna) B with U

(I just wanna) B with U

(I just wanna) B with U

Baby that's all

Please baby, please baby tell me

You know what I mean

Ooh baby the stars told me

You're mine, you're mine

Transvision Vamp Oh Yeah Lyrics

He moves like a dream

Like a one man dream machine

And she slides and she glides

Can't get her out of my mind

Out of my mind

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Look like you feel

And tonight couldn't be real

Look like you feel

Like you're just dressed, dressed to kill

Dressed to kill

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Well they move like a dream

They're a groovy dream machine

And they slide and they glide

Can't get them out of my mind

Out of my mind

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah

Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh no

Now what?

COMMENTS

[ Members Who Have Blocked You ]
01:21 Apr 09 2011
Times Read: 868

"Yep.. tell the truth and..."

Antichrist

atyourwindow

chrysanthemia

MAMA

MrNobody

TRAVELINGMAN

to be expected.

**walks into the mornrise, singing**

Little children, you better not tell on me I'm tellin' you

Little children, you better not tell what you see And if you're good

I'll give you candy and a quarter

If you're quiet like you oughta be

And keep a secret with me

I wish they would go away

Little children, now why aren't you playin' outside I'm askin' you

You can't fool me, 'cause I'm gonna know if you hide and try to peek

I'm gonna treat you to a movie

Stop your gigglin', children do be nice

Like little sugars and spice

You saw me kissin' your sister, you saw me holdin' her hand

But if you snitch to your mother, your father won't understand

I wish they would take a nap

Little children, now why don't you go bye-bye Go anywhere at all

Little children, I know you would if you tried Go up the stairs

Me and your sister, we're goin' steady

How can I kiss her when I'm ready to

With little children like you around

I wonder what can I do around

Little children like you

- as recorded by Billy J. Kramer in 1964

LITTLE CHILDREN

Billy J. Kramer

(Schuman/McFarland)

COMMENTS

NoctusAngelusProcella
01:33 Apr 09 2011

love this lol

regarding your blocks: some folks just don't know a good personwhen the see one

bandnrd
01:34 Apr 09 2011

Awe, I rather do like the poem. :)

**Giggles**
14:56 Apr 01 2011
Times Read: 889

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies.. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from"

9.. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast... The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for... Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

*** Remember.... They walk among us, and they can reproduce.